Pregnant and Unmarried

First of all I can say is if you marry someone marry them for the right reason and that is love. Next thing is why did your friend let this thing happened why did she make herself pregnant in the first place if she have no serious plans for the guy. You see the case is not anymore him and her in this case they have to consider the babys future somehow. Having a child is a very great responsibility , you have to consider how the child would grow up without a father. This are the things they should have considered in the first place. And yes its wrong also to be married with the person if your friend dont love that guy. But the question remained why did she let this things happened. She should be responsible for her own actions too, you see my friend it's not only financial needs that the child both mother and child need a fatherly support and the child needs a father as well the love of a father. I dont know the real score behind this though but tell your friend that they should include the child to their decisions and not only him and her, they have to consider there child's welfare as well.

I don't think the problem is as simple as you are thinking. If you think carefully then there are lots of thing that you want to consider. Your friend is independent and that's fine. You are some extent right. The girl is independent and that is why she can think of not getting married with the guy. What you are thinking is only about your friend. You are thinking that your friend will not be happy with the guy so it is better to not get into marriage. But have you ever thought of the baby. I think every baby also needs a father. What do you say? You may say that there are so many guys to marry but will they give the baby as much love as his own father? I think your friend also have some mistake. If she don't like the guy then why she get into so deep relation. If they done it for fun then they could have used proper protection. I think the girl have many things to think before taking her decision. My last suggestion is that some times it is better to think of our child then our self.

Boy friend, Girl friend, hmm what is it all about apparently she knew she doesn't want to be with the boy friend forever. then the question comes how come she got pregnant for the boy so much love i guess, or could it be that the boy knew she doesn't want to keep him forever and then got her pregnant so as to keep her. the truth is that i can talk about this from today till whenever without getting to know what actually went wrong as such i think its a desision that she'll have to make for herself

Like other posters I think marriage is only for those in love. Just because a girl gets pregnant does not mean the couple should have to get married. I had to kids with my boyfriend. They are 10 & 9. We have been together for 14 years but I told him awhile ago to not ask to me get married before I am 30. I have had friends get married, then divorced and now they are just single raising their kids. Sometimes the definition of marriage can put alot of strain on a couple. I just want to make sure he is the person that I would like to grow old and die with. I would never change him as being their father because he is a great one, whether we are together or not! I don't think it is right also for a girl to stay with a guy just because she can't support herself. That isn't fair on the guy. I agree with you rainegurl.

As a matter of fact, there are so many young lovers got married just because unexpected pregnant, but maybe is not their original will for marry. maybe this kind of marriage can not be permanent, so the rate of divorce is increasing. a vicious cycle occured, due to rate increasing, many children go to extreme, or with psychology disease. it is bad for society. all in all,harmonious and happy marriage can led to be a harmonious society.

i agree with you rainegurl... if a girl can stand on her own and if she thinks the guy is not good for her then why get marry? i think it would be get more complicated once they got married and in the end they will just separate. it will be much harder for their child to deal with the situation. so for now, as things are still not that complicated then i guess its better for her to stay single first and she should focus on her baby and herself.

I think that your friend doesn't think that she has a long term future with her boyfriend. She is pregnant and isn't going to rush into marrying her boyfriend. Divorce can emotionally upset children of nursery school age upwards. I think your friend is wise to remain unmarried. It is lucky that she has a good job and is steady with her finances. I wish your friend luck with her pregnancy and becoming a single mother.

Well I was raised a bit old fashioned, but as I get older I realized that marriage may not be for everyone, times have changed a great deal since the 50ty and 60tys and woman are more independent then the use to be, and getting married isent as much of a priority then it use to be, but I think that if theres children involved it seems that the ideal situation for children is for both parents to be together and married, and I would prefer to be married if and when I ever have children, but I also feel that unless both parents are in love its not worth getting married and later divorcing becuse they only married for children sake, and thats wouldnt be fair to the children for them to have to go through seeing there parents divorce, but ultimately people have to do whats best for them.

getting married or not, that is a question! haha, actually i don't really care about the couple, but their baby,a whole family would be good for the growth of the kid, i am wondering one day the kid would ask his mom "where is my biological father? why he doesn't live with us together?" how do you answer him? "your father is living in another city, we didn't get married because i was not sure if i wanna be with him forever". Don't you think the answer is a little bit ridiculous

I have a friend who has been with a guy for many years. She has 3 kids to him and have bought a house together. They are not married, but live as if they are married. I was with my children's father when I fell pregnant with my first born. Then my sister asked the question if we were going to get married. I really had to think very hard. Do I get married because of a baby, or do I get married for love. Well one thing for sure, I would not have got married if it was for the baby. I ended up deciding to get married for love, but there was another catch. I didn't want to get married while I was pregnant. So the baby came first. Then the father and I got married later in the same year. Now that our first born is a teenager, I have told the teenager the life story. And I am still married to the father and have been married for 13 years. These days, it can be acceptable for people not to be married. You never know that the relationship may last forever.

You and your friend are right. We don't have to force ourselves to be with someone whom we think is not deserving. We might just invite ourselves to a more serious problem someday. As for me, there's nothing wrong to have a baby, with or without a father that will stand by me. A child is a blessing from above; therefore, I would love to accept him.

YEs, I certainly do! When you get pregnant it comes with so many responsibilities not only for your own self but also for your baby,,it's not an easy thing to do. But getting married because of the baby and two people were not into each other it's useless it will just complicate the situation. If you get into the situation be sure you can feed and take care of the baby and don't be so selfish and deprive the things that your future child should have

All true, if she has not made up her mind about marriage better not to enter the married life at all, coz it will just complicate things if she doesn't want to spend the rest of her life with the guy. It's a lifetime commitment and its no joke to spend it with someone she's not even sure she can love. And yes, its an easy decision for women who are financially independent coz in that case she won't worry much about the needs of her baby and even the expenses of her delivery or her child's upbringing. In our country though, where cultural practices with regards to family is valued so much, women who get pregnant outside marriage is usually supported by their parents, both financially and emotionally. There are parents who discourage their children from getting married coz they don't want to let their daughter's life to stray. Although there are also parents who push their daughters to enter marriage due to humiliation from family and friends, they don't want their grandchildren to become illegitimate.

In my opinion,if she doesn't want to get married early,then she shouldn't have been pregnant.A baby need a father,that is usually the right way to go.If she had,then she should take the responsibility to give the baby a happy family.just my piont. everyone has their own way to go,it is extremely hard to say who is right or wrong,isn't it?

Children should not be a reason to get married. I believe your friend has made a good choice. I know many single mothers who are independant and making it their own. Yes a child should have both parents in their life but if the parents can be civil and work together for the santitiy of their kids then this will not be an issue. I know people want to consider morals but everyone has sin. Also I don't know of many people who were a vergin when they got married. Also yese you can be responsible and use protection but sometimes things such as pregnancy still happens. This is just all a part of life. I think she will figure out what is best for her and her child in time but it sounds like she is thinking responsibly. I commend her for that!

no offense but its kind of irresponsible for your friend to get pregnant when she doesnt plan on staying with the guy. I think that if she doesnt want to get married because she sees no point in marriage is fair enough, but unless she's planning on keeping hold of the father, she really should think about what she is going to do to her child psychologically. Children need stability. Sometimes a relationship can break down after a child has been born, and this is hard for any child, but it sounds a little like your friend doesnt want the father around all that much. She needs to grow up a bit I think before having a baby. So no, they shouldnt get married because they're having a baby, but they need to be committed to each other and should both be on board for the arrival of their baby. Best of luck to your friend though and congratulations to the mummy and daddy to be!

I think she need to do something to give the child a father. Whatever her choice will be, it will effect the life of the child entirely. Getting married and bringing a life into this world is two different issue. It's true that you can support a child by yourself but you will teach him/her, it's alright for you to do that too since I do that.

I do agree with you on two counts: that people should not get married just because the woman is pregnant, and that it is easier to discard marriage as an option when the woman is financially independent. It is sad when a child doesn't grow up in a house with a loving mother and father, but I've seen many a child do just that and have a fulfilling and happy childhood. And whose to say she won't find the man of her dreams one day and he will marry her and accept her child as his own. That happens a lot too. I'm glad your friend has the sense to realize that her current boyfriend may not be a good long-term choice for her. She may very well have saved her child from a lot of heartache if she were to marry him and it not work out.

Unless one of them is strong catholics, or dont believe in having a child outside of marriage, i really dont see why these 2 people have to get married. This thing about her not being sure about her wanting to stay with her boyfriend forever, why are they having a child together? I do not think having a child is a way of keeping 2 people in a relationship together. This is my only concern. In conclusion, a couple does not have to get married if they dont want to, but if one does, and the other doesnt, then the couple needs to work it out between them, and understand both sides of the story.

i do agree with u,its better to make the way clear so it wont be a burden to bear along with the child. it might just be a nightmare later.