Would you feel hurt and disprected?

First, I am sorry for your loss. Losing a child is the worst pain! I feel that your husband treating you badly and walking out on you was disrespectful to you. I do not feel that wanting a tattoo of you and his baby's name is in any way disrespectful of you. Our relationships with our children and spouses are separate of one another. We're each individuals. As far as his estrangement from you and his other children, that is a hard one to figure out. We each grieve and act out in our own way, and others do get hurt in the process. Maybe not intentionally, but if he is super self-focused right now, that is all he sees...himself.

I dont say this to be rude, but I doubt it has anything to do with you - afterall you are now his ex. I do agree that it is disrespectful though. Especially to his living children. There is nothing wrong with wanting to honor a child you lost. But you would think that would make you want to spend more time with the children you still have and honor them even more! For some people, they dont come closer with the other parent after a loss like that. Sometimes it is even more painful than if they just left completely. It is always hard on the person they leave, but to leave your own children as well is something else.

I think we humans are completely illogical and sometimes we simply cannot understand another person's motives or feelings. I would accept that this is something he feels he need to do. Accept that he isn't a part of your life anymore and do your best to move on without him and no worry about the things that he chooses to do with his life or his body.

It sounds like you do have a point, he obviously isn't involved in his kids' lives. It's his decision to walk out, but that doesn't take away his responsibility to take care of his own kids and actually father them. However, I don't know if getting the tattoo would be disrespectful. That may be his way of dealing with his grief, a way of saying "I won't ever forget what happened here". I know it seems odd that he'd care so little for his kids in comparison. It sounds like you're over him, and that's probably for the best. But there always room for redemption. If he tries to be part of his kids' lives, you should try to work with him, no matter how much he hurt you. I'm very sorry about your loss, I can't begin to imagine how that must feel.

I am certainly no expert, so my comment may certainly may be ignored if you feel it is inappropriate. From what little I have read about this situation, it sounds like your husband plunged into a very deep depression, and may have benefitted from medical intervention. THis is not to minimize your pain. I can't even imagine the suffering you are going through. It is sad enough to lose your little one, but then to be torn apart so bitterly from the one who should be your support. Have you sought medical help, or at least grief counselling? I am concerned also for your older children. They must also be deeply grieved, even if they don't totally understand what is going on. They would understand that you and daddy are unhappy. Maybe your husband is scared of losing his other kids as well. Maybe he blames himself for the loss and figures his kids are better off without him. People think strange things when they are depressed and grieving. I know depression can take on different faces. I know a man who you would never think was depressed. It came out in arrogance and bravado. He was deliberately pushing his loved ones away. I don't fully understand the rationale. As a woman, my first instinct is to draw close, hug and hold loved ones in a crisis. I don't think it is the same for men. Forgive the generality. I'm certain there are men that don't feel that way. I think upbringing and cultural attitudes may have a factor. Maybe a gentlman can give more insight on this, as I'm only basing my comments on my own observations. Again, my deepest condolences to you and your family. May you all find healing and peace.

I feel that you are right! He should not get her name tattooed on his body! He could at least pick up the phone and call you and the kids! I think he is acting like a baby oh wait my 3 year old has more respect and better manners then him. Take Care

I have to say yes it is a form of disrespect because he can't show any love to his living children. That's like a huge slap in their faces for him to be so attached to the one and not the others. To me, it sounds like he's looking for attention and getting a tattoo is a way of getting attention because people will ask who's Rochelle and he'll have their full attention when he explains but then again, maybe it'll show what a dirty bag he really is once they find out he has other children that he has nothing to do with. Now there's nothing you can do about it though, because it's his body and he can put on it anything he so wishes but it is very disrespectful of him to do if he does it.

blueangelrs my thoughts on this are that he could be'doing this to spite you. His actions towards you And his children dont'show'any real love or compassion so I think itsthe most terrible thing'he cando as he probAbly feels it would mAke you angry.dont let him get to'you as that is just what it seems to me he wants,to see you all'angry and horribly upset. As there is no way that you can stop him from being so'disrespectful and just plAin mean, I would notlet it get to me'at all.I would consider the source and know he is a crude,rude piece of'you know what and not worthy of your losing any sleep over whatever'he does as long as he doesnt attempt to bother you physically or mentally.no strikethat,nothing you can do about his mental meanness except not give him the satisfaction of knowing you are hurt or angry.

it is so shame! i feel so sad !sorry about that !anyway you will be better!

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. my only advice is to completly foget about him and try to focus all of you attention on your kids. I cant belive somebody could do that coping mechinism or not its just wrong. not only did your kids lose a sibling they also have to deal with the loss of a father. You seem like a really great mom I wish you all the best.