How do you control your temper?

I used to have a very bad temper, as a teenager, I would use my fists and not my words.. And I usually kept my ears closed, I would not listen to what other people had to say.. This got me into a lot of trouble.. I had to stop or else my life was going to be spent locked up.. So I started using my words instead.. granted I was not hurting anyone physically, but I did not realize that words can hurt just as much or more.. When I was in my early 20s I moved in with my aunt.. She took the time and patience to teach me how to express myself without hurting other people.. I had a hard time with that for a long time.. I thought that the only way my point could get across was by yelling and cutting the other person to shreds. She taught me how to mediated, and some breathing exercises to use when I would get anger.. She would tell me to STOP what I was doing, THINK about what I was doing, and RESTART with a clearer head.. This work most of the time, when it didn't I would count to ten, or just leave the room, until I could regather myself and then continue the conversation.. Now I am finding the best way to handle my anger is by being quiet.. Still sit there listening to what the other person has to say, but if I can not find a way to express what I am feeling in a nice way, or calm way.. Not to say anything at all.. The reason for this is I do not say the wrong things, that I may regret later, and I do not add to the fire.. With one person in participial that I did this too, she actually got more upset, and acted a fool. But I was able to keep my integrity, and not stoop to her level.. Have you ever heard of the saying silents is a killer.. That is the truth, the other person has no idea what you are thinking, and if the person is looking for a fight, and you do not add to it.. It just sets off the other person more.. Everyone has buttons, and usually a person that is looking for a fight know which ones to hit to set you off.. Granted you may feel like they are "making" you mad but in end, its your choice to get angry and how you use your anger... In the end you have control, in most situations you have a choice.. It may not seem like it, because the choice is simple but there is always two options.. Just one is more favorable then the other.. The trick is being able to express yourself in a claim matter, and if you can not just do not say anything at all.. If you really want to share your opinion but every time you are in front of that person your anger level gets too high to say what is really on your mind.. Try writing a letter to them or an email.. So then you can still explain where you are coming from, but the anger is not there.. Therefore the person hears what you have say, and not just ignoring you because your words hurt..No one likes to hear negative things, so they shut their ears off, and fly with their mouths.. Good luck with your anger problem and I hope some of this help you..

sometime i just can't control my anger, it's just come and bang.. in the minute, i feel really terrible and think how came i can't control my anger.. when that's time came i try to breath deeper and slowly. it's help me much..

Fortunately I don't have a temper or it's very very rare for me to lose my temper, the only time I have done is with my ex, my ex always brought out the worst in me, and many times I lost my temper. I would shout, scream and even throw things, I became this wild animal. Since I left my ex I haven't lost my temper once, so my ex was definitely a catalyst, always pressed the wrong buttons, always used to drive me totally insane. I did find writing very therapeutic, I also find going to the gym great for getting rid of the frustration, I think if I didn't go to the gym I would lost my temper more often.

I used to have a very bad temper. I easily get angry most especially when things does not work the way I want it to be. But now, I seem to have pass such temper. I think its about self control and of course letting things pass. Now when things does not go the way I want it to be, I just accept it and just let it go. I just breath deeply and let it go together as I exhale. It does not really help when you get angry. So what I do is think of how to solve things and make things work my way rather than get angry and end up with no solution.

I used to have problems in controlling my anger and temper as well and very little things also will make me explode.Somehow as time passes i finally realize that these are all not good as it sometimes annoys others and myself.SO i began to be controlling my anger well.Whenever i am being provoked and felt uneasy i shall loosen my hands and shake it until it is tire out.Then i would control my breathing in order to get myself relaxed and let my blood flows perfectly.

Hello Annie, I know many people can't do this but I have my temper under control all the time. I do not lose it unless someone gets very, very extreme and it has not happened for the past year or so. For those who cant control anger, all I would say is that think of the things that you are going to achieve by getting angry. I am sure the answer would be nothing. And, you end up losing ur energy, your cool and at times you might do something that you will regret later.

Writing down your feelings does help to calm you down and sort things out sometimes. Walking away, counting to ten, literally "biting" my tongue have been tactics I've used to help in the past and were helpful. I still walk away and/or count to ten until I'm calm enough to talk things through and work it out. The only thing though that really gets to me is someone lying and/or withholding information or playing games with me. That sends me right over the edge. Someone who refuses to talk truthfully and just continues to play games makes me absolutely furious! That becomes, after several attempts to communicate, not a "bad temper" thing, but a matter of walking away permanently from that person and not allowing him/her to drag me into his/her sickness-because that kind of behavior is sick.

i just paused a while, take a deep breath...close my eyes and say a little prayer(im asking God to please help me control my anger so that i will not hurt anybody...), sometimes i just go away without a word, and like you if those things that i've done is not enough, i just write my feeling on my notebook...(yes i have a notebook where i write my feelings...its like a diary but its not...) i think what good about me is that i am a quiet type of person when angry...and i don't reallly want to talk coz i know that i have nothing good to say and sometimes i end up crying...yah ...in crying i can release my anger...

Anger can be a very dangerous emotion for some. People have had so much anger they have hurt others not only in words but physically. Myself, yes I get upset, I get angry, thing is I do not like to show it much at all. I am a product of a very angry parent and I can say that anger is not the way to go to communicat what you feel. Calm down, take a walk, take a shower, or like I did once, I took a ride in my car no not a fast one, just a nice quiet ride to a park I knew. Thing was I fell asleep in my car. Woke up a few hours later and went home. That didn't help but yet in away it helped me to calm myself. I just know anger is not away to communicate with others, it doesn't get you anywhere but hurt feelings and people who don't want to be around you.

well ,as for me ,everytime i feel i am going to lose my temper .i will do the same thing as you do ,tying to creat a distraction to concerntrate my heart on other things,besides ,just keep in mind that a uncontrolable temper will not only do harm to others but also yourself ,and it really works

Sometimes it can be really hard, but I always try to take a deep breath and stop talking for a while. At times I take time not to speak to a person and keep my distance for about a few minutes... and then try to resolve the issue with a cool head. Like with my husband, when he annoys me again, I ask him not to talk to me if he's just going to provoke me and just settle things when both of us are willing. It works for us. I avoid heated arguments coz it will just drive us into our crazy selves, raising voices which is really unpleasant. I'm not the arguing type but I always refrain from saying things I might regret later, it happened to me once before and I truly hurt a friend... so I'm never going to do it again. Like you I keep myself busy or just watch TV until my attention has been diverted.

for me i count i start at a 100 and count backwards with my eyes closed until i calm down, i have a 12 yr old son that has anger problems and to help him, he says he imagines his fat step grandmother in a skimpy bikini among other things to get back to a happy place. may not be right for him to imagine that but it does work for him. i've told him also to right down why he was angry and that seems to help him as well

When I was a little boy,People around me told me that I had a bad temper.but I didnt know clearly what that means to me because of my age.Time goes and I am a younger now,during my growing-up days,I have learnt more due to my bad temper,people around me now are not the same ones as before ,and nobody tell me how and what to do when I cant control my bad temper.Fortunately,I met my girl which I consider as not just girlfreind also a teacher to me,she is the only person who can calm me down when i see the ugly side of society.(To be continued)

Hmmmmm I have a bad temper too. I still couldnt figure out a way to control my temper. I just cant do it.... Gud atleast you are able to control it.....

i am a very sensitive person and i get offended really easily just by simple words that i don't like to hear... my temper is also terrible... but that is all in the past... i learn from my mistake and try my best to change... and i am getting there... now, if i want to get angry, i just run away from the person and look for somebody else to talk about my feelings... it really helps... silence is golden and it is better to avoid confrontations rather than to make it worst... take care and have a nice day...

In a silent way, that's how i control my temper. I don't want to speak out. I keep quite no matter what asking someone will do. I do things that i am not usually doing like, making a garden and attending my garden. Now that i have no way of gardening, i keep myself busy and listening songs i love and keep in front of computer if i have access of it. I don't show it openly, although it is negative emotion that should not be controlled all the time because you will be explode if it is controlled too much.

Hi, sometimes it is hard to really control our fellings and temper. For me, i'm always trying best to do well, behave properly and do not find troubles with others. I would see myself as a patient and good in tolerance person. However, i do not know why, sometimes there're really some people who likes to find problems or troubles with me. Complaining and criticizing really can annoy me. These are the time i may lose control of my temper. My ways to control my temper or bad feelings are just simple. I will try not to think about that matter (although it may be hard to do so), do other things or get busy with other work to distract myself from keeping on thikning about it. Besides, try to think of other things which can make me happy also is one of the way. Or, can try to talk to a close friend who i can share my thinking and feelings. I think these are quite effective for me, hope it may help for you too. Have a nice day.

Thats true with me too!! I loose my temper very fast. But as i have grown older and have experiented different things in life i have ultimately managed to take care of my anger. The way of writing the feelings on the paper and throwing it out is a very good practise but i would like to add to it some thing , after writing it on the paper just dont throw it in the bin , instead make fine pieaces of it and then burn it wow! that destroys everything and all of the anger it works with me you too could try out . Another method is close your room and see that nobody is around your room listening or just close your door and then sit infront of the mirror and speak to your self tell yourself of the anger in detail or close your eyes and imagine the person you are angry on sitting infront of you and then tell the person your grief and that you are upset on the person and the reasons behide it also and also most important resolve the issue there and there... that gives total relief.. so go ahead and try it and enjoy the peace when the anger is realised...

Honestly, I am a short-tempered person when I was a kid, I easily get upset over things that I think is annoying and easily get mad to other people. But as I mature to an adult, I easily learned to control my anger as long as I can. I learned to be more patient in dealing with problems and with people who tend to really enjoy annoying you. Right now, I just keep quiet when I am upset or mad and let a day or two pass by. If I cannot work due to the anger I fell inside, I just try to close my eyes and pray for more patience and strength. I usually try to stay away from the person that irritated to avoid confrontation.

busky, I have been angry when someone has rude for me, i didn't direct response them but i scold them in my heart. I think we shouldn't argue with someone doesn't a reason because he or she may hit or shoot me. my life has valuable.