is it healthy to stay in a marriege for the children?

i think that it is better for children to have two parents in seperate homes who they can spend happy times with and have a good home life at both houses rather than two parents in the same house living like this, in my opinion your children would be better off if it was just you and them as you would be much happier which inturn would make them happier

It is awful when a husband likes living in a terrible mess. I think is must have been upsetting to have him shout at you. Things like that are not a good example for your sons. It is not wise that he keeps your boys up late at night. I think that communication is way to on well in a relationship. That sounds difficult to do with your husband. I know that if a husband is violent it is wise to leave him. Then the children and the mother can be safe. I know that you are fed up with your husband but think you can put up with him until your boys are teens. However thirteen is a challenging age to deal with parents splitting up. I know that divorce can upset children greatly in the two years after that happens. I think that you must decide if slitting up now is the right time or it might be annoying to stay in your marriage. Good luck.

While it is nice to try to stick things out until kids are older, it doesn't always work out. While the decision to stay or go can only be made by you, if you have to carry your cell phone around all the time, I have to say that, if it were me, I'd be gone with the wind. If leaving really is not a possibility, then hopefully you can get some sort of counseling for the two of you, or even just some help from your minister. The kids will be okay, but how about you? That's the only question that truly matters.

I had to make that choice myself and removed myself and my children from their father.I left it to late and by that time one of my kids was quite messed up by his behaviour.You have three boys watching their dad thinking thats how men are supposed to behave,do you really want to expose your lovely boys to that,if you cannot make him see sense for the kids sake ,you must get away from him ,you sound frightened of him well I expect the boys feel that way as well.I thought I could protect my kids and keep my family together but it does not work that way,Good luck.

Hello my friend deedeehall Ji, In fact, our side things are totally divided between both spouses, As great person Mahtam Gandhiji described, He is active and She is passive, he should take care of outside ( It only indicates from earning), She is totally incharge of house, but both have to help each other. Now , what has been decided between you both, have to be inetrvened by third party including us. In our side when marriages are done by arranging, memebers arranging take active part to solve these type of things. In your case, you have to do as per this. But, children require attention from both parents and I think, one must remain intact together. May god bless You and have a great time.

no I don't think so but sometimes (we moms) we have to sacrifice ourselves for our children. Like what i did..Though it's not an easy decision coz you have to stand-up for it. Most especially for your children. As long as you're not idle, you have your carreer, you have your real friends and most importantly your children are beside you.

If that is the situation, I do not think its healthy for you and for your children. The more you stay there the more you will suffer and you will be exposing your children to such attitude which will eventually influence them as they grow up. Would you want that to happen?

It's never good to stay in a bad relationship. You are giving mixed signals to your sons. Do you want them to grow up thinking it is okay to treat women or anyone for that matter, like that? You are telling your boys it's okay to treat people like that and they will think the other person has to stay. I suggest counseling. If he doesn't want to do that, I suggest getting out of the relationship. Even if he isn't physically abusive now, he may become that way. If you want him to do something you may have to start nagging him or he will just keep on doing the same thing and leaving trash everywhere. Your boys see him and will follow in his footsteps. It's really up to you as to whether or not you want them to see and live like that. If you are okay with living that way then your answer is yes. If you want change and want better for your kids, then your answer is no. You should never stay in a marriage for the children. That's why there is joint custody.

Sorry to hear that.I have to say your husband is horrible .How can he does this things to his family i meant force.I think your situation is very unsafe.If you can go away i think you should go.At least while he don't meliorate ,How do you think? you keep your cellphone with you.it doesn't slove this problem.i wish you luck.

i think if your husband makes you unhappy, like this one does, then your children will notice. my mother and father had problems when i was a child but they didn't realise that i knew what was going on. i really think it is better in this case to get divorced and let the children see your husband separately.

It would be better for the kids to have a single parent and be raised properly, than have two and get confused between what is right and what is wrong. Better for them to have a grown up parent who will be a good example.

No! No no no no no!! The worst thing you can do is stay in a marriage for the children. Only in the rarest of circumstances does this do less damage than leaving- those which both parents are extremely civil with each other and can still be friends when under the same roof. In 99.9% of cases, however, there is no chance of civility. One of the biggest mistakes a parent can make is completely give up their happiness in exchange for what they think is the children's happiness. Kids can tell when a parent is miserable, no matter how hard you may try to hide it. That example teaches children that personal happiness doesn't matter and can also teach them to overly fear making mistakes because they can't ever be reversed. More importantly than happiness, staying in a relationship like the one you described deprives your children of the feeling of love. Not only are you and your husband not exchanging it, he seems not to be showing love to the children. While I'm sure you try your hardest to make up for it, this situation also takes away from the amount of love you show them. All the effort you expend fighting and being scared drastically limits how much love you can give to your kids. This man is stealing from your children every time he takes your time, energy, happiness and love. One parent giving all of themselves is so much better than two who can only spare some. Take it from me: I'm one of those children who wished every day that my parents would divorce. The kids will be ok. You will be ok.

I am by no means an expert on this sort of thing, but i have know people goin through thing similar. what they experienced was thier parents splitting up and they where nearer the older/teen age. they where upset but they understood why, it was just very hard. i would have thought splitting up with them being younger would be easier because when they are more towards the teenager age everything becomes a lot harder and stressful, without that on the top. plus you really shouldn't have to put up with it.

no

Children live the life they were raised in so you have to ask yourself if you want your boys to grow up to be like their father. Your situation sounds very bad so, no, I don't think it's a good idea to stay in that environment if you're able to get yourself and your children out of there. When your boys get older you will most likely have problems with them unless you get them into a stable, SAFE environment where they can see examples of better behavior on the part of the adults in their lives.

no it is not healthy for you or for the children i would get out if things where that bad because it's not good for you or the children . you and the children deserve better than that the children need there sleep he should not be keeping them up late . so if i wear you i would leave his butt and take the kids with you they don't need to be around that , i really don't think he will change you should not have to carry your phone around incase things get out of comtrol right there tells you it's bad and you and your children need to get out so that way nothing does happen if you explain it to them they may understand if not they will when they get older but you should never stay in a bad relationship or marridge for your children because it's not healthy for either of you. so good luck and i will check back with you later to see how things are going, please let me know.

Hi Deedee, It's not healthy - for you and for the kids. I don't see the point in staying with him if you feel only fear in your heart. If you're scared because he might hurt you or the kids, then isn't it time for you to start packing up and find a safer place? If he's been behaving that way for a long time, then aren't you just waiting for a disaster to happen? Your concern about the kids are not unfounded, but I guess they too will feel relieved if you just find a place of your own and live peacefully away from your husband.

For my opinion, you got to decide whether you want this going or not. If your decision is to leave, then I suggest you move to a different place. This is not permanent, it's just to make your sons understand the life without dad and how peaceful can they be as well! Once they understood, you can speak to him about it and meet attend a family counselling. Hope that will make out for your family. Just don't sit there and suffer.