Tell me I am being silly
By meandmy3
@meandmy3 (2227)
United States
June 4, 2009 7:48pm CST
So a few weeks ago my baby sister got married, which I could not be happier about.
what is bugging me is this. For the longest I have been my sisters go to person, the one who was always there for her, the one that helped her through the hard times. I helped plan the wedding, I purchased as much as well her father did, my step dad, if not more for the wedding. I went out of my way to make certain that her wedding was the best day of her life.
at her wedding she made sure she got pictures taken with everyone, but me. In fact had my husband not insisted on it we would not have had a picture take together, he brought it up etc. and she said oh yea..
I felt the entire weekend that I was hired help.
well this week her cat passed away, the one she has had since she was eight years old. I sent her a very sweet message on facebook, she got several messages, and well her responce of thanks was directed to my sister in law, brother, mom step dad, everyone but me.
what the heck did I do, am I being silly, is it crazy for me to feel so hurt by all of this. I feel as if I am just an acquaintance to her, do I say something or do I just let it go.
the other thing that really bothers me, is the last time she was in town she did not even stay at my house, she stayed at her husbands friends house and slept on the couch, at my house she has a bed, a private entrance etc.
I know her husband comes first, but I was always the first in the family as far as brother sister in law etc comes and now it seems I am a second thought to her, if that. and it hurts. I miss our friendship. I have no idea what happened and no idea if I should say anything or not. I am hurt. I guess this is kind of petty considering all the crap that is going on in the world. I just feel as if oh yes that my sister no big deal. When I have always gone the extra mile plus some for her.
I flew her to Chicago twice a year when I lived there. when she graduated from high school I got her tickets to the Daytona 500, that is what she asked for it was any trip she wanted (with in reason, I offered a week long cruise she suggested that) it was not cheap. I have always gone above and beyond for her and now I feel as if well I do not even matter to her.
okay I know I am being silly, I just needed to get it out
5 people like this
22 responses
@Citychic (4067)
• United States
9 Jun 09
Tell me am I being silly?
Hello Meandmy3, personally speaking I don't think that you are being silly. It's apparent that you are the older one and I hate to be the one to say it but i have seen this to happen in my own family. The younger ones sit around and they expect for the older ones to do certain things for them. Oh and as long as you are doing it everything is nice and lovely but when you stop. Guess what, all communication stops. Now I don't know how close you were with your sister but it does sound as if she is treating you mighty distant and almost cold. I think that you should sit down and write her a letter and just tell her how you feel. One thing that you must be aware of is that things change in life. Particularly when a sibling decides to get married. So while you are happy for her and you want to see the best things happen for her. Let her know how you feel about the whole situation. But try to stay away from mentioning all the money that you've spent on her but rather instead focus on the friendship and the good times that you once had with her and let her know that you miss her company. If you want to have a sister relationship her in the future you need to let her know and then wish her the best and leave it up to her how she chooses to respond. It sounds as if your little sister is trying to find her own way. Often when they get married they get wrapped up into their husband's life and lifestyle. The old person that you might have known a long time ago could be gone already. For in marriage she will have to learn how to stand her own ground so a new person might be emerging, don't be surprised with whatever happens. But at least you will have done your part by trying to extend your hand in friendship one final time. Best wishes with the two of you....
I always believed that a sisterly relationship was one of the most special kind of relationships there was. It would be shame that your sister is too immature to see it. 
It make me sad when things like this happens between two sisters born of the same parents. God bless you.
I always believed that a sisterly relationship was one of the most special kind of relationships there was. It would be shame that your sister is too immature to see it. It make me sad when things like this happens between two sisters born of the same parents. God bless you.
@Citychic (4067)
• United States
16 Jun 09
Tell me am I being silly.
You are welcomed friend, above all else try to be mindful that you must keep your sister in prayer. Sometimes it's harder for us older ones to remember that we need to do this. Someone once asked the question "Am I my brother's keeper"? I believe that God would answer yes to that question. Just like the prodigal son strayed far away from home, our brothers and sisters may do the same thing. But as long as there in at least one praying person in the family, all will be well. Take care of yourself and always keep your kind and forgiving heart.
1 person likes this
@meandmy3 (2227)
• United States
16 Jun 09
Thank you so much. I went home last weekend and the two of us went to dinner and had a very long talk. She was upset but not with me, it was with my husband and it was all a huge miss understanding. I hope that now that we have talked things will go back to normal for us.
1 person likes this
@kerriannc (4279)
• Jamaica
5 Jun 09
I wouldn't dismissed as you being silly. There are too many events that is there to see that she is avoiding you. You need to asked yourself couple of question 'Is it that this begin since she has become intimate this man who is now her husband', Is it that during the wedding you have said something that was negative and she felt offended by it. Call her and asked her why your relationship has been broken. This is the only way you can healed and moved on. My elder sister and I is no friend but on her wedding day even though I was late there are pictures that we took together as a family.
The devil always comes between something which is good but it is for those individuals to mend it before it spread. Take care.
1 person likes this
@meandmy3 (2227)
• United States
5 Jun 09
This started before she started dating her husband, it has been a gradual thing but seems to get worse as time goes by.. I just do not know if I need to talk to her. I have a gut feeling as to what it is about. My husband can come across as well rude at times, he does not realize he is even doing it. He can be pretentious at times, and I think he has over the years rubbed her wrong, in fact prior to my getting married to him we were close as thieves (as they say) but since our wedding and well his way of being things have fast gone down hill. (well over seven years) I just do not know what to do. I am very hurt by this and feel it should be addressed but do nto want to come across as being petty.
@kerriannc (4279)
• Jamaica
5 Jun 09
Well since you know that your husband as been one of the benefactor have causing your relationship to be going down I would advice you to sit down and talk with him. He needs to know that this cannot continue and hurting the ones you love means that he is hurting you as well.
@PurpleTeddyBear (6685)
• Canada
16 Jun 09
Hi Hun! I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. I wouldn't say you are being silly at all! It's obvious that you love your sister, and the relationship that you two share so their is nothing wrong or silly about wanting to save it! I honestly would just try to talk to her and find out what's going on. The only way I think you will find out is by asking! I wish you the best of luck sweetie, and I hope it all works out for you and your sis. I don't have a sister so I'm not sure what "sister relationships" are like. My brother and I get along, but it's nothing to write home about!
@PurpleTeddyBear (6685)
• Canada
17 Jun 09
I am really happy to hear that you and your sis talked it out! Hopefully things go back to "the way they were" and your happy once again ... you deserve it hun! I wish you all the best!
@spalladino (17891)
• United States
5 Jun 09
Hi Big Sister from another Big Sister. You are both going through an adjustment period and I doubt that your baby sister even realizes that your feelings are hurt. If the wedding reception was hectic I'm sure you weren't overlooked on purpose. I remember my first wedding reception as one big blur. Staying at her husband's friend's house the last time she was in town could have just been a matter of convenience or maybe she was asserting her independence a little bit. I'm only guessing of course. The best thing for you to do is to talk to your sister and clear the air. I have always been closer to my middle sister than my baby sister and it was hard to not be Number 1 anymore when she fell in love. She wasn't intentionally shutting me out but it felt like it to me. It sounds like you've been a wonderful big sister and I'm sure your baby sister appreciates everything you've done for her. This is most likely a misunderstanding so give her a call.
1 person likes this
@spalladino (17891)
• United States
5 Jun 09
I read what you posted above about your husband's personality and how that may be part of the problem. I hope you and your sister are able to straighten this out.
@meandmy3 (2227)
• United States
5 Jun 09
I am going home next week so i will talk to her then about it, I guess. I just do not want to hurt her, this has been coming for sometime and well if she ever needs anything it is me she calls. My husband videoed the wedding for her, I took the majority of the pictures and even made her a rather large scrap book, it has close to 50 pages in it. She is a great deal younger than me, she was born when I was 15. I hope I am over reacting.
@macdingolinger (10386)
• United States
5 Jun 09
You are not just "being silly"... your feelings are real, and they are really hurt! You do need to talk to her about it. She really may not be doing it on purpose. That doesn't make a lot of sense, but she may simply be taking you for granted and assuming you understand. ... or there may be something you did that you are unaware of. On any account, talk to her, it's the only way to mend anything. Communication is the key to relationship!
1 person likes this
@imsilver (1665)
• Canada
5 Jun 09
Feelings are never silly. You feel how you feel and that's about it. I really think that you should talk things out with your sister. Explain to her how you feel and see what she has to say. If there IS a problem it will give you two a chance to solve it and if there ISN'T a problem then it will point out to her how insensitive she's been and either she'll make an effort to fix it or not. Then you'd have to see where you go from there but NOTHING will happen if you don't talk to her about it.
@makingpots (11915)
• United States
5 Jun 09
Aww, not silly. You have every right to your feelings. It sounds like you are being taken for granted a bit. It is possible that it just has not occurred to her with everything going on in her life.
You should sit her down and have a long talk. You feelings matter. If something has happened to cause this behavior in her she should discuss it with you.
@ellie333 (21016)
•
5 Jun 09
Hi Meandmy3, It sounds that as she knows that you are always there she is just taking you a bit for granted, she may not even realise she is doing it and subconciously she may have been jalous of your hubby and kids and now she has her own hubby and is trying to impres his friends and family as she knows she doesn't need to with you, I don't know but I would say she is your younger sister as they do seem to be like this towards the older sister. I have never had a sister but I have two girls and seen the younger one feel she was in her older sisters shadow, however I would mention it and tell her how her actions are making you feel as she probably doesn't even realise that she is doing it. Let her settle a bit more into married life and I am sure you'll be like best friends again. Deep down she apprciates all you do but has come to expect it. A total outside point of view I could be totally wrong here. Huggles. Ellie :D
@ladym33 (10979)
• United States
10 Jun 09
She is probably so swept up in her new life, wedding, and husband as well as getting to know his family that she does not even realize she is shutting you out. She probably knows you will always be there for her and right now she is trying to concentrate on getting to know her new husband's family and friends. They were probably invited by the friends to stay and she did not want to offend the people by not staying with them as she is just getting to know them. She knows you will like her and love her no matter what. But she probably really does not realize she is hurting you and probably did not mean to not include you. If it bothers you enough you should talk to her about it. She is your sister after all.
@appleeater1990 (15)
• United States
5 Jun 09
You are not being sily at all. She was probubly caught up in the moment, and just forgot. The only thing that I can tell you is that you are more than likley a great person and you will be appreciated no matter what you think. I think that you should just let her know how you feel about it and go from there. I am sure that she loves you and she is grateful to have a sister as great as you. I am sure that if it comes down to it she will be the first person to try to help you if you are ever in danger or any other trouble no matter what it is. Hope this helps you in one way or another..
@amanda08 (647)
• United States
5 Jun 09
I can see how that would hurt your feelings.... maybe she is just trying to get used to her new in-laws and hubby's friends... maybe she is just going through an adjustment phase in her life, and I am sure that she still loves you very much.
I hope that things get better for you and that you and your sister become close again, but just remember to keep your cool and be prepared to be there for her when she needs you. Maybe this is a phase and she will need you when she gets out of it. Just give her time... hope things get better!!
@x_Jo_x (1040)
•
11 Jun 09
Hmmm, well it might be she is trying to feel... "grown up" now she is married, and not rely on her big sister, if you know what i mean? Thats just a wild guess lol. It doesnt sound like you have done anything wrong, and i certainly dont think you are being silly! You should maybe try talking to her, maybe put it like
"You seem to have been a bit distant lately, is everything ok?" rather than directly ask "Have i done something??" then it gives her the oppertunity to tell you. If it then continues ask her is you have done something!
@draconity (55)
• United States
5 Jun 09
I also wouldn't say that you're being silly.
I've been overlooked by my sister a few times too, and it really does hurt. Sometimes, siblings are so used to you that they take you for granted; or sometimes they have even more siblings that they feel need their attention right now, and they get distracted.
I'd say ask your sister to visit so you can have some one on one family time. Just her, not her husband. Have her come and stay with you for a weekend and make it just sibling time. That's helped me.
@miamilady (4910)
• United States
5 Jun 09
I'll give you the "little sister" perspective. God I HATE that label! lol
I'm the youngest of four. My oldest sister and I are seperated by 13 years.
We have issues. We have a decent relationship sometimes, but we definitely don't understand eachother on a lot of things.
You'r "baby sister" is growing up. She doesn't need you as much anymore.
She still loves you. I'm sure she appreciates what you've done for her.
Right now, her focus has changed. She has another family in her life.
Her husband maybe be (and probably should be) her "go to" person now.
She is probably trying (to some degree) to impress her new family.
Don't you have in-laws? Don't you know how challenging it can be to get used to your new family?
Give her a little space. Let her get used to her "new life". Stay in touch, try not to be resentful. Let her know you're happy for her and you're still there for her, but respect that she has new priorities now.
I understand that you feel a bit slighted, but I hope you can try to understand her perspective on things.
Good luck.
@pree70 (525)
• India
5 Jun 09
i am glad that you have got it off your chest. some things really bug us to no end if it remains within ourselves for a long time. without our realising, it results in a whole lot of negativity which affects us.
i dont think you are being silly. i realise that you are very hurt by your sisters behaviour. maybe, unknowingly, you did something wrong... maybe said the wrong words or something. or it could even be that you are too possessive and demanding of her that she feels smothered. or maybe she is so caught up in her new life and relationships and she just took you for granted. it may not be that she doesn't care for you, it may just be that you are sort of 'invisible', but always available as far as she is concerned.
anyway, i would suggest that you talk to her about it as soon as possible.
@shalabhvaid (319)
• India
5 Jun 09
In most cases like this when someone feels bad about something they normally tend to ignore that person. I think in your case its the same too. As rest say she must have felt bad about something. Yes talking it out is the best solution or you might go on hurting her and she will kind of develop more stronger hatred for you. So talk it out before its gets nowwhere. Hope you and you sister pair up fast.
@bing28 (3795)
• Philippines
5 Jun 09
There must be something she learned or she was dissappointed of with you. Try to ask her what made her change. You might be unaware of a little disappointment maybe made by others towards you. You would be continuously hurt by her wrongdoings should you would not know what it is all about. I know how you feel and it really hurts. I just hope everything would be fine between you and your beloved sis.
@pickoy (733)
• Philippines
5 Jun 09
Oh I wish I have you for a sister. I would have been more blessed. That's so sweet of you. Don't worry too much about it, sometimes, when you are too available to a person they tend to take you for granted in a little way, coz they know that you're just there and aside from that you're as much close - you belong to one family. Maybe these stuff are mere coincidence. Talk to her and ask her to sleepover one of these days, if she refused for no reason then that's the only time you should panic and start asking yourself why is she doing these kind of stuff.
I'm sure she's also a good sister to everybody or you wouldn't have gone an extra mile to help her out. Rest assured, she knows all your efforts but her attention are more drawn to people that is not available at those moments, people she misses... and because you're always there for her, I'm sure that's the main reason why she doesn't need to call for you, coz you're already there without being asked and its a fine quality of a person I would dare to miss express my heartfelt gratitude. So on behalf of her, thank you for being such a nice sister and family member.
@flyhun (28)
• Germany
5 Jun 09
You're not silly! I can totally understand. That would piss me off big time if somebody treated me like that. Excuse my language, but seriously, what's wrong with her? You've been treating her so well and she doesn't seem to return anything. That's not an appropriate behavior. Maybe something occured between you and her that you don't know about but upset her. I don't know. But to be honest, those actions were impolite of her. If I were you, I'd me really, really mad. I feel sorry for you.
I hope you can work this issue out :).
