Simple rule Guys, but a big one
By TLChimes
@TLChimes (4822)
United States
July 6, 2009 9:37pm CST
Don't ever say "I'm moving out" to the kids just because you're having a bad day. Even more so when it is them not their mother that you are mad at. That little bit can cause major damage.
There is such a thing as hitting someone with out ever raising your hand. Your words and actions (or even lack of) can cause as much damage and sometimes more, then you taking a belt and beating them.
And just so you know.... if you are with me or a mother dragon like me.... you will be held accountable for hurting the young dragons. They have a youth excuse you don't have. So watch your words.
Ladies? Any thing to add?
Guys? Do you have anything to add?
Oh... and Ladies... I'm sure the guys will agree that it goes both ways. At least those who understand what I mean.
11 people like this
18 responses
@tamarafireheart (15384)
•
7 Jul 09
Hi TLChimes,
I don't have any children but hubby always saying he is going of to France so I always say to hime go, do yiou want me to pack your suitcase for you lol! he never does though.
Tamara
3 people like this
@debster65 (53)
• United States
7 Jul 09
Tamra,
my aplauze to you! I have packed many of suitcases in my day and sent them packing!
Its funny I always thought I could never live with out a man . How crazy is that? I would put up with so much abuse from my ex husband . I stayed with him for 5 long yrs. Just long enough for the 2 boys of ours to get in pre-school . Why I waited that long I don't know . I was hit daily and kicked too. To this day I can't stand those fry boots or cowboy boots.
I have since then learned I don't have to be hit or told how ugly I am to be loved.I also can wear what I like and not have to worry about Him either throwing white paint all over my closes or cutting them up . I don't regret marring him either. It all gave me strengths I never knew I had. I wont put up with any one treating me like that again. I would much rather live a lone then to be putting up with that . I didn't think I could but when push comes to shove u be surprised at what u can do .
I live alone today with just my cat and I can't tell u how many times i have been approached and asked why are u a lone you are so pretty . I say to them cause I choose to be. I know who I am today, I love who am today, I know what I want today too. Until I find that special man to share my life with,the one I want and like how he is treating me, I plan on staying here and being that independent Women I have become. I am very proud of myself today came a long from the days of putting up with a man just so I have one. Remember Ladies you don't have to have a man to validate yourself!
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (160677)
• United States
7 Jul 09
Major number one rule of childhood. Do not make a threat or promise you are not prepared to act upon. If you do so, it will undermine any credibility that you have. Number two rule, Look inside and find the child you were, remember what hurt, and don't you dare do it. If you hurt your children, you are perpetuating your own hurt as well, and it never ever goes away.
@EvrWonder (3571)
• Canada
7 Jul 09
Well said GardenGerty! Rated+
Always speak from the heart. Do not promise things and not come through and do not fight or degrade your spouse in front of the kids.
If Adults would only have more empathy for children. They really do learn what they live.
@mtdewgurl74 (18151)
• United States
7 Jul 09
Answering from email..Yeah I would like to add just cause your breaking up doesn't mean that you have the right to bad mouth the other person to the kids, they feel bad enough as it is without having to listen to that..about someone they love.
and out of site shouldn't mean out of mind...
Yes, I agree it should go both ways.
1 person likes this
@mtdewgurl74 (18151)
• United States
11 Jul 09
That is great that you do that for her. A lot of others can't seem to put their own feelings aside long enough to think what it might be doing to the child.
@TLChimes (4822)
• United States
7 Jul 09
I even helped frame and put up pictures of the ex for my little girl. They are of them and are in her room. He only sees her a few times a year but it isn't my doing and I let her make up her mind on how she feels about it.
I will not pick her feelings for her.
Well said!
1 person likes this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
7 Jul 09
In my experience, true Mother Dragons know instinctively that it's the adults in the family that are responsible for setting the example and are therefore more careful in their speech around the young dragons. Some fathers fail to grasp the fact that EVERYTHING the young dragons hear is processed according to the child's logic, NOT the adults. Therefore kid's will often assume that THEY are responsible when negative things happen or are expressed, as after all, they are constantly being told 'no, don't do, don't say' as part of their learning process between right and wrong, what's acceptable and what isn't. Some men are just thick, and when you point it out to them, they think you're nuts.
And yes, I do agree the door swings both ways, but on the whole, women are more in tune, if they're paying attention, because they've invested more time physically and emotionally into just bringing the young dragons into the world...............too bad it has to be a world with men in it! LOL
2 people like this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
4 Aug 09
LOL, get on your soapbox anytime if it gets me a BR! ROFL Thanks sweets...........
@TLChimes (4822)
• United States
7 Jul 09
I answered this once and yet it was a no show so if it appears twice forgive me.
Hello my favorite Sparks......
I know! Right? And when you try to explain they look at you like a third head has grown in and is sticking it's tounge out at them.
"I never raised my hand to them" is the responce to "stop beating on those kids" so then it is S L O W L Y and C A R E F U L L Y explained.... "But I never raised my hand to them"
Idiot.
I stayed too long in that crap when it was me getting picked on, hurt, and such. But when it comes to my kids... that's when I left. I learned that lesson well. I remember what it's like to get that hurt from parents and mates alike. I will not let that touch my little dragons.
opppsss.... sorry.... I think the soap box snuck under my feet while I wasn't looking.
1 person likes this
@wonttakelong (3555)
• United States
7 Jul 09
why do people do that?
my husband has done that
I truly wanted to hurt him for doing it
I mean if he really wants to leave I wont stop him
but to throw it out there in a moment of anger while the kids are around is just bullshyt
He upset the kids who worship the ground he walks on
he was upset with me why did he feel the need to upset them?
thats a real good way to piss this momma dragon off
2 people like this
@tosha33 (265)
• United States
7 Jul 09
I do not have any children, but I do remember many days when I heard one or the other parent saying that they are leaving, at the age of five my mother took off and I have seen her 2 times since that age.
The first thing that I asked my mother was about that age old thing of her always saying that she was leaving, since I was a child I always thought that maybe there was something that I could do. I wanted to know if it was my fault.
Of course her answer was no.
So not only is it the men but also the women that need to think before they speak.
2 people like this
@TLChimes (4822)
• United States
7 Jul 09
Talking to the kids..... not when angry.... really helps. I stayed with my ex because of my step son and when I finally HAD to leave.... I talked to him and he asked me why I had waited so long.
Silly me should have talked to him alot sooner.
1 person likes this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
8 Jul 09
You might say I was a victim of verbal abuse from both my mother and grandmother...don't think parents realize that yes, words can hurt, sting, lower self-esteem just as much as physical abuse. My mother started "in" on me at a very young age. My parents were divorced when I was very young...growing up I never heard one positive thing about my father...then she turn around and say "Oh you're just like your father, same personality." That started my cycle of trying to please and gain approval. Don't ask how long it took me to realize I don't need to seek the approval of anyone, save myself...how I liked myself was what was important--it took me years to realize what an manipulative, push your buttons person my mother was in my life--when I realized how manipulating she was in my life she didn't like it one bit....I was on to her games and that pissed her off...LOL
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
7 Jul 09
I never said that, myself. I would say that I needed a vacation but never moving out and my kids and then-husband knew I loved them. Words can do more damage than anything because you always remember them, they stay in your mind whether you want them to or not.
It's important to never let the children think that they have the power to make you want to move out--not because you lose power, but because it puts a burden on their young shoulders that shouldn't be there. They have a huge job learning everything they need to know and adding the burden of your own feelings isn't fair to them.
@mjmlagat (3170)
• Philippines
7 Jul 09
yes, i agree with you because i'm raising (with my hubby) 4 kids at present. sometimes we lose our temper with them but we really make it sure as to not saying negative things to them because it's like adding insult to injury..plus, this would just add more stress to the day.
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
8 Jul 09
I grew up with a mother dragon! She was nasty when she got angry and her words have inflicted wounds that still have not healed and probably never will.
To her, my sister and I were useless, stupid, and ugly and my mum often said that if she bought a pet dog instead of having me her life would have been better and you know what? To this day I still don’t know what I did that was so wrong!
I see the mother dragon manifest in me sometimes and the difference between my mother and me is that aside from the fact that I don’t call my daughter names or destroy her spirit, I say sorry for getting irritated sometimes and I teach her that even though I am a mummy I make mistakes and it shows integrity to admit to them and apologise when necessary.
@maygodblessu44 (7336)
• India
31 Jul 09
Hello my friend TLChimes Ji,
I fully acknowledge and understand your hidden meaning. As such, as and when we go out side the house, we tell or you can say pronounce to all members, "i WILL RETURN AFTER ... TIME", same thing meaning should be to return back and not giving signal taht you are laeving, leaving for ever.
May god bless You and have a great time.
@gypsywoman344 (214)
• United States
9 Jul 09
WELL SAID . . . I hope the people that needed to get that message-got it. OR did they need it put into 6yr old messages as is often the case? And how do they undo what they have already done? Leave it to you to fix - right? LOL Some times we need to learn from our children.
@LetranKnight25 (33121)
• Philippines
14 Jul 09
I have no Idea what your talking about, simply because am a home boy.lolz
@AcousticSoul (1309)
• United States
7 Jul 09
Yes this is so true because it has happen to me. When I was 18 years old I decided to move back to california. My mother retired in Kansas and I couldn't take the small town sence i needed the city , so I went and stayed with my older sister and her kids. Her husband a well to do man excepted me in as his own daughter, after a year or two it was time to get out... I was in the process of looking for a place with my bf, it was taking longer than expected. so one day we all went out to eat and while we were sitting at the table he blurted out so when you moving out my house. it was such a suprise and it hit hard, I felt like he never wanted me around. he had other problems but it he took it out on me. I faught back the tears that very moment stuck with me and it still affects me at the age of 25. so yes no matter who you are watch what you say to people because you never know how it affects them in their lives....
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
7 Jul 09
TL Chimes, you hit the nail right on it's head on this issue!! Thanks so much for posting this although it hits home very hard with me. My mother did this to me a few times and it scared the living sh!t out of me. She actually got in the damned car and started to drive off while I was begging her not to go. I never felt safe after that and is one of the MANY reasons why I left so called "home" at the age of 16 and went on my own. You can call it self destruction at the beginning stages and boy did I go into that in a big way. Now I've been married very happily and safely for almost 18 years but still, after hubby retired from the Army (of 27 years) and we moved to NC and my parents moved and now are close to us, the drama has started yet again. It's the reason I've not been on here much as of late, because I'm trying to get my head back on my shoulders once again. Isn't life grand?
@Carolyn63 (1403)
• United States
7 Jul 09
I know of another one. Don't play the well I'm waiting till the kids are grown before I divorce you card either. Guess what, it isn't any less astonishing then. See, the kids figure, oh, you've said that a million times and don't see it actually coming. Neither does the spouse after all that time. And the conflict the kids had to witness wasn't a joyride either.
@celticeagle (167025)
• Boise, Idaho
8 Jul 09
TOO LATE! I did just that and then I did it. I had guardianship of my grand daughter for about a dozen years. I helped my daughter in her bi-polar condition and helped her raise her son. I then got sick from depression and stress and panic attacks. I got over that and felt a need to have some independence and a life of my own. I lasted for nearly three months and missed them so badly I came directly home. I know this isn't exactly the same thing but it did cause some damage. I guess the young dragons missed the OLD dragon and they are glad she is back. Atleast some of them are. A sense of humor even at the end of your rope does wonders.
