Who do you think is the stronger person?

Where you thinking about my mom again?? Since my mom is the strongest person i know and that she has overcome abuse and apparently forgiven the man..I have to go with that one. Besides whats to say that the person who does not take any abuse one day finds them self in a abusive situation they cant get out of..exampled..attacked and raped in a park...who says they will be strong enough to over come it. I will say this i might want to be strong enough to forgive my abuser, but after years of therapy and i still cant talk about it without panicking, i don't think i ever will be able to forgive or forget. I dont think its anything i can talk about comfortably.

I have to honestly say that coming from where I did (which is being abused) and beign where I am now (not taking crap from anyone and stickin up for myself) I dont see either as better than the other..I think both are strong types to be honest with you....the fact that I endured all that I did back in the day and am still here and functioning in society very well is a strong thing (and for the record, I DID NOT forgive my attackers and abusers and most likely never will BUT I dont need to and never have in order to heal)...the fact that BECAUSE I came from where I did and survived and grew from it and now dont lay down and die for anyone is also a strong thing....

I think it depends on the situation. People who are always standing up for themselves are strong no doubt but they are the very aggressive types and on certain occasions they may actually miss out on the flavours of life in defending themselves all the time. On the other hand, people who shrug off insults and carry with their work, on are thought of as doormats most of the time but in many situations, they understand the ultimate goal better and to seek its fulfilment, they strengthen themselves for all sorts of adverse situations. So my vote would go for the later…silently absorbing insults, nonchalant about anger and retaliation and quietly working towards their own goals.

taking abuse is never strong, forgiving is strong, there is a difference, don't take the abuse stop it, and then you can forgive and move on.

when it come to taking abuse, it's those who stands up to the abuser, is strong, the one has other do wrong by them and forgiving is strong. but those who keep forgiving the abuser and keep taking it isn't strong, most of the time a person who abuse other will knock thier selfesteem low so they will keep taking it from them. it;'s like being bullied it don't make you strong to take beatings after beatings standing up to them is what make you strong. but being abuse or bully make you strong in different area but not by taking it.

If you are meek and submissive, you continue getting abused all your life. You have to take a stand sometime or the other to put an end to it. i remember having red a story of a little girl or 13 who would hear her father beating her mother mercilessly whenever he got drunk. one day when her father was beating her mother, she picked up her base ball bat and walked into her parents room and pulling the bat back told her father " if you hit mom one more time, i will hit this straight at your head." The father stood still for a moment now knowing how to react then he walked out of the house. That was the last of the beatings.

I can never even think about forgiving a person who does not accept his mistake and repent sincerely for his mistakes, if he feels sorry for his doing, i would forgive, not at all otherwise, in deed if i do so, i feel i would be the stupidest person to let someone go unpunished, who needs to be taught what is right and what is wrong

This is a really great discussion, moon. I just wish I had the mental energy to answer the way I'd like. But, sadly, I don't. I'm tired. It's been a hectic month for me and I'm pretty much burned out. But, I WILL say that I believe that the person who is able to forgive is the strongest of the two, IF they are being honest with themselves about the forgiveness. See? It's kinda complicated and involved. I've always told my sons that any baboon can use their fists but it takes a really strong person to use their brains instead of brute force in any dispute. I can't say that I've forgiven everyone who has ever wronged me because some people aren't sorry, haven't asked for forgiveness and generally don't give a crap who they hurt, how badly or how often they hurt someone. THOSE people don't deserve forgiveness, they deserve punishment. Sometimes, punishment can be as simple as walking away from them. Other times, the electric chair is too good for them. Like I said, my response to this really IS involved and I couldn't possibly write it all down right now because my brain is pretty fried from this stressful month. But, I think I've given you the gist of my feelings about it.

For me the stronger one is the latter one as I belong to the first category. I think to stop abuse at the first place is more important rather than taking it first and then fighting it out.

I think both types are equally as strong. It takes a lot of courage to stand up to an abuser. It takes tremendous amount of power to leave them. It also takes a tremendous amount of strength to over come and forgive the abuser. For me, I think I went through all stages. I stood up finally against my ex spouse and stopped the abuse. That was difficult to do. It was also difficult to give up a house and all of my belongings and leave him. My kids and I had NOTHING when I left. However, he never abused my children, only me. It took a tremendous amount of love for my children who requested to live with their father to let them return to him and give them up. He wanted children, not a strong willed wife. Since then, I've been away from him for 9 years, I've forgiven him.

it depends on who you have to forgive..if the person is close to you then maybe otherwise you have to standup for yourself

depends on wh othe person is abusing you...if its a close one then maybe..but otherwise you have to stand up for yourself

of course ,i guess most of surpport the second one ,if you have the wide heart and encopuragement who has destroyed you before,be stronger,if someone not so strong ,they will bury there eyes or shout at the related people,then to shout more and more,not to mention to get well,if the shouted go on,what will be the results?

What a great question, especially since I was just pondering this myself! My stand used to be the same as yours. Now, I am not sure. In this case, it seems to me that the stronger person would be the one who takes the path of more resistance instead of the least resistance, and succeeds. It is easy to take on that "I'm not going to let anybody pull one over on me" attitude, especially when you are angry. Anger can come very easily anyway. It is more difficult to forgive when you have been hurt and it requires a lot of strength to overcome the anger, hurt, embarrasment, and broken trust when someone violates you. It doesn't take much strength to give in to the urge to vow revenge for someone who caused your pain.

I think it would be the one who can over come the abuse and can forgive the abuser. That is where i stand, because it takes guts to stand up from whatever harm has been done to him and thus having the heart to forgive the wrong doer.

I think that the stronger person is the one that is abused that can forgive the abuser. Anybody can stand up for themselves, eventually, but forgiving a person takes time. Many of use have a certain person that we may not want to forgive at all, but we have to do it in order to help us get move on with the future. True strength is in the one that can forgive all wrongs.