Today is my sister's birthday. She would have turned 60 if she were still alive
By mentalward
@mentalward (14690)
United States
March 2, 2009 7:12am CST
My immediate family have all gone on to better places. I've made it through their birthdays and holidays pretty well... until today.
I only had one sibling, my sister. When we were young, we'd fight like cats and dogs! She loved shooting me with paper clips from a rubber band, after which I'd go after her and dig my nails into her until she bled, after which she'd go running to "mommy", crying. Yeah, I got blamed, until I told MY side of the story.
Anyway, I'm really missing her today. She passed away on July 9, 2003 from Muscular Dystrophy. This is worse than going through my father's, mother's and step-father's birthday anniversaries. Maybe because we WERE siblings and had gotten very close as we got older.
Do you go through a period of nostalgia, or mourning, whenever an anniversary of a loved one comes? If so, how do you get through it? What do you do on those occasions?
5 people like this
13 responses
@ahgong (10064)
• Singapore
13 Mar 09
Well, considering that she was suffering before she when on to the next chapter of her life, I guess you should be comforted at the fact that she is in a better place.
I do go throu periods of nostalgia from time to time about my grandparents. They really doted on me when I was a kid. And they still did when I grew up. AND I am sure they still will today if they could see the man I had become.
To honor them, I will always make sure I pay my respects to them on the main festivals that celebrate the passing of a love one.
For it is through me that their legacy will live. And it will be through my children that their legacy will survive when I tell them the stories of my grandparents. 
@mentalward (14690)
• United States
13 Mar 09
What a beautiful sentiment, ahgong! Thank you for sharing it.
I am very happy that my sister is no longer on this Earth, suffering as she did. I can still remember her with smiles and laughter. We DID have some wonderful times together, once we were out of our adolescent "I hate you!" stage, that is. LOL
We have no such festivals to celebrate the passing of loved ones, sad to say. I believe the entire world would benefit from such celebrations. It helps to keep their memories alive as well as helping future generations to understand who they were.
My sister was such a sweet person... one of the sweetest I ever knew. She would literally give you her last penny if you asked for it. The six years she was in a nursing home, the ONLY thing I ever heard her complaining of was the toast she got for breakfast being cold. She was the nursing home sweetheart... everyone who still had their mental faculties even slightly intact loved a visit from her. She was given the "job" of delivering mail to some of the residents there at the nursing home, so she got to visit with many people very day and loved it.
We were very fortunate in finding this nursing home for her. It was lovely! The staff couldn't have been nicer and the entire place had a "family" atmosphere about it.
So, I'm happy that her last few years were as happy as possible for her. My sons and I still talk about her often.
1 person likes this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
3 Mar 09
Aw sweets, I know how you feel.
Every birthday of my oldest son, I suffer once again the loss and heartache of not having his twin sister with us.
I'm a twin too, and my brother is still around, but you know I'd trade him for my daughter any day. He's not one of my favorite people, but he is my blood, and though I might not like him, I love him and it's a comfort to know he's in the same world as I am.
I'm not good with remembering birthdays........I got my mother's wrong every year that I can remember until my oldest was born. He was born the day before she was, and we celebrated them together for years. So now I remember hers! LOL But his birthday is a bittersweet day for me and so I focus on my son and get through it.
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
2 Mar 09
yes I do, it is very common for people to feel nostalgic, happy or sad at anniversaries and birthday and dates for certain special events. My birthday is March 6.
@mentalward (14690)
• United States
3 Mar 09
Ah, March 6; so you're one of those sweet Pisces! My sister couldn't have been sweeter... well, after we had grown some. She was my arch enemy when we were younger because she loved tormenting me. But we grew very close once we became adults and I'm very happy for the time I was able to share with her.
1 person likes this
@meggiehan (77)
• China
3 Mar 09
i can imagine your feeling, i have a brother,he is older two years than me, when we were young,we are fight like cats and dogs either. so i can understand your feeling.
@mentalward (14690)
• United States
3 Mar 09
My sister and I were 3 years apart in age. Cherish every moment you can with your brother, meggiehan, because you never know which day will be your last with your loved ones.
@emilie2300 (1882)
• United States
2 Mar 09
I know its very hard to deal with a lost one. I think about the good times we had and the fun times and the bad times all the memories we shared. It is absoluley hard when it is an anervesary of a loved one or there birthday. Sorry to hear about your loss of your sister. and I know she is in your heart and watching over you from the heavens above us. May she rest in peace.
@mentalward (14690)
• United States
3 Mar 09
Thank you for the kind sentiment, emilie. I know that my sister is happy now. Her last 6 years on Earth were spent in a wheelchair, getting weaker and weaker. It was so hard for her because she loved to be 'on the go', always making new friends, visiting people, and dancing. Oh, how she loved to dance! It broke my heart every time I would see tears welling up in her eyes over the memories of the good times she had.
I was happy when her suffering was over, but I've missed her something fierce since then. One day, I'll see her again. Until then, I see bits of her in everything around me... in all nature. It makes me smile to think of her.
@emilie2300 (1882)
• United States
4 Mar 09
Thats good to do is to keep the memories alive in your heart around you in your home make them present. and as I said she is with you still now. You cant see her but she is there. And yes one day you will see her again. We will all be reunites with all of our love ones that have left before us. They are defenitly in a better place now. They are safe and not suffering any more. The best thing of all is there watching over us and keeping us safe. They are still there when we need them My best friend I still talk to her when I need her RIP (Janice) I still talk to my grandmother (Marie) I dont mean to scare you but every one belives differently I belive they hear me when I am talking to them. Some how some way they are still helping me and looking after me. Till I can re unite with them.
Take care: Emilie
• Canada
2 Mar 09
I've lost several family members as well and I miss them on anniversary dates and holidays. During my practice years I saw a lot of people going through grief and loss. When appropriate I would recommend they write their lost loved one a letter telling them how they were feeling and how much they missed them. Your loved ones live on in your heart, therefore this exercise is therapeutic for your heart and feeling centre. Try it then blog about it. You have nothing to lose and maybe a lot to gain.
@Tianna2 (1273)
• United States
3 Mar 09
Hi Mentalward, I'm sorry to hear your having such a tough time of it. I kind of feel the same way when the anniversary of my moms and my daughters birthdays come around every year. My daughter didnt die, but I think of her every year because I gave her up for adoption almost 11 years ago and my mom was killed by a drunk driver about 13 years ago. On my daughters birthdat every year I bake a cake for her, maybe someday she'll come looking for me.
Hugs, Tianna
@veejay19 (3589)
• India
3 Mar 09
Hello mentalward, yes, it is sad when someone you loved has gone forever. Your sister is no more but be sure she is in peace in the other world where there is no suffering. Being a MD patient myself i can understand how much she must have suffered and her leaving this world is a release from all the pain. On this day, her birthday think of all the good times you had together and pray for her soul.Send her your love and tell her how much you miss her. She will receive your message no matter where she is and she will send her love back to you.She has not gone because the soul is eternal, its only the outer covering, ie the body has been changed and she will soon be back in a new avatar and will evolve further in her life and her progress towards God.
@moonlitmagikchild (22181)
• United States
4 Mar 09
*hugs* yeah i know how it feels.. i have lost a lot of people it seems the last couple of years and i dont deal well with it at all!! i usually end up trying to NOT think about it but im sure long term thats not good either..
@dropofrain (1167)
• India
3 Mar 09
This is really sad that someone whom you loved is no more but you should take it positively and enjoy your self. You should celebrate it by going out and enjoying yourself and not only missing her. I think this will make you feel good and she would also feel the same for her sister.
@TLChimes (4822)
• United States
2 Mar 09
First off... you are in my thoughts. Second... MD is a hard thing to watch your loved one go through. My 19 month old.... we are waiting for the official word on his over all diagnosis.
My babies were born and passed two years and a week apart from each other. I went through it basically alone. Their father was a donkey's rump. The boys too young to really know much.
I still ache for them and some thing set it off. Birthdays, milestones. Like Milly would be working toward her driving licence about now.
I light a candle with their names on it each year daily from Milly's day through the day Russ passed. I remember them and sometimes I write them.
Healing takes time but I don't think some holes are ever fully filled.
Again, I will keep you in my thoughts today.
@abradshaw6001 (28)
• United States
2 Mar 09
I am so sorry to hear about your loss and the struggle that you are facing this day. You will be in my thoughts and prayers and I know that God will give you the strength that you need to get through each day. As for me, I have lost my grandparents, but no one as close as my siblings or parents. I do dread facing this day, if it comes before I pass away, and I can only imagine what each person feels when they lose someone that is that close to them. The main advice that I could give you about getting through such a hard thing is to ask God for guidance and peace. He can do anything and we can get through anything with His help. So, live each day as if it were your last and keep those good memories alive. The memories are what help us to heal, even though there will be days that seem harder than others. Best of luck to you and all that have posted on here about losing a loved one. I hope through reading these posts that I will learn to do more for others and tell more people how much they mean to me everyday. We never know when it will be our last and time is way to short for us to not live life to the fullest with the people that we love the most.
@mentalward (14690)
• United States
3 Mar 09
You are so very correct, abradshaw... you never know when it will be ours, or someone else's, last day. It's important to cherish every moment we have with our loved ones and to let them know how much we love them.
My sister and I fought like cats and dogs when we were young. I'm so very glad that we grew closer and closer together and we had the opportunity to spend some really wonderful times together before she left this world.
I have really great memories of her.
@mentalward (14690)
• United States
3 Mar 09
Thank you, genterx. I am over the worst of my grief and healing but some wounds never heal completely. The scars left behind are reminders of what we are missing.
I know that is what I'm feeling now... simple selfishness because I miss my sister so much. I am happy that she is no longer suffering but I will always miss her.
