If I Break Up With My Fiance Will You Date Me?!?!
By singlemommy
@singlemommy (2955)
United States
March 31, 2009 10:28pm CST
Last week, my daughter had a "Family Fun Night" at school. Myself, my 2 year old son, and my daughter's father all attended. They had free supper and while we were sitting there eating, my ex asks me this question, "If I break up with my fiance, will you date me?". I responded, "Why would you want to do that?". He answered, "Now come on, you and I both know that I'm not going to marry her". I just tried to ignore the subject with him the rest of the night. Frankly, why would you ask someone to marry you if you don't want to marry them? But that is just my opinion.
Now, today I got home from work and I guess I had left my Yahoo! Messenger on last night so it was on all day today too. I had messages on it from my ex, so when I seen that he had been trying to get a hold of me, I called his cell phone. He didn't answer so I left him a message that if he needed to talk to me about something then just give me a call. Well, he called me back and said that he was picking up our daughter at his sister's house. I asked if he had wanted anything and he said no that he was just bored and thought he would chat with me if I was online. Then, he proceeds to say, "Okay, I will be over here in a minute". I just said, "Okay" because I thought that he was going to bring my daughter by to see me. Now, when he shows up, he is alone and I ask where our daughter is and he said that she is with his fiance. Now, he starts this, "if I break up with her, will you date me" routine again and I haul off and say, "You know what I want? I want a man who isn't engaged, isn't married, doesn't have a girlfriend, who is totally SINGLE to ask me to date them!". He then said, "So, if I was single then you would date me". I was getting frustrated and he finally left.
Right now I just feel so frustrated. I would love to have someone to date but I haven't had a date in over a year. I'm a single mother and I don't get opportunities to get out and meet new people and the single men that I do know or meet aren't interested in me, so there isn't much I can do about that. I really do wish that I could find someone though. I know I will find someone, but I just feel like my ex is continuely playing on my emotions over and over and over again. I feel that he knows that I want someone to date so he wants to toy with me. Whether he really does want to date me, I don't know, but I'm so tired of all the games. I have told him before about how I wish he wouldn't say these things or wouldn't hit on me, etc, but it does no good, he may stop for a little while but then he is back at it before long.
What would you say to someone who asked you that question, "If I break up with my fiance, will you date me?".
4 people like this
22 responses
@savypat (20216)
• United States
1 Apr 09
This sounds like a power play to me, every time you respond to him he gets an ego boost, tell him you don't want to play this type of game with him that as the Father of your daughter you respect him to much to see him playing these silly games and
demeaning himself. You'll do this in your own words, the point is to flatter him then put a insult where he gets the point. Blessings
2 people like this
@tiffhannah (89)
• United States
1 Apr 09
I'm a chick but if I were a dude I wouldn't date you. I didn't even bother reading the longest story on mylot that you wrote because your question is just enough to get my attention.
If you left the "current love of your life" why should another guy date you? Why wouldn't you do the same thing to him?
1 person likes this
@singlemommy (2955)
• United States
2 Apr 09
If you didn't read the discussion then you don't have any reason to respond. And by your response you can totally tell that you didn't read it because you have absolutely no idea what you are talking about.
1 person likes this
@rsa101 (38166)
• Philippines
1 Apr 09
Well I guess he is trying to catch your feelings for him. I really think that is really bugging but I would not entertain his trying to get back on you. If I want him back then he should proved first that he is sincere with his intention and not like just looking for security that if he is not left alone he can just jump into you and then when he finds something else leave you again. For me test what his real intentions are before entertaining that question at all. That is such so self centered question and conceited of him.
@singlemommy (2955)
• United States
1 Apr 09
Yes, it is very self-centered of him. I feel bad for his fiance because I honestly believe that she hasn't even begun to know the real person that he is yet. I just hope for her sake that she will see it before they do get married, but on the other hand, that is her decision. I would love for him to get married to someone that he loved, but I also worry because our daughter lives with him primarily and whomever he marries will be around my daughter every day. It is a really messed up situation and HE (MY EX) is the one who is making it that way and it doesn't have to be this way.
@lilybug (21107)
• United States
1 Apr 09
What a creep! Having him talk about getting with me after he dumps the ex would guarantee that I never dated him again. NO real man would be acting like that.
My sons father pretty much walked out of our lives completely except for the occasional call to complain about his life. When he found out that I was pregnant with my daughter he started calling more. He did not want to be in his son's life. He just wanted to talk to me. He told me flat out that he was jealous that I was having a kid that was not his and that he wished things would have worked out between up. He was married at the time and still is. I have gotten several of those calls since he has been married. Two words, H#LL NO!
1 person likes this
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
1 Apr 09
I feel sorry for his fiancé, fancy saying those things to you behind her back! This guy is has the cheek to approach you with all this "If I break up..." c*#*p!
I'm sorry but I've had similar experiences and it angers me so much that these idiots can just play with a woman's feelings like that.
Whether he really wants you back or not, I don't know because I don't know him but in my opinion it is not a safe situation to get into when the man is engaged to be married to another woman. If he really wanted you back he should get out of the situation is in, get some counselling or something, let about a year go by and then see how you both feel.
And if he happens to just be toying with you then he's a creep and you should not waste a second of your time even talking to him about anything that isn't to do with your daughter.
I can relate to your discussions, singlemommy, you could say I've been there, done that! 
1 person likes this
@singlemommy (2955)
• United States
2 Apr 09
I'm glad someone can relate to my posts. It feels good to know that I'm not the only person who has been through these sort of things before. Thanks!
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
1 Apr 09
You know him in and out, I don't think you like history to repeat. If I were you I wouldn't want to come back to a wife beater. Asking me such a silly question and contemplating to break his fiance to get back to you is foolish idea and show how desperate he is in wanting to come back to you. As a woman I don't want to hurt another woman by becoming a substitute or a replacement. I would tell him that I am happily attached to someone else. He will definitely be furious and men doesn't like to be challenged. Encourage him to stick to his fiance.
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
1 Apr 09
Hmmm.. Perhaps he's playing April Fools on you?
Anyhow, if you were me, though it's flattering and all, I'd stop thinking with my heart. I mean, obviously the guy is a total A-Hole, if he could do that to someone he has asked to marry him, then he could do that to everyone if he had his way.
You're right about him being self-centered. It's enough that he has hurt you before, close the chapter of him in your life so that you could totally move on. Don't worry, sooner or later the right one would come along.
The next time he does that (I'm assuming you are me), I'd probably say 'Let's cross the bridge when we get there' which simply means I'm not saying NO, neither am I saying 'YES'. Just to play with his mind and all. And if he does break up with her, then comes to me, then I'd say, 'You know what, it was fun and all before, but you're no longer my type'.
Anyhow, good luck!
1 person likes this
@Kenorv (343)
• United States
1 Apr 09
This is just my opinion but I wouldn't even think about dating him again. There's a reason that it didn't work the first time. I don't know what makes him think it would work this time. If he really wanted to be with you then he never would have gone off and gotten engaged to someone else. He would have taken some time to make sure that whatever he did to screw things up the first time, doesn't happen again. It doesn't sound like he's done that to me.
I think you're right. I think he is playing games. Not just with you but obviously with his fiance. The guy obviously has some sort of issues and it's best to just stay away from guys like that.
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
1 Apr 09
I'd tell him to hit the road. He's obviously stringing along that other woman in order to have all the privileges of a fiance and he's too much of a coward to do without someone in his bed. Your ex is one of those that give all men a bad name and I think you know that. Tell him to stop talking that way, that you can do way better than the alley cat that he is.
( My apologies to actual alley cats)
1 person likes this
@nanajanet (4436)
• United States
1 Apr 09
Thank God that he is your ex!! Tell him, if you see him again, that he and you will never be an item again and he just proved to you why, that he is a two-faced person that cannot be trusted.
1 person likes this
@sudalunts (5523)
• United States
1 Apr 09
Your ex, doesn't sound much like a man with moral values to me. He is not respecting his girlfriend nor is he respecting you. His girlfriend, needs to know what kind of snake she is dealing with, who knows, maybe she already knows. His come on's to you doesn't sound like total commitment to his girlfriend. He sounds like a player without moral values.
If my ex said to me "If I break up with my fiance will you date me"? I would tell him to keep on stepping, I am not interested.
1 person likes this
@tamarafireheart (15384)
•
1 Apr 09
Hi singlemommy,
You must know what he is like, you have a child together, and it didn't work out so why all this trying to get back with you? I just think he is playing you for a mug as he knows you are looking for someone, ok, say you play at his own game and says yes, I bet you anything he won't break up with his fiance, he wants his cake and eat, and it just shows the kind of man he is to go behind his fiance's back and hitting on you, would you be able to trust him again? I wouldn't and you are better off without him and should tell him to back off for good.
Tamara
1 person likes this
@jbrooks0127 (2324)
• United States
1 Apr 09
You are right in assuming he is playing you. If he really wanted to get back with you and had no intention of marrying the woman he ask he would have broken up with her before he even ask you for the date in the first place.
What he is saying is that I am not going to give up one woman until I know I have another lined up. What does that tell you?
Look back at the reason you broke up in the first place. Who broke up with who and why?
There was a good reason then and it no doubt has not changed. Don't say yes to this just because you haven't dated in a while. Of course you need that but you need it with a man you know is interested in only you and you will have no doubt that your not a replacement for someone else.
Don't let him play you. Tell him just how you feel and that he needs to leave it alone. If you give in you may very well end up being very sorry you did.
1 person likes this
@drdivu (1011)
• India
1 Apr 09
hey..i strongly feel that u dont get back to him..HE HAD LEFT U FOR THAT GIRL AND NOW LEAVING THAT GIRL AGAIN..I DONT FIND THIS GUY RIGHT..!!! why go for him when once he left u..?? i dont find any reason in going backto him again..
DO WHAT UR INSTINCTS SAY..!!!
1 person likes this
@spalladino (17891)
• United States
1 Apr 09
Remember the comment he made when you told him about the lifeguard at the pool talking to you the other day? I suspected then that he was jealous and it looks like that might be what was going on with him that day. I don't know your ex but if he's a player, don't play his game. If he's sincere he'll break up with his fiance and be single before asking you to date him. I certainly wouldn't trust someone who would talk to someone about dating when he's engaged.
1 person likes this
@jlamela (4898)
• Philippines
1 Apr 09
ngek. I would never date someone who thinks girl as if we are some sorts of stuff toys. For me entering into a relationship is something a big responsibility and it should be a serious thing. If he said such dialogue like that, it means he is just playing and fooling around and an indication of infidelity which I strongly hated.
1 person likes this
@iamsolucky (1241)
• Philippines
1 Apr 09
i think in my opinion, dont date guys like that ever again. If he really like you he can do things just to win you back again, not by asking questions like that. I know how you feel, i also want a guy who isnt married, isnt engaged and just single and his heart is all mine. I dont like a guy who is unsure of things he want to do, i think your ex is not sure so much of his decisions. I dont want you to feel your hanging and wanting love from someone who isnt sure about his feelings. I do hope you can find a true man that will love you.
happy mylotting and smile always!
