Drug users

Good luck to you and your son. I understand you are a pastor's wife but it sounds like you need to let some of the family "go" if they aren't being supportive and are supplying your son's habit. Your step father sounds the worst. Tell him if he knows so much to enlighten you on the "how to". Instead of blaming he needs to offer guidance and support. Good luck with that.

Its ok were not all perfect. And your not the one to blame for this he is 21 and made decisons on his own. Be thankful he finally is getting help. hopefully when he comes out he dont relapse he needs to stay strong and you need to stay strong for him. I will pray for your son and you also. He made the right decissions now he is at a good place.

I understand what you mean. I have someone in my family who told me that their Dad use to sell and he would not sell to them but would sell to the guy that sold to his own son. I do not understand why that you would do either. No one is perfect. Not even a preacher's wife. Everyone needs to give you a break. I am glad for you that your son is in a treatment center. And that he is getting the help that he needs. Good Luck and Have a blessed day.

I haven't been in quite a similar situation but I think it's wonderful that you have the support of the community. It's sad that your own family is tearing apart over this situation but I have to agree with the counselor. The best way to heal is to remove oneself from the problem area. I don't think that putting your son in the exact same place will help him heal and rebuild his life. It will be best that he is free from distractions and can concentrate on positive steps.

I am sympathy for you but I never have experience like this.I hope you be more patient...I think many people outside there have experience like you.

What happened to your son and your family may not look good, but I believe that Romans 8:28 is still as fresh as it was first written by Apostle Paul. "...All things work together for good..." We can't judge things on how they look today because God has a perfect plan and a perfect time for everything. Don't blame yourself, don't blame your brother, dont blame your son, or your step father, or anybody else. just remember that as servants of God, the only way satan can destroy you and the church is to hit those people whom you love. If you will fall into his trap it's like giving up in a fight when you are already assured of a victory. I know that you feel down, but as what David has done, "encourage yourself in the Lord" this is the best time to renew your commitment in God's work and to ask for his wisdom in dealing with this situation. God bless your family and the ministry He has entrusted you. Onward, forward, in Jesus Christ!

First off, I wanted to say that there is no such thing as a perfect parent. A person could be the bestest parent in the world and still have this kind of thing happen with their kid. It's unfair for anybody to cast stones because they wouldn't even know if it was happening in their own family, or turn a blind eye to it and disbelieve it's happening. I'm glad the church members are behind him, that IS just the kind of support that is needed, both for him, and for you and hubby. I am glad to hear your son is getting the help and counseling. While this has never happened to me, I know several other families who've had problems like this. If it was me, I would talk privately with the counselor, and tell him about your families attitudes on it. I would definitely mention to him about your Dad's attitude and putting him down. Your Dad probably doesn't realize it, but to keep on doing that, and saying he's 'no good' will only serve to lower the poor kids self-esteem. Those counselors are bound by law to keep what's said in session a private matter. I think that if the counselor had a mandatory meeting with you folks, and your parents, then the counselor could handle the situation and gently get it across that the kid needs support...not belittling! And, he could also get it across why it is so important that James not be able to interact with your brother. It's a sticky wicket whatever you do, but I believe having a mandatory meeting, with your parents present, could be done under the reasoning that he wants all family members to be on the same track with his recovery, and how to handle it...and how NOT to handle it all. Know that my prayers are with you, your family, and with James. Keep the faith!!!

i hope by now things have worked out. i just saw this discussion and now realise its several months old. yes i think family is always harder on a member than friends. wasnt it Jesus that said something about being a stranger with your own people? not sure how it went. i really need to read my Bible more i think. but i do know his own people accused him more and understood him less.

The only advice that I have is one day at a time. Your son is not out yet, work on healing you, if it means being away from the family for a little bit, so be it, take care of you now and seek advice from your sons counselor. I for one do not believe you are a bad parent, kids do make choices based on their wants too, and not all their choices will be based on what we teach them. *hug*

waw it's so tough , well i'm not married yet, but i think you need His helping a lot, i can't give spesific suggestion, but keep's praying to Him, and stays at your correct and true path, i'm sure He will answer your pray one day, just believe it ... God Bless

Hi carpenter5, I really feel for you, it's tough to bring kids up no matter what we are ourselves. I'm a single parent and my son is now 15 and it's the hardest job in the world to keep a child on the straight and narrow. I personally would not protect your brother, by keeping you mouth shut about him your enabling him to carry on supplying to others, doing exactly to other teenagers what he did to your son. I wish you all the very best, I know when our kids go off the rails we automatically look at ourselves has been the one at fault but sometimes you know a child as to take responsibility for their own actions and it's nothing we have done has their parent.

Support your son, help him to be able to stand up and recover..and help your brother, he is a bad example and even destroyed a part of you and your son. why not tell your mom about it? so your brother must be given help to..coz sooner or later he might come back and tempt your son. nothing has ever happened to me like these, though my kids are still small, i am really hoping and praying they would not go through these...god bless and i hope you will sort this out.

i am so sorry for you carpenter5 but do not take it so personally. you are not responsible for every decision your children make especially after they are 15 because they do not listen to you anymore anyway. I think you need to confront your brother leave the parents out of it. If you do not you will only have two relatives in rehab and kicking yourself for not stepping in.

nothing like your experience has ever happened to me. even though you are the mother i still don't see any reason why you should say, "i'm not the perfect parent." much as we try our very best, if the people around us (which obviously outnumber us) wouldn't try to be a good person then there is absolutely no reason to belittle ourselves if things go wrong. your son, james, is 21. physiologically, his facilities are already established. you know, even his heart is now fully developed (the human heart completes its development in the human's 20th year). reprimands and reminders hoping to change him wouldn't do much and would probably worsen things. what your son needs now is a friend. an ear who would listen. a crutch to hold him stable and cling on to when he falls. sometimes that's what people like james needs.