Nobody's Grass is Green?

Ultimately if people aren't happy in their relationships, then perhaps they need to question wether or not they're in the right relationship for them. No relationship is perfect. It doesn't matter how in love with someone you are, there will always be problems that need to be talked through and there will always be the occasional fight or disagreement. Any relationship that doesn't have these things for all accounts and purposes isn't an honest relationship. Things aren't being said or problems are being ignored. No couple is happy 100% of the time. It's just life. The thing is though, that to remain in a relationship there has to be a balance, and the good has to outweigh the bad. The reasons for staying almost always have to outweigh the reasons for leaving. I say "almost always" because there are points in every relationship where the bad will temporarily outweigh the good. So for every couple out there.... overall, if you spend more time being miserable than happy.... you really need to start asking yourself some hard questions. How can being alone be worse than being with someone who you're miserable with?

Your life is what you make it, it can be terrible and you can live a life of misery but you can also choose to see the tiny spots of good and if you turn your mind to them they will grow, until pretty soon all the difficult places are just bumps. If you are in a harmful relationship you need to make the decisions that will get you out. Once you have done that you will find that there is help for you. If your life affects others, like children you need to do what is best for them also. I know this may be very difficult but if you have the will you can change your situation. I know because I've been there.

You are true. However, I add relations are built through sincere efforts. They need to be kept strong and agile by bringing in varieties and targets -- the way you pour water and fertilizer to your plant. Every relationship deepens again fades. Excitement of new targets has to be there, I mean -- to be cultivated. Otherwise, it is the rule of the time -- everything perishes with time.

To quote you: The fear is that because no relationship ever works anywhere, why go from something that is known into something unknown? That is the key factor...not just in relationships but in anything in life...the fear factor. All too many times people settle for staying stuck in bad relationships, bad jobs, bad situations just because it's familiar territory...moving on in life and changing can be hard and frightening to do...the unknown, so out of fear one would rather stay in the situation that is familiar than embark on a new "life" even though it might actually be better for them to do so. Okay I've often discussed the problems I've had in with my mother in my many discussions. But looking back, when I think of it, she was rather "brave"---my parents got married on December 4, 1954...I was born on Nov. 19, 1955...they got divorced in Dec. 7, 1957---only three short years of marriage...Now in today's world that doesn't seem unusual if people get divorced...but in her day??? Hardly ANYONE got divorced back then, and since she was Catholic it was even harder for her to do...since Catholicism doesn't recognize divorce....she had to go out of state (from NY to Florida) were divorce by a Catholic was recognized more...but she was brave in divorcing..like I said in her time divorce was hardly heard of, but instead of staying stuck in a bad marriage, she opted to move on, and get a new life and start all over again. Unfortunately I guess the whole marriage thing "jaded" her though as she never remarried

I have known a number of people whose relationships did not work. They grew apart. Differences they over looked when first married became bigger gaps as they grew older. Yet I have known couples who are as happy today as they were when they married. They grew together. I find that the ones where it works are where the couple are each other's best friends. It can happen and it does. I do not agree that no one is every really happy. I am very happy in my relationship and I know others who are also happy as they have been best friends since they met. It might well be rare because so many men and women seem to be incapable of regarding the other gender as possible friends. If your partner is not your friend then I would be surprised if the marriage lasted. Men and women can be friends and that is the best basis for any marriage.

I think it all depends on expectations going into a relationship. People who marry (or unite) some one that they not only in love with, but also friends with, have a much greater chance of being successful in that union over a period of time. I think that one falls in and out of love continuously with their partners, but if there is friendship binding them together, that they will weather any storm that life throws at them. Love is like waves on the sea, constantly in motion, up and down. Friendship is a boat, and the more water-tight it is the, greater the success in seaworthiness.

You are on the dot. We always assume that the grass is greener on the other side. However, when we discuss the issue with your relatives or friends, it comes out that every one is not exactly happy in their respective relationship(s). Its reason could be that we do not accept easily that everyone is not perfect, we too are not perfect, when we get to learn this fact sooner or later, we start living amicably. Everyone tries to adjust with his/her partner to the extent possible, even if one gets annoyed, he/she knows that we have to live our life together, so he/she makes do with the available choice. It is like this - If a ship is sailing in the deep blue ocean and a crow is sitting on it. Even if the crow flies away from ship, later or sooner he will come back to ship, because in the vast and endless ocean he has no other option. I am apprehensive about your question at the end of your post. The implementation of your 'suggestion/idea' will largely depend upon many factors and circumstances and the environment prevailing at one's place. At least, in India our culture or society does not permit that you can have series of relationships, instead of a single permanent relationship. It is, therefore, one will have to go against the society to go for multiple relationships. And many people do not dare to defy the society or society norms. However, exceptions are always there. Interesting Post!

Yes, I have seen this with so many friends, and in my work as a therapist. Whilst it is true that passion in a relationship does wear off, it doesn't have to go quite so stale. In my own relationship, we share openness and honesty, regardless of what is on our minds. Sometimes this can be a little unnerving to share such stuff, but through this process we have grown very close through the years and there is never a dull moment. I had a few relationships before my present marriage, and this truth didn't happen and we just drifted apart. Each of us tends to create the same relationship over and over no matter who we are with, but in my opinion, sharing the truth is a way to stop this "sameness" Derek

However green it may appear, it needs cutting too is what I always bear in mind. When I look around and see the situations that some of my friends are in then I'm absolutely pefectly happy with my lot. I agree with your theory about a series of relationships too. One long happy story is very rare to find. I have many very happy memories and added up together they cause many smiles. I'm glad things ended the way they did with what was supposed to be 'the story of my life'. That was not life as I was expecting it to be.

a good friend of mine & i9 were just talking about this last night. she said she didn't think there was a family anywhere that wasn't dysfunctional in some way that alot of them just hid. i agreed w/her. some of them will put up w/anything just to say they have a husband or wife. i really think women are worse about this than men.i put up w/alot of bull when i was married & i can tell you right now i don't like living in misery & haven't in over 3o years & don 't intend to ever do that again. the sad part was i cared for him but it didn't mean enough to him to behave.i think there s always one that gives more the other. that's not right either, it should be 50/50 but i think that seldom happens.i'm not looking down on people who live w/that kind of bull but it was never for me.good luck to everyone.

actually like what they said, no relationship is perfect. and if you enter that commitments, expect to get hurt ,! and what the thing about it is that, when you were together you were so happy, feels like nothing can stop what you feels.. but the time you break up with them or the relationship ended, you cant even be friends, i really wonder why, most of my past relationship dont make friends with me.. LOL and i want them to be my friends, whew!

I experienced it four days ago .My best friend introduced her husband's brother- in- law to me .I have told her that i can make friends with him but not as the relationship as she thought .Therefore ,i chated with the man in the net twice.After the valentine's day ,I came across with my best friend inline .And she asked me how i were going on with her brother-in-law.I told her frankly that we are just friends and i don't have the feeling with him .Listening to this ,my friend seemed angry and left word that "do you want alone for all your life " . I felt inocent but i feared to lose my best friend .So i made a determination that i have to talk with her once more .I don't want it break our long relationship .

Hello my friend zandi458 Ji, You are absolutely right in your observation. We are going to complete our married life , a span of 40 yrs. During this much journey, we have seen ups and down in our lives and compared ourselves with many, who too querreled amongthemselves and became together after sun-set. Whenever, we had an opportunity to change, we had small fear, it might not be worst than what we had. So we live as it is. may god bless you and have a great time.

It is my belief that we may have to go through a number of relationships until we finally get one where we are happy. I have had 4 failed relationships (three of them were with abusive partners) and then finally hit it right on my 5th and I'm now 47 years old! My question would be why couldn't I have met my partner much sooner in my life? I am grateful for finding him now so I might have a few years of happiness before I die, but I wish with all my heart we could have met sooner.

Some one said that when ever you meet other pplz be pleasant and smiley because life is really a tough war of survival so a tired warrior may get some smile also for his face in reply. Dont expect others to be soo smiley and pleasant. I agree with you that Nobody's grass is green. Our world is moving towards disaster and destruction and we all running for green grass. Our life finds the end point but we dont find our green grass.I just wann say lower your demands and expectations and enjoy what is is your own hands.

I have had many relationships that have been horrible and ended badly. I realize now that it was bad selections on my part. I have had some that have been wonderful and we parted as friends. I am currently in the most wonderful relationship of my life. I have a man who adores me for me and not what he expects from me. He enjoys the fact that I'm not afraid to get dirty (I do a lot of recycling and just today we went down to a neighborhood area where we take our garden clippings and I found a huge nest of firewood to help keep the house warm for a few weeks) and that I am willing to work beside him no matter what he needs to do. He acknowledges my physical limitations and understands that I am in constant pain and might need a little more loving when I hurt really bad. He loves my house full of "critters" (I have four cats and four dogs...one of the dogs belongs to my sister and I am taking care of the dog for awhile). I couldn't find a better man to love as much if not more than he loves me. No, we're not married. That piece of paper isn't important to us. We are happy just being able to share our lives and our love for each other. I can honestly say that we grow more in love each day that passes. I would move heaven and earth for the man if he asked me to...because he's been the greatest love I've ever had!

If you're miserable in your relationship then it's obviously not the right one for you! I disagree that relationships never work out. I've been in a happy relationship for 40+ yrs. We've had ups and downs, we've had joy and grief, we've been happy and sad and we've come through together. My sisters are in equally long relationships and when asked they too claim that they are still happy in the relationship and more importantly, still very much in love with their partners. The only thing I'm miserable about as far as my relationship goes is that it's going to end soon. Probably in the next few months. I suppose you could say it will end in disappointment, after-all I expected to grow old with him and it's not going to happen. Terminal Cancer will take him from me soon, but I'll never regret spending my life with him. Will I have another relationship? Who knows? We go into the 'unknown' every day of our lives as no-one can predict what will happen, so you can't live your life thinking things will always be the same. We grow and change and what makes us happy changes too. Yes there'll be disappointments along the way and it wont always be happy, but if it's not, only you can do something to change it.

I suppose it depends on what we mean by a relationship that 'works'. Some say we enter relationships to learn more about ourselves, and that we do not enter relationships to be with a person forever. If this is true, even past 'failed' relationships have 'worked'. I think part of our problems with relationships is that we expect them to last forever. I very much agree with your last sentence...a string of enjoyable relationships that don't last is far better than being alone and possibly lonely for 20 years.

You are so very correct, Zandi. The good old saying, "Grass is always greener on the other side of the fence" holds true everywhere, doesn't it? I have met people who are single wanting desperately to get into a relationship and those into it wanting a way out. People are becoming too demanding and they are never happy with however much they are getting. We have to learn to be satisfied with life and take it as it comes. You never find happiness when you run around searching for it. Cheers

Well, definitely I've heard a lot from my employees most of the time since the nature of my work is partly a counselor. They are actually been married for quite sometime but they aren't so much happy with their family. They even tend to work hard and file an overtime in the office because they don't want to go home early. It's really sad but true. But these things depend on every individual. It depends on the length of time on how far do you know about your partner. And if you both agreed on some other part then probably, it would be considered you're in a perfect relationship.