What now?!?!
By alharra
@alharra (507)
United States
February 19, 2009 4:50pm CST
I don't know what to do with my life and family right now. I have three kids- all special needs, ADHD and one with Asperger's Syndrome. I have a fiance and my parents- all in the same house. I am the only one that does any cooking, cleaning, laundry etc. My oldest is 13 and 9 year old twins. Right now I am sick as a dog and no one seems to care. My oldest failed two classes this last grading period so she lost her computer privledge until the next report card- yet she is on the darn thing constantly. I tell her to get off and she yells at me and tells me she is doing school work. Nothing I do or say seems to matter to anyone in this damn house. I feel like I am nothing but a servant. And I'm at a lose. I have been unemployed for a year and am unable to find a job. And I am severely depressed. All I can keep thinking is what we would they do if I dropped dead tomorrow. And please let me get sick enough to have to be admitted to the hospital for a few days. Maybe then they would appreciate me. ON the other hand why not just die since I have told them all how I feel and no one does anything to make it better. I never should have had kids- this is too much for me. And as I type this I'm fighting back tears cause I'll only feel worse if I cry. HELP!!!!!
2 people like this
4 responses
@Canellita (12029)
• United States
3 Apr 09
Wow, you really have your hands full. I noticed you started this discussion one month ago. Has anything changed for you since that time?
@alharra (507)
• United States
3 Apr 09
The only thing that has changed is that I'm not sick anymore. My Mom has decided that I or my children is supposed to help her clean her room and she is furious with me because I have told my kids not to help her. So now she is going to tally up all the things that she has done for me and charge me.... what the hell? All I can think is that if Mom continues with that garbage she just ensures that the only contact she will have with me or her grandchildren when I move out is going to be by phone. Actually she doesn't have to continue with the garbage.... when I get out of her house she won't see us anymore. And to top it all off I hope that her husband divorces her.... I won't let her move in with me. That woman has and continues to make her bed- she will go to sleep in it. Sorry for the rant- I am so angry right now I could kill her.
1 person likes this
@Canellita (12029)
• United States
4 Apr 09
Try to focus on moving out. Your mother is obviously not a healthy and stable person and you don't want to get caught up in all that 'crazy' and drama she has going. Try to do things outside of the house with your kids as much as possible and try to to respond too negatively in front of them. Your kids aren't her slaves but you do live with her so there has to be some give and take. You are no longer a child and she shouldn't treat you like one so you have to teach her how to respect you as an adult by sticking up for yourself but also having respect.
You can even say to her "Mom, I respect you but..." And let her know you appreciate the help but that she doesn't get to treat you like crap just because she is unhappy. It was her job to do for you just as you are trying to do for your own kids and she needs to grow up and help you set a good example for your children to follow. Things happen; life doesn't always turn out the way you plan but your family is supposed to be there for you to help not to torture you or engage in emotional blackmail.
Keep in touch.
@LuckyLadyD (359)
• United States
20 Feb 09
I'm so sorry to hear about what you are going through. Unfortunately, there are many people in the same boat as you are, and it's equivalent to a trap.
Be damned if you do, and damed if you don't. I think it's time for you to take the time to formulate a game plan that should consist of at least 4 stragies so that if one doesn't work, then you start with the other.
You may have to clean house, and institute some tough love by laying down heavy duty rules and equal consequences. If you have adults in your household that aren't sharing in the burdens, they too need to pitch in or be forced to face change.
Identify the things that mean the most to each of them, and begin to take them away if you don't get the cooperation, or respect you deserve.
The last thing you want is for them to have to learn the hard way by you getting sick. You can begin now to teach them how to cook, clean, and iron so that they can help out when you can't.
I make several large meals, and freeze them so there's always something healthy to eat. I season my meats, and freeze them in meal size portions so it's easier to thaw and cook. Each time you are in the kitchen, bring the kids in and have them all help in some way.
One can wash cans. One can open them. One can measure ingredients, one can fish out spices. There's plenty to do to prepare to cook, and when they help get it ready, they learn and feel they helped. It instills pride in themselves.
Don't wait until you take ill to prepare them. I happened to me, and I wish I had done it differently.
@Foxxee (3651)
• United States
29 Mar 09
We all have our melt downs...
I understand what your feeling, but you need to make it clear to your children that you are the adult & what you say, goes. Simple as that. Don't let the kids walk all over you...
As for the other adults living in your home, maybe you need to have a house meeting with them & set some house rules. Let them know that you need help & that your having a nervous break down & you want help.
Good luck..
@my2boys (821)
• United States
3 Mar 09
I know that sometimes life seems too much to handle for us. Believe me I overdosed once because of wanting to leave this world and my problems behind. I almost succeeded. I flatlined in the ER but somehow they brought me back. I look at life totally differently now. Each day is a blessing. Even with the problems. Children are a true gift and blessing. Even though they can be a handful sometimes.
