Does "Arranged Marriage" work?
By Azaerus
@Azaerus (820)
Philippines
July 7, 2009 11:17pm CST
Before,this custom of "arranged marriage" was practiced amongst all the coutries worldwide..well that was before..now,I don't know if many countries still practice this custom..though I know that some families in India and China still di this..
I'm just wondering,isn't love important in marriage for them??I mean you marry a girl or a guy that you've only met until your wedding day..you don't even know anything about that person..although this is how I see it,for the people who practice this custom is very proud to be selected and participate in such sacred event..they believe that love is there and will come along starting the day they've been married,it's not important for them whoever is it they will marry for they trust their folks and trust them that arrange marriage is for the better of their future..
I still don't know how to feel if I will be put in this situation.I mean for me I still have to know the person I"m going to marry and be sure of everythig about her..Love should be present from the day I met her until the day of our wedding and until we grow old..that's how I picture myself with marriage..
1 person likes this
19 responses
@AAnshu (115)
•
8 Jul 09
Well, my country still practices arranged marriage and it comes out right 98 out of 100 times. It hasn't been much since love marriage became fashion but,I don't understand why or how but it seems like our mature folks can actually find a proper match then ourselves. My parents were arranged. My cousin got arranged marriage 3 years before and they are happy. They just had a cute little boy.
And anyway arranged marriages are flexible these days. The boy and girl gets all the time they have to like each other. It ends up like love marriage only so it doesn't matter. But i am not in for it, that is for sure.
@AAnshu (115)
•
10 Jul 09
I have nothing to worry about. I am just 16. And my parents are very understanding too. They wouldn't marry me off without my liking. I haven't really told them but i do give hint that i am not going to get arranged marriage. And from what i have heard, when they discuss children with their friends, they want me to find the right person myself, after i make something of myself.
@janebeth (2032)
• Philippines
8 Jul 09
i remembered the episode of "may bukas pa" (SANTINO), the toni gonzaga episode. the arranged wedding.. hehehe, still it did not happen. after toni prayed to BRO, to enlighten the brides mind not to control her.. hhmmm, for me its not right. marriage is HOLY, if the couple plans to marry, they need to be sure of it, its not a game nor a consequence.. and both need a true love for each other, without love they will not be happy.. for sure..!!
@sacmom (14192)
• United States
8 Jul 09
I don't know if it works for every couple involved, but it worked for my maternal grandparents. And I'm glad it did too, because if it hadn't I, along with a lot of other family members, wouldn't be here today! LOL
@maple_kisses (2156)
• Philippines
9 Jul 09
IT NEVER WORKED well for me it didn't, I can't speak up for other people. I was in an arranged (make it forced) marriage and as I expected, it made my life like hell even until now. Love, care and passion are really very important in marriage. I don't have them for my ex-husband and now we're not together anymore. It's really tough to live under the same roof with a person you don't love at all especially that you wake up every morning with him beside you. It's like starting your day wrong daily...
@maikarumike (457)
• Malaysia
8 Jul 09
I don't think that arranged marriage is a good thing and doubt that it will work out well. I mean, it is arranged by someone else and the person you are marrying might be a total stranger to you and you two are not from the same world and might not be possible to get along well. Love cannot be forced between two individuals after all and there will not be any love between those going through arranged marriage and maybe they will not be able to do well when they get married, such as always fight when they are at home, feeling uncomfortable with one another and also hard to do things.
@yisimiwang (108)
• China
8 Jul 09
Hi , i am from china ,i d like to talk about this issue ,now there are less and less people practice the custom,of course ,my girl fried and i met in college.
for those who lived in country ,some get married by inroducing ,some is arranged ,those who are poor ...
in fact , i agree with you , if it happens to me , i wont get happiness .
WHILE THE THING ARE STRANGE: according to the survey ,those arranged marriege are more stable ,less quarrel,more plite and respect .they have a less percentige divorve than falling-in-love marriage , STRANGE ,right ?
@Azaerus (820)
• Philippines
8 Jul 09
yes it is strange..but then again I think the clean smooth relationship amongst the couples who are in an arranged marriage is because they wanted to keep the good relationship between the two families involved to last..so eventhough they have abit problem in their marriage they try to fix it nomatter what for both of their family's sake..
@silverglint (2000)
• Philippines
8 Jul 09
I am not really for arranged marriage, I would prefer to marry the one I love. I want to be able to make that choice of who I will marry. But then again, I can't say that arranged marriage won't work, it still depends on the couple. They may have to start knowing each other only after the marriage but if they are determined to make the marriage work then it is still possible for them to have a happy relationship. Love can still grow in their hearts as they get to know each other daily.
@Azaerus (820)
• Philippines
8 Jul 09
Yes I think it is truely possible for love to develop even after the marriage..though the couple have to undergo the getting to know part for quite some time..well who knows maybe love at first sight will work for some couples involved in the arranged marriage..
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
9 Jul 09
I think the custom of arranged marriage is archaic, odd, and has absolutely nothing to do with how marriage SHOULD be, which is a LOVE based partnership between two individuals who CHOOSE it for themselves. I do not think it should include nor be based on anything or anybody else, otherwise it is not a real marriage. Yes, I know that people who see marriage as a 'biblical' proposition think it means something different too, but I'm not talking about 'traditional' marriage or any other thing people have come up with in the meantime.
That said, it MIGHT work if you live in a culture where that is the social norm and everybody is fooled into thinking that's the right way to do it lol. I don't see anything to keep you with somebody other than love though. There's nothing else that SHOULD keep you with someone unless you love them.
Heh. I cannot imagine TRUSTING the future of my life in someone else's hands!! How thoughtless and crazy that would be. I also would NEVER believe that *I* could choose better for someone else. People who actually believe they could choose for someone else have a swelled head - they are full of themselves. I don't understand that attitude at all.
I guess maybe people who practice the idea of arranged marriage have different EXPECTATIONS of a marriage and different expectations of their relationships. I suppose that is their choice and their right, but to me there would always be something lacking. I would never get involved in anything like that, ever. I'd rather die first. I choose or there is no choice.
@rosdimy (3926)
• Malaysia
8 Jul 09
Yes and no,depending on how the arrangement was made. The unfortunate thing is nowadays arranged marriages are based on the wishes of the parents or guardians. Even those supporting arranged marriages do not stick to the rules.
In my country there are still arranged marriages. My culture is based on Malay and religion. One of the preconditions is that consent should be obtained from the girl. If the girl says no, then her guardians cannot force her into marriage.
Love or lust? Many marriages based on 'true love' have broken up. Even if based on 'love', the 'love' itself can weaken over time. Therefore it is incorrect if someone is to say that arranged marriages are doomed to failure.
I would like to support my arguments with case examples.
Most of my uncles and aunts went through arranged marriages. Their marriages lasted to the grave. One uncle had a semi-arranged marriage. After he passed away, the wife married someone else. The other uncle fell in love first, and his marriage lasted for about 10 years.
In an arranged marriage many factors are taken into account, including suitability in terms of likes and dislikes. Nowadays many people look at riches and beauty.
@Azaerus (820)
• Philippines
8 Jul 09
Yes many people of today do,most people just go after the fame,rich and the beauty..I also agree that now a days most arranged marriage are brought up because of the parents or guardians.It's good to know that not all arranged marriage are done by force,I used to think that the people involved here are forced to get married even if they're against it..
@mobhomeir (7558)
• Philippines
9 Jul 09
Well, nowadays my friend I guess that's already the trend. I mean in our place that's common due to financial resources. They never care about the love as long as their material and financial needs meets. They said that love can be learned but hunger can't teach a person to love...you believe that?
@tundeemma (894)
• South Africa
8 Jul 09
there is a very small probability that such marriages will last and even when it last the beginning is always tough, arrange marriages can only bring two unknown people together, these people have not spent time together to know and learn more about each other, they just have an arranged meeting get married, there will definitely be some problems
@OpinionatedLady (5965)
• United States
8 Jul 09
Most Americans are horrified by the thought of an arranged marriage..lol... but I have to admit after seeing so many of our friends and family marry, divorce, marry divorce, I have to wonder if some of those old customs aren't a better way of doing things. Yes I married for love and I am still with the guy but out of the people we know only 3 other couples have not divorced in the first 5 yrs. This is a sad thing to say.
@jpso138 (7851)
• Philippines
8 Jul 09
I have heard about such situations and I think it would always depend on both parties. Usually there are certain countries that practice such. Well, I am already married and mine was not an arranged one. I was given an option and there was free will. It usually is difficult for anyone to enter into such arranged marriage considering that marriage is a commitment and it is important that you should know you partner well before the marriage. But as I have said, it always depends on the parties. There are couples who's marriage where an arranged one yet they are doing quite well.
@agv0419 (3022)
• Philippines
8 Jul 09
Some Filipinos still practice this especially the rich or the Filipino-Chinese. This marriage sometimes didn't work out. It is hard to married someone you didn't know especially the attitude of the person. It is still practice in Arab Countries, India and China.
@vinslounge (1295)
• India
8 Jul 09
In our country about 85% of the people prefers Arranged marriage to love marriage and we have been brought up in that manner. The Parent-Child reltionship plays a very significant role in our society and till we attain 18 our parents take care of all our needs and deeds. Hence the children build upon an opinion that their parents can find a better bride/groom for them rather than they searching for themselves and the parents too think that it is their duty to look a suitable bride/groom for their children. Although the children are free to choose from what their parents have selected for them but still Many goes according to the words of their parents and it does work out quite good in our society.
It doesnt mean that you need to marry only the person chosen by your parents. You have a time of atleast 3 months to spend with that person inorder to know about his/ her character and then marry according to your own religious rites and if you think that the opposite person is not a suitable match to you then you have the absolute freedom not to choose him or her. In 9 out of 10 cases in My country, the arranged marriage system works good.
@doryvien (2284)
• United States
8 Jul 09
I believe it all depends on the people who are involved. In some cultures this is a way of life and members of the community have accepted early on that they'll end up marrying someone they don't know. I think if a couple has already consented to an arranged marriage, it's better if they start making effort to at least like the other person, this way if they're friends it won't be as difficult as when they can't stand each other. And if they make it work, not only both party's families will be happy but the couple too.