Is it more difficult for a man to be a widower than a widow?
By iskayz
@iskayz (5420)
Philippines
May 14, 2009 5:10am CST
My father stays at home most of the time. He does his work at home. But the other night he went out of town overnight and I took the time while he was away cleaning the master’s bedroom. His bathroom was so unorganized. There are stains on the tiles, the lavatory wasn’t that clean, empty shampoo bottles and left-over soap bars on the bath tub. I think it has been there for months already cause’ the soap bars has hardened on the bath tub and some of the shampoo bottles are already dirty. I went on cleaning his bedroom. His drawers were a little messy and some of his stuffs are dusty already, the after shave, colognes and the like. I even saw medicines for coughs and headache. I remember he was coughing a little last week.
While I was cleaning in the master’s bedroom I felt sorry for my dad. I suddenly pity him for he lost his wife. Mom just died last November and seeing his bathroom and bedroom that way, it made me realize how much my mom has done a lot for him, taking care of him, everything about him even to the smallest details. Thinking about these things made me realize that there’s nobody that can replace the wives way of caring for a husband.
How hard do you think it is for a husband to lose his wife-excluding the emotional factors.
3 people like this
16 responses
@sudiptacallingu (10879)
• India
14 May 09
Yes, I do think its hard on the part of the widower than on the widow. Though we look upon women as weak and needing support throughout their lives, in fact its men who need somebody to look after them throughout their lives. They feel completely lost and unorganized if left to themselves. Part of the problem lies in the growing up years, when mothers typically don’t teach the boys to stay at home and do work which are mainly considered girly!
2 people like this
@iskayz (5420)
• Philippines
14 May 09
Yeah I agree with you that men seems to be unorganized when no woman takes care of them. Even in paying the bills my father sometimes forgets it so I have to handle the home's monthly expenses.
I have seen the effects of my younger brothers too. They don't know anything about housework. Even to buying their own under wears. I think also mom has spoiled my dad and my brothers. My brothers were never thought to do the house chores when they were kids.Maybe because like what you said, it is a girly thing to stay at home.
Happy posting!
@Adoniah (7513)
• United States
14 May 09
Men are not naturally messy. Part of his problem is most likely a little bit of depression. He misses his wife so much that he just does not have the energy for the "little things" like cleaning the rooms they shared. As time goes on he will probabaly become better able to handle these things. You should let him know how you feel. Let him know of your sorrow too. It might help him with his.
Shalom~Adoniah
2 people like this
@jazel_juan (15746)
• Philippines
15 May 09
i always thought that males can always cope up with things like this, that they could easily move on or something..well i hope your dad can cope up.
1 person likes this
@cainam (493)
• Philippines
15 May 09
it is really hard to be alone especially when you became to use to have companies. most of dads don't know household chores and it really difficult for them to live in a house on their own. husbands should admit, you're all dependent to your wives when it comes to pampering.
1 person likes this
@queennee (186)
• Philippines
15 May 09
hi iskayz,im sorry about your mother not easy to lose loveones right? about the topic that you post,it made me realize how hard it was for my mom when my dad was still very ill and bedridden for about 2 yrs,my mom most of the time takes care of my dad.i just cant immagine how she managed it.well,thats her husband and thats what they promise during the wedding" for better or for worst" trully that wives/mothers are irreplaceable,they're one of a kind.for your dad who is the widow,i think men sometimes are messy and disorganized,i knew few of them.maybe that is why women are there for men..heehee.and maybe..just maybe its more difficult for a man to be left by their wives :) good day!
@iskayz (5420)
• Philippines
18 May 09
Hehe.. Thinking about it I'd have to agree with you that maybe women are created by God to help men getting organized. I think being organized is one of the best qualities men are looking for in women to marry.
My dad too care of my mom when she was sick. I can still remember the efforts he gave in taking care of her. My mom even said to a friend, you will only know how much a husband loves a wife by the way the husband takes care of his wife when she becomes sick. And I think my mom was right.
Keep posting!
@GLENNBUCK (1)
•
14 May 09
Some men dont mind living in a messy place,they dont feel its important to clean all the time etc.As long as it doesnt bother him to much its ok for him,unless people come around often and his kitchen and front room are a mess.Ask him if he is ok with living that way?Depression can cause people to not keep on top of things in the house,they say its not good for you psycologically to live in a mess.
1 person likes this
@riyasam (16556)
• India
14 May 09
While women who lose their husbands often speak of feeling abandoned or deserted, widowers tend to express the loss as one of "dismemberment," as if they had lost something that kept them organized and whole. It has been described as "being lost without a compass," usually due to their profound loneliness but also because widowers often depended on their wives for many things like managing the household, caring for their children, and being their only true confidant.
@jammyt (2818)
• Philippines
15 May 09
I think it works both ways but harder when the girl loses the husband. My officemate lost her husband 3 years ago at the age of 29. They've been together since they were 16 or 17. He left 3 children with her. I think it is very hard for her because it was so sudden and she wasn't prepared at all. Her eldest was about 12 years old and the 2 boys were 3 and 1 year old.
In our society, the husband provides bigger for the family. However if the husband loses the wife, a big part of him will be at a loss because wives are there to manage the house, the husband AND the kids. 
@mjmlagat (3170)
• Philippines
14 May 09
A wife's role is truly irreplaceable in a husband's life and it doesn't matter whether a person losses a wife or a husband, the pain is just the same -- depending on the emotional attachment of both. It's just so difficult to let go of such pain. I wish your father well and good luck.
1 person likes this
@prinzcy (32305)
• Malaysia
14 May 09
I'm sorry about your father. I hope he can cope up and start looking up for himself in the future. It's true that being widower is harder than being a widow, especially if the man depend solely on her wife to take care of his being. He need to cope up a lot once the wife is no longer around. As his child, I hope you'll continue to support your father. He must be feeling lonely without your mom.
1 person likes this
@yoyozhou (356)
• China
15 May 09
I am sorry to hear that.You mother must be a good wife and a good mother.Maybe you dad is hurted deeply.But it will pass by .Every one will experience the process of loosing people we love.I want to say if your mother live now, she want everything is ok and she want your dad to be happy all the time.I hope you dad will be happy again soon.
@orionsnebula (46)
•
15 May 09
yes i think its very difficult, men are naturally dependent on their wifes to take care of them , its very hard for them to be without them as well,
@cjmaltby (34)
•
14 May 09
your fathers world has gone, its going to take a long time for him to recover, if he ever will, no one will ever take her place, and for taking care of himself he will just have to get into his own routine, give him time alot of it, be there if he needs you thou....
@tracy_d (76)
• India
14 May 09
I think its equally hard on both, widows as well as widowers. The only difference being that men do not express their pain, and hence are possibly under greater stress and have to be stronger. Its just like a part of you is gone, you are so much used to being with your partner day in and day out, sharing all your happy moments as well as your troubles, sticking to each other through thick and thin... And suddenly it all goes away and you are left alone. Its really really sad for anyone to lose their partner. Of course, time is the greatest healer and the depression may reduce over time. But the fact remains that the place of a loving and caring partner is irreplaceable in life.
