Am I A bad daughter?

The first thing I will say is you are not a bad daughter. It's only natural to be concerned about the well being and safety of those you love. The second, your mother is an adult. Unless she has some mental impairment, defect, or disease it is not your place to make decisions for her. If you are really concerned about this new habit, talk to her. Tell her why it bothers you. I find a good way to deal with parents is to reverse the situation. How would she feel if it were you chatting and potentially meeting strange men on internet websites? Thirdly, we live in technologically dependent society. Even though it's scary to think of all that could go wrong, we have to understand that times have changed. The way people interact and meet is not what it used to be. We all have, what I like to call a "digital life" as well as our everyday reality. Its only natural that the two will begin to merge and overlap as time progresses. There are "bad people" online, but there also people just like your mother. People who are using technology simply for the sake its conveniences, and not because they are seeking to hurt or harm others. I see nothing wrong with chatting and possibly even meeting people offline as long as you are aware, cautious, and not mistaking the comfortability you feel online with a person as an indicator that they have your best interest at heart. ~Iedyn

Cindy~ I understand you care very much about your mother, and I do not think you are a bad daughter. You should explain to your mother why you are concerned, because you have a legitimate argument. However, if your mother is lonely, taking her only social outlet is not your decision. She obviously needs or wants someone to talk to, someone that will be her lover and friend, or maybe just a good friend. Sometimes, the internet is the only place for people to open up and meet others. Help her be safe, but do not stigmatize what she is doing. Obviously she is looking for a friend. Don't make her feel bad, if what she's trying to do is end the bad that she feels. Maybe she has something to offer someone, and feels she is ready to do it. I understand not trusting strangers, but if they are just talking online, she is your mother...and I'm sure she'll be okay. A chat room is just a place to talk. Good luck, help your mom be happy. Just because she is your mother, doesn't mean that she has everything she needs...

I agree with the last poster. Now if the laptop is your property then thats a little different and your mother should respect your property and the fact that using your property in such a way makes you uncomfortable. I agree also with the other poster that things are different now to the point that entire conversations can be conducted just by texting another cell phone (that would be me, hehe). I think you should respect your mother as a responsible adult and give her the benefit of the doubt that she knows how to take care of herself and chat with other people online in a safe way. Now if it came to the point where your mother wanted to MEET someone online, in person, then you can her need to have a discussion before it comes to this point. You could agree to keep your phone on in case she needed to call you, tell you what area she will be in and make sure she tells you WHEN she will be leaving. I think thats all that you can ask of her because she is an adult. You say that your mother never chatted on the computer before seperating from your dad, could it be that your father did not allow it? I agree many people jump into relationships on the rebound before clearing their minds from previous relationships and thats why its important to discuss this with your mother now.

Hi, cindyjeong. No you are not a bad daughter. You are just concerned about your mom. Someone should be. It is very serious and risky to get involved with someone over the Internet. It can be good and a bad thing. Just trust your instincts.

I can see that you care for your mum, and are just worried about her. But she is a grown woman, and she's single so she can chat to men if she likes! Just let her get on with it, and be there if she needs you :)

I don't think you're being a bad daughter. You just care for your mom that is why you're doing some precautionary measures. I see where you're mom is coming from. A lot of us know how addicting the Internet can be, what more chatting. I suggest that you try to sit down with your mom and nicely explain to her your side and your feelings. As you tell her these, in a very gentle and objective manner, talk to her about the disadvantages, the threats, and possible dangers that may happen. Goodluck.

Oh for goodness sake! I realise you mean well but your mother is an adult and you are treating her like a child. Let her figure things out for herself. She will learn just as you did of the dangers on the Internet. Does your Mum not deserve some fun, some attention? While ever she is in the comfort and safety of her home she is safe, isn't she? If either of my daughters treated me this way I'd be very angry. I've been addicted to the net for about 10 years now. I've met a few people, been a little unwise several times but no harm has come from it. Leave your mother alone and stop treating her like an idiot.

I think you need to tell your mom exactly how you feel and let her know that she could be putting herself in danger by meeting up with these men. I don't think your a bad daughter for worrying about her. You rather her be safe and ok then something horrible happening to her. Thats very understandable.

I don't think your a bad daughter your just concern and worried about your mom. But I don't think you should take the lab top away from her she has to make her own decision. She's your mother your not her's if you don't like it so much I would just talk to her and let her know how you feel and hope she will respect your wishes

Hello cindyjeong, I don't think you are bad by doing this. At least, you tried to save her from those irresponsible chatters (not all) and wasting time looking for love from the net. I am not sure how old is your mom but it is pretty amazing to me that she still thinks that she can find love online. Maybe it is alright if she just want to have chat or friends online but she doesn't need to give her telephone number or her personal info easily. Sometimes, I still like to chat but I don't go to public chat room. I prefer something like this - meet friends here and later try to get to know them better.

Im not sure how old you are but think about if the roles were reversed and it was you wanting to chat to these people you meet on chat rooms and want to meet them. How do you think your mom would react??? The same way as you are now because you care, but do you think you would get angry and not listen. Would you do it anyway?? Try and compromise with her, allow her to chat to them but not meet up with them. This could be her way of releasing her emotions, not everyone is comfortable about talking about their feeling with the close ones but some one who is a stranger and wont judge them on who they are. My dad met my step mum through Internet chatroom, it is not always bad but you have to allow your mum her freedom. Talk to her and share your worries with her, she might not realise how it is effecting you.

I think you're being a protective daughter and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that - fighting with your mother is wrong, but protecting her isn't. Maintaining the proper balance between the two...that's tough. Moms think they know better than us even though sometimes, we honestly believe that they don't have the better picture on the situation. I think that you should involve another adult that she trusts in the matter - her best friend/your aunt, someone whom you can confide and would help your mother without your mom knowing that you told on her (because that might make the matter worse :P) Thanks for the response on my discussion!

Your'e not a bad daughter, your looking after your mother...you probably happen to be wiser than her about the internet and dating and she may feel inferior or something. You have a right to wran her becaus it is for her own good. But she still is your mother and you still have to respect her and submit to her authority. I would keep on warning her and share stories about how uniwse it is and what could happen, but you can't actually stop her against her will unless it is actual physical harm to you or her or seomthing illegal is taking place.

You are doing the right thing and no, you are not a bad daughter. It's just that she's confused. This shall soon change. But don't let this bother you enough to worry you.

You seem to be her mother now, worried for her. but i think you should talk to her and tell her that you are worried about this becuase i cant trust any chat mate. Now she is the experianced person, she can recognize who is bad and good for her, let her meet she might meet a good person. And some things are out of our control.

Im sure you are trying to raise your mom right. Just keep reminding her of stranger danger!!!

Your mother is a grown adult woman. As such, she should be able to decide for herself what she wants to do. She is not just your mother but a woman with wants and needs just like anybody else. Look at her as a person, not just your mother. She has the right to do what she wants.

Your mother is not a child and more importantly she is not your child. It is not your responsibility to keep her from the internet or from men she might meet through chatting online. You just have to let go and hope for the best.

I dnt think u r a bad daughter, you r just caring for ur mother so that she does not fall into any problem. She must be feeling lonely and she needs some one to talk with. May be you can find a alternative for sharing her feeling. You can make her involve in some other things

I do not think that you are a bad daughter. You are concerned for your mothers safety and I am sure that she will soon realize that you love her enough to take the laptop away. But do not forget she is also an adult and she needs to make her own decisions. I would give her the laptop back but letting her know to be careful.