You are lazy! Why can't you be normal?
By avonrep1
@avonrep1 (1862)
United States
February 27, 2009 1:07pm CST
You are lazy! Why can't you be normal like other people. I hate you! That is the type of things I heard today from my 12 year old daughter. It hurt so much to hear her say those things. She is mad at me. So she decided to make me feel worst about myself than I already do.
See a couple of years ago, I thought I had gotten hurt, which was only half the problem. I also had a major health problem, that the doctors kept telling me was in my head. Come to find out it wasn't and I needed surgery. Then the doctor botched the surgery and I almost died. It has just been over a year since that happened.
It has been a slow long recovery. Its has been hard for me, because I have always been an active person. I started working as a kid, doing yard work, along side my dad. To earn a little bit of money. As I got older, I was able to get yard work on my own. Then I started babysitting. I have worked all my life.
Then I got sick, I haven't been able to work out of my home in a couple of years. I can't do much, as doing too much puts me in serve pain. I am depressed about it. I admit it, but try not to show it too much. I focus on my kids education, and do what I can each day around the house. I also try to make a little bit of money online.
But today I realize it has been affecting my kids. Not only have I not been able to work, I have stopped going out side and playing with my kids. The only time my kids and I hang out is when doing school work, or watching t.v. That makes me wonder if I haven't let the depression I am in make me lazy when it comes to my kids. I didn't mean to let that happen. I spend a lot of time with my kids, so I never realized I wasn't spending quality time with them anymore.
I guess this is more of a way of getting this out. So to make it a legit discussion I will ask this. Have you ever been in a situation like this where you have been able to do stuff all your life, then not be able to? Have you ever gotten depressed about it? What kind of things did you do to change it?
I am going to start spending more time with my kids. I have been and am going to keep doing what I can each day, and try to push myself to do a little bit more. I also have been working on building back up my muscles. I lost lots of my muscles in my body, for being bedridden for as long as I was. I also know this.
I am not a lazy person. I just been affected physically and it will take a few years to fully recover, if I can. The condition may get worst as I get older.
3 people like this
3 responses
@AJ1952Chats (2332)
• Anderson, Indiana
6 Mar 09
Macie is just frustrated and has chosen you as a safe target on which to vent her frustrations. You're a great mom and a great person!
Yes, I've been there before. In fact, I'm writing a book about it and was working on said book just a few hours ago.
You can only do so much when you're dealing with health issues.
Best wishes when it comes to showing the "fun mom" side of you again. Be honest with your kids, telling them that you aren't quite up to par but that you really want to do some just-for-fun things with them.
You might also try old-fashioned board games such as Monopoly. Playing such board games won't take as much of your energy as romping outdoors would. You can also play games on paper such as Hangman.
Here's a game I think your kids will find fun.
You write a story and leave blanks where ten nouns should go. Have each of your kids write ten nouns down. After that, read the story filling the blanks with each kids list of ten nouns. That would make three very funny stories.
You can take turns being the storyteller and providing the nouns.
@TLChimes (4822)
• United States
27 Feb 09
First off... No 12 year old should ever talk to her mother like that. Ever. It's a matter of respect. "You don't have to like me, but you must treat me with respect."
Second off... Don't let her bring you down. Don't give her that control over you.
Third off... You didn't plan to get hurt or for it to take so much to over come it. You have no reason to feel guilt over it. I know that's easy for me to type but not for you to live.
Get help if you need to, but work to over come it. That in the end is the best thing you can give both you and the kids.
Yes, I've had to work from down to up. I know it's hard.
Find ways to do things with them that doesn't require up energy. Board games, cards, Movie night. What ever works for your family. Read with them. Whatever.
Best wishes....
@beachstarz (1092)
• United States
27 Feb 09
It sounds to me like you are heading in the right direction already! You are trying to do a little more every day , and that's all you can do, right?
Your daughter shouldn't talk to you that way, but I think that behavior comes from her age. Kids that age love to test us , and you have to remain firm.
You need to let her know that you wont allow her to talk to you in that tone.
Don't be hard on yourself, and don't let anyone else be hard on you either ..
You are doing the best you can right now , thats all you can do .
@Anora_Eldorath (6028)
• United States
4 Mar 09
I'm so sorry for your health issues. I know what it is like and you have my blessings on a speedy recovery. As far as your daughter is concerned, she's 12. My oldest is now 17, and she's gone through stages of name calling. Yes, it hurts, and I tell her so. I used to just take it, but when I remarried my second husband started to help me learn I didn't have to. I could tell my daughter that what she said was hurting my feelings. I would validate her feelings though first by saying "I understand you are angry about how you were raised, but how you are speaking to me about it is very hurtful".
For yourself, you'll have to help her understand your condition. Perhaps showing her online what is going on, or even having your doctor speak with her. But do know that she's 12 and she's going to say a lot things as she works out who she is as a person. It doesn't excuse them, but it can help so that you don't take them so personally. Deep down, she probably loves you very much, but her stability is being shaken and she's blaming you right now because she doesn't know what else to do. Counseling for her could also help you two work together in understanding what is going on.
Namaste-Anora
