Do you change for others? do you pay attention to criticizm?
By andresimp
@andresimp (818)
India
June 16, 2009 10:54am CST
It is painful if our family and friends criticizes for what we are are. i used to get hurt when i hear criticizms from my own family and friends. They always have put me down if i have different opinion. i was scared that i might end up being someone else but me. My parents are conservative and they also expect me to be like them. they didnt teach me how to face reality and be courageous. well, they had whole lot of problems,so i was raised by my grandparents. they taught me love, kindness, and some moral values.if it wasnt for them, i wouldnt have known that love and affection exists in this world. after they passed away, i faced reality. i had to make choices, i expected others to be kind and affectionate just like my grandparents taught me. But i was disapponted to see a different world. My parents expect me to be so naive and follow their intructions about how to dress, talk and behave. i realized that i shouldnt end up being naive like my parents. i didnt change my basic character in me.. which my grandparents taught me as i grew up. But i cannot face reality if i still play that innocent role. my relatives always criticized me for what i am. so why should i try to be like them just to please them. i discovered the person i want to be. how i should dress, talk etc. Now i live on my own terms. i let people criticize me.. but they can't put me down. i'd not change myself for others and let them put me down? How about you all?
9 responses
@clutterbug (1051)
• United States
16 Jun 09
Dear andresimp, My wonderful dad told me when I was a teenager, he said, "You have a mind of your own, you don't need to follow the crowd." I have tucked those words into my heart forever. Since then, I stay away from my sister who has called me a prude for my being modest, and has insulted me in other ways, because I'm not similar to her and her ways. Please andresimp, listen to your heart. You can still be polite to people, but follow your heart. I heard a show on the radio once with Dr. Laura Schlessinger and she said, "Just because they are family, doesn't mean you have to put up with their crap." I refuse to change for someone else, God made us all unique individuals. Thank you for your time and for a great topic.
1 person likes this
@andresimp (818)
• India
16 Jun 09
hi.. Your dad was absolutely right. I wish my parents had that same thought as well. i wouldnt blame them. now i do not pay attention to any insults and criticisms. i will not change myself for anyone. you are right God created each of us unique. thanks for sharing with me.
@sanwhy (87)
• Jamaica
16 Jun 09
the best thing to do is to be yourself and accept yourself for who you are.
it makes little or no sense that you try to make your to fufil others that will not work for each individual has his/her or work or art to deal with.
there are too many people in this world to be pleased.so makes nosense that you try to please all .
remember that no one is perfect therefore with this knowledge you can always be the best you can be and with little improvement now and again... i guest we all need that somntimes
1 person likes this
@andresimp (818)
• India
22 Jun 09
you are absolutely right sanwhy! no one is perfect and we cannot please everyone. if we try to please everyone, we will not succeed with it. thanks for your response!
@animestan (321)
• Canada
16 Jun 09
I'd change for the greater good. But I take criticizm but may or may not take it to heart. Keep in mind you can't please everyone so yeah.
@andresimp (818)
• India
16 Jun 09
absolutely right.. when people hurt me, i think that i cant please everyone and just move on. thank you:)
@meapas (2436)
• India
16 Jun 09
Basically one has to be a good humanbeing, caring, loving and helping everyone around us. Listen to ones inner voice and live with the times. If it is a healthy criticism take it or leave it. After all one has to live standing on ones own feet. There is no spoon feeding and there is no free lunch. Learn to take everything with a pinch of salt.
meapas.
@andresimp (818)
• India
16 Jun 09
you are right everyone should have the qualities you have mentioned. one should not change this for anyone. we are not human beings if we dont have this quality. my point is, especially in my country (india) people are conservative. and parents expect children to follow their footsteps(not as in character). my relatives dont like me for what i am, as in my dressing, my opinions, my faith etc. they dont have to push me to carry their opinions and beliefs and just because i am a part of the family. they treat me so badly because i dont think and be like them.
@meapas (2436)
• India
16 Jun 09
Some people live in the past and some live in the present and so comes the generation gap. Time is changing and changing fast but let us not forget the basics. Elders love their little ones and hence they advise. Handle them with care and love. Soon they will agree to your views.
meapas.
@deepzholic (256)
• India
16 Jun 09
change for other......well i won't say that i will not agree to you..i think in life everyone has to change for good or bad......in the beginning i used to think that i will not change for anyone....but i had to change for some good reasons......i was a person who was a bit overconfident in everything but later on because of my friends i changed no i can also see the difference in me and it is for good......but many a times i was also facing the same problem what you faced....but i managed to overcome it but bringing a few changes in me.....i know it is very difficult to change.....and putting you down is a kind of showing you what is wrong and what is right......i hope you are getting me......
@andresimp (818)
• India
16 Jun 09
if it is for good, i definetely take it. i was actually referring to ones thoughts, emotions, opinions, the way you want to carry yourself which is different from others. just because we do not think like them doesnt mean that they have to put us down. if everyone's thoughts, opinions, dreams,ambitions dressings are same and traditional, there wont be any diferrence between you and others right? we all are unique and differnt individuals. if they teach me what is good and wrong, i respect that completely. your friends changed you, because you were over confident which we know that is not right. probably you wouldnt have realized that you were over confident until your friends told you. so that change is for your good, you build your character. you learn from your mistakes.
@lulu1220 (1006)
• United States
16 Jun 09
I used to be this way. People would criticize me. Tell me my opinions were stupid. I would sometimes not even state one just to avoid this. Or I would lie and go along with everyone even though I did not agree.
Well I got older and wiser (I hope) and now am proud of my opinions and likes and dislikes. I live life the way I want and I don't care what others think. I like to try new things and be open minded. I will listen to others opinions and take into consideration but ultimately it is up to me to decide.
Most of my family is very conservative. They tend to go with the norm...stay with the mainstream. I am the opposite. So some of my family and I agree that we disagree and still love each other no matter what.
@andresimp (818)
• India
16 Jun 09
i m glad that you listen to people and in the end you make desicions. i m also just like you.. when i was younger, i used come out with my opinions but dont even consider it and call me stupid,so i let them make decisions and agree with them. when i grew up and faced the world, i realized that i couldnt give out my opinions. i find it so difficult to make my own decisions where i m supposed to take. and even if i take decisions on my own, i ask for others opinions 100 times. i suffered a lot in my college where i had to give my opinions and make major decisions. i was criticised by my friends for not coming out with my own opinions. after i came to college, i learned a lot and discovered the person that i am supposed to be! thanks for sharing:)
@grecychunny26 (9483)
• Philippines
17 Jun 09
Change for me are either force or it is needed. Forced change for me are those change that depends on the situation, like when I was a student if I watch television always I will forgot to answer my homework so I better change habit, I have to finish my homework first before pleasure, that is forced because in that situation it is education that would be prioritize by me being a student, it is forced and needed. I pay attention to criticism but there are criticism that is below the belt like what I had experience before, those criticism I felt include jealousy or enviness, I know the difference so I will not change because of that. I am sensitive enough to know what I am doing. I know what I have to change for myself and what is not. I will change for the better me and not for the benefit of other people.
@23uday (2997)
• India
16 Jun 09
hi
its really worse that our own family and friends criticize us in a negative way.but thank god that i have got empathetic and in a way they are also conservative and in a way my freedom is also restricted but i understand it as they love me so much but i will never change for any one else in this world,i will better myself but i will not completely transform myself into new being.i wont put my self and freedom at stake and would love to lead this life .
happy mylotting
happy mylotting @safraz123456789 (43)
• United States
16 Jun 09
No I would not change for others. I do not pay attention to person that criticize me. That's their problem!!!!!!!!!
