Does it work 'The Second Time Around'?

When I married my second husband I was over the moon.He had been unmarried for forty years and was set in his ways ,I had been on my own for three years with two kids and was set in mine.We did have a few bumpy moments,over silly things like the cutlery draw he would keep changing it round,then i would change it back.He would stand behind me in the bathroom to make sure I put the lid on the toothpaste.He would keep telling me how to iron and his mum always did it right.So one day I put all his dirty washing in a bag and told him to take it to his mothers and while he was there move in with her.After that I could not do a thing wrong and I even managed to put the lid on the toothpaste with no help at all.It was all silly things just adjusting with a young baby as well and two teenagers in the house but we all settled down and when they left home he cried because he missed them so much.It all worked out well because we wanted it to. After seventeen years it was the best thing I had ever done and he is as happy as a pig in the preverbial. We get along well just so long as he does not rearange my kitchen and I have stopped tidying the tip he calls his shed.

Yes, it can work the second time or around. I have proved this for myself. Although this may not be true for everyone, I have found myself being more tolerant, forgiving and understanding. We are all human and we all make mistakes, and will probably always continue to do so because that is how we learn. There is only one thing that is perfect in life, and that is that most things are imperfect. - Derek

I am in a second marriage as the result of being widowed. It is not the same, but it is a good kind of different. What I have read about people who have remarried is that if they had realized how much work a second marriage would be, they would have worked harder on the first one.

I even tried marriage a third time, zandi, with no success. This led me to the conclusion that not everyone is cut out for marriage. Admittedly, I was very young with all 3 marriages, and should have waited until I was older. A second marriage is often more difficult because you bring to it baggage from the first marriage.

i actually have two really good friends who are married for the second time and they each say that they are so happy this time around. they were both very unhappy in their first marriages and i am really happy for them that they got it right this time. nothing worse than making two big mistakes. i for one am not happily married so i have no interest in doing it a second time. i want to be single and on my own at some point in the future.

marriages failed because the problem is probably you yourself, so how would you expect changes to occur when you don't know how to correct your inner self when it comes to it.

My Husband and I split up 3 times, but we aleays got back together. We have been married for 15 yrs, going on 16yrs.

Many times the first marriage was entered into for the wrong reasons. Some may think that they are in love just to find out that it was not love, or true love. Some people think they are ready for marriage just to find out that they were not. Or their spouse was not. Some many to get away from home or away from a difficult situation. Or they marry for financial reasons. Many marriages do not make it simply because divorce is so easy. They don't have the where with all to give and take. Or they want that "perfect" person or marriage. The fairy tale ending all lives happily ever after. Not very realistic but it's what we are taught from early childhood. We hear about the perfect man or woman that does everything they are suppose to and they expect this and are let down when they marry to find that it is not this way. Many second marriages will make it farther than the first because we learn to let down some of the expectations we had. Accepting that the other person as well as ourself has things that the other will not like. No marriage is perfect, no man or woman is perfect. Later in life we come to realize this and we are more accepting of others. We just need to weight what we can and can not accept from the other person. Does the good list so to speak out weight or is it longer than the bad things? Or just what can we accept and not accept from the other person. Until we are honest with our self and realize that marriage is work and it takes a lot of time and effort to make them work then we will not be happy with any marriage. Even the third, forth , and yes the fifth marriage can finally be the one that is right for us. Once we know what we can and will accept from the other person then we will make a go of our marriage but it takes two people to make it work. One can not do all of the work. Just as if you have a good car, it takes work and maintenance to make it work good. Cleaning it, waxing it, up keep has to be done and money has to be spent. To keep that car in fit condition. This takes time also. A marriage is much like this. They take a lot of time, work, money, effort, understanding, trust, respect, etc. Until we realize this they just will not work. Realize these things and you ill have a better and lasting marriage.

This is why I never got married at the first place its because marriage is full of complications. Its not like a food that when you don't like how it taste you just spit it out in a second. First marriage I believe is like experimenting. People get to see more of the person they chose to marry. They learn what differences they both need to work out. For me, marrying a person is not trying to change the person but accepting the things they cannot change. Its either you live with it or leave it. Trying out a second marriage I believe is hard since you had been traumatized with the first one, I agree with you wheb you said it takes a forgiving heart and acceptance to have a working marriage the second time around. If not it will just turn out to be the first one. I guess if people are to marry again, they have to think hard enough of it. They need to make sure that they are ready for another saga in life. That they had learned from their past and to make sure they burry the bad memories they had with the past. It takes a moving on heart before they can do so, if not they will just keep on looking for fault coming from the first marriage which will lead to another broken marriage. Marriage is about acceptance and not because you want to change the person and the persons habit.

Both my husband and I are on our second marriage and we're just as happy as happy can be! We wouldn't trade each other for anything in this world! However, I can understand how second marriages can fail and quicker than the first, it's because people tend to seek out another before getting over the last and end up on the rebound. To be honest here, hubby and I didn't really know each other when we married. It's a long story but we were both very hurt and in need of a friend and so on and on. We've been married now for almost 18 years and counting!! We both feel that God had a hand in it and is why it worked out so well!

I decided a looooooooong time ago i just wasn't cut out to be married & that really was one of my big ambitions in life was to be married & have a bunch of kids . THE 2nd time was worse than the first, I DON'T THINK I WAS A GOOD PICKER OUTER.. I GAVE UP AFTER THAT. Marriage is the hardest job u'll ever have.

I am one of those living in a second marriage because yes, I made a blunder of the first one! Well we actually both did because my ex and I were too young to be in an exclusive relationship let alone get married. We were childhood sweethearts and for us, I think, it was a matter of wrong timing. We did not have children which made our separation relatively simple albeit very painful. I had another serious relationship before I met my current partner, got engaged and it ended badly. I had to do a lot of soul searching before getting involved again because I did not want to repeat a pattern with subsequent partners and I had to learn where my responsibility for the break ups lay. It all too easy to jump into new relations to avoid being alone but if you go through all that pain and learn nothing, it is a terrible shame. The second time around can be great if you have both taken the time to learn from your mistakes and know yourselves as individuals. If you have children, as you say, it can be more problematical and a great deal of commitment is paramount but if the love is true nothing is impossible if you want it badly enough.

Hello my friend zandi458 Ji, WEll, we are first and last marriage since 40 yrs, arranged by our parent's mutual negotiaions. My hbby nevr saw me even before marriage. I believe, finding paertrners, become comparison and people always opt for better and better on many fronts in their status. If it is left to parents and taken as dicission from Amighty, thisfacor could be totally eliminated. With regards to your "A lot of patience and an open and forgiving heart is needed for second marriages. ". This fact can be felt and experiwenced by even 100 timers married couple. IfWhy there are seperation after having found correct partners. It is because, there is alternative left for 'Divorce'. In our case such thing i stotally missing. We have to be happy with ourselves and find out our solutions to all our problems. May God bless You and have a great time.

U are 100 percent correct ,ONCE again,,if there is friendship through the net,,It can remain as friendship,,no problems in that,, I am sure u also agree,,, Good luck to and all others

What about giving it a second try without taking the oath again? It could save a lot of paper work and cut out the risks. If my other ex half couldn't agree I would just laugh my way to the bank.

I think it depends on the reasons for getting married the second time. My mum re-married when I was 12, and is still happily married to my step father. But when she started the relationship, she knew what she wanted, and wasn't willing to settle, which I think many people do out of loneliness. I don't think it's wrong to try a second marriage, as long as you're entering into it for the right reasons. It's also important to realise what went wrong in the first marriage, and try your hardest not to make the same mistakes again.

I guess second marriages success' depends on the people involved in the second marriage. This is not exclusive to the man and the woman, the children are also involved too. Making the children understand the new situation, especially when the children are not mature enough and are still living with the parents. To be successful, both parties should endure the very hard process of adjustment.

Most people don't marry their first love though. The problem is that no one is willing to continue with marriages when there are bumps and all marriages have bumps, even major mountains to climb sometimes. I have been married, divorced, engaged to another man without the marriage going through and now I am with a new one. He is absolutely different than anyone I have met before. Does it work the second time around, not always, but it can if people just try a little bit harder to stay in the marriage. Same with first or third haha...

Readed your article.You know so many details problem about marriages .it wroth our to learn.Even though i am very young now.but i know marriages it's a deep subject if you don't get pass then you out,it's just like our study that i think.and i am agree with you i think first always the best.if you use mind to manage your relationship

Some people says that we must married once. You know, just to save the "magic". But if the first marriage doesnt work. Why you should force to it? You should move on. Its not the end of everything. Everyone deserve to be happy in their life. I personally says that i can see nothing wrong about it. Walking in isle for the secong time. I never been there. Gosh! im only 19. But some teenagers if they see there parent getting married again. They disagree on it. But in my opinion, of course at first its kinda off. But i will give time to know that "second". If my parent will be more happy. Then why not.