What could make a 6 year old mess their pants?

My 6 year old did this when he was 5, but it was due to change in the household. His little sister was just born, we moved, he was heading to the first grade. Change effects children in different ways. He gave me the same excuses you are hearing from your little girl, i didnt feel the urge, i couldn't make it, I forgot to go. My thing was... how in the world did you forget to go and get mad at him, which only made it worse, he would do it again, only to get the attention, because when it come down to it, it was because he felt left out as his little sister come, with your I would say she's feeling that she's getting left out of the whole potty training with your younger child. We as mother's sometime over look things like that and don't gather our children are feeling left out, just try to priase her. Once we got back in the groove of things around here, getting settled in the new home, he got used to his sister, and he finally started first grade, and he got his mommay and daddy alone time, it went back to normal.

My guess is that she wants to be babied like her sibling. She sees the positive attention he/she is getting by being trained and your 6 yr old wants that same attention. It does happen. I would get out the stickers and make a chart with her. Reward and praise her for staying clean and dry. It seems silly because you know she can go, but sometimes they just need this reinforcement.

Go back to basics with her in regards to potty training! give her chance to discuss with you if there is anything wrong at 6 she is old enough to tell you but if she wont tell you just go back to potty training and see how she goes young children mess for all sorts of reasons upset attention angry the list goes on maybe speak with her teacher too when you can see if there4 is anything happening at school but mostly just tell her its ok that she should do it in the toilet but that you ARENT angry being angry will only make things worse xxx

I am not a mother, but an eldest sibling who has spent much time with little ones. Maybe she is jealous of the attention you are paying your toddler..and realized what drew you to start paying attention to him... If she reverts...she will need you to focus on her so you can teach her what to do, not him....jealousy....sometimes it is hard for us older ones to deal with a younger one who gets more attention, when originally it was ours.... :) Good luck, I am sure it is just a phase. My little sister had stopped sucking her thumb, until she started spending time with the younger kids at daycare and picked it up again....babies get more attention....

I know why she doing it my daughter is 3 now just made three and when she was 2 1/2 she know how to go to the bathroom all by her self and then out of know where she started going to the bathroom on her self and I did know why at the time I had just had a new baby and I was holding her a lot and always kissing her. I found out that my older daughter was mad at me because I was spending so much time with the new baby and not spending enough time with her so she start to go to the bathroom on her self so that I would spend more time with her. Now that my younger daughter is 1 they can play with each other and guess what my daughter stop going to the bathroom on her self and has not gone to the bathroom on her self for some time now. So I have to say you daughter is jealous of the fact the you are spending so my time with her brother try and show her just a little more time and see what happens.

I'm a little late into this discussion but wanted to add my thoughts on this. I only found this site by googling this topic. No I do not have any children...I had this same problem that your daughter is experiencing. Mine continued up until the age of ten years olds. I have a lot of anger against my mom so much that is has caused many problems for me. My brother is just one year younger than me so he wasn't a baby but he did and STILL gets my mother's complete attention over me. I can't pinpoint one thing what caused me to do this but I think it's a combination of things but mainly I wanted my mom to let me know that I was special too. She has always, lectured me, put me down, yelled at me and made me feel not good enough. I am a grown, above average looking adult. If you knew me you would not even know that this was a problem for me. I have very LOW self esteem. Being treated like I was a horrible person made me feel like a horrible person. I can't make friends so easily. It's hard for me to trust someone. I don't even try to make friends because I think there is nothing at all remotely interesting about myself. I'm not saying that messing on myself as a child has caused this but I think acting that out when I was little was a little rebellion. I gave same excuses that your daughter is giving. I could not stop it. I didn't want to do it but I didn't know how to stop either. I wanted to stop. I got attention from it alright. NEGATIVE attention. My mom would ALWAYS make me strip down naked and whip me hard non stop for 10-20 minutes. I was crying so hard that I could barely talk let alone breathe. When she yelled at me "WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME?" I couldn't answer because I was so upset and tired and I would stutter and she would get even more "frustrated" (as you call it) and scream "ANSWER ME!!!" and the whipping would begin again. I can't break everything down in one post but if you still read these please DO NOT punish your child for this. Your child already knows better there is something much MORE deeper going on and you need to address it. I always felt there was something wrong with me and still do. I have problems everyday with my self esteem that I struggle with. My husband can't understand why I feel like I do and we get into so many arguments and we just got married. You will SCAR your child if you treat her in a negative way. AND definately DON'T ignore because it will continue and get worse. I suggest taking her to a therapist to find out what is really going on.

I had the same problem with my 6 year old... I was really confused & frustrated at the same time. I also have a 3 year old. But my 6 year old was saying the same lines as your 6 year old. She even had accidents at school... This lasted several months... I was even thinking of seeing a doctor to be honest. Anyway, my daughter was being bullied at school... the minute we took care of the problem... things have gotten better... no accidents for several months now. I feel it had something to do with some kind of stress she was having at school... I guess I'm saying, it could be something at school, or it may be something else... maybe ask her & see if anything is bothering her... Good luck... & I'm sure she will pass this soon..

I'll bet you are on to something with the potty training attention your little one is getting. Or it could just be that she has too many other things going on to be bothered with thinking about going to the potty. Could it be possible to let her 'help you' teach her sibling about potting? Just an idea. Don't let her realize your frustration. There is a big difference in disappointment and frustration and kids are pretty keen to the sublties of this. I feel for you. I imagine you ARE at your wits end. Good luck.

Hi katsmeow, Tell me something, is your daughter usually good with hygiene, as good as a six year old would be? Is she proud of what she dresses in. Do clothes mean a lot to her? Does she do this at school or just at home? Would she be embarrassed if anyone other than you knew what was going on? Just wondering. Cheryl

This kind of thing is pretty common. She is probably reacting to her younger brother getting so much attention. I would try not to make a big deal out of it. Don't give her much attention when she has an accident- even negative attention. Just have her clean herself up and get changed, then go about your normal routine. This will show her that having accidents is not the way to get attention. Instead, give her extra attention when she does good things. Try to pick out even the smallest things and give her lots of attention for doing well, especially if she goes in the toilet. Tell her how proud you are. Also, point out that she gets to do special things because she is older. For example, she may be able to stay up a little later, play with things her younger brother can't. Let her see how being the older child is special. Try setting aside some time to spend one-on-one with her. Let her know that she's still your little girl, and give her some extra attention once in a while- when she does something good or even for no reason at all. Remember, as little attention as possible when she has an accident. Don't even let her see you get angry. Just clean up and move on, and give her at least some of the responsibility for cleaning herself up. She'll get past it.

I can imagine this is very frustrating. The first thing I thought of was that you have been training the other on the potty. She probably has seen you praise him and make a big deal when he goes on the potty...she probably wants the same thing. I would talk to her and let her know that when she was little like her brother you did the same thing with her and you were just as proud of her for learning, just like you are proud of her for being a big girl and always going on the potty. Maybe a little extra hug here and there...even if you already do it a million times a day. Or maybe you can let her help be involved in helping train the baby, she could her she is your "special helper" since she already does such a good job at going on the potty.I remember a few years ago I babysat a newborn for almost a year. My daughter was 6 at the time and all of a sudden she started sucking her thumb..which she had never done before or used a pacifier. I started having her help me more when the baby was at our house, even just handing me a diaper and telling her how helpful she was and the thumb sucking stopped almost immediately. I know the last thing you need to be doing is cleaning up a 6 year old but I think with some patience you figure this out and she will stop. Hope this helps.

i have never heard of a six year old doing that because of a younger child but have heard of it. dont mean thats not the reason tho. there can be many reasons. she could have lost control of her bowels and had not felt like she had to go. Im not a doctor or anything so im not sure. Dont be angry i know it is hard not to be cause i get so upset when my 2 year old does it. we are tring but i guess not hard enough to get it down pat. anyhow. just talk to her and be calm and ask her what the real deal is. if you are angry about it i can bet she will be less wanting to talk to you about it. Dont embarrass her about it it can make things worse. i dont have good advise i know. i hope you get this worked out soon cause i know you have to be wanting to pull your hair out! good luck with this.....

I had a problem with my oldest having accidents and finally had one of those bright idea moments as a parent. She's a very serious child and really as a general rule behaves in a manner that is much more mature than her actual age. I couldn't figure out why she was havinb acciedents--her dad was so ticked over it, which didn't help, but that's a different story. I decided there was something just not right about her wetting, so I took her to the doctor and he had her pee in a cup. Turns out she had a urinary tract infection. Poor kiddo. My middle child took forever to train because her baby sister is only a year behind her so she was slower doing a lot of things because she wanted to be the baby too. Sometimes we don't realize we are doing it but older kids feel like we don't love them as much as we used to because we are taking more time with younger sibblings. They don't understand that it takes longer with younger sibblings to get even easy things done. I noticed that with my middle child and now we try to take time with each one of them and do something alone with them, like play a game or read a book, watch their favorite show, polish nails. Even if it only takes five minutes it makes them feel special. It's hard to tell what the problem is because kids will tell you crazy things sometimes especially if they think you're mad and they might be in trouble.

I would agree that is probably more of an issue of having a sibling younger then her. It's possible that she sees him getting praised for learning to potty, and wants that too. I don't agree with making her clean up her own messes. She's only 6, and accidents occur. I would start praising her when she uses the toliet on her own, and not focus on the messes. I'm a believer of positive reinforcement. I also agree that if something is wrong such as a urinary tract infection or such you should get it taken care of. I'm sure your children's doctor will be willing to come up with some ideas for you.

I'm sure it must have been a stresser that caused it. In order to figure out what stressor caused her to start doing this, go back to the day she started doing it, and write down anything new that was happening to her or around her, or any new activites or persons in her life. But it does sound like the toddler you are potty training could be making her jealous of the attention they are getting and wants some more from you. Sibling rivalry, you know.

hello katsmeow. i only have one kid, so I haven't really experience that. But I read in a magazine before that it really happens. Maybe the girl is seeking attention from you. keep your patience. Tell her that she needs to be a good example to her younger brother. That the young one will look up to her. And try to make her assist you in teaching your younger one. take care

never heard of this, but you may try rewarding your daughter with the same encouragements you are using on the toddler. Perhaps she is feeling neglected and left out. If you give her a treat every time the toddler goes to the bathroom she will get more involved in motivating her brother instead of trying to steal the lime light. I don't know if this will work... I only have one child, but I've heard other parents talking about it.

hi-i just wanted to say that i have triplets that started grade k this year. one. of them started this when he went to school i did not have the heart to be mean to him and was told by the doctor that that is the wrong way to handle it.i spoke to him and told him it does not smell to good at school if you do this and you have so many friends at school your age that is really scared of school but they do not go potty in thier pants.i ask him if he really wanted his friends to see him do that?i said what can mom do to help you ?do you want me to come to school and help you when you have to go potty?he did this for one week until he got use to things and then he told me mom i dont need you to come to my school i can do this by myself.my friend has a little girl that had started grad k this year and she started weting her pants to and from school.she finally told her mom and the teacher she is scared of the bus.i would really handle this with care and understanding you do not want this to scare her.good luck!

i had the same thing happened to my 2nd child last year, but i dont think it was jealousy over his little brother. i dont really understand it, and it happened many times, and he did it at school too which was really embarrassing. i think its a stomach problem or something. but there was this time i noticed that there was nothing wrong in his stomach, and so i gave him a warning, if he did it again he'll wash his pants all by himself. the warning worked but there were times that he would run so fast to the bathroom, and his briefs are stained already. he's 8 now and he's asking for milk in a feeding bottle, i did gave in to that, so i have two kids now on feeding bottles. at home only.

I am soo glad that you posted this. My daughter is going to be 6 in a few months and has been doing the exact same thing. I feel like she has never used the potty before and like yours gives me a different excuse each time. I have made a doctors apt. for her b/c of my concern. I see you posted this 5 months ago, how is your daughter doing now? Also, she is an only child and doesn't have younger siblings. She does have two homes as her father and I do not live together any longer but it has been that way since she was 16months old so she doesn't know any different. Her father's girlfriend has three children who are older 15 13 and 9 years of age. They have been together since she was 2 yrs old and my boyfriend and I the same. So even though she has two homes they are both full of love and her father and I are very amicable with each other. I just don't understand. I am soo frustrated as she knows better. I would love a response from you just to hear what is going on with your daughter and if it was just a phase. Thank you, Ingrid