Do You Predict WRONGLY What Others Are Thinking About You?

@wolfie34 (26771)
United Kingdom
June 6, 2009 4:37pm CST
When someone looks at you, do you automatically think that what they are thinking is negative? Do you always think that they are looking at you and thinking that you are fat, unattractive, easy to manipulate or a pushover? Do you straight away jump to the wrong conclusion and think someone dislikes you or is going to cause you harm or is going to be nasty to you? Do you predict wrongly what they are thinking and act accordingly, in other words do you snub them before they have a chance to snub you? I am terrible at this when anyone looks at me I think straight away that they are putting me down or laughing at me or even thinking I am unattractive I think it's become paranoia now that whenever anyone looks at me I look away straight away, I am terrible at being so negative, I always think that someone is thinking negatively about me when they happen to look at me. Do you do this with people, if someone looks at you do you automatically think the worst and that they are thinking bad of you? I hate people looking at me, I know it sounds stupid but it's like they see me as a freak when they look at me and always assume that they are thinking negative, nasty thoughts about me. Am I the only one who feels this way about other people and that they are always thinking negatively about me?
5 people like this
21 responses
@mysdianait (66009)
• Italy
6 Jun 09
Hi there wolfie! I don't stop and think about what people are thinking. The only thing that I can't handle are compliments and I still am not at ease with them If I have to consider what others are thinking I'm sure it would bias the way I did things, like speaking or dressing or whatever. If I'm at ease with myself then I just assume others are too and if they are not well, there are other fish in the sea I thought that was not how you were thinking these days my friend and that negativity was a thing of the past? Is that not the case?
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
6 Jun 09
Sad to say my friend I've had a lapse, I am hoping to get some more counseling, I seem to have gone back to my old ways, I guess negativity for me is like a comfort blanket, I can't do without it. Always lovely to see you, hope you are well and your bright avatar makes me smile!
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
6 Jun 09
It's partly the retreat that has caused a lot of turmoil, that and I am stuck in a rut at the moment, and yes the warm weather plays havoc with my moods. Now where's that comfy sofa, Sending you a hug, I've missed you dear friend.
1 person likes this
@mysdianait (66009)
• Italy
6 Jun 09
Oh! I'm not a counsellor but the first thing that came to mind was: can you not pinpoint what has caused things to go backwards? The last I remember you were over to your retreat, things were going well and I must have missed something. Is it anything to do with summer? You've just convinced me that I won't be changing my yellow face for a bit longer
• United States
14 Jun 09
I actually go back and forth between feeling like everyone is thinking badly about me to just not caring. For me its a matter of what I have to be proud of. When I am busy and keeping my mind sharp and acheiving goals, even small ones, I dont care what people think because Im too busy with my life. But when I have failed or I am just not good at something that I thought I would be that is actually really important in life then I start to get that itch from everyone's eyes. I am way too hard on myself alot of the time and if I dont get something right then I feel like a looser and that no one would want to be around me anymore. And alot of times, if im not with true friends then people will treat me how I feel. And this kind of feels like validation to my fears. The main thing that keeps me up is having a freind who I can help with simular issues. I need a partner who can achieve a higher goal along side me. I wish my husband was that person, and some times i think he is but he is just not a good communicator so we end up fighting all the time. I wish we could communicate. I think I need to fix myself by myself before I can work with anyone. But I dont know. Oh well, time will tell, I have ups and downs. and the downs arent so bad, just discouraging. I hope you find your inner self that gives you peace! :)
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Jun 09
That is true. I really dont think that any personality type has peace. Because there are always contradictions, even those who appear confident and happy have loads of crap they are carrying around with them. Did you know that the leader type personality, the one that everyone seems to follow and gravitate to are the ones who are 1-angry and 2-emotional. But are able to keep it under control.
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
14 Jun 09
I need to be busy and focused too, if I have a project or something that keeps my mind of things I am happy and content, it's when I have too much time to think that I start to get maudlin and then I start honing in on the negatives and for me it's like having a negative security blanket which I cling onto. I am pessimistic and I am negative and I start to wallow in self pity and I just want to hibernate away from everyone and lick my wounds. Sometimes I do have a 'couldn't care attitude' trouble is I do care and what people say hurts, I just need to build up that outer skin but when you are sensitive as well it's a damn uphill struggle all the time.
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
14 Jun 09
Whenever I go out these days, shopping or whatever, I'm now thinking that I present as the fat, older unattractive woman. I see a dumpy, frumpy woman in my reflection in store windows. I don't know who she is but it's me. I used to be quite attractive with lovely long legs, a quick wink at a handsome guy, a ready grin and a twinkle about me; that lady has gone now and the person that's taken her place is mainly noticed because of her size. Perhaps though I'm being too harsh. Perhaps no-one notices me at all any more.
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
14 Jun 09
I know exactly where you are coming from, I have a problem with my mouth, hence the way my mouth is makes me look miserable I am conscious of it the whole time and because I am conscious of it then it means that everyone else is too! That means when anyone looks at me straight away they look at my mouth. So like you I think everyone notices my mouth because I am so damn conscious of it, and every other positive attribute you have and I have is forgotten about!
@tonyllenium (6252)
• Italy
6 Jun 09
mmh...in reality i don't think that people think about me negatively when i met others for the first time may be you can understand when you are talking with him/her and so you can understand they are thinking negatively or positevely about you!!I think in this kind of things it is not possible to define it in general such as when you are to work or other places and you have normally relationship or professional one with others so normally i don't think nothing about my appearences or somehing link to that..may be when you come out with a person you have interest i meant private situations may be you can ask that to yourself if she's thinking good or bad about you?so may be this can be the case!!In general i don't ask to myself too much about what they are thinking about me or appeaences scuh as you have a good behaviour and good relation with others and so it is pretty impossible that all the people think positive or negative things about you it depends from different people way to see others, situations so on...
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
6 Jun 09
I guess it's my low self esteem which is at fault, thank you for your detailed response, appreciated.
• Italy
6 Jun 09
yes i think me too the problem is for that such as your low esteem about yourself!!May be this is the point to work for your character towards other in this way you can have good relationship without having too much paranoic thoughts!!such as i think it can be normal somebody can think negatively about you but this is not so common for everybody!!
@kellyjeanne (1576)
• United States
3 Jul 09
I don't always think that someone is thinking negatively about me, but, I can usually tell what people are thinking about me because of their body language and the inflection in their voices. Purrs, Catwoman=^..^= & Mija
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
3 Jul 09
I am absolutely hopeless when it comes to interpreting body language! I don't read the signs but I sure do hear the whispers and laughs, sometimes my paranoia gets the better off me I think.
• United States
13 Jul 09
I know. I hate it when paranoia rears up it's ugly little head. I've learned to tell when I'm just being paranoid and when what I'm feeling is true. Not ALL the time, but, most of the time. Take care, wolfie! Purrs, Catwoman=^..^= & Mija
@Lizann (81)
• United States
7 Jun 09
when someone looks at me i automatically think negatively about myself. i am very self deprecating as it is. i think i say worse things about myself to myself than anyone could say to my face. i guess it is instinct. i have been trying not to care what others think about me. i don't ever try to think they are thinking good things about me. i actually hate that i think they are thinking anything about me at all. why am i so egotistical to think that their thought process includes me?
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
7 Jun 09
Good point, you feel that you are the centrepiece that everyone is looking at you, you always have an audience watching your every move. You suffer with self esteem issues too I guess. Welcome to Mylot!
@Lizann (81)
• United States
9 Jun 09
yes i would say i have self esteem issues, but i have definitely gotten better throughout the years, and realized that i am a good person, and i deserve love, and respect.
@Lizann (81)
• United States
9 Jun 09
oh and thanks for the welcome!
@balasri (26537)
• India
7 Jun 09
I always predict rightly of what people think of me when they first have a look at me.They always think that I am a very proud person and try to act big with me.The next thing I can predict from their eyes is jealousy.Instant jealousy.I just cannot help it.May be it is the way I look.It always takes a couple of meeting for everyone that I am a fun loving easy going person but without any nonsense.
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
7 Jun 09
And you are a very friendly person too my friend and I am glad to have you as a friend!
@balasri (26537)
• India
8 Jun 09
Likewise Wolfie.You too are a god person and smart too.
@nannacroc (4049)
7 Jun 09
I used to be exactly like that, I even found it hard to believe that it really was me that my husband wanted to be with for the first few years of our marriage. Even if someone paid me a compliment I would wonder if they really meant it or if they were being sarcastic. I have changed a lot now. I think I reached about 30 and realised I no longer cared what others thought of me, I became true to myself and if people didn't like it, it was their loss not mine. It took a long time but I learned a lot about myself and others on the journey. Take care and remember you are special.
@nannacroc (4049)
7 Jun 09
Good luck with the assessment. Just remember to be true to yourself, you can't please everyone.
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
7 Jun 09
Sometimes I think I am going one step forward two steps back, I need a lot of work to be done on my self-esteem, that is why I am trying to get some more counseling for myself, I have an assessment on 16th of this month, so fingers crossed and thanks my friend, I think you are special too, you must be to put up with the Wolfie ;0)
@eaforeman6 (8979)
• United States
25 Jun 09
I try not to assume because assumtions can be so wrong. I like to decide more based on interactions and facts. Sometimes wemay have a sense of sorts about what we presume but we shouldtry not to think the worst since there is alarge margin for error.
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
29 Jun 09
Someone once said to me that to assume is to make an a55 out of you and me= a55+u+me, clever how some words work!
@worldwise1 (14885)
• United States
7 Jun 09
I used to feel that way much of the time, wolfie, but either I've gotten too old to care anymore or I've developed a thicker skin.Some people see me as unapproachable while others open up to me freely. I suppose I've learned that it's not about what others think of you so much as what you think of yourself.
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
7 Jun 09
You hit the nail on the head my dear friend, it's all about self-esteem isn't it, sadly mine is very low, I try to build it up and it's as stable as a house of cards, one puff and it's down again. I really wish I could find ways to push up and keep up my self esteem.
@uicbear (1900)
• United States
7 Jun 09
To be honest, I don't really focus on what other people are thinking about me. I have a good idea of who I am and what I am about. As long as the people I deal with, or come into contact with me are not overtly rude or make dealing with them an unpleasant affair, then I don't really consider what their opinion is away from that. I generally am very polite and nice to people. If they judge me on anything else and decide they don't like me, then I really don't want them in my life.
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
7 Jun 09
That is very important what you said " have a good idea of who I am and what I am about" wish I could get to that stage, maybe one day. I like your attitude thank you.
@wenjule (107)
• Jamaica
7 Jun 09
Hey Wolfie I can relate to how you feel but then again I actually had a reason to feel that way but I have encouraged myself with positive thoughts. I concentrated on the things I'm good at and worked on ensuring I continued been good at those things. I tend not to think what people think of me anymore but present this confidence that they don't have time to think about my physical appearance. So what if they want to say bad things about me. How does that benefit them? I think you should start out by coaching yourself in the mornings before you go out by saying positive things about yourself to boost your confidence and tell yourself that people's comment shouldn't determine how you feel about yourself. No one can see you as a freak if you don't see yourself as one. There are times when yes you may not be in a good mood or you may think that you may not have dressed ok and you think that everyone who looks at you are saying negatives. These days will come but try not to let those kind of days become too often or else you are going to be bordering on the brink of paranoia. So in answering your question, No, you are not the only one who thinks people are passing negative remarks about you.
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
7 Jun 09
A very warm welcome to you to Mylot. Thank you! Yes I have read countless positive books and self help books which are great in theory but putting them into practice is a whole different ball game, I have tried in many ways but it just doesn't work for me. I think I need a coach, hence getting more counseling is the key to building my self-esteem up that is the problem, maybe it's to do with my inner child or the fact that I've been bullied for most of my life from school to work to relationships. But thank you for your very helpful advice, always appreciated.
@wenjule (107)
• Jamaica
13 Jun 09
Thanks for the welcome. With regards to building your self confidence maybe you could get involved in activities like a speech class or dance class etc where you can actually build your confidence as well as have fun at the same time. In this way you won't see it as being too rigid or feel too embarassed about yourself because others will be in a similar position as yourself. Another advice is that you shouldn't try to do this alone get the support of family and friends. Best of luck to you in whatever choice you make.
@YaYaMom (70)
• United States
7 Jun 09
I used to feel that way when I was a teenager. I felt like I was so different than everyone else and that they were making fun of me and talking about me. I have out grown that many years ago. In my experience and what I have learned is that most people really dont even pay much attention to what someone else is doing. I think it is all about how you think about things. It is called cognitive thinking. Sometimes our thinking from child hood is not necessarily right. The key that I have learned is that you have to change the way you think about people, situations and most of all about yourself. Life is much too short to be thinking about negative things. Try this for me if you would when you start to think negative stop yourself in your tracks and think something postivie. When people look at you look at them straight in the eye and say hello and give them a smile then walk away with your head held high because you as a human being and there is no one in the whole world who is like you. You are a beautiful person! I have a friend who thinks people think negatively about her also and she is in a deep depression. I am there for her but in the end it is all up to her how she thinks and how she can change her way of thinking. I read many self help books and they helped me to realize that many things I thought are just what I have made them to be. I Hope this will help in some little way. Just know that you are no alone in feeling this way. Good Luck to you!
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
7 Jun 09
A very warm welcome to Mylot to you and a big thank you for your helpful response, yes I am due to get some more counseling and ironically it will be CBT to change my way of thinking, I was in long term counseling previously but sadly the lovely lady I worked with left, we had a great rapport and when she left she said it would be advisable to carry on with counseling over my self esteem issues which I believe are the route of my problem. I have the confidence but not the self esteem I used to think the two went hand in hand, how wrong I was. Yes it's up to the individual to change, you can get help and advice but at the end of the day the change has to come from the person themselves and yes I suffer with depression but I go to the gym to keep it well under control.
• United States
7 Jun 09
I applaude and pat on the back keep up the good work! I have had to deal with depression to before so I do understand you are strong. Best of luck to you!
@FFFrocks (306)
• Canada
13 Jul 09
Why do I feel the need to jump through my screen and give you a hug? I used to be paranoid like this but I got better. I think you will too. One thing I learned is that the way we respond to peoples looks will influence what they may or may not think or say about us. For example if a stranger glances at you and see's a closed off expression - which often looks stern or grumpy - they will think that you are maybe not so nice, arogant, snobby, instead of realizing that you are just shy. Or if they catch your eye and you immediatly avert your gaze they may think that you are thinking nasty things about them... People are usually a lot more insecure about themselves than you think - even the ones that look like Ken and Barbie. One of the harder things I have learned to do is hold another persons gaze and smile.
@KrauseHome (36447)
• United States
8 Jun 09
Personally for me, I think it often just depends on the situation. There are many times when I think we all feel uncomfortable when we see others looking at us, especially if you have a default or something that is noticeable as well. But honestly most of the time people might be looking at you out of curiousity. You should just pretend to not notice and go on about your life, and everything will be OK.
@williamjisir (22819)
• China
7 Jun 09
Hello wolfie. I have not noticed much of this, but if I do find someone talking about me, I would stop to join them for the conversation so that I know what they are exactly talking about. Of course if I don't have any doubt, I will just ignore them. Sometimes I can be aggressive when I feel offended by their talking bad against me.
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
7 Jun 09
Hi William, I found that strange that you could be aggressive you always come over so calm and assertive, I guess we all have our limitations with other people!
@guybrush (4658)
• Australia
8 Jun 09
The only thing I'd worry about is people thinking I'm dishonest. I'd hate anyone to think I was a liar or thief - apart from that, I'm too old to care! I gave up worrying about whether I was attractive many years ago, and I stopped being negative years ago, too. My family members were always telling me I was pessimistic, so I made a conscious effort to start seeing the good side of everything. It made a lot of difference, and now I find I'm able to have more empathy towards others because I'm not looking at the 'bad' in them anymore. I think if we have confidence in ourselves, we're more able to laugh off what others may or may not be thinking about us. (I think you look lovely!)
@galileo2008 (1168)
• Philippines
7 Jun 09
Yeah, it really feels weird when people are looking at you, and sometimes in a strange way. A lot worse when they make a fuss everytime you walk. I feel paranoid that way when they look at me, I just feel like they wanna rob me or do something stupid.
@zackn87 (345)
• United States
6 Jun 09
sometimes i do. i think im weird and ugly. people think the opposite. but idk i feel like their lying. idk.
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
6 Jun 09
Exactly! I also find that when people compliment me I just shrug it off and I disbelief the compliment and yet I believe criticism about me much more.
• United States
7 Jun 09
yea ive done that before. like with teachers and tests