Friend in an insane relationship. What to do??

ljbinkop is giving out some good advice. I have yet to figure out why women get into these sick relationships and call it love. The strange thing is they get out of it when things get really bad and then find another controlling loser to hang onto while nice guys do not get the time of day. I just hope she gets out of the relationship before she has kids with this creep. Then she is really stuck as she will always be connected through the children. This is another ploy of the controlling individuals in order to keep them connected and in line. That is the time the woman gets out when the kids get abused, but it is hard to get rid of the guy and when leaving is the most dangerous time. I think these women are as sick as their abuser and they feed on one another, I have little sympathy for them.

Well this has happened to me, so I will give you a little advice. I think you should sit your friend down and tell her the truth, even if it hurts her feelings! I was involved with a man a few years ago for about 2-3 months, and in the beginning, I did not see how crazy he was! That's what happens in the early stages of a relationship, you get lost in the love things and forget about everything else. This sounds so familiar to me I'm shuddering. Crazy people can sneak into your life so easily! They seem so normal at first, and then all of a sudden, yo have no friends left to go to, because the partner has pushed them away! Please do not let this happen to your friend. Even if it hurts, sit her down, preferably with a group of all of her friends, and tell her that this guy is not good for her. My friends did it for me and I thank GOD for it, because the guy I was dating was crazy after all, and after I broke up with him, I saw that! I also almost lost a whole bunch of friend over a stupid guy! This is the best thing for her, and I hope it all works out!

This guy is obviously controlling and abusive. Even if he is not hitting her, he is still abusing her by controlling her every move and accusing her of cheating on him and such. That's the abusers way to control their spouse. It will only escaulate from there. You need to sit her down and have a really stern talk with her about how she is being treated and tell her you will not stand idly by and watch as she's abused. Let her know you care for her safety and help her arrange a safe way to escape.

Yuck! He sounds like a creep I was with! Difference was I did not live with him and I got sick of it and moved on rather quick. Unfortunately there is not much you can do to help your friend if she doesn't want to be helped. In fact, if you push her to leave the jerk too much you will only end up distancing yourself from her after a while. Hold your opinions to yourself and continue to be a good friend and do things with her. Hopefully she'll remove the blinders soon and when she does, that is when she'll be needing a good friend like you for moral support. These guys tend to get more and more abusive as time goes on. When she tells you things he says and whatnot..try to just listen and not say too much in the way of how you really feel. Just say that you hope they work it out. If you tell her she should leave him and she doesn't, she'll feel dumb for staying and eventually she'll stop confiding things in you and start acting as if all is fine. Its complicated but trust me...I"ve been in abusive relationships and I know how they play out. She is going to need you and also if he sees you as someone that is trying to break them apart...he will do all he can to end your friendship.

The best thing you can do is not lecture her. Just have as good a time possible when you're with her so she'll have something to compare to her life with him. She is sick, something in her needs his control and she probably thinks it's love and protection that he's giving her. Please be understanding and encourage her to know that she is a wonderful person, much loved by her friends and family. I don't think you have much control in this matter. There is something in her that needs this and until she sees it she won't be able to escape. If you press it too much too quickly, she could cut off your relationship so be careful. Do what you can to support her emotionally and try to boost her opinion of herself. I hope your friend gets well and free from that man. They are both ill, so pray for them while you work to support your friend.

Quite honestly if you've put this much effort into trying to pull her away I think it's either time to A.) Leave her be; I know this sounds cruel but quite frankly sometimes you gotta take a step back and let them feel the full brunt force of what's going on in their relationship instead of cushioning the fall. B.) Seriously sit her down with people and talk it out, sorta like an intervention i guess; she sounds like she's in denial and a serious talk from numerous NEW people (i know you've talked to her but sometimes some new voices help) may shake her out of it. The first step i'd do is first off find out if it's more then verbal abuse since this guy seems a bit off his rocker, then take action from there. I hope your friend does better.

I've been in your situation many times. I have had lots of friends who picked the wrong people often the same person repeatedly for reasons I can't fathom. All you can do is offer to be there. She's an adult you can't regulate what she does in her life as much as you would like to and trust me I know where you are emotionally.

Sadly too many people are not really using their brains when it comes to matters of the heart. I think the best thing for you to do is just to stay being her friend and not get tired of helping her see the "light."

You know they say, "Love is blind". This is a perfect example. She is purposely turning a blind eye to his faults, because she so desperately wants it to work. I think she has low self-esteem. See if you can put her in several situations where other men will compliment her to raise her awareness that there are other guys out there that find her attractive and/or desirable. If, as her friend, you can get her to do this: Tell her you are worried about her. Ask her to write out a pros and cons list of being with him. Some people are "submissive". They actually enjoy being told what to do and when. Some people take jealousy as a compliment that they care. Does any of this apply or help?

According to me you should just leave your friend alone for some time to rethik what a mess she is in. You being there all the time for her acts as a comforter and she might just forget all the physical and mental abuse she is tolerating. Just isolate her for some time so that she can take it no more and moves out. I do understand that this is way to drastic a step to take but it is she and not you who should decide for her life!

Nothing you say or do will convince her that he's not right for her. She's going to get "hit in the head" sooner or later, but she has to experience it by herself(unfortunately). Maybe he sais her "I love you so much, I need you to stay with me, help me",and much more, he makes her feel so wanted, that nothing else matters.For now.. Hopefully she will wake up sooner than leter. All you can do, is to be there anytime she needs you.Nothing else, even though too bad they never listen! He's 31, knows much more about life and manipulating, you're the best friend who's going to be there for her

Better stay away from their trouble, because if you try to interfer or solve something, they will fix themselves and look at you as an obstacle for their relationship and you will feel terrible.