So now Adoption is throwing your child away and something to be ashamed of
By meandmy3
@meandmy3 (2227)
United States
June 2, 2009 8:47pm CST
So I did what I thought was right for my child, I was 17 years old when I had him and I chose, as it is my choice to do so, to give my child up for adoption. I made a post earlier today about my testimony and was told that
One doing infertility treatments was not Christian of me.. and that I was infertile because I was being punished for giving my first son up for adoption and that abortion would have been a better choice.
oh and there was sort of a guilt trip for my choice as well and what a horrible person I was for making such a hard decision about my life, my child, which yes is a precious gift, as all children are a gift of God.
Adoption to me is a wonderful thing, and is not something ot be ashamed of, in fact it is something to be proud of. It would have been so easy for me to go to the clinic and get an abortion, I had the money, I had many offer to take me, to pay for it. But no I made a sacrifice and had my child, gave up nine months of my 16-17 year old life, went to my first day of senior year pregnant, had my child and went home from the hospital without him. It was in fact the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. But I have never second guessed my choice as I know it was the right choice for my child and for me. I did put him first, I could have kept him, finished high school and might have still made it to college, who knows but I did not want that for him I wanted him to have a stable home. I wanted him to have a mom who did not work, a father who adored him. and now I have some self righteous person telling me I was wrong..
I am glad that things worked out for you. I am glad that you are so happy in your life and marriage. I am happy in mine and well my son, the one I threw away, just graduated from an IVY League College, he has a promising career and is very happy.
Thanks for being so Christ like and judging a complete stranger on something that you have no idea of the entire story..
6 people like this
19 responses
@Debs_place (10520)
• United States
3 Jun 09
No adoption is a wonderful thing, my brother has adopted 2 boys, without people who gave up their children, he would not have a family today.
It is wonderful that you know that your son is doing well and graduated from an Ivy league school, something most of us can not afford to do or have our children do.
It sounds to me like you did the right thing and someone who can judge you and make nasty comments about what you did is just a judgmental a%%hole who does not deserve your attention.
3 people like this
@meandmy3 (2227)
• United States
3 Jun 09
Yes, I have been blessed with Triplets, who are now five years old. But I should not have been able to have them as God was punishing me for throwing my child away and made me infertile as a result..
I thought that throwing a child away was when you placed them in a trash can, when you leave them at a grocery store and never return..
2 people like this
@jillhill (37354)
• United States
3 Jun 09
I think you did a very brave and loving thing to give your child a chance at a better life.....and never ever feel guilty about it...if someone sat in judgement on you remember what goes around will come around...I am very proud to respond to a discussion where someone loved another enough to give them a better life!
3 people like this
@meandmy3 (2227)
• United States
3 Jun 09
Thank you Jill. I am still in shock over how I was attacked. Just look for my testimony post. On Sunday I will be giving my testimony to my Sunday School Class
it is classified under Christian and you can see it. I actually started crying as I read the hate field words.
1 person likes this
@thyst07 (2079)
• United States
3 Jun 09
I'm an adoptee, so I just wanted to add my two cents that I think you did the right thing. Sometimes children "happen" at a time in life when you're not yet ready to be a capable parent. I applaud you for being willing to recognize that and to give your son a chance for a better situation. I wish that my biological mother had been able to recognize that it wasn't the right time for her to be a parent, and to do the right thing for me. Fortunately, when it was finally realized that she wasn't doing a good job of raising me, my grandparents took me in and eventually adopted me as their own child. Biology isn't destiny, and the right person to raise a child isn't always the person who produced it. That's why adoption is so wonderful.
2 people like this
@twoey68 (13627)
• United States
24 Sep 09
Personally I think what you did took incredible strength and compassion to do. I'm not going to get into the whole Christian thing b/c it seems like everyone has their own idea of what that is. I will say that if God blessed you with a child, it was for a reason and perhaps that reason was for you to pass that blessing on to another family. I can't believe that anyone would suggest that killing a baby is better than adopting it out. At least this way the child gets a fair chance at life. I also admire you for taking responsibility for your actions...many women find themselves in the same situation and take the quick fix road to get rid of it. Don't let one persons negativity get to you.
[b]~~AT PEACE WITHIN~~
**STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS**[/b]
1 person likes this
@malamar (779)
• Canada
24 Sep 09
When I fist saw this posting, I actually saw red. I read through all the comments until the end, and then I came upon your comment twoey. Bravo for you! You said exactly what I wanted to, only I think it said it much clearer than I ever could have.
This lady made an unselfish, loving and very,very brave decision when she placed her baby for adoption. Unless you have been there, you will never know how difficult this decision is, and how it will affect you for the rest of your life.
I cannot believe the stupidity and ignorance of anyone who believes abortion is better than adoption. They are not worth even one more second of your time.
@okkidokitokki (1736)
• United States
3 Jun 09
meandmy,
I cried when I read your post, and I compleatly understand your anger. Adoption in my opinion is always the right answer. I know so many people who probaby needed to give their children up for adoption becuase they were so young when they had their children. What you did was brave. The fact that you not only made this decision and choose to be a part of his life shows just how strong you truely are.
The group that you are going to share with will be blessed by your sharing. Do not loose sight of your true goal. You reminded me of God's love and grace with your testamony, you will do so again for others that hear it and read it.
Okki
2 people like this
@meandmy3 (2227)
• United States
3 Jun 09
Thank you so much for your kind words. It has not always been an easy walk and I have had to deal with my own guilt surrounding this. I was taken back by the response I got and I know that I should have been the better person in this, but I was hurt and felt as if I was being judged.
Thank you again and may God continue to bless you and your family.
2 people like this
@chingmerry (414)
• China
3 Jun 09
there must have been so much guilt and pain go with you so long long time,you have spend a big cost for it may be more than ten years,but there was a good result for you,he have married and have promising career, you have a happiness family,a good hubby and so lovely children,you could bring it out in here,i think you have already set free something in your heart.everybody have some secret in their heart which couldn't bring out,just like me,i hope i would able to release like you oneday!
2 people like this
@meandmy3 (2227)
• United States
3 Jun 09
first you have to release it to yourself and turn it over to God, accept what wrong you did to yourself during this time in your life, admit that you were wrong, admit that you harmed yourself and that you caused harm to others. Then you forgive yourself and often all of this comes with talking about it talking it out and well turning it over to God.
Good luck and God bless in all that you do.
2 people like this
@Foxxee (3651)
• United States
3 Jun 09
Adoption is a wonderful thing & I have never ran across anyone that thought it was awful, but I guess there are people out there that think it's not right...?
Why? I don't get it.
Anyway, you did what you thought was right. You put your child first, even if some people don't see it that way, you honestly did.
I don't see how abortion would of been better.... I think that comment was just ignorance talking. So ignore those hate commments.
I think you did the right thing.... so many loving people can't have babies & you gave that one couple a chance. Bravo to you!
My oldest sister was adopted as well... without adoption I would of never have known her.
1 person likes this
@maximax8 (31046)
• United Kingdom
23 Jun 09
I look highly upon people that adopt their child. Then he or she can have a lovely life. I think that aborting would kill him or her and that wouldn't be right. I know that medical assistance to get pregnant helps many ladies. You carried your baby boy for nine months and gave him up. Well done, you did such a special thing. You made the adoptive parents happy and gave your boy a bright future. The stranger said something really mean. You deserve the IVF treatment. Good luck.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
3 Jun 09
Geez, I thought you said I wasn't worth your time... guess that blows that idea out of the water, lol.
As I said in that other discussion, if you don't want people to judge you, don't discuss personal issues on a public forum. You're taking this a little too far (how Christian of you, thought the Lord wants you to forgive... hmmm).
Again, I'm entitled to my opinion. I'm not going to defend what I said, some of which you took out of context. I will continue to think and feel the way I choose. It's your life, you do what you choose with it, and suffer the concequences of your actions.
I don't care about what sort of school your kid goes to. Are you better than me for that?
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
3 Jun 09
Is it supposed to bother me that the whole world doesn't see things the way I do? That's what makes life interesting. You believe what you wish, I'll believe what I wish, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.
But I'm not the one going around saying you're stupid for what you believe in, or that your beliefs are idiotic. That is a personal attack. I at no point made any personal attacks, I just stated my opinions on your personal experiences, which you offered up on a public forum. Now you'd like the rest of the Mylot community to think I'm in the wrong for something I didn't even say.
If you're going to take everything this personally, you shouldn't be on a public forum, because there are hundreds of people here who aren't always going to agree with everything you say and do.
If you don't mind... this will be my lost correspondence directed towards you. I'm going to be the better person and walk away from all this. You're turning a simple discussion into something ugly, and I no longer want to be a part of that.
@meandmy3 (2227)
• United States
3 Jun 09
The things you said were plain and simple idiotic. I pray that some day you will see that God does not work that way. I am taking this too far, you were the one with the rude accusations and the hurtful things, I was simply getting the opinion of others and well clearly you are in the minority with your believe system
@jessi0887 (2788)
• United States
3 Jun 09
Adoption is a great gift for both you and the person who is recieving the child. You obviously at your age knew you weren't ready to be a mother and that choice alone is a hard one. I too faced that choice at 18 but I kept my child. I kept my child though because I had family who supported me and wanted me to keep him. For you that choice may of been your only option of having a better life for not just you but your unborn child. You also gave another couple a chance to have a baby of their own when they may of not been able to.
1 person likes this
@meandmy3 (2227)
• United States
3 Jun 09
My family would have supported me no matter what I decided to do. I just knew in my heart that I could not raise a child and provide for him as he deserved to be. I had seen to many of my relatives, even my older sister and the life they were living the conditions their children were being raised in and I wanted more than that for my child and yes for me, we both deserved more than that. I am so happy that things worked out so well for you. God Bless
@macel19 (202)
• Philippines
3 Jun 09
As a parents we want the best for our children, and in your caseI know being a young parent is not really easy especially raising a child in a weak economy. I guess you dont have to blame yourself and try to move on because you cant do anything about it anymore. You are still very blessed because your son is now a better individual and have a better future. Every decision we make in life have it's own consequence but i guess your infertility is not one of it. It is unreasonable to say that you are infertile because you gave your son away (If I understand your story right) I know that everyday of your life, the process of giving your baby for adoption is not easy, you've been struggling as well.Just dont hold back and keep moving. Everything happens for a purpose and the important thing right now is living your life according to what it should be. No one can understand you better than those people who experienced the same way as you do. I can't speak better on behalf of them but I hope I can just lighten your burden.
@prinzcy (32305)
• Malaysia
3 Jun 09
Adopting is not throwing your son away, it's giving him a chance to live, even not with you. If you had choose to abort him, that is throwing him away, you also kill him.
I think you have made the right choice and it's very brave of you. You're right, I am judging a complete stranger on what I don't really know. But based on what you had posted, I think that is the right choice.
1 person likes this
@pickoy (733)
• Philippines
3 Jun 09
I have nothing against adoption and its a million times better than abortion. It's quite hard to give away your son but if its for a good cause specially for his future, I don't see anything wrong with that. Look, he had a better life finding people who can give him good education and a bright future. Nothing will hurt as much to deprive yourself from enjoying his company but again if its for his own good a mother will always seek for a better option even if it means a huge sacrifice on her part.
I remember the story of King Solomon when there are two women fighting over one child, im not sure if you're familiar with that, the King decided to cut the baby into half to figure out who the real mother was, the fake one wants to cut it in half(that would definitely kill the child) but the real mother decided to give away the child so he'll survive. The main point of the story is really "sacrifice" and "overwhelming love" for the child.
1 person likes this
@meandmy3 (2227)
• United States
3 Jun 09
I am very familiar with the story and in my mind I did the hard thing. I did not take the easy way out of this. I gave my child to someone that would love him, and care for him and give him all that he needed in this life, which at the time I was not capable of doing.
@leyisa (486)
• Canada
3 Jun 09
I think Adoption is a personal choice - I personally think that it was a very hard decision for you to give your son up for adoption but that you did it for the right reasons b/c you couldn't take care of him - you gave him to a family that was better able to take care of him. I think that is very self-less. I am pro- choice when it comes to adoption - in this case, had you had an abortion, you would have deprived him of life and you would have deprived his adopted family of him...you did the right thing and dont' let anyone tell you otherwise......
1 person likes this
@maximax8 (31046)
• United Kingdom
2 Oct 09
I think that you did the right thing for your baby boy. You gave him to a loving adoptive family where he could be happy. I am sure he is pleased that you let him live. It was wonderful that you didn't abort him. I know that you should be proud that you adopted your baby son. Adoption is a wonderful thing and I wish that it was more popular. I think that any lady that finds it impossible to get pregnant naturally deserves to have fertility treatment if she wishes to have it. I think you have triplets and if so that is excellent. You are a kind person and you don't deserve someone saying anything nasty about what you did.
@friendship4lyfe (520)
• Saint Lucia
4 Jun 09
Meandmy3 you made a couple very happy and GOD see that as a good thing.He blessed you with triplets,you shouldnt let anyone make you angry because they judge you.Throwing your son away is what you didnt do because you gave him life.I got an email about a premature baby that was buried alive yet it survived.thats what that person should consider bad.Your son was lucky and is still lucky because he has two moms who love him unconditionally.friend just count your blessing and ignore those two face people out there.God bless you and your family.
@BishounenNerd (373)
• United States
3 Jun 09
You did the right thing. The way I see it, you were tempted by evil. You were tempted to kill your unborn child, even though as we can plainly see, you're alive and well. You could also have raised the kid, and he might not have been successful in life. But you chose to give him to someone who could provide him with a good home. You stood strong, and triumphed over adversity. And because of that, things turned out for the better.
So why would anyone criticize you!? I don't get it, you obviously put deep thought into your actions and made a successful plan where everyone wins. Don't they have a brain? Or are they incapable of intelligent thought? Whatever the case, don't let them bother you, they're not as wise as you are...
@meandmy3 (2227)
• United States
3 Jun 09
I have no idea why I was criticized so much by this person. It was out of left field and it was on here of all places. I have never in my life, in the 22 years since I made the decision to give my child up for adoption been talked to the way that I was concerning my choice to give my child up for adoption.
@wisdomt (99)
• United States
8 Jun 09
I am sorry that you were attacked for adopting your child out. I do not believe in abortion and chose to have my children. That is not to say though that if I had known then what would happen over the course of my life I would have done what was right for more children. They might have had a better life. You are very brave and I commend you.
