It hurts, doesn't it???

Hi Uniquestar, perhaps you can rephase your advice. From my standpoint, I hate to have people telling me "You shouldn't feel this way/You shouldn't think this way/You shouldn't do that" Nobody has the right to tell me how I should feel/think or act. After all, I am answerable for all my actions. In the day of judgement, I have to answer to God for all my deeds. I do prefer my family, friends, colleagues to share their experiences. When they say "If you choose to do A, then the result will be this/ if you choose B instead, you can expect the result to be that / Think carefully before you make a decision" In this case, I know that they care about me, as well as respect my ability to make the right decision.

I also hate standing by and watching someone screw up their life.My friend is a prime example. He is IEP and was only diagnosed in High School not Elementary like he should have been. The high school we were going to didn't care. He went to another school. His parents got divorced his dad stopped paying for his tuition and so currently he is not going to school at all. We have been friends from kindergarten and I hate to see him go through so much. He lives with his mom while his dad lives it up! I feel he should be in school and my charter charges volunteer hours as tuition which would be perfect for him but he just doesn't like school anymore. I don't want to stand by and watch him dig himself a hole but I've been forced to.

It happens so often with my mom that I have just stopped helping her. My mom usually has issues on everything and with everybody around her…be it at home or outside for various purposes. One thing is that she is suffering from some problems with memory loss, so most of the time I’m not really sure whether she’s truly forgotten or just faking it to get out of a particular situation. It has happened many times when she’s being particularly nasty, accusing everybody around her of being mean and unhelpful and when I point out how I helped her on that and she’s now being ungrateful she just says that she cant remember at all when I helped her out! Its really demotivating…worse is that even if she cant remember, at least she can say so and thank me anyway…no, she will continuing shouting about how life and we all have always been oh so mean to her.

I don't think that any one in this world could help any thing. Try to understand my point,I am saying that when ever you are trying to help others you may not probably aware of their actual situation,and you are trying to solve by your own point of view.Obviously it is true that when you are suggesting, you must be on your own ground.But the suggestion could not be accepted by others from their own ground.I do not see any harm in this.And one more thing my friend,when you are trying to help your friend please do not keep any expectation from them.Then you may not be hurt again,only expectation hurts .

Hi, don't say all these things they sound more idealistic than real...these days people and friends do enjoy things when one of their felow one gets into trouble...well may be all people in this world are not like what i have just said in those lines but its a fact to greater extent.so, friends are there to help each other. i have had a severe situation just because of my trust worthy friends. each one of them never forgot to put nail behind my back when it all started...though funny in words but eventually i lost someone just because of my friends...:)

theres always a saying: YOU CAN'T HELP SOMEONE THAT DOESNT' WANT TO HELP THEMSELVES OR THAT SIMPLY DOESNT' REALLY WANT THE HELP

Same as my situation right now. My friend think that i am annoying and granny preach every time I say something to her appearance. I wont do it again if nessesary or she starting smelly again..perhaps..let see

My brother planned to quit his current job,which is quite risky nowadays.I tried to persuade him out of this crazy thought.He turned a deaf ear to me at first.I could do nothing but let him alone.But later,my advice works.Then I make hay while the sun shines.Haha,I make it!He listens to me now of course mostly because it totally make sense!

You got your own life to live. Really, you can't control nobody else except yourself. Yeah, it sucks watching someone you love or care bout mess up their life but what can you do? If they're a kid then I understand, you can step in, but a grown up, that's a different story. If you feel like you can do something then do it. But if they are grown then they'll just do it behind your back and smile to your face.

oh yes,...it does.....many people here have given very good responses,....i am not left with much to say,......but, I'd like to add that it really hurts to be in such a helpless situation......i have been through such a situation and i know how it is....... Anyways, have a nice day,..happy mylotting...:-)

Once I were like that uniquestar... But now I learnt the art of being quite, when required... Bcoz, people now a days are taking things as nuisance instead of think what we really meant and trying to help. Better be quite, unless you think it is really a serious thing, which may destruct their life. Otherwise, let them learn.

My dear friend, I get that here a home. I try to help my husband with his finances. I offer him good advice which I could also provide proof that my advice does work but he doesn't do it. It upsets me. I pay for 3 bills every fortnight regardless if the bills are due or not. Each time the bills come in, I have a credit on the bills. I show him this and he can't organise the bills that he pays. I have suggested that I take over the bill paying if he provides me with all the information required to pay the bills. But he doesn't give me the information required. It is just so hard to help him if he is not willing to help me to help him (if you can understand what I have just said).

i once have had a very good friend. she's dating with a guy, who looked very charming and did very well in his career. anyway, he's the kind many girls are willing to show off. but later, i happened to know he also went out with other girl. So i told my friend. she's so angry that she went to question the guy. he sweettalked, changed her mind. Maybe he said something against me. my friend began drifting away from me until she herself found out the truth. we are still good friends now, but i cannot be frank with her as the way i were before. now i always try not to gave any possibly unwelcome advice if not being asked. it's human nature, nobody want to hear negative things. even if i really want to say something for the sake of friendship, i choose to express my view very very carefully, i'll stop whenever i sense sth. wrong. anyway, friendship just likes a delicate flower, its blooming is beautiful, but its withering and fading could be any time without good caring.

My neighbor friend does that to me. I tell her something and she always has something to say about it. I didn't ask for the advice but I got it anyway. That's why I stopped talking to her for 2 months. She called me yesterday and I just listened and didn't tell her too much of my business. I know she is trying to be a good friend to me but her advice is so negative I can't handle it.

yes, many times. and like you many times I have been turned away or hissed at because I wanted to help. Well there are times when that happens. I know I mean no harm, so I just let my friends 'anger' pass and they are the people that are important they know that I mean well and they come to understand later on (especially when it turns out you were right after all)... hehehehe

When giving advice like that I always make sure to tell them it's just my opinion and i hold no hard feelings if they don't take my advice. I would be hurt if they thought I was trying to hurt them. I am mostly the listener and always ask when they ask for advice.."are you sure you want me to tell you ?" Then I'll let em have it..they expect it..if they don't want to know they don't ask. Honesty is important in friendship.b

yes, my friend, i know it hurts......and i understand how it feels like.... but we cant help it right......some of us just cant keep quiet when we know something wrong is going to happen.......i have been in such situations too.....don't worry...every thing will be fine with time,,...:-)

I like to help out, and give advice if it is wanted. Some people just like to tell others their problems, others truly want your advice. Some people do not want to hear what we have to say. Try and step back and only help when asked. We all have to learn from our mistakes. But, if someone asks for your help and advice, then go for it.

i ever gave some advice to my female friend,at that time.she was puzzle to be with her boyfriend.she wanted to leave him cause he betrayed her.i just tried to talk what i thought.i didn't think her boyfriend love her.she looked agree with me.but after several monthes,she still with her boyfriend together and told me she fogived him and couldn't leave him.i felt disappointed a little.but i understood that.she knew what she wants,so just don't regret again her choise.