Friends drifting apart

@dawnald (85146)
Shingle Springs, California
June 9, 2009 4:55pm CST
People do drift apart over time. It's just natural. You grow up, move away, get different interests, make new friends, etc. Sometimes the relationship becomes one sided and one person is making all the effort. At what point do you just let somebody go? What's the oldest friendship that you still have going? Have you gotten back in touch with somebody you lost touch with long ago (the internet is a wonderful thing for that)?
2 people like this
13 responses
@amylan (187)
• France
10 Jun 09
Maybe I'm just not aged enough to understand the nature of life. The gradual disappearing of people in my life always causes me long-lasting emotional truama that's never gonna be healed. Once I ever get to possess a moment of happiness, I want to cherish it forever, but just don't know how. The physical distance always makes me realize the nothingness of life. The emptiness, as no matter how great it could have been, everything's going to fade away, only myself left there, not knowing how to move on. I never choose to let them go; I'm forced to let them go, and indulge all myself into memories. Just like what I'm suffering right now.
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
10 Jun 09
I generally find a way to keep in touch or get back in touch if I have fond memories of a person. But if they make zero effort, I eventually give up.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
10 Jun 09
yeah me too... Probably they were just caught up in their lives, but still...
@amylan (187)
• France
10 Jun 09
Ye,the one-sided thing's never gonna last long, but I still used to question myself why it ends up this way. I mean, the zero efforts mean that they just let me go and they find the whole losing connection thing quite natural. Maybe I'm just too emotional; even I give up, I still feel so terrible, while they even don't care.
1 person likes this
@britt_200 (1226)
• United States
9 Jun 09
ive found a lot of friends online and gotten back in touch with them...its funny that all you have to do is search their names and then most of the time theyre on those sites...its fun to search and actually see that they are on the site also. its a great way to keep in touch with people! i agree
2 people like this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
9 Jun 09
Seems like all of a sudden the whole world is on Facebook!
1 person likes this
@britt_200 (1226)
• United States
9 Jun 09
i know youre right!!!
2 people like this
@ds6413 (2070)
• United States
9 Jun 09
Hello dawnald, just recently a friend I used to have changed friends and I know it was going to happen eventually but it makes me a little sad, I put forth the effort to keep the friendship going but it was one sided. I have friends from school I am still in touch with. I found one long time friend through the internet just earlier this year. I know the only changes I made have been I expanded my interests so I am not held back in my home town dull interests. I know there is a life outside my country.Oh well I guess that's life.
2 people like this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
10 Jun 09
People change. It is sad, but sometimes you make new friends and keep some of the old ones too.
@Niah1976 (739)
• Paranaque, Philippines
10 Jun 09
I let go of my friends when they don't stay in touch with me. I mean I'm not the kind of friend who will text you hundred times even if you are not responding. I just stopped, that's it. Then if one day you feel like talking to me after the longest time, fine with me. The oldest friendship I have is ten years. She is my college best friend. I have a lot of friends from grade school whom I gotten in touch after 20 years if I am not mistaken. It's only thru internet. It feels good to hear from them again though the friendship is not the same. I also have this friend who just went away because I don't have anymore to give her. Since I became a mom, I became thrifty. So, I guess she don't like the way I am now. Can't do anything but to let go of the friendship. But I think everyone whom we met taught us some lessons that made us matured and broadminded in a way. Happy my lotting to you!!!
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
10 Jun 09
I certainly don't text 100 times in a day, but I will drop a line now and then. If I NEVER get a response back, I will eventually give up.
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
10 Jun 09
Yeah me either! I don't mind being the person who initiates the contact most of the time, but as long as the other person responds.
@Niah1976 (739)
• Paranaque, Philippines
10 Jun 09
oh yeah that's my point. i will never insist myself if i feel that i am not wanted anymore.
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Jul 09
Dawn- I have friendships that fall into various categories. I have friends that I've known since highschool but that we don't always catch up with each other on a daily basis. Some of us lost contact, only to catch up with each other through Facebook searches. Funny how that works, you know. Other friends are those I've met over my teaching career who come and go. I think the longest friendship I've had would be with my husband, in terms of consistancy. We've been friends for near eleven years now, without a break. We've seen a lot together in our friendship, and it has made our marriage even that much more strong and committed. It's not to say we didn't have spots in our friendship like any other friendship, but true friendship weathers the test of time and grows as the individuals grow. Those friendships that didn't have room for either person to grow withered and moved on. I don't regret any of my friendships (those that have lasted, or those that have not). Each friendship taught me something, and I value those friendships. I think for me, it's sad to see some friendships end as we all think they will last forever, but I've learned it is best to let people go and move on in their journey in life, and I would hope they would do the same in return. Namaste-Anora
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
1 Jul 09
Some people aren't very good at letting go though...
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
1 Jul 09
No it isn't healthy. But there we go about my marriage again. lol
• United States
1 Jul 09
Dawn- I can understand as I've experienced this before and it is sad to see people who cannot let people go their own way. I can only express to those who may be hanging on or clinging to friendships that have moved on/ended that it is not fair to the person they are clinging to. They are preventing or trying to prevent the person from growth, and that is definately not fair. Though it is sad to see old friendships end, one must remember that new friendships may be on the horizon for yet another life lesson. The person clinging is also preventing their own growth by clinging on. Even if they do not do so directly, those that constantly reference old friendships, or what their old friends are doing isn't allowing them to be open to new experiences. They are trying to live in the past, and that is not healthy. Namaste-Anora
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Jun 09
Sometimes you don't do anything; it just happens. Or you can be the one making all the effort then get tired of the friendship being one sided. I met my (still) long time girlfriend in the '60's and we are still friends to this day. That's amazing in itself. And some of my long time friends don't have computers (can you believe that?) so we keep in touch via U.S.POSTAL SERVICE but at least we're still in each others lives.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
10 Jun 09
When it comes to the US Postal service, I have gotten incredibly lazy and thank goodness for the internet! Though I'd go back to letters if I didn't have it!
• United States
10 Jun 09
Yes, what did we do before computers? LOL or the other electronics we have today? It seems like it's unbelieveable that we managed to do things we do w/o our conveniences. I would write most of the time because long distance rates were too high in my opinion even back then but I would break down and call sometimes and vise versa. I was in Ohio; now I'm in Texas and over the years we've managed to keep in touch so I'd say that truly is a friendship.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (160908)
• United States
10 Jun 09
Oldest friendship I still have going actively is over twenty years old. I do attempt to keep in touch with certain people who have been important in my life, but they do not return the effort. I let them go. I have lived in the same place for over twenty years, and have had the same phone number longer than that.Same e mail at least six years, I think longer than that. After about three tries on my part, I let them go. I have one or two I need to respond to that I have heard from this year, and I will.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
10 Jun 09
Hm, I maybe a little bit ocd. lol I will make overtures long after three tries, though they may be just a "hi" e-mail that doesn't say much.
• United States
10 Jun 09
The oldest friendship I have is more than 14 years, do regard my friend as well as the friendship as wealth of my life.
• Philippines
10 Jun 09
I still know and get in touch through the internet with my grade school and high school close friends. We live different lives now, and I think we won't get along the way we would when we're still hanging out. We changed, grew, matured ( i hope ). It's normal. I don't regret knowing them, having them as a part of my life.
1 person likes this
@Gesusdid (1676)
• United States
10 Jun 09
peole grow within time , and some of us just really do drift apart and dont care , i mean my friends from high school i keep up with at times , and then their are the ones that u re meet on the interent and they dont say much as if what was the point to contact u on the interent if ur not going to respond to one another right lol and another part of it is , we grow into adults and some people take that to their ego and look down on their once child hood friends or friends they met thru school , and yeah meet a new group of people that cater to their status . but like me espically if i went to school with a particular person that wants to act like their different from the rest , i still see them as that kid i went to school with
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
10 Jun 09
"still see them as that kid i went to school with" - interesting. I guess I somewhat do too. After all, that's when most of my memories of the person are from.
@thaMARKER (2503)
• Philippines
11 Jul 09
I believe so too. I have only one friend when I was still in college. She graduated first and got hired outside town. We seldom see each other then but we send text messages almost all the time and since then we were like seeing each other once a year or 2. so sad indeed..
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
12 Jul 09
Sad but all part of life...
@savypat (20216)
• United States
10 Jun 09
I have a friend for fifty years and we are apart, keep in touch only at Christmas, but it's enough just to know she is there. I never try to force a friendship, just let thing come and go naturally.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
10 Jun 09
And even if you're not close to somebody any more, it's good to hear from them every so often and find out how they're doing and what's up with them!
• Philippines
10 Jun 09
a friend is a very important part of one's life.a friend somehow contributed something on who you are now. but most often the not, friends drift apart. you lose touch with them, you get married or transferred to another place.a lot of things affect why friends drfted apart. i have a friend in elementary days, she was my best friend since grade 2. after we graduated we went to the same school but in different calsses. then suddenly she moved to another school and lost contact. time passed and we graduated from college and started working. there were times when something will remind me of her and i would start thinking of the good times we had and wondered where she is. then internet was invented and suddenly one day we found each other together with the other classmates we had in elementary. the good thing about it is we were able to see each other again after almost 20 years..we went to dinner and had a good time going back to memory lane...and of course we thank the internet for this wonderful thing and we certainly made our getting together once a year...
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
10 Jun 09
Same thing with me and an elementary school friend. Not that we've become best buddies again or anything but we do e-mail now and then.
• United States
12 Jun 09
I do agree that friends do drift apart but some people where only suppose to be apart of your life for a short while. I have one friend whom i grew up with. Our friendship has changed but I can always call her and its like we pick up were we left off. the one thing I did notice is I had to make time for her just like she now make time for me. When you are friends with somone you have to make time for the other person.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
13 Jun 09
It's must natural that some people drift apart, I guess.