When is it time to step in and do something

We cannot control other people places or things. The only things we can control are our own actions and reactions. Talk with your Mom and let her know how you feel, but do not try to control her or make her change. She has to decide for herself what she wants out of her life and she will have to be the one to recognize that she deserves more than what this man is offering her. It's hard to watch family members in difficult situations. Unfortunately, while we can encourage them, they are the only ones who can decide to change and seek better circumstances. Hang in there!

Hi Angel, it's a difficult situation. You don't want your mum hurt or taken advantage of, but apparently she doesn't feel that way. So if you were to step in - I'm not sure how - you could create some unhappiness. Especially when your mum is happy the way she is now. Maybe you should just watch out for her, and be ready to help her if she should need you.

So your mom "loves" a guy who won't work, won't help out around the house, can't keep the utilities on, and wastes all their money. Personally, I never understood women who would put up with that. Some women think that any man is better than no man, I guess. I don't mean to judge your mom, and I can understand your frustration. If this were my mom, I guess I would wish her the best but hope she came to her senses and realize you can't live on love. It is her life, so I'd just be there to support her if she did wise up and decide to get out of this relationship. Suggest she takes over paying the bills, at least!

I think you need to take serious action against whatever is happening at your home. I think this man is having a good time at your home and just enjoying his life. You should seriously try and do something to save yourself from landing into a major financial crises.

well she is your mum and you want her to be happy and i think you should step in and talk to her and say that you feel he should get a job so he pays his own way if not he should save some of his cheque to help. Because it sounds like he is walking all over your mum you need to make her aware of how you feel and that its her money and she should spend it on herself not him.

You might want to suggest to your mother that she seek some counseling. You might want to start the conversation as "Mom, I know that you love ______, but I am concerned over the amount of money that he spends, and your struggle to pay your bills. This shows your consern for her well-being as a loving daughter. Also when I say counseling, I mean it could be something as easy as going to your pastor and asking for his advice on how to handle what is happening. Because this is not just a financial problem, this is a marraige problem, there is a break-down in communication between them. Lets face it,she probably works way to hard to have this constant struggle for money and to pay the bills. There is a book that is really good to read, and this guy has a very Christian outlook on finances, he gives wonderful Bible-based financial advice. His name is Dave Ramsey. Check him out at DaveRamsey.com, you can listen to his show, and even email in for advice His program has helped out my husband and me greatly with our finances. It also sounds to me if he is"loosing" his wallet by a Casino, that maybe there is a gambling problem as well. If you are concerned about this, you can call 1-800-BETS OFF, It asks for the person drivers license # and I think the way it works is it blocks them from going into a casino. It would be worth calling to find out. OF course don't do any of this with out asking your Mothers thoughts on what she feels is right to do for her, and her husband. Also let her know it is because you love her and care for her that you are concerned about her well-being. Hope this helps you out some.

Dear Angel, I have read your concern carefully. At the same time I can understand that your mom is very loving, caring and sincere lady. She has a bit more of sense of sacrifice. Evidently she also loves you much. The probems you have mentioned about your step-father are pretty obvious. Since you are pretty mature your persistent on-and-off counselling to your mom may at some day improve the situation. Your step-father may also come to terms some day. I won't recommend your parting ways with your mom so soon for I feel that you have no other precious thing than your mom and there can't be a replacement for that.

I can fully understand both sides of this one. I have been that person who was married to a man that never contributed to the household. Luckily, I woke up and realized that I did not want that kind of a life for my and my kids. Now, I am happily married to a hard-working man who helps make sure the bills are paid and we all have what we need. Being where I am now, I can look bak and see how naive I really was. Your mother may be afraid of being alone, and as a result, she holds on to this man even though he is using her; however, you say she has strong Catholic beliefs, which tells me that she is not one that would go for a divorce and she really wants the marriage to work; she will do what she feels is neccessary to make it work. I am sure that there are times when she is really upset and depressed about the whole situation, but her religious beliefs are guiding her to do whatever she thinks is right for her marriage. I can vouch for that, because I was the same way. Now, looking back, I can honestly say that my ex-husband was not going to change, as a matter of fact, he is still doing those things that resulted in our divorce, but now, he has a new wife to do them to. In time, chances are that your Mom will see it too, and maybe, at that point, she will put her foot down. Ideally, she would waske up tomorrow and decide to put her foot down once and for all, but in reality, it will take time. In the meantime, I would tell her how you feel, without trying to force her to make any changes. You will probably have to repeat yourself mant times before she listens, if she ever does. You could suggest to her that she become the person responsible for paying the bills, creating a budget, and seeing that the budget is stuck to. It may help her to know that you see the problem. In the end, it is her choice on how to deal with the situation, and your job to stand by her side.

sometime we dont have any choice communicating with our parents ,from certain point ,we dont need to take it too seriously, at the end of the day ,theyare our parents ,we dont have choice .

My husband got experienced almost like as u. My husband`s father does like to gamble and does not like to work. And his father does not like see other people have alot money and if his father dont have money, his father always find fault of other people to angry. Fortunately, my husband`s mother is resilient and independent. She can work and save extents money into the Bank, coz she`s scared her husband will spent the money in the Casino. I`m so admiration with my husband`s mother, she can solve her problem self.