Cremation or traditonal funeral, would you go against their last wishes?
By dvmurphy
@dvmurphy (326)
United States
July 4, 2009 2:06pm CST
My btother is terminal and has colon, stomach and liver cancer. He went suddenly from 165 lbs to 111 lbs. He is against cremation and wants to be put to rest in our local cemetary next to our father in a casket. Our Mother has a $5000 life insurance policy that will take care of most of the funeral. I used to work in a funeral home and know the director so I arranged the funeral according to our brother's last wishes. After the burial we will still owe $975 but he will be laid to rest as he wanted. The problem is that two of our family members want to cremate the body as it is cheaper and have a small wake afterwards for friends and family to celebrate his life. I feel that this is wrong and that going against his last wishes is disrespectful. I think I took the right step in setting up the funeral ahead of time and taking care of all the arrangements. Personally, I feel that a wake afterwards is not necessary or we the family can supply the dishes ourselves for this. Would you go against your loved ones last wishes?
4 people like this
8 responses
@scarlet_woman (23463)
• United States
5 Jul 09
if they left big elaborate wishes,and didn't leave me enough to pay for it all,i would.yes,i would feel bad about going against their wishes,but i'm not going heavily into debt for it myself.
in my area,it's $10,000 just for the plot-that's not counting casket,embalming,or anything else.
@davethegreat (40)
• Portugal
5 Jul 09
I would never go against last wishes of the person, even though it is more expensive. ~If he asked to do that way he has the right to do it like that. Do like what your family decide but the most important thing that u need to bbear in mind is that he would never want your family to split up because of that issue. That is the most important thing, so try to reach an agreement.
@dreamr802 (985)
• United States
5 Jul 09
You should definitely not go against your brother's wishes. It is what he wants and he wants to be buried next to your father. At least the insurance policy will pay for most of the costs.
Like someone else said, you can't please everyone. The most important person to please at this point and time is your brother. To him, this is the one thing that he wants you to do after he passes away.
I'm so sorry that your family is having to go through this and my thoughts and prayers are with you guys.
@bailey2009 (174)
• United States
5 Jul 09
First of all, I am very sorry to hear about your brother. I hope you are doing okay through this difficult situation.
I think that you did the right thing! It is your brothers wish to be burried. Going against that is disrespectful and would not serve to honor your brothers memory. I would continue with the plans as your brother wanted despite what others in the family want you to do. I do not think you will have peace if you side with others that want to cremate him. $$ should not be the issue driving the decision. It should be your brothers wishes.
I would not go against my brothers wishes if I had to make that decision. Many Blessings to you and your family.
@lodyllesovo (321)
• Philippines
5 Jul 09
If the dying already expresses his wishes on how he will be buried, I guess it would be better if we'll just follow hi wishes. Cause if not, that person might haunt us forever.... Anyways, for me, I prefer to be cremated than buried traditionally. And then after that, you can throw my ashes in the sea so that I will ride the wind FOREVER.
@mreducator (93)
• Philippines
5 Jul 09
It depends. If you can have the money to pay, why not grant his wish? But if you are short of money, then just go the practical way. I think it won't be bad on his part and he would later understand it. I bet souls don't want people staying here on earth to be having problems on anything, so I guess its just fine doing it that way.
@polachicago (18716)
• United States
5 Jul 09
The right thing to do is to respect last wishes of the person who passed away.
The hardest [art is to make sure that all family members are on the same page.
I think that your mother should make final decision...
@fwidman (11514)
• United States
4 Jul 09
If money is not the issue, which it appears not to be here, I see no reason to go against his last wishes. You cannot please everyone so I think it is safe to assume that two members will be upset and the rest will be happy. I would not go against your brother's wish. If they really want to have a wake, then make it a potluck sort of thing and maybe the two unhappy family members will be a little more satisfied 
