Can a marriage proposal start when the Groom is not into any job and searching?
By subha12
@subha12 (18441)
India
July 27, 2009 1:12am CST
It came as very weird to me. That day I have heard when Groom's family is contacting a Girl's family for proposal. The girl is quite qualified and into a good job. The Groom has done few courses but yet not into any job? He is just searching for a job?
In my opinion, how the Groom's family can even think of contacting someone when their son is not having any job at all?
5 people like this
17 responses
@witmuch (184)
• United States
27 Jul 09
I believe that if this is an arranged marriage, then yes the man should have a good job before any kind of proposal is made. The parents on both sides need to know that he is willing to do what it takes to care for a future family. Not having a job might make the young women's parents question whether he is suitable enough to marry their daughter. A good job also helps the families involved to know whether the young groom is able to provide a stable income and other needs that might arise in the future. Some arranged marriages even require a type of dowry (sp?), but this is illegal in some countries because it is considered to be an illegal practice. Kind of like one family is buying the daughter for their son, considering her as an object not a human.
I am sure that there is much more to it, and that I might be missing a lot of information, but I think that he should have a job. Great question!
@sunil_008 (1269)
• India
28 Jul 09
hi witmuch, i think in india the family of the bride pays the dowery to the groom.so its like we are sending our daughters along with her maintainance money...not the buy or sell rule applied here...
the question i would like to ask you is why a girls family looks for a goom who's earning well and more qualified than their daughter?...that means they know that their daughter doesn't deserve what what they are looking for.
and to be frank with me i think dowery system started in india because of this mentality of the people to put wrong people in wrong places (i meant undeserved girl with lots money can marry a highly qualified groom and a poor highly qualified girl can not exactly marry an equally qualified man)...
1 person likes this
@witmuch (184)
• United States
28 Jul 09
I see what you are saying. Like I said, I am not sure exactly how it works. I would think that it works both ways. For the dowery to be paid by the daughter's parents, I would think that the higher the dowery, the more highly recomended. Not really sure tho. It could be based on many things. The parents in arranged marriages decide for their children, but I have no clue about the process or what the "qualifications" are if you will on how they decide.
All I know is that if I were seeking to form an arranged marriage for one of my children, I would look at if the other person works, what their education background is, a background check on them and family members, and really getting to know who they (the family and the groom/bride) are personally before making any decisions. The ultimate decision of course would lay in the hands and heart of my children. I live in America, so I have a different set of standards than others from other countries, just like others are different from me. All around this is very interesting information and a great topic to discuss! I am interested in learning more about how others live and their lifestyles and beliefs.
@UK_Shree (3603)
•
27 Jul 09
I think the way that things are traditionally done, especially in arranged marriages is that a guy only looks for a wife when he is financially stable and able to support himself. But then at other times, people just fall in love, regardless of the circumstances.
@daryljane (3406)
• Philippines
27 Jul 09
This actually happened in the family when my brothers gf then already wanted to get married because she not getting any younger, at that time my brother dont have a job and still into job hunting. When the question came out, the family talked about it and we told my brother that its not high time for them to settle down because how is he suppose to support his family. My sister in law that time have a good paying job and i know she can support my brother temporarily, but not when theres baby. We told my sister in law about it. She agreed to wait a while longer. When my brother found a job, he told his wife to wait 6 more month before they plan the wedding. Now, my sister in law landed a teaching job in a state college which pays double then her previuos teaching job, and my brother is now regular on his job at the water district and they have 2 cute babies that i adore!
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
27 Jul 09
I guess it can but I don't feel it is a good idea. I really can't imagine why his parents would want them to start off in this way. If I were the bride's parents, I would be advising against it. It is so hard as it is to make ends meet. To start off with only one income isn't a good idea. Even if she does have a decent job, is it fair to expect her to support him for who knows how long? Jobs are not easy to come by right now and weddings can be costly. I think it would be better to wait until he is settled into a job and they are able to save some money aside. 
@sunil_008 (1269)
• India
27 Jul 09
hi, i don't see anything wrong with that.have you not heard about the stay home father's.well, westernisation should be followed in every respect not with few of them.if a under qualified woman's family can think of a better qualified groom then why not this...oh well i forgot that women will be women...
by the way who started the debate...a woman!
@sunil_008 (1269)
• India
28 Jul 09
of course you talk like a woman.there is no point for me to find that hard...it was not aganist the groom but of course the bride.so tell me more about your husband and yourself.i meant how much you both qualified.and how did you get married to him?...
@uchuukeiji (33)
• Peru
28 Jul 09
Just keep in mind and remember that a job is a prerequisite before getting married.
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
27 Jul 09
oh yeah. starting a family nowadays is not just enough for two people to have love between them but also have money in their pockets to have a decent life. i think the family can start supporting the couple by making sure the groom has his own money, and source of income... the bride must be wise enough to demand that as well.
@mdvarghese (1789)
• Bangalore, India
27 Jul 09
Hi....subha
A job is a minimum necessity for a groom, if he is not well off. In some cases the grooms family will be into business and they may not require a job. If he is searching for a working girl and searching for a job, he should first get the job.In my opinion, the girls family should think twice before taking a decision.
@Sreekala (34312)
• India
27 Jul 09
Hi Subha,
You are absolutely right. If a person is starting to think about his marriage definitely he should be settled or earning money. I am not sure here his parents are pressing him for marriage and just proposed in case if there is enough wealth in family. But I agree with you it is very difficult to get marry without a job and normally men are not thinking about a marriage without job. I also agree there are exceptions. Some are lazy to do any work and wish to spend money earning by others and that kind of persons can think this way too. Here I don’t know which definition is suitable to this person.
@walnutbrownie (745)
• India
27 Jul 09
This sounds familiar to me ...According to me..if its a love marraige and the guy n gal knows wat they want ahead in life thn i dont see any problem in the grooms parents contacting the girls family, While..if i were the gal.. we will agree to wait till he finds a suitable job or say "at least" employed before his parents can cme to meet mine.
@checkmail (2039)
• India
27 Jul 09
Hello subha12 this is checkmail and basically its wierd to think about such marriage proposal when the Geoom is unemployed and still is to claim a livehood source.But many a times its possible in our country, especially in big rich, fat and also in some lower class family.The employment status is not given much importance in marriage in these family, wedding is conducted in other mutual bond.And mostly such wedding ends in drowry stuff and all that.Its really sense less to talk about a marraige even if the Groom is not on his feets standing well properly.
@tutor19us (455)
• India
27 Jul 09
It is not fair on the groom's part to look for a partner when he cannot provide for her. Even if the guy is loaded he should atleast do something on his own. Assuming his family is into business, the groom cannot sit at home and look for a bride. Any self-respecting woman would want her husband to be active in life and earn his money. Its a shame that certain families indulge in such practices.
@mimpi1911 (25464)
• India
27 Jul 09
This is weird Subha! In an arranged marriage I never found this kind of thing in our culture. This is indeed weird. Had it been love marriage it was understandable for the family keen on getting their son married even before he has a job is a new thing to me!
@stephcjh (38473)
• United States
27 Jul 09
We do not have such arrangements here in the United States so I am not sure about this at all. I know some people in my area, are from another country though and they have to ask the parents for marriage of their daughter and they also offer them money too.
@divkris (1156)
• India
27 Jul 09
I think the groom should be into a decent job before he or his parents think of expanding his family. The idea behind it all is to make the would-be feel confident that he can protect her and can atleast provide her with the four square meal.
However, if it is a love proposal a girl/woman can wait to get married till he finds a good job and can afford to have a family. A jobless male is soon going to fall a victim to inferiority complex if the wife is earning and he, as a man, is not "providing" for the family. :)
