What do I do now? - 16 yr old daughter has run away from home.

Hi, unfortuinately the police could not do anything as she is 16 :( At the time she hadnt turned up for work and no one knew where she was....She was originally just collecting dirty glasses in the bar and cleaning, but now it turns out she had been offered drinks and was taking them :( Thankyou for your comment

Is there a reason why you let your daughter start working at a bar? Were there other jobs? OR she is just that stubborn? I hope the best for you and your family.

Hi, she had wanted a job for extra pocket money for a while and there isnt many opportunities in the small town that we live in, apart from paperrounds and she didnt want to do those, one day when she was shopping in the big town (chesterfield) she saw a sign in a window and went in and got the job straight away, its a restaurant/pub but gets quite rowdy at night. I didnt want her to take the job but my husband thought it might be a good idea, because she's sensible and it might show her a side to people that shes never experienced and might just put her off the idea of drink before she starts...unfortunately it backfired :(

Hi thankyou for your comments, we have found out that she has been in a possible relationship with a 25 year old man...:(and has been staying with him...my local vicar went round last night to talk to her and didnt want to leave her in that situation, yet she didnt want to come home, so he has taken her away with his family as they were due to go away on holiday today. I am lucky that he did this as I worry that she would have been on a downward spiral...this will give her time to think in a safe environment, away from the pub, away from influential friends and away from us...hopefully she will find the way forward while she is away...fingers crossed

Hi, thankyou for commenting, unfortunately in this country, 16 year olds are allowed to leave home, as they are classed as adults..even though they shouldnt smoke, drink or get married! Bizarrely enough if i went round and dragged her back home..I could get in trouble for kidnapping! How wrong is that :(

allegradream What country do you live in that is crazy that they consider 16 to be adult and you go get your child you get in trouble for kid napping thats not right hear in the USA is 18. I am still praying for you I hope she comes home to you.

Hi, we waited...much against my instincts, but we thought she might come back after one night once shed cooled down, but she didnt and hasnt been back since. She hasnt contacted us, but a local vicar has found her and taken her away to give her some space to think..shes back on thursday so hopefully we'll get some answers then. Thankyou for your comments.

I agree totally for emilie, call her friends, call the police. She may be just "clearing her head" but why take the chance that she'll be safe while she's gone. Get her home, there's so much that can happen to a girl. My heart cries for you. I'll pray for you and your daughter. Please let us know when you find her.

Thankyou for your prayers Tcup :)

Hi, we contacted some of her friends and it turned out she had flitted from one friends sofa to another and ended up at a 25 year old mans flat! Our local vicar went in and refused to leave without her and has taken her away for a while to get her out of that environment and give her a safe place to think about things...phew, but I have a feeling its not over yet...they will be back on thursday, so we will see what she decides then...and no she hadnt done anything like this before...thats why it shocked us so much..by all accounts she was a clear level headed girl who was a level 5 cellist with great hopes for her future as a music teacher...until sunday night when her lies started to hit home...we were gobsmacked...but am now wondering if perhaps she may have got herself pregnant or something and is ashamed to tell us..i hope she isnt but it might explain a few things...will keep posting to update everyone

Hi thankyou for your comment, I am sorry its taken so long to respond, Ive been turning on the computer only to check if she has emailed or facebooked me. Unfortunately the police cant do anything because in the Uk, you can live somewhere else once you hit 16 :( We tried a few friends that we know, but they told me that she has distanced herself away from them in the last few months and that she is in with a bad lot in town...this took us on the trail to a flat above a pub where she was thought to be staying with a possible 25 year old man :( I told my brother who was going to go around this weekend, but i have found out this morning that my local vicar went round to talk to her and didnt want to leave her there, but she wouldnt come home,so hes taken her away on his family holiday (they were due to go this morning)to give her some space in a clean environment to sort her head out....So Im glad shes safe now...but sad that she is so confused about herself :(

denise I do hope by now that your daughter realizes all she' has put you through and decides to come home to you. I know this must be so painful for you to keep going through this with'all our responses so please do not feel you have to comment.just know I am a mother too and am praying for you and your daughter. good luck.

Hi thanks for everyones kind responses to my post, Im going to choose best response now, and include an update. Basicly, she hasnt come home, has decided that we are too controlling! We only asked her to knuckle down for a month over her revision time...too controlling! We still do not know where she is staying, but someone is obviously looking after her as she is well fed and clean. I have seen her once and she looked well but wouldnt come home. She is on facebook and although she is coy about where she is staying, it appears to me that she is having a good time over the summer holidays..which is good, but its very heartbreaking to see that, when she could be at home having a good time. She decided this was her time to leave home and I guess she couldnt tell us and leave amicably. So Ive had to wish her all the best of luck and let her go , its really broken my heart but there was nothing I could do that wouldnt send her further away from me. thankyou everyone for all your responses, but I will close this discussion now as I find it heartbreaking to return and read your kind comments. many regards and happy mylotting. Regards, Denise

Thankyou for your comments, unfortunately as she is 16, in the UK, she is allowed to live somewhere else :( We have been in contact with many of her friends and Ive asked people to keep an eye out for her. We now know that she is in safe hands with the local vicar, but that is just until Thursday, I just hope she comes home then .

Thankyou for your kind comments, we traced her to a mans flat in town but the police annot do anything as she is 16!...she is currently with our local vicar so is in a safe environment until they manage to talk sense into her, and find out exactly whats troubling her...hopefully this time next week, life will be back to somehwat normality...many regards for posting.

There really does seem to be a wrong crowd problem here...it seems (and Im only guessing from a jigsaw of comments over the last few weeks) that her head has been turned by a 25 year old who goes to her bar to drink, it appears she has either fallen for him or his lifestyle and has decided that thats what she wants instead of living under our rules at home...and we have fairly strict rules because we have 5 other children at home...but all in all we have been quite lapse with her..allowing her to work at the bar and to use the computer unsupervised and the use of a mobile phone...which has all led to too much secrecy in our family. Please see my previous comments for a rough update, and I am relieved that she is now safe with our vicar until Thursday but I just hope she finds the strength to admit she has made mistakes and lied to too many people but is strong enough to face up to it and start to rebuild a healthier life for herself...Oh also she has problems with her hips which give her constant pain, and I was worried that a while back she was getting addicted to painkillers, but lately she had stopped using them..it makes me wonder now if she turned to drink to numb the pain..can drink numb joint pain?..I dont think Ive ever drunk enough to be an expert on that subject. kind regards and thankyou for your prayers.

Hi, unfortunately the police wouldnt do anything as she is 16, nearly 17 and left a note. We live in England and unfortunately even if they found her, if she didnt want us to know where she is, the police dont have to tell us! how wrong is that! Please see my previous comments for updates, but she is safe at the moment with our local vicar who is trying to talk sense into her, whilst giving her space away from us and the bad influence she got in with to work out exactly what she wants to do with her life...ill keep posting updates and thankyou for commenting, kind regards.

Unfortunately, we think theres a 25 year old man involved that she knows we wont approve of..he smokes, drinks and has his own flat and we've traced her to his place. I think we may have been too lapsydaisy with the internet and mobile phones with her...and its led to a lot of secrecy, which has allowed this relationship to happen...I kick myself now, but am determined that my other 5 children will not follow her example...they will not be allowed phones unless they are going on a trip and all their internet usage will be monitored from now on, and downstairs...we used to let my eldest take the laptop into her bedroom to do her homework so she was in a quiet environment...and look whats happened...but am determined this will never happen again...please read my previuous comments for an update, she still hasnt contacted but at least I know the vicar is working for a safe outcome, if she doesnt want to come back, he will help her set up someplace that is safe and healthy for her. It also turns out that she has been lying to a lot of other people..not just us...so I wonder if her web of lies is starting to unravel and with her exam grades due to come (maybe she thinks she did worse than expected) and its all started crashing down on her, and instead of facing it, she ran from it. until I speak to her, I wont know..but at least for now...well until thursday I know she is in safe hands, thankyou for commenting.

You certainly have your hands full. I worked full time and was very strict with my young ones as they were growing. It all backfired on me though because they both took off at 11 and 12. The eldest landed on her feet thank God but the younger one went through a mess of trouble and never did get really sorted out. Meanwhile I still had to pay the bills. You don't say, but I'm sure your daughter is ok. Good luck.

Hi, sorry for not commenting back Ive been turning on the computer only to check my emails and facebook to see if she has left me a message, as you can imagine, Im going through allsorts of emotions at the moment and I have 5 other children to keep life as normal as possible for. Ill sign on tomorrow and answer everyones responses, thankyou for commenting and dragging me back down to earth:)

Hi, the job was at a restaurant/bar and she was just collecting glasses and cleaning, but unfortunately its the people that she mixed with whilst she was there..I think she saw it as fun fun fun and wanted to be part of that, but knew we wouldnt allow it, which may have started off the secrecy and deception. We called on her friends and theyve pointed us in the right direction to find her, but luckily for us the local vicar found her and refused to leave without her, hes taken her with him on his family holiday to give her a safe environment to think things over...so hopefully we should get some answers by the time they are back...on thursday..ill keep posting with updates.