Why don't MEN cry?
By Katak
@submerryn (1304)
Malaysia
July 7, 2009 9:39am CST
All my life, I've NEVER seen my Dad cry. The day I moved out from home to college, he sent me off. The moment he reached home, he called me 3 times on that same day. The third time he called me, I asked him why is he calling me so many times? And then I heard his voice broke over the phone and cried saying that he misses me! At that moment, I wanted to 'fly' back home immediately into his arms! He is never the emotional type, being in the navy for so many years. His reaction to me moving out totally surprised me. Until today, I've NEVER seen him cry. Only that once I heard him crying over the phone with me.
Now, I married my husband. He too, has NEVER cried in front of me. Then almost two years ago, in the Operating Theatre where my boy was born, he shed a few tears!
What is it with guys? I cried buckets all the time. Soapy romantic flick makes me cry. I cry when I burnt the chicken. I cry when my boy calls me Mommy. I cry when I earned my first dollar online! LOL.. I cried and I laughed!
But guys, they laughed, but never cry! Why? Does it make them less manly if they cry? Even now, when my boy cried, my hubs will go "Oh no you dont! Big boys don't cry!" So, was that the reason they dont cry? Being told since birth that they are not suppose to?
Let's share...
3 people like this
32 responses
@krayzietam (832)
• United States
7 Jul 09
I understand why you may tell your boys not to cry, especially over every little thing. Maybe you can show them how to be strong in various ways, or maybe explain to them that they don't need to cry over everything but it is okay to show emotions to things that truly hurt them.
@submerryn (1304)
• Malaysia
7 Jul 09
I think I should stop telling my boy NOT to cry. But sometimes I just cant help it. If he accidentally knocks a little, then started crying, for sure, I'll tell him, BOYS dont cry. Because I do not wish for him to grow up a cry baby! But maybe, sometimes, I'll just let it be and see what becomes of him. Thanx. :)
@cwong77 (2010)
• Malaysia
7 Jul 09
Men are just ego and they try to control their tears. I believe this is harder, as we women will just tear out all we can. To men, maybe it's a kind of shame. The only one who don't know about shame is my Ex maybe! muahaha... OK, I did seen my dad cry!
@submerryn (1304)
• Malaysia
7 Jul 09
Ego is quite a good word to use there cynthia! Can be agreeable on that! I can't surpress my feelings and emotions and NOT cry out. Must cry one, where can not cry? Cry me a river... Your ex is not human perhaps (sorry to be so harsh!) Why did your dad cry?
@submerryn (1304)
• Malaysia
7 Jul 09
maybe you should cry for your ex. you know, just to flush the 'rubbish' away, otherwise it will all clogged up there and who knows, one day, burst the pipe! bonkers way! :)
@cobra1368 (702)
• United States
7 Jul 09
I think that is exactly it. We do as we are taught. If you grew up in a household where you were spanked if you cried (I wasn't, but I know people who were!), then you likely grew up a lot harder and less able to show emotion.
I think it is healthy to show your emotions. I know I definitely do. But men crying is like women being fat in society. Society wants their women thin and their men burly. So men are taught not to cry, and women are taught vanity.
Crying is definitely more of a woman thing. I cry at the drop of a hat. I have seen my husband cry once. And I made him do it. He was really sick, and I was ignoring him (because when I'm sick I take care of myself). All of a sudden, he starts bawling, saying that it doesn't even feel like I care at all or love him at all! He was very sick with the flu, but it made me feel so bad! That is how I found out that my hubby, 6'2", 200 lbs, Swedish viking decent, likes to be mothered when he's sick! 
As pathetic as it is, it is really cute too. I don't mind taking care of him when he is sick. I simply didn't realize I had to do that for a 40-year-old adult.
As pathetic as it is, it is really cute too. I don't mind taking care of him when he is sick. I simply didn't realize I had to do that for a 40-year-old adult.@cobra1368 (702)
• United States
8 Jul 09
Yeah, it totally threw me off guard, because his exterior is so harsh. His only emotions are happy or irritated. He really never seems to get sad (or he just successfully blocks that out).
But, once I started learning more about who he is as a person, I find more and more that the "tough talk" is just that, talk. When you dig a little deeper into him, he's got a huge soft spot, which I have a lot of control over. 
It is relieving to realize that his happiness depends on mine.
It is relieving to realize that his happiness depends on mine.@submerryn (1304)
• Malaysia
8 Jul 09
I like your phrase of men crying are like women being fat! That totally hit it! As far as we think it is okay for men to cry, it's like telling ourselves it is okay to be fat in this society and both of the statements is highly opposed by men themselves!
that is so cute of your husband. I guess all man like to be pampered when they are sick. Mine is too! :)
@sblossom (2168)
•
7 Jul 09
I think the world change now. I found more and more men really crying when they are sad.
In general people think if a man like crying or just cry in public, the man must be weak man, but now people are more tolent and more understandble.
They accept that man does cry when they are sad.
@submerryn (1304)
• Malaysia
7 Jul 09
Though I've never seen my Dad or my husband cry, I don't wish to see them cry often anyway. I wish for them to be happy. And why I say I dont wish to see them cry is because I'd be so lost and not know what to do! Happy tears are acceptable though.. :)
@LovingLife139 (1504)
• United States
8 Jul 09
I've seen my dad cry once. That's one similarity. :) I think men try not to cry because society says it's not manly if you do. This is bullcrap. Before I met my husband, I was never attracted to men who never cried. They don't show their emotions and therefore seem less human to me. My husband cries when he has to...which is one of the most attractive things about him. The first time he cried was within the first month of our relationship. It was actually then that I knew he was a keeper. Men who don't cry...ugh, that's just not attractive at all.
@submerryn (1304)
• Malaysia
8 Jul 09
What would you think of him if he cries at every single opportunity? Haha, just joking, I understand what you meant. Your husband will cry when the time is right and with the right reason. Somehow, I can just detect if men are crying real tears or crocodile tears. Those in hollywood? Definitely too much crocodiles!
1 person likes this
@LovingLife139 (1504)
• United States
8 Jul 09
Men are human, just like women. I expect my husband to cry if he gets overwhelmed or upset. I'm glad you understand--many women don't and find a man who cries as not a man at all. I think that's quite close-minded.
I'll tell you what, though...there are a lot of things that get to me in life--everything from animal abuse to people who've never had a good life, etc.--but the one thing that can break me down inside is to see my husband cry. It's almost like our roles are reversed--I'm the strong personality in our relationship and he goes along with me, so most of the time I don't cry and I don't show weaknesses and he does. But when he cries, that solid brick wall comes crashing down and nothing matters more than making him feel better. :)
@submerryn (1304)
• Malaysia
8 Jul 09
aww.. choclategirl, they ARE sensitive. Try switching off the tv when they are watching their favorite game, they'll sure jump! Try scratching their car, they'll explode. They are sensitive, just towards different things and they express their sensitivity through anger instead..
@choclategirl (28)
• Bahrain
8 Jul 09
yeah u are right both of u but it is more acceptable for women to cry then men and men since they were kids their parents told them to stop crying like a girl .
so even if they were sensitive they have to pretend that they are not .
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
8 Jul 09
i think they have lots of ego and pride inside them and if they cry, they will lower their self-esteem... that's what they think... they are ashamed as well if they are being caught crying and they just don't want to be considered weak... men supposed to be macho and they always have an impression that macho men shouldn't cry... i don't really agree with this as i think sometimes crying can make people feel much better and release the pressure inside yourself... so regardless of the gender, it is OK to cry... take care and have a nice day...
@submerryn (1304)
• Malaysia
8 Jul 09
I agree that crying can make us feel better. I find it very healing to cry. I dont like to keep it in my heart. But that's the difference between me and man. Man will do their best to bottle it up until when they cant, then they'll cry..
@submerryn (1304)
• Malaysia
8 Jul 09
Rickiely, it's only human to cry. Nothing wrong with that. Shed that tear if you feel like it. We wont call you alien or anything. We are born with feelings and emotions, let it out freely. Woman can do it, why not man? :)
@mermaidivy (15395)
• United States
8 Jul 09
I think they are not not supposed to cry but they just tend to hide their emotions, they don't laugh loud when they get really happy about something trying to hide they don't care or their emotions don't get fluctuated, they won't cry in front of people because they don't want people they are weak. I think it is what it is...
@submerryn (1304)
• Malaysia
8 Jul 09
But I find them having no qualms to burst out laughing or burst out lashing when they are angry. Just that when they are sad, they tend to be reclusive and not wanting to share it with others.
@check23 (448)
• Philippines
8 Jul 09
All people may cry when something happy or sad happened and men do cry also but they tend to control their emotions because they don't want others to see them cry. In my life I saw a lot of men who cried and i think it's fine to show what they really feel. Maybe those guys you know also cry but you just didn't saw them cry like your dad.
@submerryn (1304)
• Malaysia
8 Jul 09
I didnt see my dad cry. I only hear him cry, through the phone. It's safe to say that men is able to control their emotion very well within themselves. We ladies tend to pour it all out when things dont go the way we expected.
@AndrewBoi (369)
• Philippines
8 Jul 09
Men do cry. All poeple cry. But there are people who don't want to cry or show a weakness. I don't like crying so I don't really cry. I will cry only if someone close to my heart would die.
@submerryn (1304)
• Malaysia
8 Jul 09
You don't like crying. That's nice. I like crying. I find it very healing. But I like man who doesnt over do it on crying. Just dont cry a river. A tiny tear will do. :)
@busky5 (3164)
• Thailand
7 Jul 09
I think it is not easy to see the men cry.I think the men who are handsome, they will have brave heart.If they cry that stories may be very sad or very happy in their life.I'm same you,i easy to release my tears.When i read your story i almost out of tear too.If the men easy to cry,do you not suspect them to be men or not?
@submerryn (1304)
• Malaysia
7 Jul 09
busky5, ONE thing I cant take from a man is if they cry for failed relationship, unless that girl that ran away from him is ME! LOL.. I mean, a guy who cries anc cries for a certain girl, sigh, not macho at all! And beware of guys who cries like in a soap drama! That could be a serial convict! Just joking!
@darisingstar (224)
• India
8 Jul 09
Few Men shows their tears publicly, but all of them do cry in private........Its not that we cry a lot, but sometimes if you look closely you will see tears in our eyes
@submerryn (1304)
• Malaysia
8 Jul 09
And if I do look closely and see tears, the man will say that there are some dust that flew into their eyes! MEN! They will never admit that they've shed a tear or two!
@w33347 (11)
• Singapore
8 Jul 09
i suppose his is jus a norm of the society u are living in. people living in a certain society will have their own set of thinking. in our current society, most people feel that guys should not be weak, thus they will not expect a guy to cry. if they cry, people will look down on them thus as this way of thinking is pass down the generation thus people will continue to think that guys should not cry.
@submerryn (1304)
• Malaysia
8 Jul 09
And this will go on and on and on to the next generation and next and forth. Many people do have this misconception that crying man is weak. It's tough being a man, eh? I cant stand not being able to cry.
@Pigglies (9329)
• United States
8 Jul 09
I've noticed that too. I've still never seen my dad cry. I've made my mom cry several times. My dad just gets angry, but he doesn't cry.
I don't cry much though. My mom gets very upset that I rarely cry, because she sees it as a sign that of course I'm not straight. And while that is the case, I know plenty of lesbians who cry all the time. But sometimes I do wish that I had the strength of a man to just never cry, because crying seems to happen at the worst possible times.
@submerryn (1304)
• Malaysia
8 Jul 09
Your mom is afraid that you are not straight just because you rarely cries? Wow, first time hearing that. Lesbians are ladies in their own right, so they cry too. Crying happens at the worst possible times? Then if that is the case, you might want to look for someplace quiet and let it all out.
@zzyw87 (1254)
• Philippines
8 Jul 09
Men feel ashamed of people seeing them cry. For men, crying signifies weakness and femininity which they totally avoid. I guess they don't cry because society made it that way in the sense that it is understood in society that only females cry. Men should never cry because of their "strong" nature and their being a natural leader. Come to think of it, it really is unfair for them because they cannot show their true emotions in public even if some want to.
@submerryn (1304)
• Malaysia
8 Jul 09
Yes, they are natural leader. But if they are able to shed a tear or two, then they'll look more human. But I disagree with guys who cry and cry on television especially reality movies! So fake..
@submerryn (1304)
• Malaysia
8 Jul 09
Yes, I know you need to do all that. It's just that the crying part is rarely seen! That is what makes me wonder. Why men can show anger so easily but not sadness thru crying?
@gridle (44)
• China
8 Jul 09
Maybe I agree with you that being told since birth that they are not suppose to.When I was young,my mom told me that boys should not cry anytime!but I never heard someone told that girls should not cry!I think if boys and girls grow up in the same environment,it will change!
@submerryn (1304)
• Malaysia
8 Jul 09
Quite true. If I have a little girl, I wont keep on telling her girls dont cry. When she cries, I'll be concern and see what is wrong. But when a little boy cries, the first thing we do is tell them not to cry. Then only do we go and check if anything is wrong!
@submerryn (1304)
• Malaysia
8 Jul 09
I dont think. I KNOW my Dad loves me very much. Otherwise, what would he cried for, right? That really makes me appreciate him so much more. Somehow, we are still leaving apart. I wish we could be closer though.
@Anandhh (389)
• India
8 Jul 09
well,in general...men are less emotional than women....men dont like crying in front of everyone as women's do...but the fact is they cry inside their hearts...they wont show it by tears in eyes!!that's the speciality of men...!!
As a men...i hate crying...if i feel like crying i wont let it down easily...i will try maximum to control....god made us like that....!!we have to be strong...and not to fall...that much easily...!!
@submerryn (1304)
• Malaysia
8 Jul 09
You know, you cry because you feel sad or much pain. Trying to control it and cry in your heart, doesnt that make things worst? Cry it out loud for goodness sake. But as you say, men just doesnt like to cry in front of others. And come to think of it, better that way! LOL
