OK, so if a kid uses bad jusgement we assume that means they have LOUSY PARENTS?

They are ours kids. I think the parents should be responsible. That should make us all do our jobs alittle more responsibily and take it alittle more seriously. It is too easy for us to just pawn them off on school and day care. Some sympathy would be nice ofcourse but I can see where the other parents wouldn't. There are way too many incompetent parents now days. Too many kids raising kids too. People need to stand up and be counted. And, it does take a village to raise a child so some of those people who are judging and criticizing need to step up and help out.

I only assume it is lousy parenting when there is no consequence for the bad jugement. Children make mistakes that is fine, they are learning, but when these mistakes are never corrected then something is not happening, and that something is the parents not kicking into parenting mode and taking care of things. You are compleatly right though. All you can do is the best you can and pray that you have laid a good foundation for your child to grow.

I agree though I have to admit that I am harsh on myself when my child makes a bad choice wondering where I went wrong. I don't judge other parents ...because I don't know how they have raised their child....but if it's something that affects my child, I do talk to another parent about how I feel and leave it upto them to rectify the situation the best they can. But I do criticize myself when my kids do something that I feel is a bad choice. Maybe it's not right and I know I've done the best I can....but can't help feeling it's probably because I have not done enough.

when you have a child, from the very second he/she is born they begin to learn. THey take in everything around them. I do blame the parents. Yes it is true that we arent with them 24 hours a day. Yes, people do make mistakes but depends on the seriousness of the mistake. If you dont teach a child from the very beginning that their will be NEGATIVE consequences all the time for misbehaving. I work in a laundry mat and I see it all the time. Parents come to do their laundry and just let their kids run wild. They see someone eating and ask strangers for some of what they're eating or ask for money. They are running all over banging into other customers with laundry carts etc. I have a million and one examples of bad parenting. I will never say my kids are perfect. I will say however that they know how to behave when we are in a public situation. All a parent has to do is teach their children the basics. Please and thank you's, dont talk back or to strangers, No means no, keep your hands to yourself, tell the truth.Most importantly when you're out of the house BE ON YOUR BEST BEHAVIOR. DOnt get me wrong some children do something wrong and its a one time deal. There are others that thir parents blame everyone else for their actions. As parents they are doing their children unfairly because once a child is labeled trouble its hard to shake the reputatios. If we stick together and help other parents who need the support of making punishments and such,THere would be no need for these types of discussions dl

I don't know anything about your kids and your entry does not tell me anything about them. However it does tell me a lot about you and I think you have problem and need to seek some help and advice

Sorry to sound so dissaproving, but that is not "just life". Kids do stupid things because some people are stupid, and never should have had children to begin with. If you feel that a kid is problematic, then examine the situation. Parents don't take the time to listen to their kids.. Perhaps the kid watches television, which spouts nothing more than hate speech.. oh, and sending a kid to their room is by no means child abuse, believe it. It doesn't constitute as "abuse" to me unless the kid's being hit, and trust me, I know. Kids turn out just fine when they have someone to rely upon.. when they don't feel entirely alone.

It does not make you a bad parent because your kids make a bad decision. I had a troubled teen and there was absolutely nothing I could do to keep her from doing things. She was on a tight leash and still found ways to do things that would get her into trouble.

Mostly the mother gets the blame when a kid does wrong. The funny thing is this same topic is mentioned in the bible. It does say a mother will be blamed when a child does wrong. A father will be praised when a child does right..I am finding out it actually does happen that way. It is wrong but happens to often like that.

You are spot on with this one. I know of a load of wonderful parents who raised kids with extremely questionable judgement. I know the parents, I know the kids, and I know that these particular kids (some of them now adults) only behave the way they do because they are being THEMSELVES, not beecause of something the parents did. I also know some amazing kids with "strange" parents, and I can't help but wonder how these kids managed to turn out so AMAZING!

Well said sweetheart - I really do get quite fed up with all the assumptions people make when a kid messes up - maybe they should spend more time looking at themselves and their families than passing judgements on others! I know there are parents out there who neglect their children , don't set limits , don't teach them right from wrong but that doesn't mean that every mistake a child makes is because their parents are like that! xxx

Ok. Bottom line I will only look at it as lousy parenting if when the kids demonstrate they make poor choices - the parents IGNORE it, don't discipline or show a proper example, or have any expectations of the kids. No, kids do not always listen, in fact many times they don't listen purposely, but I'll be the first to remind them of the consequences that will follow when they do that. You do want the best for them, yes, but it boils down to their choice, doesn't it? Some of it boils down to what motivates them, and what kind of personality they have. It is best to be internally or self motivated, not need approval from others and thus miss the hell of 'peer pressure', and care about making decisions based on what's right for them or how it will affect THEM in the future, instead of 'because my mom will get mad'. I'm not saying that the threat of that in addition is so bad, but it should not be the SOLE reason a kid decides against doing something bad, if you know what I mean. I am sympathetic if the parent has tried to do what they can, but I just can't be if the parent advocated or ignored the behavior problem, let it go, got mad at other parents for 'picking on their kid'... etc. I mean for example, I teach my daughter that you don't hit your friends. You don't hit ANYBODY. In a public place, like a park, if someone's kid hits my daughter or throws sand or dirt or rocks at her, their parent needs to step in and explain to their kid that you don't behave that way in public. Now I don't care if they behave that way AT HOME but around other kids that is unsafe. If that parent ignored it, didn't care, or god forbid thought it was NORMAL or claimed 'my kid didn't know any better' or got mad at me for asking that their kid apologize or that they leave, then yes, they are a lousy parent and they are raising a small bully that I just pray does not attend my daughter's school. See what I mean? If my daughter acted like that I'd expect her to apologize and NOT do it again, or we'd leave. Immediately. Being a safety hazard in public is not okay.

Sometimes when parents are so good, the child thinks the parents don't understand what they are going through, they see them as out of touch with what's going on in their life so they make decisions that they think are right for them at the time and sometimes it is the bad consequences that wakes them up. Just think how many good parents had to go through their own trials and errors growing up and making mistakes before they settled down and got it right. It simply a learning process and yes, I do think it is insensitive to arbitrarily blame the parents when children make mistakes or get into trouble.

Hi miamilady..I hear you loud and clear and totally agree. I never beleived in blaming the parents for the actions of their children. Not in all cases. Now there may be some who have been raised and learned immoral ways but for the most part, normal children grow up and develop their own personalities. I have seen some children from the best of upper class model families, who dont turn out so well. Rather then help the situation, because some people tend to blame the parents, I think some of these children get buried under the carpet rather than helped as they dont want to be blamed for bad parenting. On the other hand, I have seen some children who have literally looked after their parents for various reasons and were more mature and better behaved then they were. So where did they learn this behaviour? Not from their parents, thats for sure. Everyone in this world is unique and possess their own personality. While our children are young, we can teach them morals and try to show the way but ultimately it is their choice whether or not they choose to listen. Sometimes outside forces, can be stronger than the love of a parent that a child miscontrues for discipline.

I completely agree with you. I don't think you can ALWAYS blame the parents for the problems their children face but there are some situations & occurances that can easily be deemed fault by the parents. I came from a household where my mom might as well have been a nun and my dad was the typical boy who got into everything and had his fair share of problems. We were raised well and I hands down thank my parents for being the tough they were with us kids because it made us the people we are today and now the parents we are becoming. I gave my parents hell because I did insist on learning the hard way and it was my life & my mistakes to make. They couldn't keep me from doing everything I did, but they sure did try. I think that the inability to discipline children in ways that "worked" is partial fault for unruly kids... It's a lose-lose situation. You can't discipline because you are a child abuser, yet when your child gets into serious trouble you as the parent will pay for it.

I know what you mean about trying to be a good parent and to still have a child go their own way and learn their own mistakes. We can talk until we're blue-in-the-face about how things were with us when we were young; how when we didn't listen to our parents things didn't work out so well. But sometimes our kids will think to themselves that it won't happen to them and until it does they won't learn. Life is all about learning and experiencing. There are some things that we don't need to experience in order to know that they aren't good for us but we're all human and curious by nature.

a lot of times,it is the kid. a friend of mine's kid went on an absolute rampage one night because he couldn't have the newest cell phone.smashed windows in the neighborhood,and the poor parents are still paying for it.they're good parents,too.he's just a big spoiled brat.

*untying kids from the bed now* What we can't tie up our kids? Lol just joking. Kids do alot of crazy things weither its to test their parents limits or just trying to fit in. Some parents don't even try to tell kids right from wrong. Too many parents are trying to be their childs friend when that child needs a parent first. When your child moves out when they are older then that would be the time to be a friend. Before that tell them right from wrong yes it may be as if your saying the samething over and over again but maybe one day it will sink into their heads. My mom made some crazy rules when I was growing up and i hope I will not be the way she was when my girls get older but yes I will have alot of rules. Some of the rules my mom had I didn't agree with and still don't. Like house work comes before homework. I could only see my boyfriend who is my husband now only certain days of the week. Which was crazy. He always went home at a certain time and I always had good grades. While my brothers girlfriend got to sleep over every weekend and came over every night. i thought it was very unfair. i wasn't asking for him to sleep over. I think some parents don't even talk to their kids. I want to tell my kids everything. I want them to know everything so they can make the right choice and if they make the wrong one hopefully they will learn from their mistake.

I totally agree, and it is a sign that some of us remember doing things we knew would not make our parents happy but we did them anyways because we either wanted to please friends our ourselves. I believe it is easier to judge than to even think that something similar like that could happen to us, that could be those parents we are judging.

As a parent I appreciate your sentiments. I have a seven year old and when she makes a bad choice I cringe and wonder if I come across as a bad parent although I know that I love my child and I am doing the very best I can for her. As you say kids are always going to make mistakes, that is how they learn I guess and there are times when no matter how diligent the parents are these errors of judgment are always going to occur. I think it is obvious when parents are not doing their job and wouldn't it be nice if we could give each other a break every now and again and show some understanding. We are all doing our best here and we could all help each other instead of constantly criticizing!

I cant agree with you more..that aggravates me.. Growing up, I couldnt have better parents.. They were tough and strict but they were always there for us and both me and my sister knew how much we were loved, NO MATTER WHAT!! My sister was a goodie goodie and myself, well not so much a goodie goodie.. I hung out with nice people but we got ourselves into trouble..My parents would kill me if they knew half the things I have done, But I ran with the wrong crowd. That is NO way my parents fault.. Kids do what they want.. We hope that our talks help them make the right decision, but like you said sometimes they need to learn things the hard way.. I have a 2 young boys and I am doing the best that I can do and just hope that thats enought for them when they get older. I am teaching them right from wrong and manners, I hope its enough