Divorce and Kids...
By twoey68
@twoey68 (13627)
United States
August 1, 2009 7:30am CST
Many couples end up divorced these days and usually the ones to suffer the most are the kids. Most times they are caught between the parents in a kind of tug of war. Sometimes the parents move far apart and the kids only get to see one parent.
As a child my parents divorced when I was 5. My Dad lives in Michigan and we lived in Texas for the most part…not really close when it comes to visits. For the most part we didn’t get to see our Dad unless we moved up with him. The fact is though living with one always created problems with the other. If we lived with Mom, we missed Dad and if we lived with Dad, we missed Mom. There was no happy medium. Even now that we’re older, we still have to choose. Dad still lives in Michigan and we live in Missouri. Mom won’t move any closer and neither will Dad. It really is hard on the kids when parents are like this. Ideally, I’d like them to at least live in the same state so we could visit both of them…especially since they are both getting older.
If your divorced, do you live close enough so your kids can visit both parents or do you make them choose? Are both parents a part of your kids lives? If you got divorced would you make an effort to live near your ex so that your kids could see their other parent?
[b]**AT PEACE WITHIN**
~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~[/b]
6 people like this
22 responses
@tjades (3591)
• Jamaica
2 Aug 09
I do not think this is an easy yes or no question. Divorces are so coomplexed and messy sometimes and the underlying reasons makes it hard to be anywhere close to your ex.
I would want to be close for the sake of my children but sometimes it takes time for adults to get to the stage where they can live in close proximity to each other with repercussions. It is a pity that children have to be caught in the middle of this. They really should never be made to have to choose but the reality is that sometimes it is best for all involved if distance is aplied.
Parents many times shield their kids from the real reasons for the split. I hope I never have to divorce and force my kids to choose.
@kprofgames (3091)
• United States
2 Aug 09
See, I've been through this and the kids should never be forced to choose. The parents need to be adults and the children NEED to know just because mom and dad don't live together it doesn't mean that they love their children any less regardless of where they live. THAT is the reality, but move divorcing parents miss the point.
@slickcut (8141)
• United States
2 Aug 09
I can see divorce but the bickering is the thing that i hate to see..It seems the parents could live a little close for the kids sake..There was a discussion simular to this today, asking if a cuple should stay together just because of the kids and i said no...However the children should be considered in the entire situation..The parents should consider the children & make sure they are involved with both parents at all times...My daughter & her husband was divorced & they had it in the divorce papers that the children would stay close to their Dad, and it has worked out great....My daughter shows respect for their father & he shows respect for my daughter....Its sad you were pulled between the two of your parents , i am sure that was hard for you...
1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
1 Aug 09
Hi twoey, I agree that divorce causes the children to suffer more than anyone and this is something that young people should think seriously about.Every child has the right to a father and a mother, preferably living happily together but we know this doesn't always happen. I agree with you that if parents divorce, they should do everything possible to help their children spent time with each of them, and if that means living in the same city, so be it. Blessings.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (167015)
• Boise, Idaho
6 Aug 09
My mom and dad divorced soon after I was six months old. He lived in the same town and never left. He was always around and helped mom with finances and around the house. He was a good dad. When I had my daughter her dad was gone a couple states away and came to see her maybe four times. I never got childs support. Things were handled alot different then.
@LadyMarissa (12148)
• United States
2 Aug 09
In my case, they were my stepchildren & his children. He sent the kids to live with his Mom & refused to let me see them. Once they grew up, they moved far away. Both will come & visit me & neither will visit him. That really yanks his chain. I guess they remember seeing him knocking the crap outta me & still don't approve of it.
1 person likes this
@scififan43 (2434)
• United States
17 Aug 09
My folks have satyed togherter for over 40 years so there is no problem in my family. I do not have any children of my own and I have not married as of yet. I do have a gf who is divoreced with two girls. the father does not care for the girls so there are no issues there. he is not the accutlay father by the way, the issures with the two chirdren are differnet and I do not want to go into their issues here.
@p3halliwel2005 (3156)
• Philippines
2 Aug 09
I almost left my husband for so many reasons he did to me and my kids..but I braved myself and stood strong through it all and I tried my best to fix my family up..it was not done for myself alone but I did it because I don't want my kids to have a broken home. I know what kind of effect it would cause to my kids if we got divorced. I just want our family intact no matter what and I had that stuck hard to my husbands head. He's much better now with us and more like a husband a father. We have been living together now for 17 years and we have 5 kids. I hope and wish we grow old together. I believe both parents should be part of a kids life and without one it would be empty until they grow up and that's not nice to think of. I wouldn't even think of getting divorced because I love my kids and I would do anything for them and I love my husband as well.
@CraftyCorner (5600)
• United States
4 Aug 09
As a child, I was very lucky. When my parents were separated then divorced, they lived only half a mile apart so they were only a bike's ride from one another. One would look after me in the afternoon while the other would finish working then I would peddle home and the next day; repeat. I ended up with two sets of friends and a very busy social calendar. As the distances increased gradually, one was only a car or train ride away. I never went two weeks without being with both sets of parents.
@sacmom (14192)
• United States
2 Aug 09
My parents divorced when I was 10. And even though they didn't live that far apart (just over 100 miles away) I didn't see my dad more than a few times a year, if that. And the older I got, the less I saw him, especially after my sister moved out. Phone calls came less often too. But I just chalked it up to him having a new family. Kind of sad when you think about it really, but sometimes that's part of having parents that are divorced. 
@308369666 (111)
• China
2 Aug 09
Child has the right to choose,they should regularly go to the home his father or mother at home.Hwoever, it is best not to let this happen to divorce. This is the best results.
@littleowl (7157)
•
2 Aug 09
Hi twoey, I am divorced and have two children by my ex husband..as I come from parents who divorced I experienced being taken by Social Sevices and put in a children's home, also had some nasty experiences in my upbringing after that, so when we divorced I swore my children would not go through the upset I had and my ex hubby and I gave them a choice of whom they would like to stay with they chose their father, I didn't fight or go gainst their decision mainly as their school,friends etc were where their dad lived, I moved away for a while but after a year came back where I was close to where my children lived, for quite a while neither wanted to see me but eventually did..since I never lost touch had them for weekends, then my daughter came to live with me..after which when my daughter left to live with her boyfriend my son came to live with me and still does...he is not close to his father at all..but that is his choice, whereas my daughter is and she also now has her own house and is a single mum with a boy of 5yrs old..so I am a grandmother..their dad has moved away but we only keep intouch now if their is anything we need to talk to each other about our son and daughter or for emergency's....LoLo
@suzzy3 (8341)
•
5 Aug 09
We always made sure our kids could see their dad after our divorce,they lived with me but their Dad lived a bus ride away.Although it was hard on them they still got love and affection from both of us ,we never run each other down and we were civil when we met up with the kids.We often wonder how it affects kids and how long they will suffer from divorce it is an awful situation.but it is still better than living in an unhappy home with parents arguing all the time.some of my friends grew up in miserable homes and don't like either parent much.
@grace118224 (1038)
• China
2 Aug 09
Well divorce does happen very often today even in our country . In the past it's hard for people to imagine divorce would happen in their family and now more and more people , especially the young generation are easy to get divorced. They don't care much about kids already and some of them might divorce their partner just for seeking their own happiness . Kids are always the victim. Well after divorce living close to each other is a quite good choice for their kids.
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
1 Aug 09
Well I had to go where 2nd hubby was.
So I wouldnt have got to be with my boys even if HE hadnt adopted them out.
BUt then there is my son that lives about hour and a half from his son.
and had unlimited visiting rights.
and would get him very often and some times they lived like 8 miloes apart as she had married my sons best friend!.
We got him when we wanted.
BUt I can tell ya one thing about his x wife she put so much in grnadsons head that at one time he had said he was coming to his dads house to kill him.
At thatt time my son had to tell his son alot about his mom that he didnt know like she was the one that left the marriage and she was the one sleeping around all the time.
@Denmarkguy (1845)
• United States
1 Aug 09
My parents divorced when I was 10, and I went to live with my mom, at a new place she got. However, the two places were only about two miles apart, and I could ride back and forth between their houses, on my bike.
A couple of years later, my mom met someone... and we moved to live with him. Now there was suddenly 2000 miles between where my mom and dad lived. I'd live with my mom, still, and go spend (most) school holidays with my dad.
I know many kids end up feeling angry with their parents for divorcing-- I never felt that way, though. I actually thought it was kind of cool that I got to "live in two places," and travel back and forth.
My mom actually consulted several child psychologists before asking my dad for a divorce. They fairly consistently agreed that it's healthier for a child (in terms of the "model" of relationships, and how to be a healthy person) to live with one HAPPY parent, than to live with two UNHAPPY parents who are always arguing and never are nice to each other.
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
1 Aug 09
My parents didn't divorce till i was 16 but they should have done it alot sooner where we wouldn't have had to live in all that fussing & fighting that we did. They both always lived here & it was still a hassle. They are both gone now but i haven't forgotten how hard it was. I hope things get better for u but---i'm afraid they want. There was bitterness beween them, mostly my mother till their dying day.
@cyrus123 (6363)
• United States
2 Aug 09
This is so true! I never have been through a divorce and my parents always stayed together. They were married for fifty-four years. When they were first married, divorce was rarely heard of. Divorce has been in my family at least six or seven times, though. I remember what a rough time my brother's children went through when he and his first wife were divorced. They were just about grown but it was still hard on them. I never have believed in divorce but I know it still happens, anyway, whether we believe in it or not. I would probably want to live close enough so my kids could see both of us. Kathy.
@radx682 (327)
• India
1 Aug 09
Divorce definitely ruins kids' life..people who want to divorce their partner should think twice if they have kids...
Kids need both of them and it is not right to control their emotions when they wish to see their Dad / Mom...I pity you...I know the hard time you are going through...I pray that you live with your Mom and Dad soon...
@jhnqsq (51)
• United States
1 Aug 09
I fortunately live close to both of my parents. Weather or not thats a good thing, I don't know. My parents go a divorce when I was in 5th grade. That was a true emotional pain for me to go through. My parents live within 30 minutes of each other. The problem with that is that, my mother doesn't really want me to do extracurricular activities and my father does. I like running track, but my mother won't pay for me going to camp. I don't think that I would like living across state boundaries, but I don't like them living close either.
