How do control anger with children…I think I am becoming psychotic. Please help!

I understand how you feel. It is good that you are sharing this incident to us and asking for help to change or manage your anger. I guess you say sorry to your child for acting badly and say that what you did was not right for his gentle age. Don't let your child copy the bad thing you did. Just like the way you copied your mothers treatment to you when you were young. What your child must see is a good example of you so that your child will have a happy childhood memories of you. You should forgive your mother too for the wrong she had done to you. Try to do some meditations to ease your mind and eventually you will have the control over yourself. I hope this will help you.

When you feel this kind of rage, it is best to walk away and not deal with the issue or the child until you are calm. Sometimes, people who themselves were beaten as children still have such conflict about inside themselves. Since you feel your anger escalating and after the incidence with the books, I gently suggest that you might want to get some professional help in learning how to manage your anger. It will benefit you and your child when you have the right skills to manage your anger. I hope all goes well. Let us know? Karen

Sudipta! Please do not worry, now a days it happens in every home, most of the children do not obey their parents. We also face the same problems and keep on breaking our heads and pulling our hair. (I have full sympathy with you). One thing my better half does is - if any of our children are not listening or not obeying, she stops talking to them for days together and that works many times. (Pl. do not take it otherwise, may be your son knows that he is only child and he may be taking undue advantage of his position of being the only child, however, it may not be possible for you to alter this position, at this stage). I think, you getting too much angry will not serve the purpose, you need to control yourself by adopting some other methods and hopefully other members will come out with some good suggestions.

Being a parent is extremely frustrating at times, I know. I think that sharing your feelings and realizing that you aren't alone is a big help. Your honesty about yourself is also a good sign that you are ready for change. As for how to stop the rage that causes you to throw things and bang your head etc....I don't have any answers for that. My problem was my mouth when I got real angry....not good. I had to walk away, go for a ride....something until I calmed down. I had one teen that would talk back and act out and would really get my blood boiling and I found that going out and getting a coffee or just a walk around the block would help me to deal with things more effectively.Not sure on your kids ages but I suspect maybe too young to leave alone?? Maybe you could pop on here and do a little vent...see if that helps. If not, there are help groups for parents that I hear are really good. It is very good that you are reaching out!

Oh I can so relate to this situation. I put her on time out til she starts to tell me she is sorry and goes and does it when she gets off. (and time out meaning her nose to the wall), or another thing I have done is literally take everything out of her room, only thing that was left was her bed, pillow, and blanket. Slowly she is learning, even though my patients is running very low with that. But she is learning, be patient with the child, count to ten if you have to, put yourself on time out if it is a must.

I am new hear and I hope I am doing this right. I know exactly how you feel it is very hard to calm those feelings down and I am so glad there are others out there that feel the same way. I just take a deep breath leave the room and count to 10 and do my best to calm myself down in order not to scare my child and then come back and try all over again to redirect him in the right direction.

I have always been a patient person. It's just that sometimes children can push your buttons, especially when they are in their pre-teens and teens. I had a habit of calming myself before doing or saying anything. If counting slowly to the count of 10 was enough then so be it. If it was not then I'd tell them to go sit down or go to their room until I calmed down enough to dish out the disapline. I think this is a huge issue with many parents and was with my dad too, the lack of control. They get angry, fly of the handle and put out a punishment when they are at the top of their anger or frustration. It is best to wait in any situation until you calm down and think things out before you do or say anything that you might regret later. This applies to everything not just anger at the children.

Do you have people in your life that can help you out? A friend that can babysit once in a while? I have had some of the very same problems that you have had. My son is one of those kids that you just can't "make" him do stuff. Taking away privileges or toys etc just never made a difference. I've been through a lot with him in the past year. I have also had to struggle with my own anger througout my life and both of my children have definitely tested my self control. I have learned a few things along the way... I have learned to recognize when I am reaching the point of anger where I might lose my self control. And I've learned to walk away before I get to "the point of no return". You can go for a drive, if they are old enough or if there is another responsible adult in the house to watch them. You can lock yourself in a room for a few minutes until you can compose yourself. I see that you have had a few other great replies. I hope you find the answers you are looking for. Take care.

Get yourself a cat and some flowers. If you get angry with them too or even in front of them, then you're psychotic.

Hi there. I'm not an expert but I do have five children. and yes, ever one goes through this. when my children would't clean there room (off came the doors to there room) remove three little hinges wal-la. no privicy for them until that room stays clean for a week.back talk.it didn't happen in our house.(we) my husband and I were raised by preachers. our dad's. also my mom. a dubble wam-me. I think my folks had eyes in the back of there heads.we didn't get away with nothing.oh it wasn't cause we didn't try. we just knew better next time.and I perty much raised my children the same. I've not had one in the truble with the law,all finished school,and all own there on home.BUT DON'T GET ME WRONG. all kids test you.when our children had a problem, my husband would set up all night if need be. and talk to them.after a while they would open up and let him know what was bugging them.the next morning it was all better.(of course he was tuckered out) some times children just need someone to lissen to them.we as parents don't stop to think. there little minds are so confused with so many chouses to make in life, and if we don't lessen. someone that been through some bad times will teach them how to get even with the big people in there life.so put your ears on.and keep those eyes in the back of your head. they grow up faster then you think.

I know exactly how you feel... I've lost control too in many different manners, including throwing his toys, screaming at him and spanking. I only began to try to change when I began to see the fear in his eyes... I was raised by harsh parents too and I found myself treating my son the same way and I resolved myself to be a better parent... I'm glad you came here too because that's what I did and it really helped talking to other moms... Whenever I get that angry now I immediately seperate myself from my son... I don't want to ever lose control to the point where I beat my son... You may think it's spanking, but when you're that angry, you can't depend on yourself to reign in the power and can easily hurt your child... I have started with Time Outs, both in his room and out. If it's just a minor typical 3 year old infraction, he gets a time out where ever he stands. I just plop him down on his butt and tell him to sit there. If it's a huge thing and I find myself loosing control, he goes in his room. Surprisingly, this works! He is devestated when he's put in time out and you would think his little world was coming to an end when he's put into his room! Also, at the advice of another mom here, I've started with the "One, Two, Three" thing... This gives him warning that I'm getting fed up and he has only until I reach three before he complies or he's punished. I semi-agree with the poster who suggest ignoring him or not talking to him... This is just another form of time out, but I wouldn't take it to the extreme of days on end... When we have an issue, once he's been punished and corrects his wrong, we consider it all done. He says he's sorry, we hug, kiss and I say, OK, it's all done. Grudges are a horrible thing to teach children and it's extremely painful for the child to deal with too... I know this from experience... If you want to go the route of not talking to your child, I would only do it for as long as you would impose a time out... when the child apologizes, the silent treatment/time out should end and be forgiven/forgotten. Good luck.

My beautiful friend Sudipta, Take a deep breath, and let me tell you that it is perfectly normal for you to have these feelings - children will drive even the most level headed among us absolutely batspit crazy! I understand why you won't hit him, and I REALLY understand why you would want to! Let me tell you from experience, spanking doesn't really work either. I've yelled at my daughter and been so furious that I threw something across the room instead of laying hands on her, just as you did - and felt just as bad about it. It's HARD being a parent and your children WILL push all your buttons and make you wish you could scream and run away. Sometimes the best thing you can do is just walk away. They HATE this, and will often behave just to make you not ignore them! When my daughter is out of control, I throw my hands up, say "I've had enough" and leave the room. She usually then comes and says sorry and begs me to pay attention to her. That's at home though, if she acts up in a public place, all I can do is either yell or say through my gritted teeth how much trouble she's gonna be in when we get home. "Wait until your father gets home" is something my mom said and it made my blood run cold. Even though my dad was a real sweetheart, it killed me to think my mom would tell him that I had been bad! It seems to work on my kid as well, I hate using Daddy like that, but if you find something that works... I wish I had better answers, but sadly, I do not, just know that what you are feeling is normal, and we all feel that way from time to time. When it gets bad, just walk away for a bit, leave the room, go outside and smell the flowers or go in your room and cool off. Call a freind if you have any who will understand, or come to mylot and find your friends who would move heaven and earth to get you to smile. You are not alone, this IS normal, and you are still a VERY GOOD mother.

Hi sudipta, This is undoubtedly a big deal. But your method would never work and you would go worse. As I too have a son who is 7 + and I know I too get angry and feel like banging his head but I pull back and leave it to calm down. Firstly this is your anger. You have to get control over it and have to be patient to the level that your son finally comes your desired way. But remember the more you get angry and he knows you would do nothing but screaming and throwing books, he would build an immune and you would lose the battle for once and all. Try to read him between the lines and hope you will find a way out.

Okay, I know how you feel. However, you're going about it all wrong. My step daughter used to live with my husband and I and she had severe behavior issues. The first thing we learned was that kids crave attention whether it is negative or positive. Naturally, we want the positive and not the negative. Sit down with your child and talk about what would work for them. It won't happen over night, but by creating a reward system you will get much farther. We had been to the point of calling the cops on her before. If she didn't get all the attention she wanted or get her way she would either get violent or act out in outrageous ways. It's taken a lot of work but the best thing to get a child to do what you expect of them is with praise and reward. Now don't bribe them, but show them that hard work will pay off.

sudiptacallingu, One of the most difficult task in child upbringing is teaching them to behave and administer punishment to the misdemeanors of your child whom you love so much at the same time. I think that you need to remember that you have the right to be angry and punish the child when they are at fault. However, you have to bear in mind that you are doing this out of love and not out of malice. It is for their future and well being. So, when we punish with love, we will need to be ever more resourceful and tactful without loosing our loving parental image and exemplary examples to our young ones. Being a parent is never easy, so much more when one wants to be a good and loving parent. What you need to remember is that you are not alone, there will be hair pulling sessions especially when they become defiant. Yet, we must never forget that we are their lifetime parent and we have a responsibility over them. The responsibility of nurturing them is just like cooking a well balance diet meal everyday for them to grow well physically and stature. Parenting is part and parcel of adult life, and there are many ways to administer and bring discipline to your lovely child. Like flying a kite, we must never tension the line without easing at times. Like sand in your hand, once we squeeze too tightly you will find them seeping through our fingers. Loosing height (aspiration) and grasp (control) at the end of the day. So, the next time your child get on your nerves, just remind yourself that you are going to teach with love and out of love. I am sure this constant reminder will quell the anger in you and not resort to negative, bad and unloving acts for your love. Garrison Keillor once said: "Nothing you do for children is ever wasted. They seem not to notice us, hovering, averting our eyes, and they seldom offer thanks, but what we do for them is never wasted." Take care and have a nice day.

i know how you feel. im glad mine are grown now. you have no idea how many times i lost it and had to take a walk or just lock myself in a room for a few minutes when they were growing up. thats what my Dr. suggested. my mom also lost her temper and would beat the crap out of me. so, like you, i didnt want to do that. i think it happens to all of us when we have a tough kid. but i would take a little walk and leave them in a playpen if they were small or when they got bigger take a walk around the block (not far) or just go into another room for a while away from them till i cooled off.perhaps ask a dr. if something could be wrong with the childs temperment also.

Every parent in the world eventually loses patience with a child over something. You, however, are going past the point of no return in doing real damage to your child. Get psychological help and get it NOW! I kept putting it off with until one day I raged over some tiny, insignificant thing my daughter had done and could actually imagine myself hurting her badly. I told my husband to get me to a doctor fast and thank goodness, he complied. I was put on medications that brought me down to a manageable anger level without making me a zombie. Eventually, I was able to get off of the meds altogether and live a happy life with my family.

Hi Sudipta I am bit terrified after reading your post.My son is 1.4 years old and as of now i have not faced this kind of problem but it is true that there are some problems.He when being asked not to do anything ,he will do it again and laugh and this really irritates me. Yesterday my cousin came from Jamshedpur and i was discussing this problem with him.He says every child follows the same kind of trend.Children are now a days more impatient,egoistic and short tempered and lose their temper over petty things.It is now the duty of parents of handle these kind of situations with diligence and care.My aunt used to punish her children by imposing a week long ban on their television and playing and her children used to behave properly after every punishment. Try to control your anger because we show anger when we do not have control over our emotions and things go beyond our control.TRY TO CALM YOURSELF AND START COUNTING TILL 10,I THINK IT WILL DEFINITELY WORK TO CONTROL YOUR ANGER.

My wife is just like you, she always gets angry at my son. For me, I seldom get angry at him. I think you have to change yourself instead of your son to change the situation. You should be more calm, but it's hard to do so, maybe anger is a inherent quality for you, but it can be changed, don't try to change your son, change yourself is the only way, though is difficult.

Hi there sudipta. Being angry is normal and the instinctive, natural way to express anger is to respond agrresively. Yes its a normal psychological behavior but in your case, you really need to learn how to manage your anger. One thing I do when I am angry is think of funny things. I use humor to calm me down. It really helps to maintain balance and control yourself during those intense emotions. Also, another thing I do is changing the environment. Going to another place for just 15 minutes greatly help and lets you get yourself under control. It calms you down and helps you think more rational. There are lots of ways to manage anger. Don't be scared of yourself because being angry is normal but you must be able to know how to manage it. I hope this helped and be easy on your child sudipta! :)