Responsibility to half-sister?
By EliFromMN
@EliFromMN (53)
United States
March 29, 2009 10:16pm CST
I'm divorced with two amazing kids. My son is 5 and my daughter is 3. Last year my ex had another little girl. As my kids get older, do I have a responsibility to include their half-sister in our trips and activities and things of that nature? It's not that I want to be rude or not care, but am I responsible for the financial end of it??
2 people like this
5 responses
@spalladino (17891)
• United States
30 Mar 09
You're not financially responsible for this child...her father is...but you should include her in anything that she wants to be a part of out of consideration for her feelings. It's never right to hurt a child so, if you're taking your kids someplace fun, would it really be such an imposition to include their sister when she's older?
By the way, I raised four children. The three older ones have a different father than their baby sister. I didn't allow the term "half sister" to be used in my home. My son tried it once and I asked him which half of her was his sister. I have always felt that that term creates a feeling of division. She is their sister and this little girl is your kids's sister, too.
@bellaofchaos (11538)
• United States
30 Mar 09
I agree with you about the term half sister or brother. I hate that. My brother and me don't have the same father but he's still my brother. My kids are not even taught the term.. My first two are to my ex husband my third one well let's not go there and my last two are to the guy I'm engaged to right now and I never allowe them to use the term Half in anything regarding there siblings.
1 person likes this
@spalladino (17891)
• United States
30 Mar 09
You fall into the category of another male role model in this child's life whether you want to be there or not. Of course it would not be appropriate for you to take her for the long period of time that you will have your kids during the summer, especially since you live in another state, but you could start a nice tradition of bringing a little gift for all of the kids when you pick yours up. She will understand that she can't go, too, but she will also be receiving a little something from you so she won't feel quite so left out. As far as Christmas and birthdays, it would be hurtful to leave her out even though you're not her father. Logic (he's not your dad) does not trump emotion in a child with hurt feelings but kindness is always a positive thing. Send a gift for her, too, at Christmas and a card with a few bucks in it on her birthday. You have to remember that you also run the risk of ticking off your own kids depending on how close they are to their little sister, if you hurt her feelings. Since there was an 8 year gap between child #3 and child #4 in my case, all of my kids were older when their baby sister was born and they ALL were protective of her. I was in a relationship with her father and he raised my three as his own. Fortunately, my ex's family, including Aunts, Uncles and cousins, were all very caring towards her, too, but that was partly due to the fact that I had maintained a good relationship with all of them following my divorce. The bottom line is that it's not this little girl's fault that she's in the situation she's in so it's up to the adults in her life to help make her feel secure and loved...all of them.
1 person likes this
@EliFromMN (53)
• United States
30 Mar 09
I agree. I don't want my kids to ever treat their sister differently because I'm not her father. Reguardless of who the dad is, they all have the same mom and they're brothers and sisters no matter what. My only question is, where do I fall into all that??
@TLChimes (4822)
• United States
30 Mar 09
If she lives with your ex and you don't but he see's the kids... it's job to make it family over there.
I include the other kids in my kids birthdays and some "play dates" but finanically or other wise it's my ex's job.
It kind of depends on the people involved. Like if the other mother would be offended by it all going on at your house. It really depends.
2 people like this
@bellaofchaos (11538)
• United States
30 Mar 09
First off welcome to the lot. Second off I want to let you know that ultimately it's up to you. You do not have a responsibility to the half sister of your children, but it would be nice of you to let your children have a relationship with her. You don't have to include her on trips or anything that costs a lot of money. But you can invite her to the park when you take your kids or have her come over to your place and vice versa. It's not rude she is not your child you have no responsibility to her. But I will say there are lots of things that you can do to promote a healthy sibling relationship that doesn't cost money.. My one son has 3 other siblings. I tried to make sure that he has a relationship with his half siblings but it doesn't always work out. I wish you luck and hope your children build a wonderful relationship if possible with their sister.
1 person likes this
@Jae2619 (1483)
• United States
9 Apr 09
I have 4 half siblings. 3 of which are same mom, different dad. 1 is different mom, same dad. After my dad passed away, my mother tried to include my half sister from my dad in our family things she choose not to be apart of it. My mother would offer to pay for her to go, she still refused. She did this so all of us kids could be a family still even though we were missing the linking person. She made that choice to leave our family, and today... I don't know her. I could walk past her on the street and it would never dawn on me that she was my sister. I don't like this, but i've accepted it that she was the one who didn't want to be apart of our lives.
Since you are divorced, then I would say no. You have no repsonsiblity to this child. Your ex is the link between your children and the half sibling. If you would like to get to know this child, then you could invite this child to go out to eat, or things like that but I wouldn't go totally out of my way to make this child feel as if it was yours.
@CJscott (4187)
• Portage La Prairie, Manitoba
30 Mar 09
Are you? Does this girl live with you on a full time basis? Do your children like this girl enough, to include her in your family trips? Are you going to re-marry? If you do, what does your husband think? Those were the first things that popped into my head, right after, NO. You are not, but with most things you may feel the need to make an exception once in a while, and those are my thoughts on the matter.
@EliFromMN (53)
• United States
30 Mar 09
lol!! Well, actually, it's my ex WIFE that has the kids :)
I live in Minnesota and they live in TN. During the summer, they'll be staying with me for a month and a half. Not a problem while they're still babies, but when they're older, it could become an issue. Like birthdays, christmas, things like that. How do I send presents for two kids and not the third, but at the same time, that's a lot more money in a bad economy. I dunno what to do.
1 person likes this
@CJscott (4187)
• Portage La Prairie, Manitoba
30 Mar 09
Well, that part of it wasn't so clear. But all the same questions apply, just substitute the appropriate gender, I know my father never sent anything to my sister. Us boys all got Bikes and GT's, and she would be like where is my stuff, and Mom would say, well The boys' father got them that stuff, and your father didn't send you anything. She cried one year for it. But as we got older, we all stopped getting stuff so it worked out. You will just have to do what ever it is you think is best, when the time comes. It will have to be a decision reached between all parties involved.
