Just When I Thought It Was Over!
By katsmeow1213
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
United States
February 26, 2009 1:15pm CST
My FIL has done it again!!
If you don't know by now... we're moving in 2 days. The house we're currently staying in belongs to hubby's parents. We've lived here almost 3 years. I won't get into all the reasons we're moving out, most of you already know, if you don't, you'll soon get an idea!
So, today, FIL calls and leaves a message on our machine. The first thing he says is we need to move out.. he's kicking us out! Now mind you he has no idea we're actually moving. Hubby has not wanted to tell them until after we actually move. We don't want them to have our new address, and hubby is worried that if they know we're moving, they'll follow our moving truck to the new house.
So, according to FIL, he's kicking us out because he claims he hasn't been paid in over 5 months! BS! We've paid him rent every week up until about 1 month ago, and at the time we told him we would not be able to pay rent because we had a $600 power bill for a 3rd month in a row. I'm not going to say he was okay with not being paid, but at the time he accepted it and said nothing about eventually trying to make us leave. Since then he's called once looking for money, that was a few weeks ago, and again we told him about our power bill and that we could not pay him until the power bill was under control again. Still he said nothing about us having to leave. We were the ones who chose to leave for our own reasons, one of them being the power bill that we can't afford.
None of that even matters. This is my husband's father. The fact that he has the nerve to call here and say we have to move out... well, it shouldn't surprise me after everything he's already done, but still. I'm extremely ticked off right now!
There's a very small part of me that finds this all humorous, the irony of him trying to evict us when we're packed and ready to go already.
But a larger part of me is fuming! This man doesn't care about what that could have meant for his grandchildren. If we weren't already in the process of moving, who knows if or where we'd find a place to go. How could someone do this to their own family?
Thanks for letting me rant. I didn't want to have to, but nobody else is around to talk to, and I am really fuming! I'd appreciate any comments that may help cheer me up! Or feel free to leave your own rant about something that's bothering you today.
4 people like this
20 responses
@mariedenae (335)
• United States
27 Feb 09
While I'd LOVE to say a lot about this, I have to ask a question first.
What does his mom think? Has she said anything? Does she care about how your FIL is acting???
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
27 Feb 09
See, I don't know because we haven't spoken to her. It's kind of always been this run around game. He acts like an @$$ so hubby goes to MIL and rants to her about it, she acts all shocked and surprised, but that's the end of it. Nothing changes.
From what I gather, he has complete control over her, and she feels rather helpless against him. I mean she's independent in her own way, she works and stuff, and she can put her foot down when she wants to or feels the need, but when it comes to the way FIL has acted towards us, so far as I'm aware she hasn't said a word to him.
We found out about a year ago that FIL has not paid the taxes on this house since he bought it. At that time it was 2 years worth of taxes, and it will soon be 3 years that he hasn't paid. MIL didn't know about this, and she was fuming. Hubby told her about that a year ago.. still the taxes have not been paid.
Okay, another thing.. hubby's sister doesn't talk to her parents. According to MIL, it's FIL's fault that their daughter doesn't speak to them. Just a couple weeks ago hubby and his father got into a huge fight, and hubby called his mother afterwards. MIL was in tears saying "That's exactly why Joanna won't talk to us, because he has to act that way". Did that change anything?
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
27 Feb 09
MIL has her own issues, and I don't get along with her at all either. She's not nearly as bad as FIL, and what she does is always subtle. If I tried to explain it, it would probably seem petty unless I went into every little detail. Basically she's under the impression she can come to our house whenever she feels like it, without calling or waiting for an invitation. She comes in, makes herself at home, complains if I'm not hospitable enough, notices every tiny thing that's new in the house and inquires as to when we got it and how much we paid for it, and sometimes why did we see the need to get it. Then if we try to tell her not to come over unannounced she gets all childish and pouty. The last time it happened, my husband called her that night to tell her not to do it again, and she hung up the phone on him, and basically hasn't spoken to us since.
Her way is always the better way, and she always has to critique everything. According to her I should have tied my son's left hand behind his back to force him to be right handed. I should have let my kids break themselves of the bottle, and it was fine to send them to bed with a bottle. I shouldn't dream of wearing contacts, I should make green bean casserole with canned beans instead of frozen!
Are you getting the picture yet?
@mariedenae (335)
• United States
27 Feb 09
Goodness.... sounds like he has a problem all around! It's a shame for everyone involved (except him of course) because they are being divided and he is pushing his kids away. That's crazy on his part. As for the mom, I wouldn't allow my husband to do that to our children, and at some point I would have spoken up and just had to have gotten tough with him (I'm no stranger to battling it out with hubby lol) But it doesn't sound like this is how his mom is. There are somethings you shouldn't go to bat over and some things you should. Even though their kids are adults, she should still TRY to stand up for them to her husband. I mean he's treating everyone like they are his pissing pot, and that's just not right.
In the mean time, if I were you, I'd be upset but just cut my losses. You're leaving and he will not be a nuisance anymore. Be happy about that, and just tell good old FIL to piss off. Hopefully the wife will come around and the relationship between you all won't be severed completely.
@rsa101 (38166)
• Philippines
27 Feb 09
Well I find it rather insensitive to his son. I think as a father he should understand his son more especially in this time that there is a financial crisis going on ans he should understand that. Well I guess you FIL just wants to have a steady flow of money going into his own pocket. Well now, that you've decided to move on I do hope that he would also stop harassing you since he has no hold for the money you've earned.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
27 Feb 09
We already did, long before this happened. We've been planning on moving for weeks.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
27 Feb 09
Well he obviously cares nothing for his son or his grandchildren. But like I said, I'm not surprised! This is not the first time he's done something like this, it's just never quite been this bad. He has threatened to kick us out before, but that was more along the lines of "Pay me or get out". This time there was no option, it's just time to go!
1 person likes this
@sudiptacallingu (10879)
• India
27 Feb 09
Oh well (sigh) if you don’t take me otherwise, this entire episode has been quite surprising to me, to say the least. Here in India, parents leave their houses to their children as inheritance and where grandkids are concerned, parents usually bend backwards to accommodate their errant sons and daughter-in-laws! And here you are paying rent and everything, yet they behave this way!! Paying rent does not come into the picture at all here…sharing the household expenses are more than OK if the family is living together. And if it’s a separate house, well as I said, its for the children as inheritance so their staying does not involve the question of rent.
And here you say about your FIL…I have read your previous discussions too and I cant really fathom out the root of his displeasure. Your hubby is his own son or does he have other children he would like to take more care of? Sometimes such things do happen you know and the child who is not in the favour of the parent (yes, parents can be very very choosy) gets a very raw deal indeed.
Anyway, now you are moving into your own house and it’s a huge step in the right direcntion for you and the kids and your hubby. Best of luck.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
27 Feb 09
My husband is the only son, hubby has a younger sister. His sister doesn't speak to her parents because of their behavior. She hasn't asked them for anything, and they don't help her the way they've helped us (she's doing fine financially, but we've been struggling). But she has other reasons for disliking her parents. I don't really blame her.
@lilybug (21107)
• United States
27 Feb 09
Wow! I am glad for you guys that you are moving out in a few days. I don't blame you at all for being upset with him. If he wanted to complain about money he should have at least checked the facts before going off. I hope the next two days fly by for you so you can get away from that mess for good.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
27 Feb 09
My husband is so mad at them right now that he's tempted to go to their house and give them an ear full, and he won't hold back this time either! I honestly don't know which would be worse, me telling them everything I've been wanting to for all these years, or him finally telling them off without holding back!
I know it will have more of an impact coming from him. They know I don't like them, so me b*tching them out won't mean too much!
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
27 Feb 09
The next couple of days will definitly fly by, because I'm so busy!! It always seems to go too fast when you're so busy! I am so excited and I just can't wait to be in our own home! I'd love to see them try to call or come over then. Then there will be nothing stopping me from giving them a piece of my mind!
@sudalunts (5523)
• United States
27 Feb 09
Well, your father in law's plan backfired, if his intentions were to leave you high and dry
You brought up a good point, what kind of a grandfather would put his grandchildren out in the street. If he think that he is hurting you and your husband he was trying to hurt his grandchildren just as well. You are doing the right thing by getting out of there. He will realize how wrong he was when you are gone, by then it will be too late, now he has to find someone else to bully.
good luck in your new home.
You brought up a good point, what kind of a grandfather would put his grandchildren out in the street. If he think that he is hurting you and your husband he was trying to hurt his grandchildren just as well. You are doing the right thing by getting out of there. He will realize how wrong he was when you are gone, by then it will be too late, now he has to find someone else to bully.
good luck in your new home.@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
27 Feb 09
Yes his plan did backfire, and like I said, it's sort of humorous, the irony in it anyways!
@4ofmyown (1119)
• United States
27 Feb 09
I can only imagine how frustrated you were when you heard that message. Your FIL does seem pretty heartless, especially since you have children....HIS grandchildren! I am so happy that you are moving....you are going to be free of all this frustration and anger. Your family is going to really be much happier!
@ambkeb (782)
• United States
27 Feb 09
It sounds like our in-laws would get along really well. My husband is 10 years older then I am. So when they found out that I was pregnant with our oldest my mil's response was..."Oh great, that little b**** is gonna try to take all this familys money" Like they have any to begin with. THEN we find out we are pregnant with our youngest about a year later and again...practically the same response. Mind you I had been with this man for 3 yrs at that time..we were living together and everything. Then we got married...they didn't come to the wedding. About a month after our wedding they moved to Texas (we are in missouri) and not even a week after they had moved we received a "bill" from dear old MIL. It had EVERYTHING that they had EVER done for my husband. I'm talking way back when he was in his teen years. Even for phone calls he had made while he was living with them. I am not even exaggerating!!! There was even interest added to these things. Needless to say we haven't heard a word from them after my husband told them what the though of the bill. LOL That was the last straw for him.
I just wanted to share that we have very similar families. My mom told me that it takes a strong person/people to put up with people like that. So just keep your head up...and it sounds like you are already getting through it by moving. Good luck!
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
27 Feb 09
Your MIL seriously needs her head examined!! To bill your own child?? Especially when we're talking about things that they were supposed to provide for him as a teenager? That is nuts! I'm glad your husband put his foot down and stood up for himself. Some people are just ridiculous!
We are definitly getting through our situation, and my husband has also at wits end with his parents. We're actually beyond the last straw! The last straw was what made us finally decide to get serious about moving out!
@laglen (19759)
• United States
26 Feb 09
Almost done............ not much longer now............. This too shall pass.......... You will be away from them very soon.
Did your husband mention to him that you were moving anyway? I would leave it alone and just count the hours til your gone!
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
26 Feb 09
No, hubby was certain not to tell them, he never wanted them to know until after it was done! I am counting the hours!
@ravinskye (8237)
• United States
27 Feb 09
Well if it were me the fact that I was pulling off a surprise move behind their backs would cheer me up pretty good lol. I would be smiling every time I thought about it and in the moving trucks the whole way there lol. I don't know how long they are actually going to not know where you live though. What if they ask one of your kids? They probably would go so far as to follow your husband home from work too. It figures that he would give you one last jerky landlord act for the road lol. I'm so glad you are moving. have a good move!
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
27 Feb 09
Hi! Well see, we were happy about the surprise move, until he pulled this cr*p. Now he's going to think we moved because he told us to, and not because we were planning on it, that's just how I view it anyways.
So far as them finding our new house, well I don't know. I personally don't see them going to such lengths, but hubby seems to think they will. They won't ask the kids because they won't see the kids, but they can follow hubby home, or ask the post office, or whatever other ways there are to find us. Honestly, I don't care, let them find us. I haven't been able to say what I've wanted to say to them, because I was afraid if I opened my mouth, they'd kick us out.
But if they show up at a home I own and am paying for, and now they have NOTHING to hold over our heads or take away from us when they get ticked off... well now I can say whatever I want, and it won't be pretty!!
@Amberina (1541)
• United States
27 Feb 09
What I would do is not call him back just keep moving into your new house and don't ever talk to him again don't even call and tell him you moved out let him get off his butt and go over to your old house himself to see if your still there. You don't have to tell him your gone, at least not in Oregon. With everyone strapped for cash these days good luck to him getting it rented again with that huge light bill. I hope you'll be much happier in your new home I'm sure it will be much more peaceful.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
27 Feb 09
We didn't call him back, and probably won't either. If he calls us again he'll get an earful.
But I don't believe he's trying to rent it out again, I think he's trying to sell it now, which he won't be able to do! It needs $30,000 worth of foundation work, the roof leaks which has caused loads of water damage. The basement has been flooded, the furnace is all rusted from the flooding and is probably on it's last legs again. That's not even the half of it! Basically the entire house needs to be torn down and rebuilt! And he's so stupid he's going to want to get back what he paid for it, which is never going to happen!!
@Barb42 (4214)
• United States
27 Feb 09
Kats, I know it's irritating. But at least you can smile in the fact that you are moving and they know nothing about it! I pray you get out this weekend before they coming looking for their money! If they come over and find you are moving, he may just watch to see where the moving truck goes! Do they live close enough to know when the truck comes to your house?
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
27 Feb 09
No, they live about 10 minutes away and won't know a thing unless they happen to come over, which does happen quite a bit on Sundays because they go to the church that's up here by our house. Then they used to stop over after church without asking first and say "We were in the neighborhood!".
Where we're moving sadly is even closer to their house, so if they knew and were allowed, they'd probably stop over far more often! But now, I won't stand for it anymore.
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
27 Feb 09
Hey kats! Just think of how surprised he will really be to
find out that you have really moved out! I think that is too
funny! You know that he is only trying to threaten you and
probably doesn't mean it and definitely doesn't think that
you would actually move! He probably wants you to come begging
him to let you stay! I think that this is great! You will have
so much satisfaction when he finds the house empty and doesn't
have a clue where to find you! I love it! You should be so
happy! Don't bother being angry at this phucking azzhole he is
getting what he deserves! You have a new house and car without
anything to do with him ever again! The end! Be happy with
yourself and forget about him! I just feel a bit sorry for
your hubby because he still has to be related to him!
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
27 Feb 09
Your post made me laugh a little bit! Thanks for that. I am happy we're going to be done with him, and I know Karma has a way of turning things around on people. We've paid our dues, so now we're finally getting something good for ourselves, and I hope we can be disciplined enough not to screw it up this time!
My in laws will get what they deserve, and part of that will be not having us in their lives! I do feel sorry for hubby too, but not too sorry. He was adopted, so at least he can say he's not TRULY related to them!
@jesssp (2712)
• Canada
26 Feb 09
This could actually work to your advantage. Now you (more so your hubby) don't have to worry about giving them a reason for not letting them know your new address, your FIL just gave you the ultimate excuse to cut them out. You also don't have to worry about your hubby feeling bad about it. I know you were concerned about how all this in-law stuff was making your husband feel but this has got to absolutely cement your position in his mind. While it is a horrible thing to do to your child and his family at least you were already in the process of moving, so it isn't something that is going to cause you anymore stress. If there was any doubt in your husband's mind that not telling them your new address and cutting ties with them was the right choice there surely must not be now. So take it as a blessing in disguise I say!
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
26 Feb 09
Well I spoke to hubby about it all, and he seems far more upset about it all than I am. I said to him "I was actually finally calming down from the last thing, and thinking that for your sake and the kid's sake we might invite them over" etc. etc., but then hubby said that even before this he WAS still very mad at them, and he still had no intention of ever telling them where we were or ever letting them back in the kid's lives! So it's more or less I'm back on the same page as hubby now! I really thought he was only going along with it because of how mad I was, but as it turns out, he's more angry than I am, which I guess is okay at the moment. I just hope he doesn't hold onto it for too long.
But last I spoke to him he was planning on stopping off at his parents house and telling them off. That might make him feel better. It won't change them, I know that, but I don't care if they change. They aren't my problem anymore.
@Super_Mommy (119)
• United States
27 Feb 09
You know, I know how you feel. My family kinda does this all the time. Just, one minute it's ok if you can't do something and the next they won't revenge. But I agree. This guy is being a jerk to put it nicely. He should think about family first but obviously you've had problems with his parents before. Just relax and think about not having to deal with this BS anymore. That should put a big smile on your face.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
27 Feb 09
It is a comforting feeling, but we were very happy thinking we were surprising him with the move, and now it's going to seem more like it was his idea that we move. He always finds a way to win, or at least think he's winning.
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
27 Feb 09
[i]Hi kats,
wow...Good thing it was a perfect timing for you guys to plan this ahead...I can't imagine your FIL for being inconsiderate, as if evicting anyone who is not related to him...
Anyway, I hear from many of my friends their struggle living with their in-laws and even up to this time, they are in the same situation.
I hope like you, they will be able to find a good place where they can start to live with their own family![/i]
@Danfei (5)
• China
27 Feb 09
Hello,Katsmeow. i am really sorry to hear that. when i realized that FIL is father-in-law, i really got shocked. it was so unbelievable for a FIL to do that. but since it happened, you have to face it and find some way to deal with it. you have to cheer up cauze you have to solve the problem yourself. i dont really know what made him do so, but whatever the reason might be,it just cant be the right thing.
hope everything will be better and good luck, my friend.
@Nhey16 (2518)
• Philippines
27 Feb 09
hello katsmeow1213,
that's so great, you'll finally live on your own home at peace without having to worry or be disturbed by people whom you think instead of helping you are the ones giving you pains. I guess it's about time to get those thorns out of your heart and be able to live with your family especially with your kids without any worries.
@forslahiri (1042)
• India
28 Feb 09
Hi,
really Cruel...But talk to him before leaving.
Thank Him(...funny?)for all the support,so far & inform U've got the nerve to swim across Cross-current!
Change,noone likes at first.They Resist,naturally!
But who can say this shift may be initially painful, ultimately GOOD & Prosporus for Ur Family??
See the Light ahead,leave the darkness behind!move on...
=Lahiri,Kolkata,India.
@sandymay48 (2030)
• Canada
26 Feb 09
Hello katsmeow...I dont know the situation so I cant say too much...everyone see things differently. I can say however that once you are out on your own, it will be better for your own relationship and sanity reguardless of the reasons they wanted you out.
SOme people just cannot live together and clash no matter how hard they try to get along. People get set in their ways and whats right for you , may not be acceptable for you or vise versa
I do think you should have told him you are leaving as you said you owe him money. It would look much better on you and much more responsible if you told him before doing so. Now the rumours may spread that oh they snuck out and owed me money!
Two wrongs never make a right. I think you should have tried to pay him first and then moved but if you cant, at least send him a small payment as you can in good faith. It is very sad that families cant get along to the extent where you dont even want him to know where you live.
He may not have been thinking of the grandchildren went evicting you but rather his own anger. He might also know that the children will be fine anyways but because you are angry, the first thing that comes to mind is that hes not thinking of the children. We dont always either as adults in all our decisions Im sure.
I wish you luck and hope everything works out for you. I know that sometimes it is just impossible to get along with inlaws and that things can eventually come to an explosive state..In my first marriage, been there and done that!!
Take care of your own family first and dont worry what is said. A lot is said in anger that can never be taken back. DOnt fall into that trap and good luck my friend.
@Liu1979chang (21)
• China
27 Feb 09
what a pity .
your father-in law is a monster.a nomal person can not understand what he did.
you are unlucky to meet such a person.but now ,it is better.you never lived with him in angry.
let bygones be bygones.
cheer up ,go ahead,good luck.
