If your friend told you

I tend to find out for myself. I understand that a friend may warn you about someone, but in my experience it's not worth it to just go along with the crowd and believe anything they say. Some people though seem to become mean for whatever reason and go after innocent people with rumors. That's what I was getting at with my original post. Wondering how many friends would go along with their friends if their friend told them something about a person they didn't know. Seems like some would and some wouldn't. Thanks for responding. Anora

ok ..I'm on the flip side of your original post. My very best friend of all time...that has been my friend for 40years plus...has this other friend that has been her friend for about 35 years (sort of). This friend has ALWAYS been jealous of my friendship with OUR friend. If I came over to visit and she was there...she'd leave. She always told my friend that she felt that I was interfering with their friendship which was not true....would have loved to get to know her too. I bit my tongue and swallowed it when my friend made plans with her and I could not be included and even at times when I had to be cancelled out because it bothered this girl. I did feel hurt but just dealt with it knowing my friend was in the middle and trying to please us both. Then there came a time when for whatever reason this girl stopped communicating with her. It devastated her and I sympathized. Oh I was angry at this girl but as always bit my tongue. One day, my friend was rushed to the hospital with 2 anorysms in her head. One hit her brain and she coded out and it was uncertain if she would live or die. After a little thought, I called this girl and told her what was going on...basically out of respect for their friendship even tho she'd not talked to her for a long time. My friend came out of the surgery which was a miracle in itself. This girl thanked me for reconnecting them. She was a good friend for a few months and then again ...disappeared for no reason and would not answer calls..anything from my friend. I watched her get hurt all over again. Years passed and recently, we ran into each other...all of us. She ran and hugged my friend so hard. I was the papparazzi! I took the pics. I made copies and sent them to her and told her that she best pay attention to their friendship as this was the last time I was going to try to reunite them...Pics don't lie. They have been good friends again and now I am her friend. She appologized to me for all the bad treatment & thanked me for reviving their friendship. I warned her...don't ever hurt her again or I will be on the other side of this coin and I will not be so willing to promote your friendship.

Chookie- I'm sorr you are going through this. I know that it hurts when you are told one thing and yet experience another, especially where rumors are concerned. I hope you are able to resolve it. Many blessings-Anora

I am trying to resolve it, but I really don't hold any faith that I can. There has been too much said prior. I am just happy to know that I have told my old friend my side of the story of what happened. If he doesn't believe me, then that is not really my problem. But I don't like it when people speak on other people's behave. I have told him that. I have told him that if she doesn't hate me, the I would like to hear it from her. I have to wait until he responds which may not be for a while as we have been communicating via email.

Thanks so much for sharing. Yes, that makes absolute sense and was well said! Namaste-Anora

It's such a shame when that sort of behavior occurs. Thanks for sharing. Namaste-Anora

Thanks for responding. I know that we're always affected even if we don't listen. It's like a jury who has heard something that is asked to be stricken from the record, it's already in their mind. Namaste-Anora

Very well said. Thanks for responding. Namaste-Anora

Silver- You've brought so much to this thread, thank you so much for sharing. I am very weary around gossip mongors too, and for much the same reason. Most groups eventually turn on each other. Not that it should be that way, but where gossip is concerned that seems to be how it works. Blessings-Anora

Yoyo- Good point indeed. We must think for ourselves! Namaste-Anora

Paula- Thanks for responding. I definately find I'm much more happy when not subjecting myself to the rumor mills, or in my profession-the teacher's lounge. Namaste-Anora

Deejean- Thanks so much for the respond. It's nice to meet another teach on here too!! I agree, I've never based my judgements on a student just because another teacher told me something negative. As you say, students can behave one way with one teacher and be complete angels in my room. (And vise versa lol). With adults, I tend to take each friend or person I have on a case by case basis, and I don't pay attention to what another has told me about that person. Sure, I've gotten bitten too, but at least I've given them a chance before just believing rumors. Most of the time, and that would be 99.9 % of the time, the rumors are unfounded and often made up. Namaste-Anora

Mystic- Thank you for sharing. My husband and I have received the same compliments when people visit. We're both very easy going people and we take people in on their own merit, not the words of others. Namaste-Anora

Fino- At least you ignore it. It would make sense though that if this person is someone you wanted to be friends with that you'd investigate it by either asking them about it or being their friend and finding out for yourself. Thanks for responding. Namaste-Anora

Ritchelle- Thanks for responding. I can see perhaps if it were something like "This person beats people up" or something, but not just "This person isn't a nice person". Namaste-Anora

Mimi- Thanks for sharing. I agree, we all struggle with "group" thinking, but I think this thread is showing that there are many who are willing to fight the herd mentality and make their own decisions. Blessings-Anora

Thanks for your kind response. Yes, I like to get to know the person first too! I remember this boy in highschool who everyone made fun of and I couldn't understand why. Yet, I couldn't bring myself to listen to them. Turns out he knew everything about Star Trek and could tell you episode numbers too!! That's why they made fun of them, and my thoughts were "Well, you're just jealous because you don't have his volume of knowledge on a cool topic". Thanks for the response. Anora

I think it's best to never listen to the negative about another person and simply make up your own mind. I mean, sure if the person is a serial killer or what not, perhaps we should take the advise into hand. However, if it is just that this person doesn't like another person and starts spreading malicious gossip I would hope that people would ignore it and make their own decisions.

Thanks for the kind response. That's exactly what I'm getting at. I'm glad your daughter has a mother like you advising her to not believe the rumor mills. Anora

Thank you so much for sharing. I think you're right, not listening to a friend doesn't mean we don't respect them, it means we want to have our own mind. Namaste-Anora

Yes,ofcourse you have your own identity and your own points of views,but you should also have full faith in your friends too.

Thanks for sharing. Yes, I never want to feel like I'm in the middle either. Namaste-Anora

I also do the same thing when it comes in between my friend circle. But when it comes to outsiders,I always go with my friends. This is because I have full faith in my friends.

Lon- Spoken so truthfully. And yes, gossip can damage another's reputation in so many ways, and it's just not very nice to do. Namaste-Anora