How Important Is It...
By twoey68
@twoey68 (13627)
United States
April 15, 2009 8:02am CST
Now I’m sure that a certain MyLot member will recognize this discussion so I’m going to be very careful how I word it.
Let’s say you were getting married and your parent (s) were pretty much housebound due to age and illness…they get out but only a couple of times a year to a doctor and then it’s a huge undertaking. You really want them to travel 30 miles to where you live and attend your wedding. Would you insist they come or would you try to work it out to maybe visit them the day before or the day after since you know the traveling and everything would be really hard on them?
Also if you were getting married and really wanted your parent to walk you down the aisle, but they are sick (sick enough to have to lie down before the wedding) would you still insist they attend or would you ask someone else to step in for them?
In the first case, if it’s too hard for my parents to make the trip I’d simply go ahead with the wedding, move it closer to them or simply get together the day before or the day after. I wouldn’t insist on it b/c then while I might be happy that their there, they wouldn’t be enjoying themselves. As to the second part, if my parents were too sick to attend, I’d either let someone stand in, postpone the wedding or let my other parent do it if they could. I know if I’m sick the last thing I feel like doing is getting dressed up and going to a formal function.
What would you do in either one or both?
[b]**AT PEACE WITHIN**
~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~[/b]
17 people like this
58 responses
@funnysis (2619)
• United States
16 Apr 09
I had a friend who wanted to get married and have her dad walk her down the aisle but her dad had cancer and was to weak to do that so my friend just had a small cermony right there at the house where her dad could be there to see her get married and decided she could have a bigger wedding later on as her dad was dying.I think it is wrong to push people into doing things they just cannot do,you apparantly have not taken there feelings into concideration to insist that they attend a formal function when they are ill.Have a great day.2 people like this
@nanajanet (4436)
• United States
16 Apr 09
If my parent were that ill, I would ask if they want to do it and if they said yes, I would try to have the wedding close to them, or to bring them in, if at all possible, and arrange for them to be able to lie down before and after. But I would not do it if it would be too much of a problem for them. If they could not walk, a wheelchair down the aisle makes more sense, unless that is already the case.
If they could not, then I would ask them if they had a suggestion for whom they would like to see stand in for them. I would leave it up to them. Most would be honest and say if they could do it or not. I would let it be 100% their choice.
2 people like this
@wahmbrenda (141)
• United States
18 Apr 09
I would do everything within my power to make sure that they were there, even if that means having a really small wedding in their backyard. I would also make sure that they had a wheelchair and someone strong and healthy enough to push it down the aisle for them. Once I got down the aisle I'd make sure that there was a live streaming camera available so that if they needed to go back inside of the house and lay down they could still feel as though they were right there with me. After all that my parents have done for me, I feel that this is the least that I could do for them.
1 person likes this
@Little_Stormy (6883)
• United States
15 Apr 09
If it were that important to me I would make arrangements to have my wedding as close to them as possible, seeing how traveling is especially hard for them. maybe having the wedding practice at their home would still include them without any effort on their part.
1 person likes this
@berp99 (25)
• Philippines
16 Apr 09
i agree with you, its case to case basis, hopefully that the couples should understand the situation if parents cannot join the special occasion for many reasons like illness. or on your part you can make an adjustment, if you want them to be a part of your wedding, having a wedding practice at your home though your parent cannot walk but their presence still there.
@humairaabed (82)
• India
18 Apr 09
Well...
If it is important to me to have my parents with me then I wud discuss it with them in advance and make all possible arrangements for them to be there with me widout much trouble to them and wud even make sure they are enjoying themselves (on D-day).
And if my parents are too sick to attend my wedding...then its simple...I postpone my the dates!!!
@Lindalinda (4111)
• Canada
17 Apr 09
In the first scenario I would try and have the wedding as close as possible to their location. I would also ask them if they could attend if wheelchairs or special wheel transport or a limo would be of help. If they did not think they could do this, I would plan the wedding so that there would be time in between the ceremony and reception to visit them. I would also have a video done and send two plates of the wedding meal over to their house. My niece did this when she got married and her 94 year old greatgrandma could not attend because she was totally housebound.
In the second instant I would either postpone the wedding until one of them or both of them would be well enough to walk or wheel up the isle. If that was not possible I would re-design the ceremony so I could meet the groom by myself or walk up the isle with the groom. Unconventional? yes but I did that already in the 60ties.
1 person likes this
@reinydawn (11643)
• United States
17 Apr 09
That would be very hard to decide. I would want my parents there, but would not be able to insist that they risk their health to do so. There are a couple ways that they can still participate though. The easiest and cheapest would be to video the wedding and reception, then visit the parents and watch it with them. Another option would be to set up a live feed into their living room. I don't know what's involved with that - or the cost... But that would make them feel as if they are participating and they would actually be watching it live.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
15 Apr 09
I wouldn't insist in either situation but I would offer to do whatever it takes (send a limo, have the wedding closer to their place, etc.) if it would make it possible for them to attend.
@tamarafireheart (15384)
•
15 Apr 09
Hi twoey68,
I would postpone the wedding but if I know my parents well they wouldn't want me to do that so I get someone to give me away and after the wedding I would go to see them and maybe have a little reception there of our own.
Tamara
1 person likes this
@savypat (20216)
• United States
15 Apr 09
How could you want to do anything that made someone sick or even uncomfortable.
A wedding should be a happy occasion and If I couldn't arrange to make them comfortable I would ask them what they would like me to do to make it easy. Of course you want to include them in your happy day but health limitations rule
the day for them.
@nadooa247 (1096)
• United States
17 Apr 09
one could always arrange travel arrangements a week or two before the wedding so that they wouldn't be exhausted by the time of the big day. Another thing is instead of walking you down the isle that parents could be already at the alter seated and just stand up and do what they do ;) there are alternatives if you want your ill parent(s) to be part of the wedding just need to give it a bit of thought.
1 person likes this
@dlr297 (5409)
• United States
15 Apr 09
I was 17 the first time i got married, and both parents were their.
I got married a second time when i was 49...My father has passed away so he could not be their...I decided to walk down the isle by my self, and i felt the presence of my father beside me....I knew that he was happy and that he was with me. As for my mother she could not make the trip because she was not feeling well. but she still gave me away, and she was their in spirit. What we did was we had a telephone right their so she could hear everything, and at the part when the preacher asked who gives this woman my mother answered over the phone....We also had the whole thing video taped so that later she could watch it.
Just because your parents can not attend your special day in person, does not mean that they can not be made apart of what is going on.
1 person likes this
@KrauseHome (36448)
• United States
6 May 09
Well, personally if it was me, I would discuss it with my parents, and see what they really think, and what they would want me to do, and then if they really express a desire of wanting to be there at the Wedding, then I would probably figure out a way to safely get them there to the Wedding, or move it closer to them. If at the same time one is too sick to Marry me off, etc. I would decide with their best interest what they would want me to do from there as well.
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
4 May 09
This is a Huge What if. first , I never will marry. Second my mom hated weddings so she would have wanted me to elope. but let's say both of my parents are alive , and I want to marry and I am marrying a guy I love. If all these were true, I would move my wedding to their house or their hospital room.I would want them their so I wold have a ssmall wedding with my parents And a big wedding with his parents , 30 miles away. That way both families get to celebrate the wedding.
@ldybgsgma99 (798)
• United States
5 May 09
I would do whatever I had to for my parents to be there. If it meant moving the wedding to their living room. If nothing else, maybe a person could run a live feed and have the wedding broadcast live for the parents. There are many different ways that the parents could be included. Where there is a will, there is a way.
@scarlet_woman (23463)
• United States
15 Apr 09
i would ask them their opinion.
if they really,really want to go,i'd try to move it closer to them.
but i would tell them point blank if it's too hard,don't do it.and maybe pick a stand in of another relative.
maybe a webcam for them so they can still "be there" without being there?
@mtdewgurl74 (18151)
• United States
15 Apr 09
No parent wants to put their child through any trouble on their wedding day and so they probably would say no just to make that one less problem to deal with but inside they are wanting to be there so bad...Webcam is a good idea but still not the same..there are ways to work it out if they just try instead of giving in the first time, In my own opinion anyhow.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
15 Apr 09
Hmm.... I am thinking that I could more easily handle getting married without my parents being right there so if they were that sickly, I would never insist on them being there. I also know that my parents would have been devastated if they could not witness my wedding. I would arrange to have a private ceremony in the privacy of their home and focus on the reception as a way to celebrate with friends and the rest of the family.
@enola1692 (3323)
• United States
15 Apr 09
I couldn't of put it any better you hit it right on the nail
1 person likes this
@Barb42 (4214)
• United States
15 Apr 09
It's most important just to have a good relationship with your parents. My husband and I left our parents behind at home the morning we went to get married.We packed up my things in his car and went to the Court House and got married. I'd have wanted my parents there had we had a big wedding. But, if your parents are sick, or elderly and unable to travel much, I would not insist that they come. Visit with them before or afterwards as you said. NO big deal! Your marriage will last OR fail without your parents being at your wedding. Mine has lasted almost 45 years and nobody was there but the judge and his secretary.
1 person likes this
