i just can't take it no more
By tgrider1121
@tgrider1121 (56)
United States
April 16, 2009 7:45am CST
I just don't know what to do. Sometimes I feel good, but for the most part I am never happy. I have 2 kids that I love but I yell and scream all the time. Sometimes tho I can be really happy and play w/ them. But like now. I just want everyone to leave me alone. I am so tired of having to take them places, feed them, I have to get up like 6 times a night w/ my 8 month old. And to top it off, I just moved to PA w/ my bf. We are staying w/ his grandma right now and I have to wait hand and foot on her. I make her breakfast, make coffee all day long for her, make her lunch and dinner. Give her her meds, then be there to talk to her so shes not lonely. Also she has some doc appts to go to that for some reason she wants ME and her husband to go to. Everyday of the appt she decides she doesn't feel like going, I've been rescheduling this appt for a month now. This mornign I got up at 5:30 got me and the 2 kids ready get ready to go and she doesn't want to go cuz its to early. SHE KNEW WHAT TIME WE HAD TO GO. WHY DIDN'T SHE TELL ME EARLIER. I don't know. But i just have sit here and act like it doesn't bother me. When for I just want to tell her to leave me alone.
Also, I hate myself. I can't stand who I am. I can't stand feeling the way I feel. I just want to cry all the time, but I can't. I cut myself to make myself feel better, but my bf says if I do it again he will leave me. I don't know how to get this pain out any other way. I just want to feel better. I don't know what to do. I can't stand this anymore. I'm sorry I just needed somewhere to get this out.
5 responses
@Little_Stormy (6883)
• United States
20 Apr 09
Depression is bad enough, but when you are trapped in a place that doesn't help the situation.. it can only get worse.. it sounds like you are plain tired on top of everything else...
I try so hard not to tell someone that I know how they feel because sometimes that can sound so demeaning.. but honestly, I do know how you feel.
You need to talk to someone.. do you have a close friend or perhaps a minister that you can confide in? writing it all out here is good, but you really need someone close to you that is understanding right now.. not a bunch of strangers.
Don't give up.. this will pass.. you HAVE to believe that!
@sures77 (44)
• India
19 Apr 09
DEAR FREIND
i am realy sorry at reading your mail. it seems you dont like your grandma. are you working? may be you can hire some help or share some responsibility with your husband? or reschedule your timings?
As such serving your parents/ grand parent pays a lot in future as good deeds alway pay.
May be i can help more if i get to know more in this case. I have a lot of interest & puruse it as an hobby in the orintal sceinces. They are a real help to mankind to live better , think better
suresh
@pal7604 (98)
• Sweden
17 Apr 09
Hi,
May I ask how old you are? I also suffering from depression because of my pain after a car accident. May I suggest that you see a doctor or a therapist to help you go through your depression. Don't worry about the screaming at your children. But it will help you a lot if you don't scream at them, so that you will not feel the guilt afterwards. People go through different stages in life and your kids will grow soon, by the time you know it they are grown. Do you know the reason why you are getting depress? Try to find out exactly what it is that makes you angry, anxious and irritated. Do you feel any pains in your body? Enough sleep is very important. Do you have any family or close friends to talk to? It's good that you are airing your thoughts and feelings through this website. You are not alone who has depression. Take care and don't forget that God loves you so much. Keep in touch and take care. Big hug!
@Ozarkgirl (774)
• United States
16 Apr 09
First of all I want to say "You are not alone honey", I have been there and I felt like for years. I yelled at my kids one moment and then the next I want to love on them or play with them. I have Bi-Polar and I got on the right meds and my life changed and my energy changed, and so did my mood.
Now for the grandparents, if they have medicare, there is tranportation available for them that is paid for by medicare. Also you can contact the local Department of Health and talk to them about everything available for them, such as home health coming in and taking care of them, because legally you are not certified to be giving anyone medication except for your children. If something was to happen to her they could blame you even though you did nothing.
As for her appointments and her not keeping them is a sign that she is either scared of what they have to say, or she is suffering from depression herself and not want to go anywhere and you need to tell the Department of Health about this.
This is not putting them her in a nursing home at all and they cannot unless she wants too, this is just getting outside help for something that is not your responsiblity. If you want to know if I have the right qualifications to tell you this the answer is yes, I am a law school graduated, and before that I worked in Home Health Care.
Hope this helps you and just remember you are not alone.
