a friends baby passed away...

I don't think you should hold a baby shower, per se....more like a small party to celebrate life, you know? I'm not sure how to put this...I think you should ask your friend if she thinks it's okay, because not all people are the same. She might be happy for you, even if she is sad...

You will have this baby and it will grow... will you hide the child from her to save her pain? It is sad, it is horrible. I know. I've been there. Ask her if you can remember her child (if she had to name it as I did) at your shower. Maybe a little candle set up in a corner as a memorial. Respect her wishes. Don't be overly upset if she backs away from you for a while. It may be that is how she handles it. But be there if you can. It's hard to know what's right but you know you're friends. Do the best you can but know that only she can heal herself.

hi mrsbaker , I am so sorry to hear what happened to your friends baby :( Actually there is nothing much you can do about it, i am sure she doesn't know how to act next to you either, the only thing you can do is let her know what you feel, i am sure she will understand , there of course will be pain but try to look from this side like what if she lost her baby after she had her/him. Still so hard to say something about the situation. Just patience ! Have a good day!

Well I am not a woman, so I may not be able to answer this question for you as good as some of the other people here (the women) may be able to, but I have always heard that your first answer to a question is the right one most of the time, so I am going to share the thoughts I initially had when I read this sad story with you. I am not saying that you should take this as advice, but my initial thoughts on this issue is that you may want to consider toning things down a bit in regards to your own baby showers and things. I cannot begin to imagine what it is like to lose a child, but I would think that the last thing I would want to do if I lost a son would be to go to (or even hear about) a birthday party for the son of a friend. I know that is not exactly the same situation you are in, but that is about the only thing I can think of from a guy's perspective that would come close to what you are dealing with right now. After all, guys don't usually have baby showers, so I hope you are able to see the point I am trying to make here...I hope this helps you in some way...

A baby shower is okay- this is a party for the Mom and baby to be and even though your friend has experienced a great loss and you feel for her- you have to go on with your plans. Ask her sweetly if she wishes to come or if she would like to set it out and respect her choice. Down playing your child's coming birth will not serve as a helping aid to her. Your baby is coming and she will for a long time have to deal with the sad event that has happened. I know I sound a little cranky about this- but I too lost a baby- of course it was a miscarriage but I was 5 months along and all my friends stopped talking about there upcoming births, parties, and to be honest that just hurt even more. Life goes on and that is sometimes the best way to let your friends know that you still love them and that nothing has changed your relationship.

Hi,I'm sorry to hear that.I just hope you both can carry it throngh.God bless you all!

I agree with kyouusagi you must ask your friend if its okay to throw a baby shower now and if she will come or not. As life goes on you can not stop eeling bad for her but then you have to live despite everything. Your baby will come and will have birthdays and everything and soon may be your friend also will have the other baby. May be gift her a book by Dr. brian weiss many masters many lives which explains to some extent why we loose our cherished once. give it a try this book gave me strength when I had lost my loved once. Then after that you can try and ask her about the baby shower.

Hi friends, Well it is very unfortunate that your friend lost her baby. However, to downplay your pregnancy is totally not fair to you, to your baby or your family. It is a happy joyous occasion. Most people only have a couple of children (I had three) and enjoyed every pregnancy immensely. I loved being pregnant. I am just sorry I can no longer have anymore children. So cherish what you are doing, creating another person. Your friend knows you're sorry for her loss. No matter what you do, there will be hurt feelings however. She won't be able to help that. And in time, God willing she will be again in your position and rejoicing just like you should. Good luck to you and your baby and congratulations Cheryl

Mrsbaker07, Love, let me tell you a little story. My sister and I happen to be pregnant at the same time almost 3 yrs ago now. It was exciting at first then scary. Her daughter was born on July 4th, 2006 and my son was born on July 25th, 2006... exactly 3 weeks later. We lived a town apart, but were worlds it seemed like away from each other when we gave birth. My son was diagnosed with a condition called a diaphragmatic hernia when I was about 23 weeks pregnant. I was devastated considering the chance of survival was only 50/50. To make a long story short, hun... after 3 long weeks of fighting for his life in the NICU unit in a specialized hospital, my beautiful son passed away. A lot of people don't know how to act, react, or even talk to someone that has lost a loved one, let alone a child or a baby. My precious advice, DON'T exclude her. She may have lost a precious life, but will still be able to take great joy in your pregnancy and the life of your baby. It will look like it causes her great pain, and it will, but it will also cause her great joy. The worst thing that people did for me was to leave me alone, because in my aloneness I found great depression. Getting her to talk about it, hopes and dreams, sharing, letting her be a big part of your childs life, will help you and greatly help her. Dear, I hope this helps. And don't let her just sit on the couch. Get her involved. God bless and my deepest sympathies for your friend. The pain will NEVER go away, BUT IT WILL LESSEN WITH TIME. Take care.

iam so sorry to hear about your friends loss but why should you put your happiness and your plans on hold maybe there was a reason for her baby not making it. we will never know only god knows the reason for it.i often think sometimes that when this happens it is to spare people further grief down the road and maybe ther was something wrong with the baby that it would not had a fulfilling life if it had made it .god be with you and your friend and this is coming from someone who doesnt have any children i hvae been married for 16 years.

When you're around your friend, act with compassion and sensitivity. If she wants to talk about her situation, listen. Try not to flaunt your pregnancy. Be patient with her, but be careful not to allow her to put you into a depression. Try to be upbeat and positive.

:( im SOOO sorry to hear thaat man :( it really hurts to read tht call up her hubby n hten ask him if it owuld b alright n make sure u ask her opinioin too happy lottin and have a nice day

Now,my baby is at 30 weeks.So,I can understand the feeling of a mother. I think whether you have your baby shower or not is decide to the condition of your friend. She is young and also can have her baby.You can tell her:Next time, your baby shower is more red-carpet than mine. I think she could understand you and like to share your happiness with you. But if she still felt upset, you could considered to cancil your baby shower.

my youngest had passed away early feb 2005 he was born in october he passed a day after my cousin had her baby and a month before my best friend had her's. my advice would be still have a baby shower and involve her as much as possible, the worst you can do is shut her out by not trying to hurt her feelings it will only hurt more. my friends and family wouldent bring thier babies around me for awhile and it only hurt me worst. it made me feel like i was the one who did something wrong, when my son passed away from sids. involve her in the babies life as you would if she was still having her baby, let her know you are there for comfort and a shoulder to cry on. the grieving process only gets better when she has someone to talk to outside of her family. the more you may benefit as well.

I am sorry for your friend's loss, and I know that it is not easy losing a child. There is not much that you can do for your friend except to just be there for her. Anything that you say to her is only going to make her angry right now. Tell her about Compassionate Friends, they help people who have lost children. My mother and I starting going there when I lost my brother.

My own personal opinion is that you need to carry on. I think you should have your baby shower. Take time out to remember the child of your friend during this event. At every milestone you are going to be afraid to hurt her feelings. At your child first birthday you will worry as you know her child should have been having this too. You can be sensitive and considerate to her feelings without putting your celebrations to one side. You deserve, and your baby, to celebrate. I would talk to your friend and express your concerns to her. If she is a true friend she will want you to have the shower. We will all have different opinions on this issue but it is only your friends opinion which really counts here. Talk to her! I'm sure she will appreciate that far more than tip toeing around her as she will feel as though she is being treated differently and then feel guilty and bad.

My friend lost her baby at 6 months and had a still birth, It changed her and I now rarely hear from her. It still upsets me now as there were 4 of us who were really close. After her loss it was like she changed her life in order to forget what she had been through. If she recontacted me I would be there like a shot to support her in whatever she was doing x This is not necessarily how your friend will react but talk to her about her baby & yours. See how she reacts and ask her how she feels, she may be supportive of you despite her loss x I'm really sorry to hear your friend is going through something so awful, my heart goes out to her x Best wishes for your pregnancy and just be there for your friend x x MrsL x

I am very sorry for your friends. I am a guy and cant understand the intensity of pain she must be in and how bad you would feel, but being an human i can understand the emotions very well. May baby's soul rest in peace. No one can fight with the destiny. I just behave normal with your friends, and dont let her feel that you are proud and more happy to have baby.

So sad to hear that. One of my friend met the same accident several months ago. I found I could not find any words to comfort her. Everything will be OK and your friend will get rid of this accident and give you her blessing. For your health, you shouldn't immerse the accident any more. My friend has got her second pregnancy for more than two months and she is also happy now. It's really a good new for me and people who love her.

I am sorry to hear that.I think your kindness is a great consolation to your friend.You spend more time on staying with her and the time would make her forget the sad thing.If you were have ture friendship, she would be glad to jion your baby shower, and give press to your baby. do you think so?