Yours & Mine, Or Ours?
@danishcanadian (28955)
Canada
June 13, 2009 12:27am CST
How do you manage money in your marriage?
Do you and your partner each have your own separate accounts in which you contribute to a household account for bills etc?
Do you have yours, and your partner has hers/his, and you pay sime bills and s/he pays others?
Is everything in a joint account?
Does one partner control all the money, and give the other partner an "allowaence?"
My husband and I use the second option. Mine is mine, his is his, and we have an agreement between the two of us as to who pays what.
I pay rent, and phone. He pays grocceries, hydro, and cable/internet services
His bills and my bills work out to the same amount, since rent is a little higher and phone a little lower.
We each pay for our own luxaries (my trips to the coffee shop, his cigarettes) and we do extra for eachother (he buys me smoked salmon at the farmer's market, sometimes, I'll order pizza and pay for it, stuff like that).
We love our way of doing it. He's been married enough times to know that joint accounts don't work for him. and I'm too much of a control freak to let anyone else get their hands on my money, or "merge" with someone else. LOL I admit to this, but I also admit to knowing how to control my need to control, if that makes sense. That is to say, I know when to admit to what, before my own control issues turn into my need to dominate others. I'm happy with just being in control of MYSELF...although, if someone around me isgoing to do something dangerous, and that I know I can prevent, I will make noise.
How do you and your partner manage the money? Do you feel comfortable with this arrangement? Why or why not?
6 people like this
22 responses
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
13 Jun 09
when I was married, I controlled the money because my husband just couldn't do it. But then we were not much more than kids, my husband was only 20 we we got married.
2 people like this
@danishcanadian (28955)
• Canada
13 Jun 09
My sister was 19, and my brother-in-law was 21. That was 1997. They knew eachother since 1994. A lot of people thought they were "just kids" but they have one of the BEST marriages I know. People mature at all different ages.
1 person likes this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
13 Jun 09
well our marriage didn't work,
my sister married at 17 and she is still happy married 34 years later.
2 people like this
@beamsey (425)
• Philippines
13 Jun 09
I haven't been married yet so I wouldn't know exactly which would work for me. But I would prefer a joint account where my partner and I would contribute to monthly, depending on our salaries. If my partner has a bigger salary, then he should contribute more. Like if the agreement is 20% from my salary every month, he should give 25%. If my salary is bigger, I'd give 25%. But I do believe it's important to still have your own account. It's better to have a back-up in case, heaven forbid, things get messy between you two. And of course, your own account should always be fed too. 
1 person likes this
@danishcanadian (28955)
• Canada
13 Jun 09
We originally thought of doing something like that, but when we both saw how well each did on our own, we decided to just divide the responsibilities instead. Yours would be our second choice though, a compromise of sorts. We still have "his and mine" but we also have "ours."
@beamsey (425)
• Philippines
13 Jun 09
I think it's important to have a sense of "ours" as well as "his and hers". I wonder if your system will work for me. Right now, my partner and I have a coin bank we put extra change into. We have to put something in everyday and we also set a minimum amount. This is kind of our joint account I guess. It was his idea. We're saving up for a dog. I guess it's also a kind of practice for the future.
I guess it's also a kind of practice for the future.
@whywiki (6066)
• Canada
16 Jun 09
We started out in this relationship with nothing and lived paycheque to paycheque. So we stated off with whoever had money paid. So our money is just our money even though we both have bank accounts we just pay for things with whatever money is available at the time. We discuss any big purchases and figure out where to take the money from.
@gitfiddleplayer (10362)
• United States
13 Jun 09
We have a joint account because it works for us better. I have a separate account that I use for making money but I transfer money into our checking account with regularity. We made our debt together so we are working on it together. I've been single and married and I took care of my money when I was single so my wife allows me to take care of the finances but I don't control them.
1 person likes this
@danishcanadian (28955)
• Canada
13 Jun 09
It's interesting how different things work for different people. "take care of, but don't control" oh man, that's a foreign concept to me. LOL I'm glad it works for you.
@deejean06 (1952)
• United States
19 Jun 09
Hi danish...My husband and i did not choose the fiscal relationship that you and your husband chose. We have joint accounts and I handle all the bills. He lets me know when he has made a purchase and I do the same with him. It's just a need for us to share everything we have and not have any boundaries between us. I know that there are some couples who have separate everything and the money becomes a huge issue. I think it all depends on what you are comfortable with and it's obvious that your method works for you and your husband and my method works for me and my husband. If it ain't broke - don't fix it!
@icesmile (7160)
• Romania
14 Jun 09
Well i am single, and in my house i am the boos, i am the employ too...but with my kids i have a deal. we have money there, and all time we talk about what we need, what we must to do, so, we manage the money toghether, and was very good every time, they learn money value, and i never have dubts that they are very corecct, as i am too
@tarheelnancy (1317)
• United States
14 Jun 09
My husband is the only one employed in our house but the money is still considered both of ours. Even though I don't work outside the home, being a stay at home mom and keeping the house up is a full time job and my husband knows and respects this.
@ShirleyBillingsley (1544)
• United States
14 Jun 09
I must say that i believe a marriage is a union between a man and a woman. Both coming together as one. I don't condone others beliefs, that is simply the way that i believe.
@ShirleyBillingsley (1544)
• United States
14 Jun 09
Sorry about that. i didn't realize the first response went through.
@twoey68 (13627)
• United States
9 Apr 10
Hubby and I do the joint thing...We have 2 bank accounts, one is in both our names and handles all our money, bills and purchases. The other account is in just my name and it is just for online things...that way no one has access to our primary account. I mostly handle the money b/c Hubby is housebound so I'm the one doing all the shopping, paying bills and so forth. Also he has a hard time seeing sometimes so it's easier for me to handle things. However, we always talk over any major purchases before we do them. We discuss what to get, how much to spend, what type, special features, where the best place is to get it and so on. He also always knows what money is in the bank and whether bills have been paid. After we pay all our bills at the first of the month we both know how much is left.
This system has worked out fine for us for the almost 10 years we've been together and other than a couple of times I've accidently overdrawn the account, I've actually done pretty good handling it.
[b]**AT PEACE WITHIN** 
~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~[/b]
~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~[/b] @twoey68 (13627)
• United States
14 Jun 09
Hubby and I have always had a joint account. We both add to it and pay all the bills out of it. If one of us wants something major then we talk it over and decide together. Most of the time I keep track of the balance and the checkbook b/c I'm the one that does all the shopping since he is housebound but he knows he is welcome to look through it at anytime...though he'd probably stroke out seeing the system I use for keeping it in order LOL It would make sense to no one but me :)
We also have a second account that is used for only online things and there's only a couple dollars in it so that if it gets stolen, they won't mess up our primary account.
[b]~~AT PEACE WITHIN~~
**STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS**[/b]
@carpenter5 (6782)
• United States
16 Jun 09
My husband has control of the checkbook and I like it that way. I get an allowance (That's probably a very old word, but the only one I could come up with) for things like gas, groceries, money to eat on while I'm at school and incidentals that I want. If I need more, I asked him to add more in my account. I prefer it because I'm not good with money. I forget about bills, and Mike is much more organized.
Besides, it is the biblical principle of doing things this way, and I feel like Mike is stepping up to be the biblical man of the house that God intended him to be. He doesn't keep me from having what I want if we can afford it. I usually have money left over at the end of the two week pay period, and all of our bills are getting paid.
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
21 Jun 09
Hubby and I share everything from the day we got married on and have been married now for 17 years and counting. He knows how to be wise about certain things just as I do and he knows it's ok to buy what ever he needs just as I do. We don't hide anything from each other. It's easier this way for us however, everybody is different which is good too!
@Crysi23 (515)
• United States
14 Jun 09
For Social Security since we both or on it. We both each have our own card from U.S Direct Express. We both get an amount its not as much as we would be getting if we weren't married because Social Security gives you less when you are a couple. Which we both find unfair but we love each other and we love being married. We still consider the money to be ours. With his he pays the cable bill. With mine I'll pay the cell phone bill and then together we will buy the household items that we need.
Even though we have two seperate cards we still think of the money to be ours. We are happy with the arrangement that we have. By us paying one bill eacch it gives us more money together. Instead of using His or my money to pay both bills then the other would be left without any. Even though we consider our money to be ours. We just like to be able to buy the household items that we need together instead of one buying it all to make the other feel left out more.
@moonchild1au (6237)
• Australia
17 Oct 09
My hubby & I have a joint account & I also have 2 accounts just in my name...we share our money - hubby is the main income earner as he works & I'm a stay @ home mom. We both pay what we can with whoevers money is available at the time. We are both comfortable with the arrangement we have although it would be financially easier if I could go back to work or if I could make decent money online with all the sites I do but that's for another discussion.
We are happy with the arrangement because it works for us - hubby doesn't like having his own bank account because he is hopeless with money & likes me to look after everything - so he gets paid into our joint account so I have access to it to pay the bills & rent.
@akumei1269 (1749)
• India
13 Jun 09
My wife is home maker in full time.I earn and the money stays most of the time
at bank account. However, she manage the house expenditure and savings etc.A limited amount of money is always at her disposal.
@ShirleyBillingsley (1544)
• United States
14 Jun 09
I believe that a marriage between a man and a woman, should be a union that should last a a life time. A marriage being the union coming together as one.
@Porcospino (31366)
• Denmark
13 Jun 09
My husband and I have separate accounts. He pays the rent and most of the bills. I pay a few bills and the groceries. If we want to buy other things or if we want to go a cafe or eat in town I pay for it, because when my husband has paid the rent and most of the bills, there is almost no money left in his account. We save up the money that is left in my account when the month is over. We put it in different account and we plan on spending that money on travelling. I keep our savings, we don't have a joint account, but my husband likes it that way and he thinks I am better at managing the savings. That is probably true 
@my_name_is_coco (4333)
• Philippines
14 Jun 09
if I get married,I would like to have my own savings account and a joint account.my own savings account are the money I earned when I was still single,from my job,freelance work,or business.if we do get married,we'll open our joint account for our family.we will both set aside an amount for that.we can use it for emergencies and luxuries like birthday party for our child or family vacation.I want to have my own account so I can pay for my own luxuries,like shopping for new clothes.
@imajerseygirl (433)
• United States
13 Jun 09
When I was working I had my own account and we also had a joint account where his earning went into. He paid the rent (we were living in separate states at the time) so I could get the money from our account to pay rent up north while he paid his rent and stuff out of it down south. My account paid the utilities up north. Now that we are all together, and the bank I was with is only up north we only have the joint account. When I get a job though my earnings will go into the savings while his goes into the checking.
@ahmeertahmad (46)
• United States
13 Jun 09
My partner and I pool our money together and consider expenses as pertaining to both of us. It works for us as we believe that commitment means all for one or nothing for all. There are times where I have more expenses than my partner or she's making more money at a certain point but we never contest over these instances as it always seems to balance out. Both of us work as hard as we can and both of us have similar humble tastes. We might sometimes bicker about how much money we spend or when to spend it but it's usually a difference of opinion smaller than 20 dollars which isn't a big deal. As we accrue bigger expenses we may change the system but I highly doubt it.
