Why can people just say what they really mean?

I think that if you are really and truly friends then you should feel able to confront him about his behaviour. It seems to me that he is being less than honest with both you and himself - not to mention the people that he is telling his stories to. I have heard it said that if they are talking about you, even if it's rubbish then that's a lot better than not being talked about. I'm afraid that unless you are someone that courts publicity then I just don't agree! You aren't missing anything - he is!

Well its just going pretty much the same with me here. People say what they don't want to and the other way round, I've been into much trouble lately with break ups and friends going apart. I really think it is just the way it is, there's not much we can do about it.

Try talking to your friend. If he can't be bothered, back away, turn away and never look back - UNLESS - he comes to you. Then be the bigger person who's willing to be open and talk.

Welcome to MyLot. Sometimes we get into moods that make us act distant with out friends... or we get ill. But other times it's just time for a friendship to end. I don't think it's fair to anyone to just dance around the subject. "Come out with it or get over it." My guess (and that's all it is) would be that they know they lied and are feeling guilty about it. I think the next move would be up to you. Either allow for their mess up and move on, let things ride and see where it goes, or try to talk it out saying that it needs to be dealt with. Good luck with what I know is a hard situation.

why not try to tell those people who beat around the bush to tell it to you straight? unliking a person reflects on our face, our actions, our tone of voice. that maybe the reason why people are ever the more careful in dealing with you because they know there's something about them you don't like but they're not aware that they're well meaning respect is not being "effective" on you. some people are tough and have a very keen sense of who they are and are not easily affected like you. and i can say even me. however, if we are who we are some people are also who they are. they are different from us.

Honesty is the best policy but honesty hurt too. Sometimes to avoid hurt the others' feeling, we choose not to tell the truth. Sometimes lying can help a lot as well. In your case, if you want to hear the real truth, talk face to face about it directly to him. Force him to speak no matter what. He can change the subject but you must try harder to make him speak.

You asked "Why can people just say what they really mean?". My answer : Why not? True friends do not lie. They speak the truth even though the truth hurts. Yes, there are some who tell white lies to preserve relationships but I am of the opinion that white lies can lead to bigger lies and bigger lies lead to more bigger lies. In the end, there is no more sincerity. I am one who speaks my mind and by the same token, I would prefer my friends to be out front. It is a fact that many cannot accept the truth.

[i]Hello faeryoftheshire1, It is really hard to tell the truth always. I am also guilty of not telling the truth and sometime lies about certain situation. I will be a saint if I can stick to telling the truth always. It is better to confront him and tell him what you really mean. This will stop the pretending he is doing. It might even make your friendship stronger. Regards.[/i]

Hi faery, A true friend wouldn't treat you like that, you should be able to trust each other and be there for each other but I don't think this person is so I think you are better of without this person them and move on. Love and hugs. Tamara xxxx

Sometimes,truth hurts.But I'd rather be hurt at first than be fooled all the time.I honor honesty,too.But I dont always speak too frank to those who are not my friends.I hate people lying to me but I dont like people speak too directly as well.That looks rude.

I think some people fear telling the truth because of what might happen if they do. I think you should tell your "friend" that it's cowardly to not be up front with you regarding your relationship with each other. If he says there's no problem, let him know that you both know he's lying, so he might as well tell you the truth. The truth can't be any worse than (not then) what's happening with your relationship now.

I think this guy must be feeling very guilty. He may not think that words will get round to you so fast. I think this kind of person is really a coward, dare not speak in front of you, but want to spread rumors behind your back. Is his comment going to hurt your boss's evaluation of your work. If it is, tell your boss and says that you want to arrange a meeting to clarify matters. Don't let this guy stabs you for nothing. If it's just a personal comment on food or dressing, then forget about it.

well,in that situation I have to talk with him so the issue would be clear.I am an honest person and if one of my friends betrayed me or whatever I feel not comfortable of what I heard and not trying to be honest with me well,ignore him and forget him.This is what I am and I don't care whatever they say about me as long as I know I am right and having no regrets of whatever decisions I made.

Hello Faeryoftheshire1, Yes, honesty is a very tough thing that causes many people to lie (as unusual as that sounds) if they are caught in the spotlight. Not many people can come around to tell the truth, and may find it easier or more painless if they lie. The only problem is dealing with personal morals, ethics, and individual remorse. If you lie to your wife, saying you were going out to eat lunch with a colleague and really sneak off to your "girlfriend's" apartment, you're infringing upon the ethic of honesty. But what is honesty without a personal code? A useless 7 letter word with no effect at all. But as for your concern, if you have caught him lying, it all depends on how good a "friend" he has been to you. If he is now blowing you off (are you, by the way, dating this person?), then if you are dating him, he's probably seeing someone else, or considering doing so. Either way, he's lost interest, which shame on him because you seem like a great gal. You COULD confront him about it, very directly, I suppose. Just tell him EXACTLY what's going on, straight to his face. He'll probably get awkward, and again, try to blow you off. But keep eye contact with him, and don't let him leave. Force him to answer, and then you'll know. What you'll "know" is whether he was lying or not, whether he's interested, and essentially whether he's full of hot air or a genuine guy. OR you could play along, which I wouldn't advise. There's nothing worse than being a part of a fake life, where your "friend" is nothing but a false flag and empty face. Then, of course, when the truth comes out, you feel like an idiot for not finding it earlier. Either way, stay strong, no matter how hard it can be. As big a cliche as this is, it's accurate: Listen to yourself, and your personal experiences. You know what kind of friend he is and is not, what kind of friend he can be and cannot be. It's all up to you at the end of the day. My best wishes; I hope things work out for you and your friend. Regards, -Fresh Writing

some people are just too happy to be with some one that they don't like just for the sake of power,contact and their usefulness to them. that is the world that i have come to know after all what have id been through.some people lie because they're afraid that the truth would hurt their friends and would changed the way they think about them.

Most women I know have been raised to be nonconfrontational. We have been taught to consider others feelings before our own, and because of this may have a problem broaching a subject for fear that someone's feelings may be hurt. While I am sensitive, and do not deal well with criticism, I do appreciate constructive criticism. Why is it that so few know how to provide that? I hate being lied to and will shun those I have caught in lies. While I trust people initially, once that trust has been betrayed it is hard to earn back, so I can relate to what you are saying about someone pretending to be a friend. Why? Just be for real because what are you solving with the pretense? They have a saying about keeping your enemies close to you because you cannot trust them, but I prefer to keep company with those I CAN trust.

Love or disassociation! If they are like that, drop them like a bad habit, because they're attitude will depress you. They obviously have no respect for you if they can't confront you straight up, especially when you bring it up. I know some people are afraid of being rejected or hurting feelings, they were raised that way. But me I am like you, honest to the point of brutality. Tell it how it is!

Well you do have a point there...But i guess sometimes being upfront takes a whole lot of courage and some people just don't have it in them to be that person who could confront people or take criticisms in a cool manner. Maybe they just felt like ignorance was always the best option..Well personally for me, i do gree with what you've said in which i'd be able to accept it (i think) but the circumstances in which my friendships were built from doesn't really 'accept' upfront confrotations, much less giving one. It's either it would totally destroy what was ever there in the first place or they were afraid that the relationship will not recover to what it was. And as mch as i want to believe that if real friends were ever real they'd understand, i also understand that some people regardless of whether they're friends just doesn't take these kinda things too well. ^_^

I m also a honest person but sometimes situation occurs that we have say lie to other just not to hurt them .... Imyself said lies just because that someone feelings get hurted by my truth so many people say lie for the others benifit

to get honesty, is not a easy task. it's normal if we being honest and sincere to someone, but that person doesn't give any good feedback. Me also feel the same way..sometime i thought that maybe i made some mistake. or maybe i was too sincere. and make people make fool of me easily cos i really put fully trust on someone. It's sad. feel so bad..for you, i really understand how your feeling...one thing we must remember, only one that really honest to us right now. the one who create us. GOD. be honest with Him, never be cheated.no lies from Him, for sure.