I am pulling my hair out
By chookie1971
@chookie1971 (2271)
Australia
March 12, 2009 3:34am CST
I really don't know what to do any more with my youngest.
As a baby she was a really good baby. In pre school, she was fantastic. But since she started school just over 4 years ago, she has done nothing but get into trouble.
I have tried the soft approached and the hard approached. She behaving badly according to my standards.
At her school, when kids get into trouble, they get something called levels. Every year, she has got a few levels. Last year was the best with only one. This year since they started in the end of january, she has 3 of them already. 2 of them she got today. I am so upset with her.
I have banned her from going to the local park after school. Stopped her from playing our x-box games. She isn't allowed to ask to watch TV shows. Not even play her own computer. This will go on for a week. It may sounds harsh but I really want to get on top of things. I know she can behave really good. She has shown me before. I also make a really big issue out of it when she is good and ignore the bad.
I am reaching out to you all if you have any ideas that I could consider trying. One thing I am going to have to do, is cut out all of candy and sugary drinks again. That had worked. But all this bad behaviour had really started again because we have had so many birthdays recently.
Please help with your ideas.
2 people like this
6 responses
@Jae2619 (1483)
• United States
16 Mar 09
It's good you have your standards for your kids and they should understand that and live up to them for you. I myself have set them for my son, who's 6, and for the most part he does what is asked but on occasion he breaks all rules, and then some. I think what you have done is good, she will soon realize she will get she get's rewared for good behavior and when she's bad she get's things taken away.
We do the same thing with our son, even going to the point of taking away extra's. Which our extra's are, the happy meals he get's from time to time, if we go out shopping, he doesn't get to take his own money to spend, nor can he ask for anything. It works for the most part because he don't want to lose any of those things, plus the extras as well.
1 person likes this
@chookie1971 (2271)
• Australia
16 Mar 09
I have taken things away from her and she then says, I don't care. The only thing that really gets her is if she asks for things and I say no. Last night she started asking to watch a harry potter movie. I told her only if dad is going to watch it. She kept asking and asking. I ended up saying no. She got really upset. So I have to find things that would upset her.
1 person likes this
@diansinta (7544)
• Indonesia
30 Apr 09
So, when somebody always asking, asking and asking finally the end of the answer is no..
@jstaubin (423)
• United States
13 Mar 09
I think that you are doing a really good job encouraging her to be good and giving her punishments when she is not. Plus I think that cutting the sugar out of her diet is a really good idea. We did that with our oldest son and there was a dramatic change. The only advice I can give you is just hang in there. I know that this is trying time and how stressful it can be. But it is nice to see a parent that cares about how their child is doing.
1 person likes this
@chookie1971 (2271)
• Australia
16 Mar 09
It is so amazing what sugar can do to a child. I have cut out the sugar once before and it has really worked well. I had only introduced some sugars because of good behaviour. Today, she had a good day at school so I bought her a can of drink. One with a sugar substitute. I just hope that this behaviour continues. Not the best but it is better.
@diansinta (7544)
• Indonesia
30 Apr 09
Hi chookie1971,
May be She got buli by another student? something that all her feeling that 'you can't protect me out there'? my distance between my mom is (when i was a child- may be i am a child still cause i made lots of mistakes- anyway) i got buli by my friend, day by day and i can't say to my parents because they looks busy and my problem is too simple for grownup and i get to defensive at home.
Sugar influence too. i hope shes getting better, happy child.
happy posting always,
oxox'dian from bali island.
@XoyyoX (1055)
• China
24 Mar 09
If you'd like to, you can pull your brother's hair out instead, i mean, my hair is much stronger than yours. Kidding. It seems to me that you are in a big trouble, but it could be a happy trouble, for kids are kids, they can't easily tell what's wrong and what's right, and it's mom or dad's responsibility to regulate their children's behavior, and it will be a huge and glorious project. When your kids grow into some mature and successful people, as parents, you may get retired and enjoy your good pieces of works. That's the real life.
@chookie1971 (2271)
• Australia
24 Mar 09
the older one should know better because he is 14. The youger one I can understand because she is 9. I can say since I had started this discussion, the kids settled down.
@oyenkai (4394)
• Philippines
13 May 09
That seems like a very bad situation. I personally don't know how to handle kids and it's actually a scary thing for me to think about - what happens in the future when I become a parent? What if my kid doesn't listen to me and I can't control him/her?
How have you handled your problem, have things improved in the past 3 months? I don't know if you'll agree but I believe that if the need arises and serious discipline approach is called for then you just might have to hit your kid. That is how I was raised and I don't resent my parents for it, I actually am thankful that I grew up as I am.
Thanks for the response on my discussion!
@oyenkai (4394)
• Philippines
14 May 09
I hope that your scolding did not include hurtful words :P They say that words of love (of course, when said in the right time) actually re-enforce the goodness in kids. I know that some parents keep on telling their kids "you're such a good girl" whenever they do something nice and that it actually makes a difference in their next behaviour :) They tend to become who they believe they are :)
Good luck and God bless!
@chookie1971 (2271)
• Australia
13 May 09
She still causes me problems but slightly better. It is going to be a long hard road with her. The times that she misbehaves is when I am really tired. That is mainly on tuesdays and wednesdays when i don't really get much sleep.
Today, I had to hit her. I even swore at her. From then for the next 4 hours, she was good as gold with a tiny mishap but the good thing was that she listened.
My father had good advise. When the baby comes home for the first time, discipline must start.
She had been a trouble maker because she was always in competition because of her big brother. But what made things worse for me was that her half sister came to live with us for 6 months. The half sister was 19 at the time. The half sister was very lazy and would hardly do anything around the house. She wouldn't even get a job. Thank goodness that this half sister moved out 3 years ago and she chose not to keep in contact with us. It good so that there is no real bad influence on my own daughter except for her big brother.
It is going to be a long road for me there. But I hope that she may come good. I can only do my best.
@aprilj1231 (288)
• United States
16 Mar 09
I think all you can do is be firm and stick to what you say. I have a child who is very easily affected by sugar. I try so hard to watch how much junk she gets, but grandparents and other outside influences always tell me sugar doesn't affect kids like that. It's a constant battle. We have three and have found that the best thing for us to do is to stick with a routine and stick to the discipline that we say we are going to use. Best of luck, I know parenting is never easy.
@chookie1971 (2271)
• Australia
16 Mar 09
I can stand by you and say that sugar does affect the kids. If we think about the foods that we were brought up on and what the kids get today, there is a big difference. When I was growing up, I didn't have many sugary treats. It was only birthdays, easter, or christmas I would have lots of sugary treats.
I do try hard to stick to a routine. It is a very hard job parenting.
I just felt like there is nothing more I could do. Some times to me, I feel like I am on my own because I don't feel like I do get enough help from their father. I feel that I am the one doing all the parenting.
