Please don't touch my child

I bet that little pat of your sons head made that residents day. I know sometimes it is awkward for the child when strangers touch them. I think that this person just saw a cutie little guy and gave him a little gesture of gratitude for visiting the nursing home.

Because in the day and time they were growing up, that was perfectly acceptable. Its only been in recent times that we've begun to think of it as intrusive. If my child doesn't mind the attention/affection I don't think I'd mind either.

I know what you mean, but I understand the little old lady's side as well. He was probably so cute she couldn't resist. I bet I can make you cringe though with my story. While shopping with my sleeping daughter who was about 1, an old lady came up to us and kissed my daughter on the cheek. My daughter's head was on my shoulder so I couldn't see the lady coming, but I heard the kiss and since it had already happened I didn't say anything because it wouldn't change a thing. But, I can't believe she did that. Ewwww...

I don't see anything wrong with that, espcially considering the environment you were in. Every time I've visited someone in a home and take my kids, it seems that the residents perk up and smile. They go out of their way to talk to the kids and "hair pat" them as well. I think it's great that my kids can acutally brighten up their day.

Hi! I found myself laughing to myself a little! You know at least the woman patted your son on the head. What I never could understand was when my kids were tiny little babies and people would think that they had the right to come pinch them on the cheeks or rub their face or skin when they were little. Some people would even ask to hold my babies - complete and utter strangers. I found it very strange. I mean, I would never ask to hold or touch someone else's infant - that was just crazy to me. I don't know if people just grew up in super friendly families where everyone held and touch everyone else's babies from birth, but yet and still - to ask that of a complete stranger?

I don't think there was anything harmful in that. Older people think children are angels and the cutest thing on earth. I think it makes them feel younger No I don't really know, but I don't think I would mind if a resident did that to my son, but it would bother me if they tried any more, such as a hug or something.

My grandmother is in an assisted living home and we go visit her regularly. The older people just love children. You can see their faces light up with then see my kids. It was just a pat on the head, relax! It probably made that womans day!!

She was probably raised that way, that when you see a small, cute child, (to her) it is only natural to go and tossle or pat the child's hair or head. She is old and old people do things like that. You are right, she didn't mean any harm and I am glad you didn't make a sceen about it! Some people would have, making the poor old woman feel like sh*t, or worse, make her cry. Seeing your son was probably the one bright and happy moment she had in her dreary life. When things like that happen, we just have to go along with it till it passes. I know we don't like it but that's life!

I really don't mind that people would appreciate my child in that case. I really would even appreciate them seeing and appreciating my son. I have these incident that when we were lining up in a taxi lane, while waiting some strangers started a conversation with my six year old son. My son innocently converse with them and soon they really each other's company they joked each other and exchanged stories about each other. I really didn't mind at all because I guess the old lady was just appreciating the gesture that mys son gave to her. So I think there is really not a problem if they patted your son and appreciated him.

I think what is important here is that you were in a nursing home, what do many of those people have to look forward to in their lives? Maybe they don't have family, or family that doesn't care to visit, or cannot visit too often. They see a child and see hope, and innocence and love, they sure wish they had the chance to go back and be where they were instead of where they are at. You should be complimented that it was a pat on the head and not a scoffing look of disapproval that some older people give when they don't approve of how you are parenting or how your child is acting. It is a simple act of kindness, and I don't think you should have too big of an issue with it as it is one very small thing you can selflessly do to make someone happy. By the sounds of it your child was not disturbed by it and I don't think you should be either. Just my opinion. I have 4 kids myself and have had plenty of head patters in my time!

I'd rather have someone pat my sons hair than let their dog come slobbering & sniffing round him I meet a lot of older people in my work and find that they tend to be either very reserved or find comfort in human contact. I wouldn't consider a pat on the head as intrusive or inappropriate contact.

I think if they creat any harm then u should opose them, if they are just showing their interest if they like your kid then there is nothing wrong i think because i personally pinch chicks of kids who are strangers to me. And till now i didint get any wrong responce from them. Any ways it is up to u if u don't like it then ignore it.

Some people (myself included) are kinda protective about our personal space. I don't like it when people walk up and talk to me and have their face 2 inches away from mine - this happened yesterday, some man came into the store I worked in and walked up to ask me a question and stood 2 inches away from me, and I actually had to back up, it made me a little uncomfortable). But I agree with you... just because a child is cute and is with their parent, doesn't mean you can just walk up and start touching him. I don't care what age the person is... at least ASK first.

Hi everyone! It's taken me a while to respond since there are so many posts on this subject. Yes I have read them all! I have to admit that this post evoked some very strong emotional responses within myself. It saddens me that our society has come down to people being offended at our elderly innocently patting children on the head or touching them. I'm only 48 and I grew up getting patted on my head for such things as praise, being cute, or even acknowledgment that I existed! I haven't been scarred or damaged in any way due to someone patting me on the head. Matter of fact once in a great while I still have someone pat me on the head! Probably because I'm about the size of a 8 or 9 year old child. I do recognize the fact that there are a lot of perverts out there now that would harm our children given the least chance, but I do not believe this extends to elderly ladies in nursing homes. Elderly people are not some kind of disease. Most have given in one way or another over and over again to the communities in which they lived their younger lives. They are in nursing homes because they cannot safely reside outside of them. They need human contact just as much as a much younger person. Even at their age many of them can be valuable sorces of information. Who else remembers the good old days? It sounds to me as if your child was not affected by that innocent pat on the head at all. Maybe you should reconsider your view on this. Maybe we all should. Maybe we should all be showing these very important people compassion and understanding instead of getting angry at them. Is this a view you want to pass on to your child? I'm sure if your son minded being touched he would have expressed his dislike or annoyance. On another note this has also made me more aware of how we do not take the time to give of ourselves to the very people that have given so much. How many of us actually volunteer at our local nursing homes? Last August I moved to upstate NY. I now reside about a mile (maybe two) from one of the local nursing homes. This afternoon when my nine year old son came home from school I asked him what he thought about volunteering at our nursing home. He already helps elderly people that live within our apartment complex. If he sees them carrying groceries etc he always asks if they need help. He doesn't limit this to just elderly people either. This could be anyone that he sees that may be struggling with something. At any rate, both he and I are going to volunteer at our local nursing home for at least a couple hours each weekend. I hope this teaches him to appreciate our elderly generation who have given so much to us as a society when they were still able to. If they pat him on the head I'm not going to mind (and I'm positive he won't either) at all simply because it is ringing a little happiness into their lives or maybe even a little comfort when they are feeling sad and alone. I want to make sure everyone understands this is my point of view. We are each entitled to the way we think or feel so please do not take this the wrong way. I would also like to thank you for giving me yet another way to teach my child compassion and understanding. I also pray that some of these elderly people tell him stories about their younger days, about their accomplishments, or the old country just as my grandmother used to tell me. I'm sure he will enjoy them!

I have barked at a few people for touching my son. He was so so cute and everyone wanted to touch him like he was a dog! That is just gross I do not know where their hands have been! But I guess it's a different story with older people.

I won't mind and don't think that is anything wrong with that. When I see cute children I tends to stop and had a little chat with them and sometime pat their hair. I don't mind when people patted my kids hair too.

On one hand, I see your point. There are bad people out there who do terrible things to children. On the other hand, do you really want your child to live in fear of strangers? Think about it...if you teach your children to be afraid of everyone that they don't know and that people they don't know should never touch them...even if it's just a pat on the head, what kind of impact do you think that will have on them later in life? I can almost guarantee you that if you rigidly adhere to these teachings, then your child will almost certainly have difficulty developing attached relationships with people later in life. This could include difficulty making new friends, difficulty developing romantic relationships, or difficulty with intimacy with romantic partners. Now, I don't trust most other people to watch my child, but I also encourage him to be friendly with other people because I am always there to supervise him. When he gets older and more able to understand concepts like "mistrust", we will address wariness of strangers asking him to go with them and things like that. I worry about my kid a lot, but I also want him to be able to develop healthy relationships later in life. There is the temptation to teach him to not trust anyone but me and his father, but I know that that is not a healthy way to bring up kids...no matter what kind of world we live in. Also, through my studies to earn my B.S. in psychology, I have learned how important tactile stimulation is to people of any age. This is an important part of communication and social interaction that often gets overlooked...especially as the popularity of the "space bubble" increases. (i.e. You're in my bubble.) Do what you feel you need to do, but I would suggest giving it a long, hard thought before you try and stop things like this before they happen. You can talk to your son and make sure he knows that there are certain things that are NOT ok for strangers to do, but most people just like kids and it's not altogether uncommon here in Iowa for people to give a little boy a little tousle of the head. You have to think about what's going to do more harm in the long run.

I have no clue. I don't even touch someone's dog without asking them, let alone their kid! Now if there was no one around and you were offering to help them find someone or something, then I can sort of understand taking them and leading them by the hand, but even that is a little pushing it in some cases. I agree with you though. I probably would've flipped my lid at them. I'm not a mom yet, but I know that when I am, my kids will be my life and I won't want a single soul to place one finger on them without my permission.

I see nothing wrong with that.. strangers most especially elderly people seem to be like that.. they are always feeling happy to see adorable kids because it reminds them of their children and grandchildren who have all grown up..

I'd be fine with a friendly pat such as that. A lot of people do that as a sign of affection. I'd only have been offended or upset if it had been something more. For example, at a recent visit to an office full of children my son was playing with a game at the table. He would get up and ocassionally walk to other children in the office waiting room and say hi. My son is only 2 1/2. This one mother literally shoved my son, twice. I was so flabbergasted though that I didn't even know how to respond because honestly my initial reaction was to clock her one, but I got hold of myself and just took my son up into my lap between me and my husband.