If A Friend Is Being Attacked Do You Help Or Stay Out Of It?
By pyewacket
@pyewacket (43903)
United States
May 11, 2009 10:35pm CST
I'm not very active tonight, since I'm dealing with a real beech case of carpal tunnel and trying not to type too much, but I just had to get on a soapbox about something.
As many may have realized, we here at MyLot are a great community. We establish friendships that are sometimes "tighter" than even in our "real" lives. One thing many of us here WON'T tolerate is when one of our friends is being attacked...either due to a discussion they have started, false accusations, or just plain outright bullying. Many of us will then rally around the friend and support them by speaking out our opinions/comments against the offending person. Is this wrong?
I myself have been subject to attacks (not recently thank goodness), but when someone had come to one of my discussions some years ago, out of the blue a member attacked me and called me names. My friends "helped" me out and ironically then they were attacked by the offender as well. Since the person was so obnoxious, flaming and derogatory to all involved, that person was eventually banned.
In recent days, it has come to my attention that several, not just one, but several of my friends have been under attack, and yes, not only I but many of us came to these friends' aid. You might say friends here at MyLot are VERY PROTECTIVE of each other...we don't take crap and we will rally around and support each other. Offensive, abusive, accusing, childlike behavior will NOT, repeat will NOT be tolerated.
Anyway, if one of your friends, whether here or in your real life circumstance is being unjustly attacked by bullying behavior, do you come to their aid or do you stay out of it? I for one....come to my friend's aid.
Off my soapbox
(Crap now I have to soak my hand---LOL)
14 people like this
46 responses
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
12 May 09
Someone reported and got deleted Antiquelady's discussion about the fun she had with her grandson called "lady bugs." NOW THAT MAKES ME MAD! So hell yeah, I'll go after the people that go after my friends. Antiquelady writes in caps because she has bad eyesight. MOST people know that. But the new mylot troll is now attacking my friends out of pure malice and a lot of IGNORANCE and hurting innocent people.
Hells bells, it's a good thing my internet connection is acting up tonight and I can't stay on line long or I'd be breathing fire and insanity all over this person the like of which the lot hasn't seen in a long time!!!!!!!
So troll, you better hope I'm calmed down by morning or your life is about to get VERY VERY uncomfortable!
Night Pye, and thanks for giving a place to vent...........
4 people like this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
12 May 09
Hell Ruth, introduce to US and he'd be just fine. I've emailed admin about Lady and I hope the next report they get about her caps doesn't result in a deletion! SOME people just need a life, you know? This spark is about ready to flame out, so I'd better go to bed! LOL Night.
4 people like this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
12 May 09
That's true wtl, but if her computer is anything like mine, the change doesn't stick and you have to reset every time you open your computer or come back from certain sites. It's a real pain to maintain. At her age, I really don't blame her for just leaving the caps on and going from there.
2 people like this
@wonttakelong (3555)
• United States
12 May 09
she can change the font size on her computer settings
she does NOT have to type in all caps just so she can see it
just saying...
4 people like this
@Little_Stormy (6883)
• United States
12 May 09
OHHHHH HECK YEAH! no one messes with my friends! And it's awesome knowing that you are so loved that they would come to your defense .. recently I had a run in with a troll with the IQ of beans... accused me of something without even checking.. simply because she didn't think anyone here could possibly write something for themselves.. (they say that a plagiarist will always accuse others of what they are guilty of.. hmmmmm ) anyway..... I had so many friends come out to help me.. of course the troll ended up looking dumber than they ever could before.. when faced with giving proof.. I love my friend!!!!!
by the way...... did I ever tell YOU how awesome I think you are?? huh??
3 people like this
@KrazyKlingon (5005)
• United States
12 May 09
Uh - that part of your discussion got cleaned right in front of me practically. I'm surprised no one pointed a finger at me & said "He did it! He cleaned up!"
Uh - Widdle Tormy & Miss Hyde? Too bad that line had to go too.
3 people like this
@Little_Stormy (6883)
• United States
12 May 09
YOU DID IT!!!!! *points at KK*
lol!
Actually, I was amazed that my whole post didn't get washed away.. I really appreciate that someone seen fit to let it remain after all the bad stuff was erased..
*wittle tormy luvs ya KK!*
3 people like this
@KrazyKlingon (5005)
• United States
12 May 09
Hmmmm - there's one finger pointing at me, but three of them pointing at you. 
(Try pointing at something & look at your hand to know what I mean.)
I'm thinking kisses where ever you want 'em, but that'll probably get the tag of mature content added. 
(Try pointing at something & look at your hand to know what I mean.)
I'm thinking kisses where ever you want 'em, but that'll probably get the tag of mature content added. 3 people like this
@KrazyKlingon (5005)
• United States
12 May 09
Quite often, with my oddball hours, I find that either everything already settled, & all that needs doing is for MyLot staff to clean up. Also, those friends I try to come to rescue quite often seem to usually have everything under control.
Quite often, when I do get a word in, p0robably because of the way I tell people to behave themselves, it seems that they get the impression that I'm one of "those" clowns associated with the grim deleter. (Plooker probably thinks that I may have been the one who killed his profile, but it wasn't me.)
3 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
18 May 09
No--whats his face, my personal stalker who reincarnated several times just to haunt me and got ditched each time probably blames me...but many of my friends defended me every time he had biting remarks and lies about me---mmmm...wonder if he'll show up again? How much you want to bet?
@whiteheather39 (24403)
• United States
12 May 09
If I feel that someone has been attacked by unnecessary remarks I will most definitely defend them. I have been very thankful quite a few times that my friends had my back and defended me.
3 people like this
@whiteheather39 (24403)
• United States
12 May 09
You have already proven that my dear friend and I would do the same for you!
2 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
18 May 09
I've been very grateful to my friends here whenever I've been attacked, and I pay it forward by defending my friends as well when they are being attacked
@AngryKittyMSV (4317)
• United States
12 May 09
I'll happily go to hell and back to defend you, whiteheather, ANYTIME!
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (168269)
• Boise, Idaho
12 May 09
You help. Those who attack shouldn't be on Mylot. This kind of behaviour is both troublesome and immature. It needs to stop. I can't believe how people's kids get away with this sort of thing. Mylotters are a tight group and I firmly believe that people who just don't get it need to find another site where this type of behaviour is okay. Epson salts is great for that.
3 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
18 May 09
I could see if this child-like behavior exists for a much younger person, but not in a grown adult. Seems a lot of offensive people here need to grow up more
1 person likes this
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
12 May 09
I experienced it twice in two days. Last Friday I responded to one of my friend's discussion only to discover a nasty scathing comment from another user; others had already jumped in to her defence and I couldn't help jumping in too! The very next day the obnoxious user was at it again attempting to hurt another friend of mine and again I didn't hesitate to defend my friend.
It's funny, you know; I kind of surprised myself with my reaction during both instances, because I am usually a very cautious person who doesn't like confrontation. It's an instinctive protective reaction “hurt someone I like and you hurt me". You are right; nasty hurtful behaviour will not be tolerated dish it out and you will be dealt with!
I stood up for my friends and I would do it again in a heart beat online or offline!
3 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
18 May 09
As you know I had emailed you about one of our mutual friends being attacked here and I reported the very offensive name-calling the person did to our friend...guess what all the nasty abusive tirades the person did have been deleted...great news right?
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
18 May 09
That is good to know! I reported them also; they were insulting and abusive comments and not needed here!
@Aurone (4755)
• United States
12 May 09
I am like a lioness with her cubs when it comes to my family or friends. I may give them a hard time, teas or terrorize them within an inch of their lives myself but just let someone else attack them and I will be at their throats. I don't tolerate people harassing my family or friends and I can get very ferocious about it.
2 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
12 May 09
People have to watch out with us kitties huh? My claws come out as well
@ElicBxn (63643)
• United States
12 May 09
I do try what I can to help, but then again, I've even stepped into fights between strangers - and inform the bully that if they hit me, I will send them to jail. Gee, bullies don't like people that threaten back.
Granted, its harder here where you don't know who it is that is doing the bulling, since they can hide behind screens of reporting with out being tagged. Nasty, wish there was a way to prove who these cowards are - after all, all bullies are, at heart, cowards.
2 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
12 May 09
One of the problems too, is that behind the computer screen people can hide who they really are...usually sniveling cowards, but get brazen on-line. With me, what you see is what you get...off-line or on-line
2 people like this
@Loverbear (4918)
• United States
12 May 09
By now you know me, I wouldn't hesitate to wade right in! I hate people being attacked for ANY reason. There is no point to people being obnoxious and just plain nasty to another person. I went through enough of it in my own life, I have gotten past it and am now living a peaceful life without all the nastiness of my youth. I never cease to wonder what gives another person the right to be so horrible to others.
By the way Pyewacket, have you tried the hand eze glove? If not, I will look through my crafting supplies...I think I still have one. It might help some with the carpal tunnel.
I'll pm you in a few, if this stinking computer will stay on line!. I have been fighting it all day with the thing being on line for five to 30 minutes and then disconnecting. Fortunately I get my new laptop on Wednesday!
. I have been fighting it all day with the thing being on line for five to 30 minutes and then disconnecting. Fortunately I get my new laptop on Wednesday! 2 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
18 May 09
Yes I can never understand what gives the right to people to be nasty either---especially on-line unless it's because they are hiding behind their computers
My carpal tunnel is still acting up--not quite as bad but maybe in a day or so more should be better---nope never even heard of that glove--I'm using a compress type thing with ointment and have my hand/wrist wrapped up like a mummy's hand---LOL
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
12 May 09
I'm a pretty laid back person as a rule but nothing gets my feathers ruffled quicker than seeing someone unfairly attack one of my kids or friends...here or in real life. Once someone starts name-calling or making cruel,personal remarks that have nothing to do with the initial argument then I have a hard time holding back. I try to be fair with both sides and I don't automatically side with my "friend". But once someone starts name-calling and all....doesn't matter what the argument was about. I actually feel bad for the one that lowers themselves to that level. I've gotten into some heated arguments and said things that I wish I hadn't. It happens. If I feel myself getting worked up, I've learned to move away from the computer for a bit. yes,I do defend my friends and especially if I can clearly see they are being wronged. Just the other day, I went thru this. I had to keep signing off.
2 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
18 May 09
LOL--so you're another one who has to move away from the computer when you see flaming. abusive words said to you or one of your friends---I have to do that too--if I didn't I probably wind up throwing my computer out the window!
1 person likes this
@jerzgirl (9327)
• United States
12 May 09
When I have been asked to assist in a defense, I always go to look at the situation myself to make sure I agree with the assessment. Sometimes, the situation definitely calls for a frontal offense as well as a behind the scenes report. Other times, all I do is submit a report on the person. But, there have been a few times where, even though I wanted to help, I just didn't see the same thing they were seeing; so I stayed out of it. I'll never tell which or who because I want my myLot friends to know I support them as much as possible and don't ever want them thinking I won't. But, as with anything, there are always two sides to an issue, just as there are differing perceptions. It doesn't mean the person is no longer a friend - just that in that situation, they don't see eye to eye. People won't always agree with me and I won't always agree with others.
2 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
12 May 09
Yes there are usually two sides of the issue, but like in my own case when I was "attacked" by someone, this person wasn't even on my friend's list but came out of nowhere and attacked me and didn't care for the person calling me lazy, stupid and a failure...THAT was really uncalled for..but then of course a true friend here wouldn't call me that anyway
2 people like this
@jerzgirl (9327)
• United States
12 May 09
There are situations like that one where what's happening can't be misinterpreted. There are others that aren't. There have been a few times where I could see that so many people were responding to the offense, I stayed out and only reported the person. I remember that doof. He was pretty uniform in his offenses almost everywhere.
2 people like this
@sulynsi (2671)
• Canada
12 May 09
Yes, pyewacket, I agree.
It is one thing to have a heated debate about a topic one feels strongly about, it is quite another to offer no value to a conversation and just come in and say that someone or their idea is "stupid" or whatever unpleasant adjective comes to mind.
I have felt strongly about certain issues being discussed here, but I try to avoid attacking the PERSON, either directly or by proxy.
For example, I may think an idea is illogical. But I don't have to say, "You are illogical." That is insulting and inflammatory. It is also bound to get people's backs up. I know it would aggravate me. I could say, " I don't follow the logic" which suggests that I am willing to learn, perhaps even enlightened. I am open to the possibility that I could be uninformed.
This I think, is particularly important when discussing sensitive topics, like politics or religion. I don't have to agree, but if I must have something to say, it should add to the conversation, and always respect the fact that not everyone has to see things my way. Peoples belief system is deeply intrinsic to who they are as a human being in many cases. Casting judgment on that can be extremely hurtful. I think everyone here is intelligent enough to know the difference between having and sharing a differing opinion and passing judgment. One encourages others to think, perhaps reevaluate. The other makes them feel condemned.
By the way, I haven't heard that name in years. My aunt had a cat called Pyewacket and I always thought it was a really neat name. I didn't know how it was spelled though, until now.
3 people like this
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
12 May 09
Hey pye! As part of this elite group of "friends", of course
I would and I do! And lately I have found myself being
attacked! It won't stop me from speaking my mind though! I
will still continue to come to the aid of any one of my friends
here that are being outwardly picked on, flamed or attacked
in any way! I myself suddenly have become a target lately
both outwardly and secretly apparently. I guess it is finally
my time since next month I will have reached my first full
year on mylot! I have made some very special friends here
and as I would fight for them, I hope that they would do the
same and I'm sure that they would! And as you have said, those
that don't know this already, we at mylot who have formed
these "special" bonds will stick together and WILL NOT tolerate
being bullied into submission so all you trolls WATCH OUT!!!
2 people like this
@AngryKittyMSV (4317)
• United States
12 May 09
Having a friend who LIKES TO FIGHT can really come in handy sometimes! LOL
1 person likes this
@AngryKittyMSV (4317)
• United States
12 May 09
If someone is bothering you PM me some links and I'll gladly help if I can!
1 person likes this
@savak03 (6684)
• United States
12 May 09
I am usually the last one to find out anything but if I do see a friend being abused by anyone else here on the lot I usually jump right in and tell the abuser a thing or two. Sometimes it is not abuse but a misunderstanding but I will stick my nose right in and clarify things. I keep thinking that one day the person that I am defending may tell me to butt out and mind my own business but so far that hasn't happened.
Have you got a brace for that hand?
2 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
12 May 09
LOL--well even if the offending person does tell me to butt out I don't let it get to me, I just have to speak what's on my mind.
I did have a support thing on my hand but it actually made it feel worse
1 person likes this
@savak03 (6684)
• United States
12 May 09
Sometimes the brace can make it feel worse whether its for a wrist or knee or back. Trust me I know. But without them we would probably do more damage. Maybe you had it on too tight. And your right I do tend to speak my mind before I put it in gear.
2 people like this
@TLChimes (4822)
• United States
12 May 09
If we don't stand up for our friends then who will we stand up for? Family is a given. I'm protective though I'm not an attacker. I tend to try to smooth things if I can. If not... Then I stand and chew on folks like a good mom dragon.
Now, soak the hand. Try to wrap it in heat as tight as you can handle for about twenty minutes at a stretch. The pressure tends to help it some.
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
18 May 09
There was another recent case in one of my friends here pointed out to me some really nasty remarks to her...I reported the remarks/comments and just checking today they all have been zapped
Actually cold works better for me---I had soaked my hand in hottish kind of water and it made my hand all puffy--when I soaked it in cold it went back down to normal---it still bothers me, but not AS bad..hope to be up and running next week--you can't believe how slow I have to still type--LOL
1 person likes this
@carpenter5 (6782)
• United States
12 May 09
I'm glad you got on your soap box. I recently deleted a member that I'd been friends with since my first day here. I was just so floored by her recent change of heart about alot of things. She was no longer the sweet woman I'd come to know but has become very hateful and her holier than thou attitude was really offending me and alot of other people. I would just rather not be associated with people who feel the only way they can feel good is to squash someone else down.
2 people like this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
12 May 09
What are friends for....they are supposed to be friends in good and in bad times. I have not thanked you enough when you came in to my aid when I was vociferously attacked on few occasions here in mylot. I was left speechless as I am not used to engaging in confrontation. Your quick action with your no nonsense words act like a sharpened weapon to trample my attackers forcing them to raise a white flag as they realized I am not alone but with an army of friends who are there to back me up. You are a real friend Pye, in deeds and in needs. Thank you. I would act likewise if any of my friends are in trouble be it in real or in virtual world.
2 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
12 May 09
To be honest, I don't care for confrontations either, but I just won't tolerate friends of mine being attacked. And thank you, yes, I remember when you were being attacked as well
2 people like this
@irishmist (3814)
• United States
12 May 09
I Would Back My Friend Hands down!! that is what friends do, no matter what they are there for each other. It does not matter what it is about, as long as they are a good person, as well as other fators, like trust ans caring.. it really does go a long way.
2 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
12 May 09
I remember the one time I was being attacked here, the person must have rounded up his friends to attack me as well...it was my Yuwie discussion and how I thought it was crap..seems die-hard Yuwie fans didn't like my candor--but like I said my friends came to my aid
1 person likes this
@joyceshookery (2057)
• United States
12 May 09
I can't stand by while a friend is being attacked if I'm aware of the attack. For example I wasn't aware of the attack directed toward you, so had no way of showing support.
I think the myLot community of people who have become real friends makes it a good place to hang out. I have made some friends here I'd never have met offline since we're miles apart, geographically. I'm blessed to know you, OreoCookie, Ellie and a couple others through online sharing.
2 people like this
@walijo2008 (4644)
• United States
12 May 09
I would come to my friends aid if I felt I needed to. I don't know why there has to be bullies on here, we're all here to make friends with each other and help each other out not bully people around and cause trouble. I myself try to stay out of conflicts I don't want anyone attacking me for anything. Hope your hand feels better after that soak..lol.
2 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
12 May 09
I guess for some people, hiding behind a screen makes them bolder due to the anonymity and that's why you have bullies here
@jayrene (2708)
• Philippines
12 May 09
well they better not let me see any friend of mine getting bullied, because i get angry too and sometimes stand in front of my friend and face those bullies.
i'd do the same thing online... why let the bullies get away with their bs. what kind of friend is that, who will not help and defend another friend?
a friend should be a friend in everything, ups and downs and all the fights...
so you're not doing wrong...
so you're not doing wrong...2 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
18 May 09
Thanks for agreeing with me---just the other day yet another on-line friend pointed out some really nasty abusive words said to her and I reported the person's comments as well as some of her other friends--the nasty comments to my friend have since been deleted
