blah,blah,blah
By mummyofthree
@mummyofthree (2715)
April 30, 2009 2:00pm CST
I think I've gone and done it again! Made a decision that isn't going to have a very good ending.
I have a decision to make.... But I shall start at the begining...
I have suffered with depression and anxiety since childhood. I have had a few major blips but have always refused permanent medication until about six months ago when an incident scared me to death and I pretty much begged the doctor to put me on strong long term meds.
Things slowly picked up and I felt alot better, however physically I haven't been right. The last three months I have had constant spotting, dizzy spells daily, no appetite. Although no one else agreed I was convinced it was my pills. So I made the decision to stop taking them and see if I was right. And guess what, within five days of stopping, the bleeding and dizzyness have completely stopped and my appetitite has returned.
I've noticed other things returning that I didn't even realised were missing... My libido has returned, I hadn't even noticed it had gone anywere! It feels like a veil has been lifted, the world looks brighter and clearer, even food tastes better. I know that sounds mad, but it's like someone took away a chunk of my life and I never even noticed it had gone until it reappeared.
Unfortunately, mentally, I'm not too great. The anxiety and paranoia feelings have returned. The heart palpatations are really not very pleasant! But I can't help thinking that they only feel so bad because I'm not used to it anymore. After all I've lived with it daily for my entire life and i've coped in a fashion!
So I have two choices.... go to the doctor, confess my sins, take the lecture on stopping my meds without the doctor knowing, and start on pills again.
Or I put up with it and go back to living day to day and hoping for the best. That nothing tips me over the edge that day!
So how do you choose which part of your life to lose? Your feelings and emotions or your sanity? Decisions decisions decisions!!!
Sorry for the rather long and boring post! I don't actually expect a response. I just needed to vent out my thoughts and feelings somewere no one knew who I was. So thanks for reading and heres hoping the next post you read is not as long and uninteresting as mine!!!
1 person likes this
7 responses
@wonttakelong (3555)
• United States
30 Apr 09
I pick C
go to the doctor and tell them what you were experiencing, confess that you went off the meds because of those symptoms and ask about other meds that wont cause those symptoms
there are all kinds of meds for what you deal with
sometimes it is trial and error to find the right one for you
I wont lecture you about going off meds because I have done it too
3 people like this
@wonttakelong (3555)
• United States
30 Apr 09
exactly!
most only take a few weeks to start working the way they should so you can see what side effects are long term
if the side effects are unbearable the doc can allows change the med or adjust the dosage
no one should have to choose between dealing with deppression/anxiety or dealing with funky side effects
2 people like this
@mummyofthree (2715)
•
30 Apr 09
I've tried loads of different meds in the past. But the main reason I have refused to take them is I don't have the luxury of giving them time to get in my system. I have had some nasty effects and I know that would calm down but who looks after my kids in the meantime?
I've had ones that have made me violently ill all the time. Some were I can't sleep at all, others were I can't stay awake. Some have made me really nasty and violent, some have made me cry every two seconds over nothing!
I'm a single mum and my youngest is 4! I don't really have a great support network that could look after the kids and there dad lives nearly two hours away! And as brilliant as he is he cant just ditch his job to come and babysit me and the kids!!
I don;t know if I can face yet another load of tablets and the initial settling in period... and thats without any ongoing effects they might have!!
Sorry must sound like a really whingy c*w! Don't mean to be am just at a crossroads and don't know which way to turn. I'm 32 and just feel like my entire adult life is revolving around my mental issues and I just wish it would blimin go away! lol! But that's as likely as someone giving me a million pounds!!!
1 person likes this
@rocketj1 (6955)
• United States
30 Apr 09
I have suffered from depression in the past and My doctor NEVER lectured me about anything. If she did, I would not be her patient. She believes in a patient understanding their own body. First thing I would do is find a new doctor. Find one who will work with you in finding just the right medication for YOU!!! Everyone is different and everyone reacts differently to certain meds. They should be working to adjust things! This is not BLACK AND WHITE. Adjustments are very common! Stand up for your own health and don't be bullied into doing something you are not comfortable. A good Doctor will have NO PROBLEM with that!
1 person likes this
@mummyofthree (2715)
•
1 May 09
Oh no my doctor is wonderful. I have been with her for the last 6 years. We almost have like a mother daughter relationship! She will give me the speech about why I shouldn't just stop, she wouldn't be doing her job if she didn't. She has never tryed forcing me to do anything I haven't agreed with. But she doesn't pull any punches when telling me stuff. To be honest I think that is probably what I need!
I'm just in an odd situation at the moment and probably even feeling a bit sorry for myself!
1 person likes this
@rocketj1 (6955)
• United States
1 May 09
I am so glad that you have a good doctor! I guess I read too much into your statement about her lecturing you. I am a bit sensitive when it comes to talking about medication for depression. There are so many people out there who think that all you have to do is think positively and things will be better. Or pray harder etc. Sometimes it is a chemical imbalance! These same people would not think twice about taking med. for an infection and yet they tell you to cheer up! Have you heard that before too? Very frustrating! Just keep those lines of communication open with your doctor, my friend! Don't be discouraged at all! You are doing great!
@berrys (864)
• Singapore
1 May 09
if i were you, i would go to a doctor and tell them about the symptoms i was having. my sister had also taken some anti-depression pill last time and almost had all the same symptoms as you due to the side effects of the pill. it was learn later on that she was allergic to something in the pill and she was switched to a different one after a month of detoxing. but later on in life she went through hypnosis to try to cure her depression because she was sick and tired of taking pills. so after about 2 years of hypnosis she successfully recovered and don't take the pills anymore. although she still carries the pills with her in case of a relapse she's still happier than she was before. good luck and god bless my dear. cheers love.
1 person likes this
@mummyofthree (2715)
•
1 May 09
thanks for your response. how did the hypnosis work? I've heard of this before but was rather scepticle. I would love to know a bit more if you didn't mind.
@mnk202 (338)
• United States
30 Apr 09
Hello There,
I have read your discussion and I understand where you are coming from. Honestly medication can help you but it has to be the right one to keep you going. There are many times to where the first one and the first dose is not going to help it is going to interfere. I personally have only taken a medication once when I was younger and I dont anymore.
I would say that the medication interfered other then help you this time, but I do have to say if you feel up to it and its comfortable for you to stop this medication then talk to your doctor to try another for alittle while. Sometimes depending on peoples body function and system sometimes meds cant help and sometimes the right one can help.
1 person likes this
@besthope44 (12123)
• India
8 Oct 10
Well for depression, medicines are not solution. Do Meditation, try breathing exercise, it will help you balance and handle depression.
@Springlady (3986)
• United States
30 Apr 09
I couldn't take the dizziness, that's for sure! Maybe try another kind of med? I think you should let your Dr know about stopping the medication and what happened.
I hope you feel better and stop being depressed! Try and focus on all the positive things in your life!
Take care and God bless!
