Divorce Should be Banned!!
By jellymonty
@jellymonty (2352)
April 13, 2009 6:16pm CST
Although I'm not married, but everytime I hear that somebody is getting a divorce it hurts me badly. I'm wondering exactly what were you thinking when you said to the other person "in sickness and health till death do us apart?" I believe that marriage is a binding ans sanctified contract. Yes I know that there are times where situations seem impossible to work out in a marriage, but what about the vow you made? Was that just a joke to you? Have we all lost the actual meaning of marriage? I don't mean to sound harsh but It really makes my blood boil when people divorce because I think it's pure selfishness. When you marry, you made a commitment and surely part of that committment was that you would sacrifice your life for the other until one of you departs planet earth. And what's worse is when children are involved. It is not fair that your children should suffer simply because your selfishness has taken priority over them. I speak of this because my mother is a perfect example of how a true marriage should be. She's been married for 35 years and yet for the sake of her six children, she endured phyical, verbal, mental and emotional abuse from my father and yet they are still married because she made a vow, and has stood by it and has not broken it. Ofcourse they were times I wished my parents divorced but if my mum decided to yield to her selfishness, would I have grown up to be a normal human being? There is a reason why marriage is one of the most important decisions you will ever make as a human beign. I have not made that decision yet because i'm not brave enough to accept the terms and conditions. When I'm brave enough then I will surely follow my mum's example. So if you are divorced or thinking about getting divorced or are in the middle of divorce, ask yourself the basic question, Why did I marry this person? Was it because it felt good and right or was it because your love for that person was beyond your limits?? Divorce doesn't only destroy the family but it does affect your community, your life, and even your country! So in closing I think it would be a good idea to put down a law that forbids divorce. That way people will not take marriage for granted and this world will not be as messed up as it now.
So, let's hear it people who has a different opinion to mine? I'd love to hear it!
3 people like this
24 responses
@TessWhite (3146)
• United States
14 Apr 09
Since you have not married I don't see how you can judge everyone who has been divorced. Apparently (according to you)living thru 22 years of abuse from my husband wasn't good enough. Should I have just continued watching him abuse my son and myself? Apparently I should have just kept letting him slap me, scream at me, and shove me down the stairs a few more times?
Sorry, but I think you are too judgemental. I loved my husband, I even tried counseling with him, trial separations, you name it. But nothing worked. He was a cruel as ever. I stayed as long as I could stand it and should have left many years earlier. Our marriage may have started out great, but it didn't take long to learn his true nature.
Forbid divorce? Lets just hope that when you marry you manage to pick a perfect partner. I'd hate to see you stuck for your entire life with a husband like I had.
2 people like this
@highflyingxangel (9225)
• United States
14 Apr 09
I have a huge problem with your post. I really couldn't read through the entire thing because claiming that divorce should be banned, and claiming that women should stick with men simply because of the children and claiming that it's selfish to divorce, even if they physically, emotionally or verbally abuse you is OK. That is ridicilous. There is NO WAY a woman should stay with someone if they are being abused in any way, and claiming that it's selfish to divorce is insane.
Sure, the vows should mean something, but being abused does not mean anything when it comes to vows. If you're being abused, you take the kids and leave him and make a better life. You don't stick around and become someone's personal punching bag because of some words you said at the altar.
Granted some people do take their vows for granted and not so seriously, some people jump into marriage way too fast and then decide this isn't for me and back out, abuse however is NEVER, EVER a reason to stay in a relationship. You need to leave for the kids, staying together for the kids is, well, crazy.
Read and educate yourselves: http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm
Divorce isn't the problem, it's the people that engage in bad behavior, that ruin relationships that cause the problems. You see if people were nice, and kind and didn't beat up on their wives, we may not have divorce.
@jellymonty (2352)
•
14 Apr 09
I did not say at any point that abuse should be tolerated. When my mother got married she knew what she signed up for and it was her choice to stick with it. All I'm saying is that it is better if one stays not married if you are not bold enough to endure trials and tribulations that are bound to be found in any marriage. Like the Filipino lady said, marriage is a sacred covenant between God and the two individuals therefore married couples must put God at the center of their lives if they want to live happily ever after.
People need to realise that marriage is not something you do because you feel like it. It is a life long commitment so all I'm saying is dont commit to a life long agreement if you are not intending to be in it for life. This is why it's important to get to know the person first from inside out before you say I do. It takes a lot of time to know someone so people need to be patient and still before signing up for marriage.
@highflyingxangel (9225)
• United States
14 Apr 09
"I speak of this because my mother is a perfect example of how a true marriage should be. She's been married for 35 years and yet for the sake of her six children, she endured phyical, verbal, mental and emotional abuse from my father and yet they are still married because she made a vow, and has stood by it and has not broken it."
That is what you said above. You have implied that your mother is a good woman because she stuck it out and put up with abuse for the sake of the children. She upheld her vows and didn't divorce or leave an abuser. Your own words, not mine.
@albert2412 (1782)
• United States
14 Apr 09
I really do agree with you that divorce should be made illegal. Every time that there is a divorce it is the children that suffer. All of their lives the children will suffer the scars of the divorce in their hearts. Divorce is one of the most selfish acts anyone can ever do. Every time that I hear of someone getting s divorce I think of what a really selfish person that they are. they put their own desires above the interests of their children, the vows that they made to GOD, and the interests of their mate. When two people get married they are no longer two people but become one. You can not harm your mate without harming yourself.
@connierebel (1557)
• United States
14 Apr 09
Wow, you said it perfectly. Divorce ruins families, which ultimately ruins the country. I can't help but compare the country today with the ancient Roman Empire before it collapsed. Divorces was rampant back then to, and look what happened to them. Without a stable home life, how can children grow up to be stable citizens of the country? I realize there are certain situations where it would be dangerous not to separate from your spouse, but most of the time people break up for very petty reasons, or because they found someone else who caught their fancy. That is not true love, only base lust. I think a law against divorce would be a great idea, for the good of the country and the poor children who suffer the consequences.
@cobra1368 (702)
• United States
14 Apr 09
So you think better of your mother for staying in an abusive marriage?! I think there are times when divorce is much better than staying together. My best friend was abused for 8 years, and she left him the night she had their second child. He beat her that night and caused trauma to their child. He now has medical problems related to the trauma he incurred that night. She is still in the middle of a bitter custody battle. He is hanging on just to make her life hell until she either gives her children up or kills herself. That is his goal.
I have another friend whose parents divorced when she was 3 years old. Her parents are still cordial to each other and have cooperated throughout her life in order to give her a normal childhood. She is a very happy, well-adjusted adult because her parents were mature enough to realize that they provided a more toxic atmosphere together for their daughter, and to realize that they needed to cooperate in order to make sure she felt nothing but love from both of them throughout her development.
I am currently in a good marriage, and I come from parents who were happily married. However, I don't believe that someone should stay in a marriage and accept the day-to-day hell that is their lives, simply because the person they thought they had married had since changed and shown a side you absolutely cannot live with.
@cobra1368 (702)
• United States
14 Apr 09
Please ignore this response. I tried to stop it from posting (I wanted to add something else), so I ended up posting twice! Sorry about that! :)
@mhil84 (182)
• Philippines
14 Apr 09
Marriage is not for everyone. It's for couples who are both mature and completely understand the requirements for such proposals. It's a holy union for those who are completely committed to the love, obligation, and promise to their spouse for the remainder of their lives.
If one does not feel this in their heart and in their mind with the person they are planning to get married to; don't get married - very simple. It is designed to give those faithful in a religion, the guarantee of security and stability each person expects when both make a promise before the presence of their highest spiritual entity, family, and friends.
Legalizing divorce can encourage corrupt women and men to take advantage of the justice system by faking to be faithful and loving only to later divorce and legally inherit property and financial gain from their ex-spouse. Legalize divorce will be little left in this world where people can guarantee trust and love for one another.
Divorce is needed when couples have a conflict and need freedom. I would say to you that there are certain parameters that would allow for a divorce to be legal. Example if there's Physical Abuse from one spouse to another, Adultery, etc. Also Incompatibility is not a valid reason in getting a divorce. That is why you have a dating period and an engagement period before you get married.
@jellymonty (2352)
•
14 Apr 09
I am so glad somebody finally understands my point of view. I like the last part you said "That is why you have a dating period and engagement period" Its exactly the point am trying to make that people are not patient enough to know somebody inside out before they say I do. And what's worse is that people have removed God from their marriages. A marriage without God being the centre is doomed for failure and headed up divorce ville. I'm not being judgemental people, I'm just fortunate enough to know that marriage is an extremely big deal for me and I know that I need to get all the facts right before I say I do.
@twoey68 (13627)
• United States
14 Apr 09
While I admire ppl that choose to stay married for 30-40-50 years or even longer...for some ppl that's not an option. Sometimes, in all honesty, some couples are better off not staying married and some children are better off not growing up in a house with two miserable adults.
It sounds like your mother sacrificed her life, her happiness and her self esteem to stay with her husband...I really feel sorry for her. I was in an abusive marriage and it's a very scary, lonely place to be. Granted your life wouldn't have been the same if they'd divorced but who's to say it wouldn't have been better?
I believe marriage is a very important step in life and I think more ppl need to take alot more time to make sure their making the right decision but I don't think that forcing ppl to stay married against their will is right.
Ppl change, circumstances change and sometimes not for the better.
[b]~~AT PEACE WITHIN~~
**STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS**[/b]
@trickiwoo (2702)
• United States
14 Apr 09
There isn't much good about a divorce, but if a couple no longer wants to be together I strongly believe it is better and healthier for them to end their marriage than to stay together hating each other! I think the main problem is people get into marriages for the wrong reasons. Often people get married too young, get married because of a pregnancy even if the couple doesn't know each other very well, get married too quickly, etc. My brother has a friend who is 20 years old and already she's been divorced twice. Marriage is a huge decision and an extremely important responsibility and too many people decide to get married without really thinking about the consequences.
@kiran8 (15348)
• Mangalore, India
14 Apr 09
Hi jellymonty, You are talking about an ideal situation and an idyllic world. But i can assure you that reality is quite quite different. It is mostly the women who suffer in a marriage with no financial freedom , verbal and physical abuse. If divorce is banned then even a chance of escape from an abusive marriage is lost to them. As it is , i can tell you that divorce is not an easy option, it is messy and leaves a person emotionally drained, but at least it gives the women a freedom- here i am talking from the women's perspective, i am sure there are cases where men suffer equally and prefer to put an end to a troubled marriage. I can safely say that there are very few happy marriages, just staying together does not mean that a couple is happy..they carry on because of so many reasons living an unhappy life for years..so is it not better for them to separate and start afresh..
@fasyahime (629)
• Malaysia
15 Apr 09
i am not agree with that..if divorce get ban,it mean it allow man to freely abuse woman..how about woman right,if guy can choose any woman to be his mistress,so did woman..it's unfair to both party,what if they don't love each other anymore,we can't force them to be together,right..
@rocketsky (1013)
• China
15 Apr 09
i hate divoce all my life ,as long as you decide to get married to someone,
you must take your responsibility ,do you know marriage is a sacred topic for human ?
i agree with you
@pinoymelancholy (197)
• Philippines
14 Apr 09
youre not even married so that shows how much you know regarding matters like this. in some countries it is not legal but there would always be an annulment legally it is allowed to have a divorce it is accepted by society, medically speaking it is actually adviced to have a divorce rather than staying together if it is for the well being of both parties or atleast one, religiously if you believe in the bible it is actually stated in the bible that there is such thing as a divorce, i believe that if you are to be separated it has to be written down on paper, regarding what your saying to ask yourself if why you married the person the answer should be that you love the person or you thought you love the person at that time divorce does not destroy families, the people within the family is responsible for his or her decision, why stay if you know that your marriage is no longer working it would just ruin both of you and your children would think the same way, if you dont approve with divorce tell that to all the battered women that needed to be separated to save themselves from their bully husband, tell that to men and women who find themselves cheating or been cheated by their spouse and still have to live with that person just because of the absence of divorce.
@cobra1368 (702)
• United States
14 Apr 09
So you think better of your mother for staying in an abusive marriage?! I think there are times when divorce is much better than staying together. My best friend was abused for 8 years, and she left him the night she had their second child. He beat her that night and caused trauma to their child. He now has medical problems related to the trauma he incurred that night. She is still in the middle of a bitter custody battle. He is hanging on just to make her life hell until she either gives her children up or kills herself. That is his goal.
I have another friend whose parents divorced when she was 3 years old. Her parents are still cordial to each other and have cooperated throughout her life in order to give her a normal childhood. She is a very happy, well-adjusted adult because her parents were mature enough to realize that they provided a more toxic atmosphere together for their daughter, and to realize that they needed to cooperate in order to make sure she felt nothing but love from both of them throughout her development.
I am currently in a good marriage, and I come from parents who were happily married. However, I don't believe that someone should stay in a marriage and accept the day-to-day hell that is their lives, simply because the person they thought they had married had since changed and shown a side of themselves that puts the other person, children, pets, etc. in danger every day. Life is too short, and people make mistakes every day. I don't think God can be angry with someone for getting out of a toxic marriage in order to protect their children from harm.
Bottom line: if staying together endangers either the wife or husband, or especially the children involved, then divorce is DEFINITELY the healthier option!
@NadiaAllStar (162)
• United States
14 Apr 09
Divorce can be a very sad thing, but at the same time it could be a very healthy one! I've been married for 6 yrs now and its hard at times. But just because you marry someone doesn't mean that person is going to be the same. I hate the fact when people through abuse, cheating etc stay married for the sake of the children, that's NO GOOD*...children pick up on all that and at the end of the day that's not healthy. Now a days its different, women don't need a man like they did, your mother stood in a abusive marriage for the sake of her children, but did anyone think of what she felt. As a mother I stuck around and dealt with as much as I could but you have to remember no one stays the same forever. I would never teach my daughter to stickout her marriage because it's the right thing to do, especially if the marriage became absuive, absolutly not!
@srmailtosr (425)
• India
14 Apr 09
you have gone crazy.. otherwise you will not talk like this.
marriage is a bond of hearts where men and women were given license to live together in love.
if this bond of love is broken then living together will become just acting.
this is not good.this will create problems among them.so after the brokage of love bond it is better to get parting.. the legal process for this is divorce.. so i think you will change your opinion in the near future ...
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
14 Apr 09
Hi jellymonty.
I am divorced; I re married 13 years to a man I love very much and we have a beautiful daughter. Had I stayed with my previous partner I would have endured a miserable life and not have what I have now.
I made a mistake, simple as that. I married my childhood sweetheart who I had been with since the age of 15 and although we had been together for a long time by the time we married we grew apart before too long and became aware that although we had the best intentions when we vowed to stay together forever we were extremely unhappy. We worked on our marriage and left no stone unturned as far as resolving our differences; it just didn't work out. We are now in different relationships and we both have families and we are happy and that is worth the pain of ending our marriage.
I agree that some couples turn to divorce too quickly and in my opinion one should not walk away until every possible effort has been made to work things out but sadly that does not always work.
I would suggest making getting a divorce a little harder perhaps, I don't know, but I don't think it should be outlawed. I admire your mother and I am in no way judging your family or profess to know what you have all experienced, and I am aware that everyone is different but with all due respect there are times when staying in an abusive situation will result in damage especially to the children.
There is no point staying together in a loveless situation it will not do children any good to see parents who no longer care for each other living together and life is precious why endure unhappiness? 
@ericluckychan (50)
• China
14 Apr 09
divorce is something created in modern age,it is a signal of civilization evolution, it is a respect of human freedom ,
so i don't think divorce should be banned,but before getting divorced
it is necessary for couples to go through a counseling procedure, also an assessment mechanism should be in place to judge or minimize any negative impart of this separation
@cindyhxf (1446)
• China
14 Apr 09
you never got married,maybe you thought marriage is nice thing.yes,marriage is nice itself.two different persons get married and live and eat and sleep and do many things together.they have to face many reality in marriage life.also,they should learn to bear each other and try to accept differenty each other.but we are human ,it is not easy for all people could really understand or bear others 's wrong thing in life.that is why they want to find another way for life.that is why they divorced.but for kids.they couldn't do anything in parents 's marriage.it is parents 's choice if they decide to make divorce.
@cbhomework (545)
• Malta
14 Apr 09
Come to my country... we don't have divorce. We have separation but no legal divorce... that doesnt mean that marriages don't finish or that families don't break up. At least with divorce, you can remarry legally, with our system, you cannot marry again and try to be happy if something went wrong in the first place.
I agree with you that many people decide to finish their relationship for selfish reasons, but then again not everybody is sooo selfish. I believe in promises a lot but I don't totally agree with you -- suffering physical and constant verbal abuse for the sake of a vow doesn't mean it is not creating harm in the family. I would not blame someone for moving away when the kids are physically abused.
@anish_augustin (1)
• India
14 Apr 09
Jellymonty,
I really respect your opinion but this is not the solution to any problem.
Do you think banning divorce will help people to live happily, but i rather feel that a good councelling or rather good understanding of eachother will make a lot of difference.
I personally feel that everybody who is planning to get married should go thro a phase called 'planning-to-get-married', this period should prolong atleast for 6 to 12 months before marriage, wherein both of them will understand the strengths and weaknesses of eachother... this will help them to understand eachother better and probably after an year if they think they can live their life happily forever, they shall get married.
I'm following this method and so far everything looks perfect!!!
Cheers,
Anish Augustin
