Are there men out there that are attracted to women like me?
By dismalgrin
@dismalgrin (2604)
United States
June 16, 2009 11:01pm CST
Ha, my sister and I were arguing the other day because she says that I'm fat and ugly. I told her that you can't measure a person's worth by what size of jeans that they wear. She is a stick, just so you know. I think she wears a size 0. I, on the other hand can sometimes squeeze into a 10. Haha. One time in my life I wore a size 6, but I had to survive on a bag of M&M's and a powerade every day. I ran for half an hour daily as well back then. Then I got pregnant with my oldest and it hit me that it wasn't worth it to be that size. I've had disordered eating over the years a lot, but my highschool size was an 11, so I'm thinking that I'm doing pretty good to be pretty much that size after 3 children, right? So, then she brings up the 'OH KNOW YOU DIDN'T' comment and she says that no guy worth being with is going to go out with someone of my size. Whoa! I mentioned that I have 3 children, right? She says that only crazy men like my ex would want someone that looks like me, and if I lose the weight that I can have anyone I desire!
So, obviously there are bigger women than me out there that have a man in there life. But, the question is, do the really good and decent guys out there find themselves only attracted to thin women? Or do they not even have a body type they go for?
2 people like this
7 responses
@PeacefulWmn9 (10420)
• United States
17 Jun 09
I think you have the answer to your own question right there in your life's experiences :) Everyone is attractive to someone. No exceptions. People are attracted to others of all shapes, sizes, etc. Your heart, your mind, your integrity...they ultimately are the most or least attactive thing about each of us.
1 person likes this
@dismalgrin (2604)
• United States
19 Jun 09
This is something I know in my head, but it is hard to keep telling myself that when I am bombarded with people telling me otherwise. It's also kind of hard to see my sister using the fact that guys think she is hot to get stuff from the guys. And when I say something about it being wrong of her she thinks I'm just mad that I can't do the same. But, I have done the same in my past, and I got hurt badly for it. And I don't want my sister to have to learn her lesson the way I had too.
@PeacefulWmn9 (10420)
• United States
19 Jun 09
Then you are being a helpful and protective sister. Try not to let others rent space in your head or label you. Define yourself, and be happy with your own self-made "labels."
Karen
@dismalgrin (2604)
• United States
21 Jun 09
I like that 'renting space in your head' comment. Good one!
@moondancer (7433)
• United States
17 Jun 09
I have always been told that there is someone out there for everyone. The thing is to treat the other person good and do right by them. I have seen some gorgeous men with some really different women and vise-versa. Men want a woman that is a good woman, with a bright mind, and a personality. It does not matter that you are a larger woman as long as you take care of yourself and take pride in what you look like and how you act.
In fact you are not large at all according to your dress size. It is a well known fact that the "normal" size of most women in the states is size 16. I'd say you are in the middle of being skinny and larger.
Don't listen to others that put you down. Just dress nice and fix your hair, and wear makeup that will make you look nice. Not too much makeup. Just a little enough to show your features.
Best wishes to you in finding that Mr. right.
@moondancer (7433)
• United States
19 Jun 09
I truly got upset with someone one time and told her that if she could not find good things to talk about about someone then not to say anything. I got so tired of the negativity and the negative remarks about people. I just just had enough of it. So I finally told her that. Maybe if you tell your sister that she should not say anything unless she truly means to offer you help and encouragement. And that saying hurtful things to you is something that you can do without.
Ask her how she would like it if you did her the same way? Turn things around on her so maybe she will think about what she does.
@moondancer (7433)
• United States
21 Jun 09
To be around or having to deal with a person that gets violent is really a volatile situation. I try to stay away from people like that. I have even told my brother one time that he is not allowed at my home because of the way he is.
Good luck with your sister.
Thank you for the best response.
@dismalgrin (2604)
• United States
21 Jun 09
Haha, sometimes I get so mad that I do talk to her the same way. Then she gets angry and gets physically violent so that's not the way to do it. So, that didn't work. Maybe I should try your idea!
@carolbee (16230)
• United States
2 Jul 09
Um, that's not nice what your sister said to you. I'd argue that one. I don't think there's a standard answer for males. Some like thinner women, some like hefty women and some like large women. Let me give you an example: my husband prefers to look at thinner women and his brother likes heavier women. They each got what they wanted and seem content. Having three children can add the pounds. I also had 3 kids and did gain. Am back to the same size now I was when we were first married but that's just a coincidence. Am not dieting. What really matters is what's in a person's heart. I've seen some thinner. very pretty women with lousy attitudes. This takes away from their appearance. Don't let anyone intimidate you.
@dismalgrin (2604)
• United States
22 Jul 09
Thank you for your response. Sorry I have taken this long to comment back. I seem to realize that with my sister she has double standards a lot. One day I got her in a good mood and we were chatting about all kinds of things when she told me that she has come to a point in her life that she is doing things for her right now. I recognize the sentiment, even though she is taken things too far as to put others down. But, she is 14, my hope is that one day she will awaken to the fact that being 'selfish' does not mean you have to hurt others to be true to yourself.
@med889 (5941)
•
18 Jun 09
There is a three woman for one man on this earth. Women are more that man in this planet so the men are lucky enough to have three women in his life, some prefers only one whereas others prefer more than that. So men is attracted to women quite easily and there is men who are attracted to you also without your knowledge sothe one who will be attracted to you will be infact someone who is really mesmerised by you only instead of your size or whatever so there are men out there dismalgrin for every woman.
@dismalgrin (2604)
• United States
19 Jun 09
I guess since there are so many women out there, men feel that they can afford to be choosy... VERY choosy. Haha. That is cool how you put there that there could be someone attracted to me and I not even know it. That is really insightful.
@mypriv8link (180)
• Philippines
18 Jun 09
People especially children are brainwashed by the media on the issue about beauty. The skinnier, the taller you are....the more beautiful you are to many. And its even kinda unfair to state the fact that women with those qualities at times get better oppurtunities due to that superficial so called beauty.
However, I think that beauty is so much more than the outside appearance. COnfidence and personality really make a difference. I have friends who are on the thick side, and guys I know are so attracted to them simply because they are confident, contended even happy of who and what they are. And if you really are that state, people see it, people believe, and it attracts. I think that its in our selves the power to open others to see our own beauty. If you believe you are, others will, too.
So, the point is, yes! They're are lots of guys who are attracted to 'not so skinny women'...
@dismalgrin (2604)
• United States
19 Jun 09
I like the way you put your words. I like to wear clothes that aren't intended for women of 'size' Haha. I never shop in the plus sized section for clothes, and I feel that if my sister's can lounge around the house in boxers and a tank top... so can I. I wear very stylish clothes (most of the time, I don't have too many summer clothes this year due to a huge drop in post pregnancy pounds last summer) so I'm a little restricted. But, I do think it is wrong for skinny people to think that they are the only ones that have a right to dress in cute clothes. Maybe the more superficial men out there are more attracted to my sisters and other girls like them, but if my sisters can't judge what those men are really all about, then I guess it is their loss in the end. My sister had a guy totally in love with her for who she was and she broke up with him, you know why? Because he begged her to stop smoking. Um, okay, that is a really dumb reason to break up with someone when you are 14!
@minckler104 (28)
• United States
2 Jul 09
I think people are beautiful on the inside.. not on the out. It doesn't matter what size you are. When I first got with my husband, I was a size 3/4.. now after being with him for 3 years and having only 1 kid.. I'm a size 8. Sometimes he will make comments to me like " remember how good you used to look before you had a baby".. which I know he just says it to get me going, but deep down I can just imagine that he really does wish he had the skinny ol me back...and I really don't blame him...but when he looks at his little daugther.. that completely changes the way he looks at me. I really wouldn't let your sister get to you at all. There are A LOT of guys out there that don't care about size.. but then again there are a lot that do! So you just gotta be patient and wait for the right one to come to you! Don't worry...it will happen!
@dismalgrin (2604)
• United States
22 Jul 09
Thank you for your response. I'm sorry that your husband makes comments like that. I hope he also points out how awesome your body is for completing such a miracle as having a baby! Too many people today over look what an amazing thing it is to be able to give life to another like that.
@Beertjie (976)
• South Africa
17 Jun 09
I have seen many overweight woman with realy good husbands. My aunt is huge (sorry) but is married and happy. All her sisters had gone through divorce, but she has been with only one husband.
It is god to loose weight if you can, for health reasons and to feel good about yourself, but not just to find a man. Any man worth having will take a woman as she is. Once you get to know a person, looks doesn't matter.
I am skinny, not too skinny, and I don't think I am bad looking. I get a lot of compliments on my looks, but I am still a single man. I just have not met the right person. I have seen some overweight guys having beautifull, skinny wives. There is someone for everyone. Don't hang out with bad guys, otherwise you will end up with one of them. Hang out with the type of people that you find atractive, somewhere in thet group is your husband for life.
Tell your sister this; "I can loose weight, you can't change your looks!" It sounds nasty, but it is the truth.
I wish you all the best.
