Dating a man who returned from prison?

Man...that's pretty scary huh? You can get his records though, that is for the public. I don't know how to get his case file, but you can get that in your county office or jail or something. You just have to pay for the photocopy. So you'll know what he did. But being incarcerated for over 10 years is an eye opener. I mean, what did he have to do be locked up for that long? What is also alarming is that what he could've developed while being in prison. Not everyone is the same, and maybe he is a great guy and that's his "flaw". I get your worries, that's your friend.

Yeah, at first I was going to ask what was he there for? But beings that it was a 14year sentence, it was OBVIOUSLY a severe offense. I totally understand, Silver. I would be extremely worried too... He seems like one of those manipulative types. (My daughter's father) Honestly, from my experience... He sounds like my ex. He has Borderline Personality Disorder. We were 'so in love' in the beginning... Until I realized who he truly was, and how he treated me then.... It's a very sad situation... I really hope that she doesn't get as deep into it as I was, I didn't want to believe there was anything wrong with him. I was so sure that he was a good guy (even through the abuse) that it took me a year and a half to leave. Try researching him online, the web docket system. I found my ex on there for some robbery charges. I'm not sure if the severe crimes are listed... But it's worth a try! I mean, all that stuff IS public information. I hope that you can knock some sense into her. Or, that she realizes everything isn't quite right on her own. Good luck!!

The number of those who feel sorry for an incarcerated criminal is always surprising. It's so natural, that I too was caught by their wily words until, as a member of a Toastmaster's Club, I helped stage a speaking event at the local maximum security Prison. The cons spoke articulately, and put on a great presentation, but their eloquent insincerity left a bad taste in my mouth. After that experience I began, once more, to believe the old saying," Once a Con, Always a Con!"

Something to remember is a criminal is also a human being not an animal. Whatever caused him to go to prison, he has served his time. Everyone deserves a second chance. We all make mistakes in life and hopefully learn from them; some peoples mistakes are more serious than others. It would be unfair to never give him the chance to change his life around. Whatever crime/s he committed that does not mean he will repeat the behaviour. Not only do you not know what he did, you also have no idea as to the reasons why he did it. When faced with impossible situations in life a person can be desperate enough to do almost anything. I'm not trying to say he is an angel. He could be an awful person who has done awful things. I am just saying it is best not to judge as our judgements are often wrong. I think you should try to embrace him as part of your friends life and get to know him before making decisions as to the type of person he is. It might be that your friend is the best thing that to ever happen to him and may help him turn his life around. How would you feel if you had been released from prison and everyone turned their back on you?I used to have a negative view of criminals but now volunteer with ex-offenders who want to be given a chance and who are trying to turn their life around to live crime free. I had no idea about the difficulties faced when released from prison. Society condemns them as criminals and brands them as the problem. It can be impossible to secure housing, get a job, make friends, find love. Some of those things can be difficult for most people. Having a criminal record only makes those things harder. I am not trying to have a go at you in this response by any means, I am merely trying to give an alternative viewpoint. Having had some experience working with ex-offenders I have seen how difficult the challenge is when released from prison without the negative judgements of people being placed on them as well.

Don't you believe in second chances? Everyone deserves one - even ex criminals. Do you know what he was in prison for? I think its not right to judge people the way you do. As much you are concerned for your friend, I feel there's more a streak of jealousy on your part that this man treats your friend like a queen. An ex prisnor maybe able to turn his life around if your friend influences him and make him her soul mate for life. On the other hand, someone who looks andn acts like a gentleman could always turn out to be a criminally insane maniac.

Who knows that if he is pure now after the prisonment. Do you know him and characters still he has with him or not. Without knowing about him how you can start worrying a lot about your friend. First make sure he is good or bad still now. Don't hesitate to live with a person who return from prison simply. My request is don't weigh a person without knowing him very close.

Your best friend is out of her mind. What was he in prison for? Surely she cannot expect him to be a great guy if he has been in prison for so long? I don't think that I could be with a guy who has a criminal record.

It's unfortunate but all you can do is let your friend learn from her mistakes and be there for her if everything falls apart. Meanwhile even if you do not like what is happening with her, try to accept it and feel ok or at least let her think you think it is ok whilst she is in this relationship, the more you go against her decision and show disapproval you may lose her friendship...littleowl

well, you did not state here why this man was in prison. Is he a killer? a robber or what? There are people who were imprisoned but they are innocent. Let's put it this way, Maybe this person really committed a crime. Well, it is very important for your friend to trace the history of why it happened. Is he really a bad person? of course you have the right to be worried for your friend but we can not also judge the person she is going with at present. People can change.

You wouldn't be a good friend if you were not concerned. This situation reminds me of a friend of mine whose boyfriend has been in a Thai jail for the past 3 or 4 years. We live in Australia and she has spent a fortune on trips so she could visit him. When she sees him he pleads for her to wait for him (he's in for 15 years) which I feel is selfish of him. He cries and tells her how horrible life is for him and if it wasn't for her he would try and kill himself. My friend feels guilty if she misses a visit and I think he has totally manipulated her into feeling sorry for him. He is being transferred to Australia soon and I guess he will demand even more visits! I can clearly see she that she may be making a mistake but as a grown woman she doesn't need me or anyone else to tell her how to run her life, although I will tell her what I think if she asks. As far as your friend is concerned you can only do the same, be there for her but hard as it is; let her make her own mistakes. Her boyfriend might not be a bad person; you don't mention what he was in jail for. Perhaps he just made a bad decision once and it landed him in prison, it is not to say he would ever harm her. I think that in time you will get a feel for the type of individual that he is and hopefully so will she. Just be there for your friend, give counsel if it is asked for and offer a shoulder if she ever needs it. Good luck, I hope things work out.

OMG 14 years on prison is a long time. i don't know what kind of criminal he's done but 14 years in prison maybe he's crime very serious, but if she said that she love we can do anything, love is blind. never hear people complain or anything people said... plz still care with your friend, maybe she needs a help someday.

This is a tough discussion,,,I wonder what he was in prison for. I believe there are certain crimes for which people are seldom rehabilitated but other crimes for which they may be helped. Perhaps after 14 years, this guy learned his lesson, and wants to fill the emptiness in his life..But who knows..Its up to your friend to make the decisions on her own behalf..Let her go and do as she feels is right. You have offered your opinion and in return got hurtful remarks. You dont need to imagine yourself sharing your bed with a criminal because you arent, she is. You can only offer so much advise and it sounds like your friend is not willing to listen. Save your breath and just be there for her.

just because he was in prison doesnt mean that he was a violent criminal people go to prison for all sorts of crimes not just murder or rape the purpose of prison is to rehabilitate criminals dont judge him based on his previous conviction if you are concerned then you could just talk to either of them and find out why he was in prison bottom line - get know HIM and then form an opinion

Not all convicts are bad. My oldest daughter's father was in prison for 8 years and came out a much better man. We,then, had another daughter. Give the guy a chance. If he turns out to be sour apples, then your friend will know better next time. But for all you know, he could be a good man. Or, at least, have became one.

well, it is really your friend's choice... if she chooses to take the risk and date an ex-convict, then if anything happen to her in the future, she will have to bear the consequences... you can only offer her an advice... and if she chooses not to listen to you, there is nothing more than you can do as a friend... take care and have a nice day...

Doesn't you friend know why he went to prison? So many people are in prison in USA,I would not feel badly about dating one if I knew what he did and felt he would do anything to stay out of going back.

Hi, ur concern is very true. so for that you have to check that out why he went to prison. then start verifying if y`ou really want to see your friend happy.then talk to her and if necessary show her the tings so that she will ask her new bf about it and if he satisfactorily then i think that should be okay...if he really makes her feel like a queen then its magic of love...isn't...prisoners are also human beings...

I think your friend needs to know why he was in prison for that long..also try to investigate on your own incase if he lies to you guys..but if your friend feels she is happy with him and she is ready for any risk involved..let her follow her mind and we never can tell..he might have changed completely from his old ways but all the same she needs to be very carefull

well.. what this guy did a matter of public record if you want to find out... but... be concrned for you friend.. express concern.. but you have to let her live her life... and who knows... maybe this guy is reformed ? i mean he obviously did his time...