Are you a parent or a spouse first?

I think that there is a middle ground that you have to come to especially when you are a parent. I think basically when you enter a child into the world then things definitely have to change. You have to be parents first in my opinion. Of course you will always be a couple or a partnership but you have to think of your children first in order for things to run properly. The children need us. Of course as parents we have to be good role models also for them to look up to and we need to give them the proper tools and values in which to live into as they get older.

I have two children and my hubby works late. We are defenatly parents first, like you the only "alone" time we get is at night time too. Since this is our only time alone, we make the most of it even if it means only getting 4 hours of sleep. We actually look forward to putting the kids to sleep, not to say that we dont enjoy spending time with them but our time is important too.

For me it seems like the couple should come first. Happy parents are good for the children so in a sense putting your spouse first is putting your children first even though that sounds contradictory. But it really is just a balancing act like you said. The thing is different families work differently so I don't think there should be a rule about it. As long as everyone is happy and functioning well then the arrangement must be right regardless of where the priorities are.

for us, we have been together for 20 yrs this year, and married for 13 yrs, and we now have a 5 yr old and a 1 yr old... we have had our time to be a couple, but parenting comes first and foremost...then we set time for ourselves... but since we had the time before we became parents I think that helps out alot when it comes to very hectic weeks...LOL happy mylotting.

For me and my husband, we both had children before each other and then we had 1 together. It depends on the situation if we are parents or a couple first. When one of the kids are sick, we are parents first. If it's time spent together, we are a couple during hours that we are allowed to be a couple (school hours, late nights), then a parent all the other times. Honestly, I don't think couples spend all that much time together once you have children because you don't have the time or space for it. Children need to see that mommy and daddy love each other and that's how they learn that love is always the center of any relationship...whether it be a friendship, marriage, mother-son relationship, etc. I think parents should love one another and be a couple first but that doesn't always happen that way. Being a parent is natural, being a couple takes time and work.