IN A RELATIONSHIP: How Many Years Are You Willing To Wait?

Since you mentioned that his family depends on him, I am guessing maybe he might be a little afraid to take things a step further, as with marriage come greater responsibilities. Maybe the idea behind the marriage is setting him off. If you are very very desperate about getting married then you should definitely talk to him. Maybe slowly introduce him to the idea of marriage and then sum it all up and tell him what you expect from this relationship while making sure that it does not seem like you are trying to force him into proposing. I am probably not the best person to give advice, this is rather an idea. As for me I have no plans of getting married. It is more than enough for me to be able to find someone who I feel comfortable spending my life with. Then again, we are all so different. I wish you the best of luck in the matter and everything else!

Marriage doesn't need much thing to be prepared, the important thing is love, maturity, and small amount of money to maintain daily need. Try to say that to your bf, may be he's too perfectionist and afraid cannot afford family life. Actually making a family is easy if we want to. I'm married at 26 not very well prepared about money at that time, but still me & my wife can go on, we start from scratch. Like your bf my family also depend on me financially as much as my wife's family which is depend on her. We can manage that together, of course it is hard, but one thing for sure we commit to go forward, whatever it cost we're prepared for the consequences. That's why we finally decided to marry, God will know and always support people who want to step forward and be a better person.

You have a lot of patience that is for sure, I dont know what I would do but I dont think I would wait much longer. My reason would it would make me wonder if he doesnt think Im wife material or something along those lines. I can see being afraid to a point but if a person isnt willing to take the extra step then I feel they should let the other person go and let them find someone in life that would share their wants and desires.

wow thats a long time! i think you should of got planning your wedding 2 months ago he needs to pop the question already. i would probably wait one more year then tell him you ether get married or i'm leaving. because one of my moms friends have been together for 10 years without marriage its pretty pitful and i don't understand it. i don't see why not get married you know. and hopefully he's not afraid of commitement you should ask him why. because it is a huge percent of marriages not working out like 45 percent or something and maybe he doesn't want to come part of statics i'm not helping at all i don't know what to say really.

Your situation could be very frustrating for a girl. i would not want myself in that situation. "Waiting in vain" that is what you have been doing for the past years that you are together. Tell him that 30 years old could be hard for child-bearing. Ask him when is the time you want to settle down. Because you can not wait foreverand you want at least something or some excuse to let you know that he has a plan for it but not really right now. Talk with him and his parents or family if you could both settle. It is really hard when your lover is the bread winner.

Hey there myliezl0903! I wouldn't know what to do myself if I was in your position. But I guess if you love him, you really have to wait for him. Sometimes it's best to give an ultimatum, like say 2 years from now and he hasn't proposed yet I think he has a deeper reason. There's nothing like a long good conversation won't fix. Maybe you can talk to him again after some time. What wouldn't we do for the right guy, right?... even if it means waiting:)

Maybe bring the subject up again and if he says he isn't ready yet ask him why not. Ask him what his reasons are and that you don't want to have to wait forever to be married to him and see if he ever plans on marrying you.

Ahm, do you want the honest truth? or some candy coated response? Ahe-hem... Honestly speaking, if you're boyfriend is not willing to marry you after 5 years and more then I think he's not gonna be marrying you at all. Yes, it is understandable that he maybe hesitant about marriage if he is the breadwinner of the family, but hey, you've been together 5 years, how long do you still have to wait, you want a family? then let me remind you your biological clock is ticking, you'll be surprised how time flies so quickly, next thing you know, you're too old to have another child. And so what if he is the breadwinner, well he can never get out of that, I dare say, he'll always feel a certain responsibility towards his family but what about you? If you would only think about your responsibilities outside of the two of you, then there will be more and more to think about rather than get married. You say you're a single mom, so I'm thinking you already have a child, then you also have a responsibility towards that child, that child is dependent upon you and not only financially, why doesn't that stop you from seeking marriage? If you really love each other, you will find a way. I see you're pinoy.. let me tell you of the saying "Kung gusto may paraan, kung ayaw maraming dahilan" to those who can't understand, translated, what that means is, if you want something, you can find ways to get it or to get to it but if you don't want to, you can make up tons of excuses not to. And something like the movie and an Oprah guest said... "If he hasn't by now, then he's just not that into you" or something like that, I can't remember If you want to waste more of your time, and you're professing that you love this guy more than yourself, then go ahead and continue this relationship and wait until his family is not financially dependent on him anymore (translated: never) before you finally think about getting married. I'm thinking you got a long wait coming. Or maybe make him realize that he can actually lose you, give him an ultimatum, be firm about what you want and when you want it. If he can't do it, then admit defeat and move on. Find another guy who will man up and marry you. Yes I know five years is a very long time, but if its not gonna happen now, it never will, don't waste five more years before realizing that nothings gonna happen. I know it hurts but heck, the truth hurts sometimes and there's nothing we can about it, but better hurt now than later on when there's more to be hurt about. move on girl, move on....

five years is long enough. I would ask him what is keeping him from being ready because you certainly are. Ask him if it is something you can work on? Tell him you have been patient but you need more of a commitment than you have currently. Maybe he would be willing to get engaged at least. He is not sure and after this lenght of time he should be. I hope he is not stringing you along.

wow that must be pretty frustrating, hmmm then ask him what is his plans? you do not have forever to wait!

i understand your situation. it's really frustrating and a little bit confusing.i guess now you started to doubt the relationship. if i were you i would like to push the relationship forward. just ask him straight forward what's the future of the relationship. because i think you and your boyfriend are not young, young, it's very good time to get married. accordiing to what you said i don't think his reason is a reason. tell him what you think about him and tell him what you can accept or not accept. also i think you should open your mind to make more friends. especially with male friends. in one side, you can have more choice, who knows what will happen next. in another side you can talk with your male friends about your problem. as i heard man can easily understands man. so maybe their advice is more useful. i was in your situation two years ago. my boyfriend said he doesn't want to marry, but i told him, i don't want to wait. if we can't get married i will find another man. so he said he doesn't want to lose me, then we got married. it's just my personal experience.

hit there, Well...five years is long enough for you both to know each other, think about how many five year in your life, and you spent the golden five years to him. To be honest, your bf is the bread winner is really a problem, you need to relay on him. I think you should talk to him again and give him certain level of pressure. I've seen so much long term relationship that end up not too nice, especially you're a single monther. Hope it will help.

Hi myliez, you did the right thing by not forcing him to marry. I think that he wants to be financially stable before getting married as he is afraid that he might not be able to support everyone since he's the sole bread winner now. It's not that he's taking his sweet time, but circumstances gave him not much choice. A friend of mine got married only after 10 years of dating. Were they simply dragging things? No, they had financial problems too, therefore not ready to tie the knot. When a person is the sole bread winner of his own family, and his family is not well-to-do, getting married is quite "risky" until he believes that he has the means to support you, your children, pay for house maintenance, while at the same time look after his parents' financial needs. How long? It's hard to tell. In the meantime, continue showing your support for him. Show him that you're there for him. If you're jobless, get a job to reduce the financial burden of your boyfriend, if that's what is delaying him from getting married. Hope this helps a bit.

well me i dont know how many years im waiting to my boyfriend... we are the same situation i have boyfriend for alomst 5 yrs and 3 months.. he is 39 yrs old and im 26 yrs old... when i met him he is seperated in her x wife... i told him he file an annulment i know its not easy cos its so expensive... so until now dont have sure in relationship but until now im in the side of my boyfriend cos i love him so much.......

I've been married twice and both times it was the guy that insisted we get married..both times it was the guy that cheated and broke the vows. Me...I was always perfectly content in just living together...just letting the relationship go where it goes with no expectations which almost always lead to disappointment. One thing that is real helpful is if you are strong on your own and then you are not so "needy" of a relationship...or better put to control the relationship. I think that many are not so much desperate to get married as they are to find someone that loves them that much. I could be wrong but I think it is more about the commitment itself. I really didn't care about the actual wedding but I did care about the commitment. That was huge for me....It was actually everything for me.

Five years tat's quite long time already. You talked to him again and ask him whats the problem. If he is the breadwinner, maybe you can understand him incase you settle down and give part of his earnings as aid to his family until his brothers or sisters got employed and earned. Explain to him you have to start your own life and have a family of your own. Ask him how many years more do you have to wait. Both of you are getting old already. He should have a concrete plan for yourselves by now. It's alright for you to wait but there must be a fix time of your waiting. could it be one year, two years much better if less.(lol)