Is it my fault or what . . .
By kimbers867
@kimbers867 (2539)
United States
May 12, 2009 7:53am CST
Little background. I take my best friend and her two kids to school every morning, I drive because I am usually dropping them off at school, along with daughter, then I drive to the school that I work at. She then waits at the playground in the afternoon with her boys and my daughter until I can get there. Both schools get out at the same time but their dismissal is different, so I am usually ten minutes later.
Yesterday I called her to let her know that I wasn't sending my daughter to school because I was taking her to the doctor because I thought she had strep (which she did - a kid in her class had it last week).
I didn't think to call her last night and she didn't call me either. Well 10 minutes before school started she called and asked if we were going to school. I said no. Her immediate response was "why didn't you call me?". I honestly forgot, plus I would assume that if you knew a child was going to the doctor sick there is a good chance she would not be going to school today.
I feel horrible but now she is upset with me because they had to hurry to walk to school. Yes, she does have a car that they could have jumped into and it would have taken them two minutes versus the 10 to walk. Naturally, she couldn't talk about it because they had to get to school.
How would you feel? She is my closest friend but we have been drifting apart with both of us working full-time, etc. I am going to leave a message on her answering machine but I don't know if I should take all the blame.
1 person likes this
15 responses
@icyorchid (2564)
• United States
14 May 09
I'd just tell her how you feel about not letting her know about not going to school.
She's depending on you to bring her daughter to school, so I can see how she could be upset about it.
I can also see how you could have forgotten to call with your daughter being sick. I think she should have called you first thing this morning to make sure you were going instead of waiting 10 minutes before.
I know if it were me, I would have called you if you hadn't called me. 
Good Luck!
Good Luck!
@aikhong (661)
• Malaysia
13 May 09
This may be just a misunderstanding, i guess. Well since you two are so close friends then it'll be easier to get communicated. Indeed you've already done your part that you've called her to let her know you won't be going to school next day. So, if i were you, i'll assume that she's already informed about this.
Anyway, don't be too upset on this too and i'm sure if you can take the initiative to talk to her and explain it nicely, she'll definitely understand it, if she's the kind of understanding person. Perhaps in future, it would be best for you to call her again at the night before, just to double confirm she knows about it and can make her arrangement earlier. Good luck! :)
@Ldyjarhead (10233)
• United States
13 May 09
That's a tough one, but I don't know if there really is any 'blame' here.
Yes, if you already had this arrangement where you brought her every day and weren't going to be able to on a particular day, then you should have called her.
You forgot. It happens. You apologized. End of story.
@koharukusumi (1539)
• Malaysia
13 May 09
I think what you should do is that you apologize to her although you may not feel that is entirely your fault. People always soften their heart when someone apologizes to them and I am sure they will forget about it. After apologizing just try to act like it never happened and be friendly to her. In this case I think you are 50% wrong in not informing her and she is 50% wrong in not thinking rationally. Dont let this ruin your friendship. It is always better to have more friends.
@lynnemg (4529)
• United States
13 May 09
I can see both sides of this. She feels that you should have called her so that she had plenty of time to prepare to walk to school. That is understandable, and I think that I would probably expect the same if I were relying on someone to pick me up in the morning. She knew your kid was sick, but unless you told her, she didn't know how sick, and very well could have assumed, as many would that since you didn't call, things would be as normal.
As far as her having to walk, if she has a car, then walking was her choice. The fact that she walked to school shouldn't make you feel you bad at all considering that she had an alternative.
I think that in your situation, I would call her and apologize for not letting her know that you wouldn't be taking your kid to school and wouldn't be going yourself. Explain that with all you were dealing with, you forgot. That is the only thing I think you should apologize for at all.
@ibelle09 (155)
• China
13 May 09
Oh, i think you should have let her know that you couldn't take them to school the day before. Since you forgot to do it, it is reasonable that your friend felt upset with you. I think you can appologize to her for that by sending her a mobile text if you don't have chances to tell her directly. Let her know your story, I think your friend will forgive you , since you are good friends. Good day.
@PurpleTeddyBear (6685)
• Canada
12 May 09
I am a mother too so I can understand you worrying about your child and it slipping your mind to phone her, BUT I really think you should have phoned. Especially if she depends on you for a ride every day! If she has a car but isn't driving it I'm sure their is a reason! Nothing good ever comes out of two people assuming something. All you really can do is try and phone her later and maybe explain what happened. I'm sorry to hear that you and your friend are drifting apart, that is always sad to see!
@smileonstar (4007)
• United States
12 May 09
I think, she might thought that you were not sending your daughter to school but still take them to school. I really dont understand some people just try to take advantage on other that is really nice to them... but you did call her right? and she didn't really think that was a message to let her know about not going to school tomorrow or something? If so, then you should not call her.
Why? cuz 1st, you are responsible for their trip and they are not even thank you yet and now blame and mad at you? that is so wrong.
2nd, if she call you should explain to her and see what she is going to say.
If it comes to time for tomorrow school, then you should call her to see if she still want you to pick her up.
Another thing, friendship is always like that... good and bad and it is depend on day. If she realized how good you are then she knows, friends are good when each one of you know how to forgive each other. good luck
@vicki2876 (5636)
• Canada
12 May 09
You know what they say when someone assumes something. Sounds like you assumed that she would know that your daughter wouldn't being going to school the following day. But I also work at a school and know of several children who go to doctors one day and are at the school the next day. Even sick children return to school so I think that you probably should have made sure she knew that you weren't sending your daughter.
However you did apologize and how she dealt with that seems immature. If she could have gotten them there quickly but rather make a bigger deal of it by walking then that is childish and silly to do in front of children.
All you can do is say sorry and if it isn't good enough for her then maybe you two aren't as close as you used to be.
@myskysky (38)
• China
12 May 09
Firstly i should point out that it's your fault at first even though you honestly forgot about that.Well,it's actully a little hard to believe you could forget such a routine affair,which is the reason why she was angry.Leave a message for her and she will understand you.You just need one to make a concession.
@PinkyPosh (226)
• Canada
12 May 09
This is pretty natural when you have dependencies.
Any relation for this matter will get stained when there is so much of inter dependancies.
That why it is always good to follow the policy, "Distance makes relationship close".
Since it has been a regular practice that you guys go together, your friend might not have been prepared for such kind of situation. She wouldn't have expected. That could be the reason for her quick reaction.
You could have also told her little earlier. By this I don't mean that you are at fault. Because, she should not be blindly dependant on you. Just talk to her casually(but not anything about this topic). if she is back to normal, well and good... otherwise, give it some time.
I would suggest ypu not to reiterate this incident.
@cicisnana (772)
• United States
13 May 09
Well, while I do think you should have called and let her know, I also know with a sick child that is not always easy. After all, your first concern is for your child and getting her well. Also, your friend knew your child was sick, considering she is a mother herself, she should be a little more understanding of the fact that you are dealing with your child being sick. I don't think she should of been so short with you, but she may not have been, she may have just been in a hurry. I would try to speak with her instead of leaving a message on her machine. Good luck. :)
@plddre79 (161)
• United States
12 May 09
kimbers867! - having a true friend adds a lot to the joy of living. people who are loners and avoid others are rarely, if ever, really happy. what is there about friendship that adds so much to your happiness? when things don't go well and you
feel depressed, a good friend can do a lot to relieve your sadness. friends can be
a real help when trouble threatens. they can warn you of danger and help you to escape it, and can encourage you when the going is hard.you probably can agree with
what proverbs 17:17 says: "a true companion is loving all the time, and ia a brother that is born for when there is distress. that scripture emphasizes a qual-
ity that strongly marks real friends: loyalty.
@gcorp09 (940)
• Singapore
13 May 09
Well, I will say that it is somewhat your fault, even though it is not deliberate. You should have call her earlier to let her know that you will not be able to send them to school, so that they can make alternative arrangements.
Well, you can try and salvage the situation. Do call her later, and make an apology about this. If she values your friendship, I'm sure she will forgive you for this. In addition, do make a point to communicate with her earlier should you are not able to send them or fetch them from school. I'm sure she will appreciate it.
@prinzcy (32305)
• Malaysia
12 May 09
I'm sorry to say, it is your fault. If you need to cancel any appointment or promises, don't do it last minute especially if they were hoping you would pop out any minutes and have to find alternatives fast afterward. I know I will be angry too. The best that you can do is really apologize. Meet her in person for that. Show her you're sincere enough. If she still didn't want to forgive you, just give her time to cool down a bit.
